Jay London Famous Quotes
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I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.
I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride ... it's not much but at least I have my pride.
You know what burns me? Matches.
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.
I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart,
I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
People read me but they don't subscribe.
I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
Do you know it was a year a ago today?
I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.
I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.
I was born nine months premature.
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.
