Memo Ochoa Funny Quotes

Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly."
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Super-strength?"
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Hold on a second ... You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me?! ~ Geoff Johns

If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it? ~ Chic Murray

Cut if you will with sleep's dull knife, the years from off your life, my friend! the years that death takes off my life, he'll take from off the other end! ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

Of all funny things, truth is the funniest. ~ Neel Burton

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I think Secretary's funny, it is about sex, and there's a lot of sex in it, sex is the key, but you're talking about a lot of other complicated things. ~ Maggie Gyllenhaal

Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman. ~ Nancy Banks-Smith

Mountains were once my big adventure but is is over since a long time; I still dream from the wonderful days sometimes, read also a few pages from a mountain book. But the thought of doing again active mountain climbing has faded. ~ Fritz Zwicky

The saga started out a normal day - don't they all? I mean, surely one morning back there in prehistoric times a dinosaur woke up, yawned, chewed some coffee beans, and thought his day was going to be dead boring, just before a comet slammed into his neighborhood. ~ Rachel Caine

She's in my arms, so sweet and vulnerable and yet so strong, determined and everything I want with every fibre of my being.
Clary is spirited, smart, funny, stubborn and adorably nerdy. She isn't a cool girl, always worried about her looks and hanging out with the cool crowd and being mean and putting people down in order to shine brighter.
She is caring and courageous, she's pretty and witty and doesn't even know how sexy she is when she moves, when she smiles, when she lifts her bright eyes from a big book.
She'll quote dead poets and vintage 90s tv shows, she'll tell you what she wants without trying to manipulate you into doing her bidding, she'll tie you to her by setting you free, she will love you or hate you for who you are and not for who you appear to be.
J. ~ Melissa Adams

Let her go in with him."
( ... )
"Actually, I feel quite endangered by her presence. Dont you, Lila?"
"Absolutely," said Lila. "She terrifies me. Right Sean?"
"Shit." Sean wiped a hand over his face. ( ... ) Lila raised her eyebrows and the Viking groaned in defeat. "Never been so scared in my life. She's so small and ... wounded."
"Please, Finn," said Ali, her eyes full of warmth and good humor. "Save us. You're our last hope."
"F***ing ridiculous." Finn pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and shoved one into the lock. ~ Kylie Scott

The British are so funny. ~ Rose Byrne

Its a good thing I'm here, big guy, because you have shit taste in friends."
Okay, I said the last part intentionally, knowing how Aaron would react. And right on cue, Aaron said:
"He's not my friend!"
"Well, I guess that settles it, Nick. You're not going to be rebound guy because, despite your predictions of woe, Aaron and I aren't breaking up. I'd say that we'll see you around, but I doubt that'll happen since you don't even rate friend status. ~ Cardeno C.

Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not. ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The funny thing about fake ass people is that they don't exist in my world so get real or get the fuck out. ~ John Maiorana (Giovanni)

Susan sighed. And you had to remember that Time probably wasn't time, in the same way that Death wasn't exactly the same as death and War wasn't exactly the same as war. She'd met War, a big fat man with an inappropriate sense of humor and a habit of repeating himself, and he certainly didn't personally attend every minor fracas. She disliked Pestilence, who gave her funny looks, and Famine was just wasted and weird. None of them ran their ... call it their discipline. They personified it. ~ Anonymous

Someday my prince will come," she lamented softly, "too fast. ~ Melinda DuChamp

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. ~ Steven Wright

When you cross over into the weird stuff, there's no going back. Hector has a theory on it. Calls it the law of 'Anomalous Phenomena Attraction.' He explained it to me once. Didn't really pay attention, but it boils down to 'weird shit pulls in more weird shit. ~ A. Lee Martinez

She gave him a cold and enraged glare. 'You are so pathetic, you make me want to vomit. ~ Morgan Rhodes

I love when guys are funny. I love guys that are funny and goofy and over the top. And you know, I really like personality. I do. ~ Kaley Cuoco

Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo? ~ Gary Ghislain

An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming. ~ Conan O'Brien

No one takes you seriously when you're naked. ~ Kevin Hearne

Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth. ~ Rebecca Brooks

Baseball statistics are like a girl in a bikini. They show a lot, but not everything. ~ Toby Harrah

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. ~ Groucho Marx

I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet. ~ Daniel Radcliffe

Jake fried up the fish, cooked rice with garlic, cilantro and green onions. Someday he was going to make some woman a wonderful wife. ~ Josh Lanyon

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail! ~ Chris Rock

Best friends listen to what you don't say. ~ Samantha Norman

It's funny, the whole cooking thing came out of just a random thought of writing a cookbook with my mom and my sister for fun ... ~ Trisha Yearwood

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.' ~ George Lopez

You can find something funny in anything! I'm sick as a dog and falling to bits, but I'll give up joking only after I give up the ghost! my last gasp! The proof, here, with only an eighth of a glimmer of light, things oozing out of my asshole, my armpits, and the elbows, too, blood coming out of the eyes, from the soupy mess of my grave, me whistling a tune, that's what you'll hear! A regular blackbird! ~ Louis Ferdinand Celine

And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club. ~ Dennis Miller

I don't use big words to show off because it's ostentatious. ~ Don Roff

Poor empty pants
With nobody inside them. ~ Dr. Seuss

I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. ~ Denis Leary

I know quickly whether a guy is boyfriend material. If I can have a good time doing absolutely nothing with him, then that's boyfriend material for me. Like if we're able to have fun at a gas station. I've had some really good times at gas stations. ~ Alyson Hannigan

Life is funny and we are really funny, especially when we get to be hoity toity; we can be so ridiculous. Life is fun. ~ Desmond Tutu

Cale! Have you had a female in here?"

Calic laughed carelessly. "Depends on when you're referring to. ~ Kiersten Fay