Joking Quotes

Collection of famous quotes and sayings about Joking.

Quotes About Joking

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I'm a food addict. I've tried everything- Weight Watchers, The South Beach, raw food, Atkins, low-fat diets. Nothing works for me." I looked at him and said, "Have you tried suffering?" He laughed out loud, as if I was joking. I wasn't joking. ~ Frederick Woolverton
Joking quotes by Frederick Woolverton
In another place, their sons were killed between the barbs of their own guard wire, killed with misfired bombs while squirming in the mire like animals, killed with friendly fire, killed sometimes without knowing that they were about to die - a bullet through the head while joking with a comrade, laughing ~ Jonathan Safran Foer
Joking quotes by Jonathan Safran Foer
Serpine: Well, Skulduggery? Where is that tired old defiance - the taunting, the goading? Where are the endless heroic clinches? Aren't you going to look me in the eye and tell me to do my worst?
Skulduggery: Actually, I was going to ask that you go easy on me. I'm feeling kind of tender today
Serpine: This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is
Skulduggery:OK
Serpine: Really?
Skulduggery: No, only joking. Do your worst. ~ Derek Landy
Joking quotes by Derek Landy
Love is such a confusing word. You think I'm joking but I'm not. ~ Michael Showalter
Joking quotes by Michael Showalter
Oh, good Lord Jesus, I prayed, preserve me from this joking of God. Grief and trouble were all bad enough. But joking? It seemed altogether unfair, to me. ~ Judith Merkle Riley
Joking quotes by Judith Merkle Riley
One of the Pima warriors on seeing the fire-arms used by the white soldiers, thought that the next time he went over to the [Maricopa] Wells, he would take his war weapons along and show them to the white soldiers. So the next time he went, he took along his war-club and shield. The soldiers on seeing his weapons, laughed and made all sorts of remarks as to the effective use of such weapons. The joking went on until the Pima made a challenge to the white man. He said:
'You, white warrior
Take shooting iron.
Stand here ready.
I take war club and shield,
Step off ten paces,
Turn around, come back.
If you see any part of me,
Shoot!'
The White soldier stood there with gun in hand while the Pima walked away ten paces, turned around and came back hiding behind the shield so well that no part of his body could be seen. The white soldier did not shoot as the Pima came up to him. With the edge of his shield the Pima knocked the gun out of the soldier's hand. He lifted his war club as if he was about to use it. But the soldier took to his heels and ran into a nearby house, closing the door after him.
The people who saw this had a good laugh and no such challenge was ever made again.
Sometimes there would be shooting contests between Pimas and whites, Pimas with their bows and arrows and the whites with their firearms. They would place a target at different distances and see who could hit the bull's eye. The Pimas often won the ma ~ George Webb
Joking quotes by George Webb
I never insert myself into situations where I am completely blind or don't have a single clue about what's being discussed. I don't to be an impostor and just helping for the sake of helping. If I am going to help somebody, I want it to be valuable. And if they don't follow my advice, then they are a frigging idiot. I'm joking. ~ Charlie Sheen
Joking quotes by Charlie Sheen
I sighed. "Actually, Mom, we argue pretty regularly."
"What?" She gaped at me. "Well, stop it!"
"Oh, and I kneed him in the groin once."
There was a split second of silence before May barked a laugh. She covered her mouth and tried to stop it, but it kept coming out in awkward, squeaky sounds. Dad's lips were pressed together, but I could tell he was on the verge of losing it himself.
Mom was paler then snow.
"America, tell me you're joking. Tell me you didn't assault the prince."
I don't know why, but the word assault pushed us all on the edge; and May, Dad, and I bent over laughing as Mom stared at us.
"Sorry, Mom," I managed.
"Oh, good lord." She suddenly seemed very excited in meeting Marlee's parents, and I didn't stop her from going. ~ Kiera Cass
Joking quotes by Kiera Cass
I do this thing for Rosie, you sleep with me"
I stared at him, open-mouthed and in stunned silence.
I did, of course, understand what he meant but he explained further.
"Not like last night, we'll both be naked and sexual acts will be performed."
My expression didn't change except maybe my mouth opened wider.
"I'll expect your participation."
Holly shit.
"Your avid participation."
Dear Lord in Heaven.
Eventually, I whispered, "You must be joking."
He shook his head and watched me.
I dropped my eyes, unable to hold his stqare.
"I think I need more coffee," I told his throat. ~ Kristen Ashley
Joking quotes by Kristen Ashley
You remember having friends who used to lampoon the world so effortlessly, crouching at the verge of every joke and waiting to pounce on it, and you remember how they changed as they grew older and the joy of questioning everything slowly became transformed into the pain of questioning everything, like a star consuming its own core. ~ Kevin Brockmeier
Joking quotes by Kevin Brockmeier
The Doctor: I've seen bigger.
Clara: Really?
The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive! ~ Steven Moffat
Joking quotes by Steven Moffat
Then, towards the end of the meal, Anthony Hicks leant across the table towards me and looked me straight in the eye. 'I want you to remember', he said, a touch fiercely, 'that we, the audience, can and will smile with Poirot.' Then he paused. 'But we must never, ever, laugh at him.' There was another pause. 'And I am most certainly not joking.' I gulped, before Rosalind said, equally forcefully, 'And that is why we want you to play him. ~ David Suchet
Joking quotes by David Suchet
We have to get Bugles," I tell her [ ... ]
