Lol Funny Quotes

Knock knock! Who's ~ LOL Funny Joke Club

I realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl ... because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol ~ Fee Scott

Oh, yes. Milk from my favorite cows:brown. ~ Darynda Jones

She stopped pushing but declared; Prentice, I know how this works. Sure, she seems fine now. But in fifteen years when she's standing on top of a clocktower with an automatic rifle mowing down innocent bystanders, dont't call ME asking what went wrong. ~ Kristen Ashley

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. ~ Jay London

I liked Lady Gaga's meat dress. It was funny. ~ Alejandro Jodorowsky

The heroines in 'That's What She Said' are flawed, messy, damaged, hilarious and culpable and not really concerned about being acceptable to the audience in any traditional sense, which for me is what makes them all the more gorgeous. And the fearless truth of that is what makes it funny. ~ Carrie Preston

You totally love him. He's your widdle snookums. ~ Thea Harrison

Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her.
She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck ... but it was just a hug.
His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead."
Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich. ~ Rachel Caine

I'll pray for good semen. And I'll get all of my friends to pray for good semen. ~ Buffy Andrews

Chess is a thinking person's game. But you don't have to be smart to know what's funny! Lots of check, mate! ~ Steve Breen

Marriage, it seemed to me, walled my favorite fictional women off from the worlds in which they had once run free, or, if not free, then at least forward, with currents of narrative possibility at their backs. It was often at just the moment that their educations were complete and their childhood ambitions coming into focus that these troublesome, funny girls were suddenly contained, subsumed, and reduced by domesticity. ~ Rebecca Traister

Heya, Arlene. What's shakin'?" Cotton greeted.
"Don't shift some of this weight, everything," Arlene replied. ~ Kristen Ashley

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire! ~ Adam Sandler

Isn't it funny how we live inside the lies we believe? ~ A.S. King

I would love to write a mystery - a romantic, funny mystery. ~ Cecelia Ahern

When a husband's story is believed, he begins to suspect his wife. ~ H.L. Mencken

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. ~ Gore Vidal

Tim and Raine are coming in."
"Are they insane?"
"Apparently. ~ Susan Bischoff

To tell you the truth. I am a wild and passionate novelist. I am therefore easily given over to telling wild and passionate lies. ~ Val Edward Simone

And I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way. It's a funny little game to play and it's a slippery slope. I always say to myself I'm never going to give anything away because there's never any point or benefit for me. ~ Kristen Stewart

The question who ought to be boss is like who ought to be the tenor in the quartet? Obviously, the man who can sing tunor. ~ Henry Ford

I'm never growing up, I'll just sit in the corner of time and sip my juice box petulantly and judge your terrible Hamlet adaptations. ~ Rhiannon McGavin

Reality is funny, Your's will always be different than mine. This turns the truth into an illusion. They say everyone lies so what do we do? We believe in ourselves! You are the only real.... ~ J.S. Riley

We're living in a funny world kid, a peculiar civilization. The police are playing crooks in it, and the crooks are doing police duty. The politicians are preachers, and the preachers are politicians. The tax collectors collect for themselves. The Bad People want us to have more dough, and the good people are fighting to keep it from us. It's not good for us, know what I mean? If we had all we wanted to eat, we'd eat too much. We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry. That's the way I understand it. That's about the size of some of the arguments I've heard. ~ Jim Thompson

I gave a relenting sigh. "Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's." Pj's that consisted of nothing but a tank top and boy shorts
an image I didn't want to sear into Scott's mind.
Scott smiled. "I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter." Ugh. The dimple in his cheek deepened. And it was not in any way cute ... ~ Becca Fitzpatrick

Legend did not believe in endings.
For most of his immortal life, he believed his world would come crashing down if he fell in love and became human. Instead, his world had become more precious, particularly the pieces involving her.
He stifled a laugh as he read her letter again. Tella wouldn't like it if she knew he was laughing, but she was one of the rare things he found funny.
It was one of the many reasons he loved her. ~ Stephanie Garber

My one goal when I started was not to actually vomit on TV or run away. ~ Kate McKinnon

