Redneck Humor Quotes

Collection of famous quotes and sayings about Redneck Humor.

Quotes About Redneck Humor

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You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

It wasn't Glen's jealousy that surprised him. "You owe Roy money?"
"Yep. Borrowed it to get my truck painted."
"Roy's a loan shark, too?"
"You ever see JAWS?" Snakebite asked.
Glen said he had.
"How 'bout THE GODFATHER?"
"Yeah."
"Well, if Michael Corleone waded out in the ocean and fucked that shark, then you'd have old Roy."
from the Tom Franklin short story "Grit" (page 31) from POACHERS:STORIES ~ Tom Franklin
Redneck Humor quotes by Tom Franklin
You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You may be a redneck if ... you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. ~ Jeff Foxworthy
Redneck Humor quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
Dipsomancy is very real, but it takes more than just getting hammered to do anything useful. ~ Michael R. Underwood
Redneck Humor quotes by Michael R. Underwood
No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence. ~ Tessa Dare
Redneck Humor quotes by Tessa Dare
Can you ... make it different this time?"
"Different, how?"
"Different position, different ... something. I want to learn it all."
Whoa, pressure. When Maira's genius brain wanted to learn something, she really applied herself. ~ Alisha Rai
Redneck Humor quotes by Alisha Rai
So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.' ~ Tim Vine
Redneck Humor quotes by Tim Vine
Besides my professional goals, I have a couple of private ones, my man. One of those is to pet a kangaroo before I leave Australia. I understand there's lots of Eastern Grays around this area. What do you say? Are you in?'
Bergman looked at him like he'd just made the worst financial investment of his life. 'Kangaroos are wild animals. I've heard they claw like girl fighters and kick like jackhammers. You're going to get your skull crushed.'
Cole held up a finger. 'Or I'm going to pet a kangaroo. How cool would that be? ~ Jennifer Rardin
Redneck Humor quotes by Jennifer Rardin
ABRAHAM: Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?
SAMPSON [Aside to Gregory]: Is the law of our side, if I say ay?
GREGORY [Aside to Sampson]: No.
SAMPSON: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir. ~ William Shakespeare
Redneck Humor quotes by William Shakespeare
You're the last woman left. And ye fancy sex. And now you're trapped in a vault with a celibate priest. Tell me how ye den' see the humor in it? ~ Pam Godwin
Redneck Humor quotes by Pam Godwin
Once upon a time, I had two close friends. Shocking, I know, given my natural charm, but there are those who just don't appreciate my brilliance. ~ Julie Kagawa
Redneck Humor quotes by Julie Kagawa
The creature took one look at me screaming, got a panicked expression on its face, and started hollering too. "Aaaaahhhhhh!!!"

My scream petered out as I realized that this thing was as scared of me as I was of it. But that didn't make a whole lot of sense, since it was the creature, not me.

"What are you screaming for?" I asked.

"What are you screaming for?" he asked back.

"I asked you first."

The thing sniffed while dusting some imaginary lint off its jacket. "I was being polite."

"Polite?"