"Oh, definitely Bugles," she says. "I'm going to get the sour cream and onion kind." She drops them into the basket she's holding.
"Good idea," I say, happy to be joking around, "And while we're at it, why don't we get some dip for them?"
"Better yet," Ava says. "Let's skip the Blugles and just eat dip." We both collapse into giggles. ~ Lauren Barnholdt
Joking quotes by Lauren Barnholdt
Hope you two boys can dig. There'll be some digging to do." "Graves?" Eddie asked, not sure if he was joking or not. "Graves come later." Roland looked up at the sky, but the clouds had advanced out of the west and stolen the stars. "Just remember, it's the winners who dig them. ~ Stephen King
Joking quotes by Stephen King
When god made man, she was only joking. ~ Unknown
Joking quotes by Unknown
Britney Spears is a big influence. Huge. I think people thought I was joking about that for a long time. But when I was a teenager, there was a genuine connection with this sweet girl who also had this very sexual side that people didn't really want to accept. ~ Marina And The Diamonds
Joking quotes by Marina And The Diamonds
How do you know when a woman wants to kill you?" Rand mused. "When she knows your name?" Dobraine did not sound as if he were joking. ~ Robert Jordan
Joking quotes by Robert Jordan
Maybe she's got a Facebook page, like every other kid in America. We could put something on her wall."
Her eyes lit up very briefly before she slumped. "No, she's far too paranoid for that."
"I was joking."
"Yes, but you know how kids are about Facebook."
"But she's hiding from an eight-foot-tall sociopathic werewolf wizard who can call down lightning bolts."
"We're also talking about Facebook."
Tristan contemplated her. "I think I need to feed you. Your blood sugar must be getting low. ~ Angela Knight
Joking quotes by Angela Knight
You were joking about the whole please and thank you thing, right?"
"Meant every word." A little light danced in his eyes and he very deliberately said, "Baby."
No.
He laughed. "You should see your face right now."
"Don't call me that."
"Would you prefer 'darling'? Or maybe 'cupcake'?" He winked. ~ Ilona Andrews
Joking quotes by Ilona Andrews
John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown. ~ Bill Maher
Joking quotes by Bill Maher
Stormtroopers were literally supposed to be within the same range of height and weight in part because of exactly that - he wasn't joking when he said he was too tall to be a stormtrooper. ~ Chuck Wendig
Joking quotes by Chuck Wendig
There are patterns within the dimensions," Paul insisted, never looking up again. "Mathematical parallels. It's plausible to hypothesize that these patterns will be reflected in events and people in each dimension. That people who have met in one quantum reality will be likely to meet in another. Certain things that happen will happen over and over, in different ways, but more often than you could explain by chance alone."
"In other words," I said, "you're trying to prove the existence of fate."
I was joking, but Paul nodded slowly, like I'd said something intelligent. "Yes. That's it exactly. ~ Claudia Gray
Joking quotes by Claudia Gray
And whatever you do, don't drink the water. A guide once told Dad that some of the springs still have arsenic in them from the gold rush. I have no idea whether she was joking or not, but let's not risk it, OK?"
"Seriously?" Logan asked. He raised his eyebrows. "Alaska - where even the water will kill you. I'm surprised they don't have that on a T-shirt."
"Logan -" Maddie warned. Logan raised his hands in surrender.
"Poisonous water. Check. ~ Ally Carter
Joking quotes by Ally Carter
What is it?"
Leigh glanced up with uncertainty, then back to his groin with a sort of horrified fascination. "Well, um… is there something about immortals you haven't told me?"
"What? What do you mean?" he asked with bewilderment.
Leigh shook her head, then leaned forward and said "Hello?" to his groin, only to stiffen again and jerk back as if it had hissed at her.
"Are you talking to my penis?" Lucian asked with disbelief.
"It talked to me first," she said defensively, and frowned. "You didn't mention this little skill."
Lucian decided she must be joking and laughed. "So, what did it say?"
"It said, 'Lucian? Lucian, are you there?'" He blinked.
"Why would it say that?"
"I don't know. It's your penis."
That's when he recalled the cell phone in his pocket. A laugh bursting from his lips, Lucian reached in his pocket to retrieve the phone. ~ Lynsay Sands
Joking quotes by Lynsay Sands
I opened the fire door
to four lips
none of which were mine
kissing
tightened my belt around my hips
where your hands were missing
and stepped out into the cold
collar high
under the slate grey sky
the air was smoking and the streets were dry
and I wasn't joking when I said
Good Bye
magazine quality men talking on the corner
French, no less much less of them then us
so why do I feel like something's been rearranged?
you know, taken out of context I must seem so strange
killed a cockroach so big
it left a puddle of pus on the wall
when you and I are lying in bed
you don't seem so tall
I'm singing now because my tear ducts are too tired
and my brain is disconnected but my heart is wired
I make such a good statistic
someone should study me now
somebody's got to be interested in how I feel
just 'cause I'm here
and I'm real
oh, how I miss
substituting the conclusion to confrontation with a kiss
and oh, how I miss
walking up to the edge and jumping in
like I could feel the future on your skin
I opened the fire door
to four lips
none of which were mine
kissing
I opened the fire door ~ Ani DiFranco
Joking quotes by Ani DiFranco
And Türing answered another," Rudy said.
"Who's that?"
"It's me," Alan said. "But Rudy's joking. 'Turing' doesn't really have an umlaut in it."
"He's going to have an umlaut in him later tonight," Rudy said, looking at Alan in a way that, in retrospect, years later, Lawrence would understand to have been smoldering. ~ Neal Stephenson
Joking quotes by Neal Stephenson
You aren't angry "