I look. At the two-thirty spot I see a group of men watching two women kiss. I've never entirely understood why men like watching two women, or having two women at once. To me it just seems potentially confusing: four breasts, two whoosits, a lot of work to do ... I imagine blacking out from overload. ~ A.M. Homes

They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them. ~ A.A. Milne

What are you waiting for?" shanna asked. "He's dying! Do it!"
Conner looked at Angus. "Ye do it. It was yer idea."
"Nay? Ye were the first to suggest it. Ye do it."
"I'm no' touching him." Conner said.
He nudged Phineas "Ye do it."
"I don't even know how!" Phineas poked at Robby. "You do it."
"Why me?" Robby turned to Angus. "Ye're the expert. Ye do it."
Angus grimaced. "I'm no' doing it. I hate the bugger."
"Stop it!" Shanna screamed "You- Forget it! I'll do it myself."
"Shanna you don't know how," Roman said.
"Gods blood. I guess I have to do it."
"You guess?" Shanna cried "Are you going to let him die?"
"He threatens to kill me every time he sees me. ~ Kerrelyn Sparks

These are Plenimaran marines, and there's not much most of them aren't capable of, if you take my meaning."
"I don't think I do," said Alec, puzzled by Seregil's tone.
"Then try this. They have a saying among them: 'When whores are few, a boy will do.' Got that?"
"Oh." Alec felt his face go hot. ~ Lynn Flewelling

Mr. McCabe thinks that I am not serious but only funny, because Mr. McCabe thinks that funny is the opposite of serious. Funny is the opposite of not funny and nothing else. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

Once I had asked, 'But are you a Democrat or a Republican?" and Jonathan said, "I'm socially progressive but fiscally conservative," and Doug Miles, a football player who also came to Sunday breakfast but only ever read the sports section and ignored everyone, lifted his head and said, "Is that like being bisexual?" Which I actually thought was funny, even though I was pretty sure Doug was a jerk. ~ Curtis Sittenfeld

Mr. Taylor has this habit of emphasizing his point by using three adjectives or verbs in a row. 'Class, you must know,' Simon begins [imitating] in a droning voice, flinging her arms around at every syllable, 'that should you fail to understand, to comprehend, to FEEL the power of the Constitution's words you will lose, forfeit, SURRENDER your ability to master the meaning of this most important document. You must read with an open mind in order to nurture, care for, and FOSTER your citizenship. Do I make myself clear, succinct, and COMPREHENSIBLE? ~ Randa Abdel-Fattah

I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss. ~ Stephen King

I think 'Saturday Night Live', starting in the 1970s, really gave women an outlet to be funny. A lot of those women went on to have film careers, from Kristen Wiig now to Tina Fey and Gilda Radner. ~ Emma Stone

A sense of humor isn't about being funny. It's about being human. ~ Michael Kerr

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95. ~ Chris Rock

Jim Morrison had star quality and he's dead. Star quality's no good to you when you're dead. ~ Neil Walker

In the third cabinet under the counter, she hit the good stuff. "Oh! You have a KitchenAid."
"If you're planning on caressing my mixer, you should know that might make my testicles explode," he said from behind her.
Her cheeks went hot enough to glow. "That would be awkward. ~ Jamie Farrell

The best accessory for a woman - handsome man! ~ Coco Chanel

Its a good thing I'm here, big guy, because you have shit taste in friends."
Okay, I said the last part intentionally, knowing how Aaron would react. And right on cue, Aaron said:
"He's not my friend!"
"Well, I guess that settles it, Nick. You're not going to be rebound guy because, despite your predictions of woe, Aaron and I aren't breaking up. I'd say that we'll see you around, but I doubt that'll happen since you don't even rate friend status. ~ Cardeno C.

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish. ~ Bill Bailey

Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be. ~ Bill Vaughan

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second ... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order. ~ Chelsea Handler

I remember when I took the role on E.R., I thought, 'I haven't really been able to play a working class woman. I've played girls, I've played funny, but I haven't played a working class woman. That sounds like something I'd like to do.' ~ Linda Cardellini