"Yes. I didn't want you to feel bad about being scared and screaming like a little human girl. ~ Elle Casey
Redneck Humor quotes by Elle Casey
People would tell you how to live life and what to do. Don't listen them. Just do what is right and what your heart wants. They will ultimately agree with you ~ Laksh Kishore
Redneck Humor quotes by Laksh Kishore
You have a valid complaint, and I do recognize it ... but you are reading into things a little bit. Just the same, I will do my best to make horrible things happen to a bunch of white people before something else so graphic hits a minority character. ~ Robert Kirkman
Redneck Humor quotes by Robert Kirkman
You staked a vampire with a number two pencil."
"I didn't actually check the number."
- Shane Collins and Claire Danvers from Morganville Vampires ~ Rachel Caine
Redneck Humor quotes by Rachel Caine
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think. ~ Terry Pratchett
Redneck Humor quotes by Terry Pratchett
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course. ~ Hank Aaron
Redneck Humor quotes by Hank Aaron
Find your school satyr and get his help. You need to make it to Camp Half-Blood right away. ~ Rick Riordan
Redneck Humor quotes by Rick Riordan
She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach's Air on the G string. ~ Tai
Redneck Humor quotes by Tai
The less you think you know, the more will be known. It's amazing what you can know when you let go of being the knower. ~ Art Hochberg
Redneck Humor quotes by Art Hochberg
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. ~ Tommy Cooper
Redneck Humor quotes by Tommy Cooper
Dude, it's mind control. That's got to be the best superpower ever! ~ Lee Davidson
Redneck Humor quotes by Lee Davidson
I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota. ~ Frankie Boyle
Redneck Humor quotes by Frankie Boyle
Democratic politicians have disliked things I've written, Republican politicians ... if they all love you, you might as well be driving a Good Humor truck. ~ Adam Clymer
Redneck Humor quotes by Adam Clymer
Indulgent Reader, up till now I have concealed it, but I must confess at last. I have one besetting weakness, a weakness that amounts to a vice. I am ashamed of it. Often I have tried to wean myself of it; often cursed the heredity that imposed it on me. Opium? Morphine? Cocaine? Nothing so fashionable. Absinth? Brandy? Gin? Nothing so normal. Alas! let me whisper it in your ear: I am a Chewing Gum Fiend! ~ Robert W. Service
Redneck Humor quotes by Robert W. Service
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ~ Steven Wright
Redneck Humor quotes by Steven Wright
I thought leaving home would be a liberation. I thought university would be a dance party. I thought I would live in a room vined with fairy lights; hang arabesque tapestries up on the wall. I thought scattered beneath my bed would be a combination of Kafka, coffee grounds, and a lover's old boxer shorts. I thought I would spend my evenings drinking cheap red wine and talking about the Middle East. I thought on weekends we might go to Cassavetes marathons at the independent cinema. I thought I would know all the good Korean places in town. I thought I would know a person who was into healing crystals and another person who could teach me how to sew. I thought I might get into yoga. I thought going for frozen yogurt was something you would just do. I thought there would be red cups at parties. And I thought I would be different. I thought it would be like coming home, circling back to my essential and inevitable self. I imagined myself more relaxed - less hung up on things. I thought I would find it easy to speak to strangers. I thought I would be funny, even, make people laugh with my warm, wry, and only slightly self-deprecating sense of humor. I thought I would develop the easy confidence of a head girl, the light patter of an artist. I imagined myself dancing in a smoky nightclub, spinning slackly while my arms floated like laundry loose on the breeze. I imagined others watching me, thinking, Wow, she is so free. ~ Lara Williams
Redneck Humor quotes by Lara Williams
Perfect Tommy: Pictures don't lie.
Reno: The hell they don't. I met my first wife that way ~ Earl Mac Rauch
Redneck Humor quotes by Earl Mac Rauch
FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue. ~ S.J Perelman
Redneck Humor quotes by S.J Perelman
I'm not sure how the ponies happened, though I have an inkling: "Can I get you anything?" I'll say, getting up from a dinner table, "Coffee, tea, a pony?" People rarely laugh at this, especially if they've heard it before. "This party's 'sposed to be fun," a friend will say. "Really? Will there be pony rides?" It's a nervous tic and a cheap joke, cheapened further by the frequency with which I use it. For that same reason, it's hard to weed it out of my speech – most of the time I don't even realize I'm saying it. There are little elements in a person's life, minor fibers that become unintentionally tangled with your personality. Sometimes it's a patent phrase, sometimes it's a perfume, sometimes it's a wristwatch. For me, it is the constant referencing of ponies.

I don't even like ponies. If I made one of my throwaway equine requests and someone produced an actual pony, Juan-Valdez-style, I would run very fast in the other direction. During a few summers at camp, I rode a chronically dehydrated pony named Brandy who would jolt down without notice to lick the grass outside the corral and I would careen forward, my helmet tipping to cover my eyes. I do, however, like ponies on the abstract. Who doesn't? It's like those movies with the animated insects. Sure, the baby cockroach seems cute with CGI eyelashes, but how would you feel about fifty of her real-life counterparts living in your oven? And that's precisely the manner in which the ponies clomped their way into ~ Sloane Crosley
Redneck Humor quotes by Sloane Crosley
Her bouts of bitchiness were really starting to grow on him, which just proved how in over his head he was. ~ Katee Robert
Redneck Humor quotes by Katee Robert
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor. ~ Mark Twain
Redneck Humor quotes by Mark Twain
Most photographers have some kind of verbal patter going on when they shoot: "Great. Turn to me. Big smile. Less shark eyes. Have fun with it. Not like that." Some photographers are compulsively effusive. "Beautiful. Amazing. Gorgeous! Ugh, so gorgeous!" they yell at shutter speed. If you are anything less than insane, you will realize this is not sincere. It's hard to take because it's more positive feedback than you've received in your entire life thrown at you in fifteen seconds. It would be like going jogging while someone rode next to you in a slow-moving car, yelling, "Yes! You are Carl Lewis! You're breaking a world record right now. Amazing! You are fast. You're going very fast, yes! ~ Tina Fey
Redneck Humor quotes by Tina Fey
The Aunts put their arms about one another so that their faces were cheek to cheek, and from this doublehead they gazed up at Steerpike with a row of four equidistant eyes. There was no reason why there should not have been forty, or four hundred of them. It so happened that only four had been removed from a dead and endless frieze whose inexhaustible and repetitive theme was forever, eyes, eyes, eyes. ~ Mervyn Peake
Redneck Humor quotes by Mervyn Peake
I discovered that seventeen-year-old girls have such huge verbal energy that their brain drives them to expend it every twenty seconds. On the third day I decided I had to find her a boyfriend
if possible, a deaf one. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Redneck Humor quotes by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Zandy Brandy scented lotion - like the Normans, drunk and with soft hands! ~ A.J. Lauer
Redneck Humor quotes by A.J. Lauer
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