"You must be joking " she said dryly. "I'm alive Nicholas. And I'm immortal like you. This rocks ~ Lynsay Sands
Joking quotes by Lynsay Sands
Okay, time to get serious. I let my smile fade slowly and lowered my pitch, as no human woman could have. "I'm not joking this time. If I see it, it's mine, and you won't get it back at the end of the school year." I growled, deep and long, savoring the feel of the vibrations in my throat, as if the sound alone could save me. It wasn't quite a cat's growl but it was damn close. And it was his last warning.
Miguel dismissed my threat with an easy smile, and my stomach clenched. Oh, yeah, Faythe. You have Puss shaking in his boots, all right. ~ Rachel Vincent
Joking quotes by Rachel Vincent
Well I'm a 5 year old at heart; I still think that there is a monster under my bed - and I'm not joking. It's pathetic, it's really not cute. ~ Eva Mendes
Joking quotes by Eva Mendes
My friends just kept joking about all the horrible physical side effects [of Prednisone ]. I can only imagine that something that works that well has got to be bad for you. ~ Hamilton Leithauser
Joking quotes by Hamilton Leithauser
You can find something funny in anything! I'm sick as a dog and falling to bits, but I'll give up joking only after I give up the ghost! my last gasp! The proof, here, with only an eighth of a glimmer of light, things oozing out of my asshole, my armpits, and the elbows, too, blood coming out of the eyes, from the soupy mess of my grave, me whistling a tune, that's what you'll hear! A regular blackbird! ~ Louis Ferdinand Celine
Joking quotes by Louis Ferdinand Celine
When you're given the gift of truth, you spend a lot of time trying to tone it down because it is already offensive enough. ~ Shannon L. Alder
Joking quotes by Shannon L. Alder
I have always viewed thinking about arguing, about questioning, pushing back with, joking, about sharing and discovering the world and the news as enjoyable, the same way that I view watching basketball. ~ Chris Hayes
Joking quotes by Chris Hayes
Morley joined them, and after a long, uncomfortable moment, Mrs. Grant decided to ignore his presence. The
guards didn't. Their knuckles were white on their weapons.
May I assist?" he asked, and put his hands behind his back. "I promise not to eat anyone."
Very funny," Mrs. Grant said. Morley gave her a grave look.
I wasn't joking, dear lady," he said. "I do promise. And I never make a promise I don't intend to keep. You
should feel quite secure."
Well, I'm sorry, I don't," she said. "You're just - "
Too overwhelmingly dashing and attractive?" Morley grinned. "A common problem women face with me.
It'll pass. You seem like the no-nonsense sort. I like that."
Claire smiled at the look on Mrs. Grant's face, reflected in the white LED light of the lantern she was holding.
You are really - odd," the older woman said, as if she couldn't quite believe she was even having the
conversation. ~ Rachel Caine
Joking quotes by Rachel Caine
So what's going on?" Livy asked after spitting out a bit more blood.
"Got a job for you."
"Will I be whoring?"
"Not this time. I'm sorry."
"You know how I love to whore," Livy stated with that flat tone that freaked people out, because no one ever knew whether she was joking or not. ~ Shelly Laurenston
Joking quotes by Shelly Laurenston
I'm joking, it's not really hell," the voice went on. "It's worse than hell, not that I've ever actually been there. You're in Villete. ~ Paulo Coelho
Joking quotes by Paulo Coelho
Before he could say a word, she moved closer and pressed her smooth palm to his scar.
He nearly swooned. Clutching the chair at his side, Will swayed into her space, lured by the luscious heat and pleasure that she gave him with that simple touch. A moan escaped him.
"Interesting," she murmured.
He would kill her. Just for that. "I do believe I hate you, Miss Evernight."
Firelight caressed her skin as she gave him the smallest of smiles. "Your sense of humor is odd."
He hadn't been joking. ~ Kristen Callihan
Joking quotes by Kristen Callihan
That got some appreciative laughter, though he wasn't joking, and the bird didn't laugh. It didn't answer him either. Quentin couldn't read its face; like all birds, it had only one expression. ~ Lev Grossman
Joking quotes by Lev Grossman
Olaf whirled the club as if getting the feel for it. It also made the cops back up. He looked at me. "I'll take the head."
I pulled the knife out of Tlaloci's hand. He wasn't going to be needing it anymore. "I'll take the heart." I
walked toward him, blade in hand. The cops kept backing away from us.
"You take the head first."
"Why?"
"I'm afraid if I take the knife out while the body's still intact that he'll sit up and start breathing again."
Olaf raised eyebrows at me. "You are not joking me?"
"I never joke about vampires," I said.
He gave me another long look. "You would have made a good man."
I took the compliment because that's what it was, maybe the best compliment he'd ever given a woman. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton
Joking quotes by Laurell K. Hamilton
What' cha doing out here all alone? Did you forget how to find Sanctuary? (Simi)
No. I want to be alone for a bit. (Gallagher)
Why? Were the bears mean to you? Mama can get a bit cranky whenever I play with the cubs. She thinks I'm going to eat one, but bleh! They're way too hairy. Now if she'd let me skin one, I might be interested. (Simi)
Are you joking? (Gallagher)
Oh no. I never joke about hairy food. (Simi) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Joking quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
You know I'm just joking, Phee. I told you before and I will say it as many times as I have to. I'm going to be the one that saves you … every time. ~ Rebecca Espinoza
Joking quotes by Rebecca  Espinoza
I've seen 'Pride and Prejudice' about 4,000 times. I'm not joking: I know every single line. ~ Claire Foy
Joking quotes by Claire Foy
We decided that we should do Shabbos dinner here and we invited the family," my dad said.

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Gabby, sweetie," my mom said consolingly. "It's best to get it over with quickly, trust me."

"Honey, I met them on my first date with your mother." He looked at Braden. "I married her anyway." I saw Braden try not to laugh. "It's okay! You can laugh. We laugh a lot here. It keeps us sane and being sane is what separates us from the rest of Judy's family. ~ N.M. Silber
Joking quotes by N.M. Silber
One more item for the delusional Miss Grundys still obtusely citing Reagan as their model of "niceness": As governor of California, Reagan gave student protesters at Berkeley the finger. Remember that next time you ask yourself: "What would Reagan do?" People who are afraid of ideas whitewash Reagan like they whitewash Jesus . Sorry to break it to you, but the Reagan era did not consist of eight years of Reagan joking about his naps. ~ Ann Coulter
Joking quotes by Ann Coulter
His joy was a release of Paul's conversion, not the heavy backslapping practical-joking humor of the Victorians, nor the cynical satire or the flippancy of the twenty first century mass media, just the gift of not taking himself or his adversaries too seriously. ~ John Charles Pollock
Joking quotes by John Charles Pollock
Joking decides great things, Stronger and better oft than earnest can. ~ John Milton
Joking quotes by John Milton
A lot of people are joking about the Windows 10 error message that says 'Something Happened'. Well, that's not on me. My original idea was to not have any errors at all, and for the operating system to be called Windows RT ME One. ~ Satya Nadella
Joking quotes by Satya Nadella
Mimbrates are the bravest people in the world
probably because they don't have brains enough to be afraid of anything. Garion's friend Mandorallen is totally convinced that he's invincible."
"He is," Ce'Nedra said in automatic defense of her knight. "I saw him kill a lion once with his bare hands."
" ... I heard him suggest to Barak and Hettar once that the three of them attack an entire Tolnedran legion."
"Perhaps he was joking."
"Mimbrate knights don't know how to joke," Silk told him.
"I will not sit here and listen to you people insult my knight," Ce'Nedra said hotly.
"We'renot insulting hi, Ce'Nedra," Silk told her. "We're describing him. He's so noble he makes my hair hurt."
"Nobility is an alien concept to a Drasnian, I suppose," she noted.
"Not alien, Ce'Nedra. Incomprehensible. ~ David Eddings
Joking quotes by David Eddings
I'll catch you when you land, Flash. Just don't take too much time, because I'm already there, impatiently waiting for you."

I blinked.

"You can't make a joke about something like that, Dylan."

"Who said I'm joking? You happened in a heartbeat Zoe, I had no chance. ~ Ella Maise
Joking quotes by Ella Maise
Excuse me?" Jess asked in disbelief. "This is Frozen Zarek I'm talking to, right? Not some weird pod person?"
He shook his head at Jess's joking. "It's me, dickless."
"Hey, now, that's way too personal. I don't need to know that much about you. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Joking quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
I give credence to the worst things somebody writes about me, and if somebody writes something nice, I think they're wrong or false or lying or joking. ~ Jesse Eisenberg
Joking quotes by Jesse Eisenberg
Why the hell are you wearing it on your left hand? I swear to God, if you're married I'm going to kick your ass. I'm not joking. ~ Abi Ketner
Joking quotes by Abi Ketner
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, 'Oh, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.' ~ Anna Torv
Joking quotes by Anna Torv
My serve has killed a small dog ... I'm joking, I'm joking! The dog was huge! ~ Andy Roddick
Joking quotes by Andy Roddick
You're joking. You want to help me?"
"We're brothers-in-arms, Sonny." Fennrys stood and paced restlessly. "And, truth is, I'm bored out of my mind in Manhattan. Nothing to do there but jump at shadows and put up with Aaneel's pompous yapping: 'There're crack in the Gate! Remain vigilant! Protect the puny humans! Eek, a mouse!' It's tiresome. ~ Lesley Livingston
Joking quotes by Lesley Livingston
People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex usually turn out to be, like, eighty. And their letters always end with, "Just joking." ~ Dave Barry
Joking quotes by Dave Barry
But we are sailors - served on the Endeavor."

"Are you, now?" the ship's master asked skeptically. "Let me see yer hands."

The master examined Hadrian's palms, looking over the various calluses and rough places while grunting occasionally. "You must have spent most of your time in the galley. You've not done any serious rope work." He examined Royce's hands and raised an eyebrow at him. "Have you ever been on a ship before? It's certain you've never handled a sheet or a capstan."

"Royce here is a - you know - " Hadrian pointed up at the ship's rigging. "The guy who goes up there."

The master shook his head and laughed. "If you two are seamen, then I'm the Prince of Percepliquis!"

"Oh, but they are, Mr. Temple," a voice declared. Wyatt exited the forecastle and came jogging toward them. A bright white shirt offset his tawny skin and black hair. "I know these men, old mates of mine. The little one is Royce Melborn, as fine a topman as they come. And the big one is, ah …"

"Hadrian." Royce spoke up.

"Right, of course. Hadrian's a fine cook - he is, Mr. Temple."

Temple pointed toward Royce. "This one's a topman? Are you joking, Wyatt?"

"No, sir, he's one of the best."

Temple looked unconvinced.

"You can have him prove it to you, sir," Hadrian offered. "You could have him race your best up the ropes."

"You mean up the shrouds," Wyatt said, correcting h ~ Michael J. Sullivan
Joking quotes by Michael J. Sullivan
The cybernetic operation?"
"No, the sex change."
The doctor's smile faltered.
"I'm joking. ~ Marissa Meyer
Joking quotes by Marissa Meyer
Ingra just kept a straight face he hoped Vilenthe was joking. "Anyway." Ingra tried to bring the topic full circle ~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts
Joking quotes by Charon Lloyd-Roberts
This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is."
"Okay."
Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"No, only joking. Do your worst. ~ Derek Landy
Joking quotes by Derek Landy
I'm not joking you. I never joke people. Joke people and you make enemies. That's what I always say. ~ Ernest Hemingway,
Joking quotes by Ernest Hemingway,
The Fates themselves grant us one or two places in our lives where the thread untwists and we can follow either one strand or the other. Better to know when and where those choices will come to us instead of being taken by surprise. "
"Why only one or two?" I asked, thinking of all the moments my life had already accumulated in which I'd chosen to follow a different path than the one most people would expect of me. "Why not say that every day lets me choose my own future?"
The priest chuckled. "What a gift you have for joking, Lady Helen! You know your future. You'll be Sparta's queen, living a life blessed by the gods. Your only surprises will be the name of your husband and whether your babies will be sons or daughters. You don't need to visit the Pythia. But your noble brothers will be heroes, making their own futures; heroes should know what awaits them."
"He's right, Helen," Castor said. "Polydeuces and I should know our fate."
Castor's fate? He didn't need an oracle to discover that; I could tell him exactly what it would be. The young priest's glib words were better than underground fumes for giving me a vision of what lay in store for both of my brothers: They were going to have their ears filled with flattery, then be persuaded to leave a rich gift at Apollo's shrine just to hear some poor girl babble riddles while she choked half to death on smoke. Then they'd made another offering just to have Apollo's priests translate the Pythia's wild words. ~ Esther M. Friesner
Joking quotes by Esther M. Friesner
Teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should be immediately suspended and ridiculed. if they say they were merely coming up with a joking excuse to postpone a bio test, reply that all jokes are funny, and that since dropping a bomb on a school is not funny, it is therefore
not
a
joke. ~ David Levithan
Joking quotes by David Levithan
The things about which we most often jest are generally, on the contrary, the things that worry us but that we do not wish to appear to be worried by, with perhaps a secret hope of the further advantage that the person to whom we are talking, hearing us treat the matter as a joke, will conclude that it is not true. ~ Marcel Proust
Joking quotes by Marcel Proust
God is always joking. Look at your own life - it is a joke! Look at other people's lives, and you will find jokes and jokes and jokes. Seriousness is illness; seriousness has nothing spiritual about it. Spirituality is laughter, spirituality is joy, spirituality is fun. ~ Rajneesh
Joking quotes by Rajneesh
Scurrility has no object in view but incivility; if it is uttered from feelings of petulance, it is mere abuse; if it is spoken in a joking manner, it may be considered raillery. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero
Joking quotes by Marcus Tullius Cicero
I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful. ~ Mallory Ortberg
Joking quotes by Mallory Ortberg
Because friendship is about laughing when the other person is joking to make you feel better. Even if you don't find her joke all that funny. ~ Padma Venkatraman
Joking quotes by Padma Venkatraman
You certainly remember this scene from dozens of films: a boy and a girl are running hand in hand in a beautiful spring (or summer) landscape. Running, running, running and laughing. By laughing the two runners are proclaiming to the whole world, to audiences in all the movie theaters: "We're happy, we're glad to be in the world, we're in agreement with being!" It's a silly scene, a cliche, but it expresses a basic human attitude: serious laughter, laughter "beyond joking."
All churches, all underwear manufacturers, all generals, all political parties, are in agreement about that kind of laughter, and all of them rush to put the image of the two laughing runners on the billboards advertising their religion, their products, their ideology, their nation, their sex, their dishwashing powder. ~ Milan Kundera
Joking quotes by Milan Kundera
The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about. ~ Anthony Jeselnik
Joking quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
I don't know if you can empathize, but it hurts when someone you love dumps you."
"You're joking, right?" said Chuck. "How do you think I wound up in the pound? At least grid boy didn't try to have you gassed. I still don't know what I did to those people. Or why you like that grid asshole so much."
"He's not only an asshole," I said, sorry to have to defend him. "At first he was smart and sexy and fun."
"How was he fun?" said Chuck. "Did he play ball? No. Did he bring meaty snacks? No. And he made such a big fucking deal when I drooled on his pants. How much fun was that? ~ Merrill Markoe
Joking quotes by Merrill Markoe
I'm so proud of you. I wanted to blow you, like, eighteen times."
"I made thirty-four saves. Weren't you paying attention?"
Isaac threw his head back and laughed. "Oh my God. You made a joke."
"Who said I was joking? ~ Avon Gale
Joking quotes by Avon Gale
Day had gotten a little nervous during one session when the doctor asked God how he would handle someone hurting Day now and his lover responded by jerking one side of his leather coat open and pulling his long blade from its sheathe.

"Easy, I'd cut their fucking arm off and beat the shit out of them with it," he'd said.

But Day quickly started laughing and told the concerned doctor that his partner was just playing.

After popping God hard in his stomach, God agreed and said he was indeed joking. When the doctor went back to writing on her legal pad, God mouthed to him, "No I'm not. ~ A.E. Via
Joking quotes by A.E. Via
Shut up, me," Leo said aloud.
"What?" Piper asked.
"Nothing," he said. "Long night. I think I'm hallucinating. It's cool."
Sitting in front, Leo couldn't see their faces, but he assumed from their silence that his friends were not pleased to have a sleepless, hallucinating dragon driver.
"Just joking." Leo decided it might be good to change the subject. ~ Rick Riordan
Joking quotes by Rick Riordan
All joking aside, I'm a television watcher and I get frustrated with shows sometimes when they set up puzzles and then they don't give answers. It's just more questions and more questions. ~ Sarah Michelle Gellar
Joking quotes by Sarah Michelle Gellar
...'unless you convert to Orthodoxy, you too will follow your Pope down that valley, through the scorching fire. We will watch you from this balcony,' he added, 'but of course it will then be too late to save you.'

I smiled, but Fr. Theophanes was in full swing and clearly in no mood for joking. 'No one can truly know what that day will be like.' He shook his head gravely. 'But some of our Orthodox fathers have had visions. Fire-fire that will never end, terrible, terrible fire - will come from the throne of Christ, just like it does on the icons. The saints-those who are to be saved, in router words the Orthodox Church-will fly in the air to meet Christ. But sinners and all non-Orthodox will be separated from the Elect. The damned will be pushed and prodded by devils down through the fire, down from the Valley of Joseph, past here-in fact exactly the route those Israeli hikers took today-down, down to the Mouth of Hell.'
'Is that nearby?'
'Certainly,' said Theophanes, stroking his beard. 'The Mouth of Hell will open up near the Dead Sea.'
'That is in the Bible?'
'Of course,' said Theophanes. 'Everything I am telling you is true. ~ William Dalrymple
Joking quotes by William Dalrymple
Once I had found the courage to tell Rebecca about the children in my head, it wasn't so hard in the coming months to tell Roberta.
On the train from Huddersfield one day in May I made a roll call of the usual suspects: Baby Alice; Alice 2, who was two years old and liked to suck sticky lollipops; Billy; Samuel; Shirley; Kato; and the enigmatic Eliza. There was boy I would grow particularly fond of named limbo, who was ten, but like Eliza he was still forming. There were others without names or specific behaviour traits. I didn't want to confuse the issue with this crowd of 'others' and just counted off the major players with their names, ages and personalities, which Roberta scribbled down on a pad. Then she looked slightly embarrassed. 'You know, I've met Billy on a few occasions, and Samuel once too,' she said. 'You're joking.' I felt betrayed. 'Why didn't you tell me?' 'I wanted it to come from you, Alice, when you were ready.' For some reason I pulled up my sleeves and showed he my arms. 'That's Kato,' I said, 'or Shirley.' She looked a bit pale as she studied the scars. I had feeling she didn't know what to say. The problem with counsellors is that they are trained to listen, not to give advice or diagnosis. We sat there with my arms extended over the void between us like evidence in court, then I pushed down my sleeves again. 'I'm so sorry, Alice,' she said finally and I shrugged. 'It's not your fault, is it?' Now she shrugged, and we were quiet once more. ~ Alice Jamieson
Joking quotes by Alice Jamieson
I made my first film McLibel independently but only by accident. I tried to get a commission from all the standard TV broadcasters but because they had been sued by McDonald's in the past none of them would commission me so I ended up making it by credit cards and rich boyfriends (I'm joking - about the boyfriends). ~ Franny Armstrong
Joking quotes by Franny Armstrong
Here was this really nice guy who happened to be uber-shy ... and with just a little encouragement, he was suddenly smiling and joking and having fun. Really, what had taken them so long? ~ Melody Carlson
Joking quotes by Melody Carlson
I like joking around and being a little mischievous. Once an audience or even a group of friends realizes that you're being benevolent about it, then they're along for the ride. ~ Reggie Watts
Joking quotes by Reggie Watts
Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls.
We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat.
George!
Only joking, Mum. ~ J.K. Rowling
Joking quotes by J.K. Rowling
The raft finally got here," he said.
Calypso snorted. Her eyes might have been red, but it was hard to tell in the moonlight. "You just noticed?"
"But if it only shows up for guys you like-"
"Don't push your luck, Leo Valdez," she said. "I still hate you."
"Okay."
"And you are not coming back here," she insisted. "So don't give me any empty promises."
"How about a full promise?" he said. "Because I'm definitely-"
She grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss, which effectively shut him up.
For all his joking and flirting, Leo had never kissed a girl before. Well, sisterly pecks on the cheeck from Piper, but that didn't count. This was a real, full-contact kiss. If Leo had had gears and wires in his brain, they would've short-circuited.
Calypso pushed him away. "That didn't happen."
"Okay." His voice sounded an octave higher than usual. ~ Rick Riordan
Joking quotes by Rick Riordan
Cam starts laughing, "Oh, I love it when she reads." He turns to Lucy who's face is starting to contort and turn to a bright shade of red, "She reads these smutty books, like full on dirty shit, full of sex and like ... bdsm shit."
"I'm not joking boys, they're like full on pornographic. Talking about silky shafts and veiny dicks and shit," Logan is now on the ground holding his side from the pain of laughing too hard.
"Sometimes she'll be reading, then all of sudden she'll put her book down and look at me like she wants to eat me, literally eat me!" he yells, laughing harder, still swatting away her hands that are trying to shut him up, "I mean I don't mind it, not at all. It's hot as fuck. And she wants to try everything she reads in these books. Like ... everything. She learns everything from these books ... so I don't give a shit when, of how much she reads, I get rewards. ~ Jay McLean
Joking quotes by Jay McLean
Walk in Love EPHESIANS 5 j Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2And k walk in love, l as Christ loved us and m gave himself up for us, a n fragrant o offering and sacrifice to God. 3But p sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness q must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4Let there be r no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, s which are out of place, but instead t let there be thanksgiving. 5For you may be sure of this, that u everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous ( v that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 w Let no one x deceive you with empty words, for because of these things y the wrath of God comes upon z the sons of disobedience. 7Therefore a do not become partners with them; 8for b at one time you were c darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. d Walk as children of light ~ Anonymous
Joking quotes by Anonymous
As professionals, we just try to keep the jokes to a minimum, when we're in a certain situation. When we're not doing that, we're joking. ~ Mike Colter
Joking quotes by Mike Colter
Comedy is a way of joking with everything and getting away with it. ~ Deyth Banger
Joking quotes by Deyth Banger
Stepped out into the cold, collar high, under the slate gray sky. The air was smoking and the streets were dry, and I wasn't joking when I said goodbye. ~ Ani DiFranco
Joking quotes by Ani DiFranco
Get the hell out of here. You're an accountant? You?" He must be joking . Beautiful and highly intelligent? I feel like I've found a unicorn.

Daniels, J. (2014-05-02). Sweet Addiction (Kindle Locations 280-281). . Kindle Edition. ~ J. Daniels
Joking quotes by J. Daniels
You're joking, Perce! You are actually joking, Percy ... I don't think I've heard you joke since you were- ~ J.K. Rowling
Joking quotes by J.K. Rowling
I believe that what works for the consumer is to be able to determine what they can pay
even if it is nothing. (Just joking.) Unfortunately, so many depend on credit for living expenses, and the lower payments helped them in the immediate term. I am OK with that. For those who want their minimum to be more, you don't have to wait on your credit issuer to increase the payment
do it on your own. For others, at this time, I think it's a horrible idea. ~ Trina
Joking quotes by Trina
Astrid found the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it up over his head. She unbuckled his belt and shoved his jeans to the deck. She pushed him, gently but insistently, onto the bed. Then she undressed herself and stood in the faint light, looking down at him as he gazed up at her.
"You're giving me a reason to live," he said, half joking.
"I'm just recapturing the mood," she said, trying to make it sound light and sexy.
"You captured me a long time ago."
She climbed atop him. "We walk out of this together, Sam. Whatever it takes. You and me."
"You and me," he said.
She would not yet let him have her. "Whatever it takes," she insisted. "Say it."
"You and me," he said at last. "Whatever it takes."
"Swear it. ~ Michael Grant
Joking quotes by Michael Grant
Many of the rites of passage, those rituals of growing up found in our society, are in the form of such comic, practical joking affairs
which we ignore in the belief that they possess no deeper significance. Yet it is precisely in their being regarded as unimportant that they take on importance. For in them we ritualize and dramatize attitudes which contradict and often embarrass the sacred values which we proclaim through our solemn ceremonies and rituals of nationhood. ~ Ralph Ellison
Joking quotes by Ralph Ellison
Do you always wear Malaysian imitations of Brooks Brothers blue oxford button-downs, Mr. Laney?"

Laney had looked down at his shirt, or tried to.

"Malaysia?"

"The stitch-count's dead on, but they still haven't mastered the thread-tension."

"Oh."

"Never mind. A little prototypic nerd chic could actually lend a certain frisson, around here. You could lose the tie, though. Definitely lose the tie. And keep a collection of felt-tipped pens in your pocket. Unchewed, please. Plus one of those fat flat highlighters, in a really nasty fluorescent shade."

"Are you joking?"

"Probably, Mr. Laney. May I call you Colin?"

"Yes."

She never did call him "Colin," then or ever. "You'll find that humor is essential at Slitscan, Laney. A necessary survival tool. You'll find the type that's most viable here is fairly oblique."

"How do you mean, Ms. Torrance?"

"Kathy. I mean difficult to quote effectively in a memo. Or a court of law. ~ William Gibson
Joking quotes by William Gibson
They looked at each other in open hostility - she, leaning on her elbow in a flurry of frills and lace; he, sitting side-saddle on the edge of the bed. He was thinking 'Who's she to talk of any wrinkles I may have one day?' and she 'Why is he so ugly when he laughs? - he who's the very picture of beauty!' She thought for a moment, then finished aloud: "It's because you look so ill-natured when you're joking. You never laugh except unkindly - ᴀᴛ people, and that makes you ugly. You're often ugly. ~ Colette
Joking quotes by Colette
Boris come himself?" Vanov laughed. "Surely you're joking. Preparations for his wedding. ~ Eric Van Lustbader
Joking quotes by Eric Van Lustbader
Ian's method of dealing with Sir Francis Belhaven - who, his grandfather had discovered, was boasting that Elizabeth had spent several days with him - was less subtle and even more effective. "Belhaven," Ian said after spending a half hour searching for the repulsive knight.
The stout man had whirled around in surprise, leaving his acquaintances straining to hear Ian's low conversation with him. "I find your presence repugnant," Ian had said in a dangerously quiet voice. "I dislike your coat, I dislike your shirt, and I dislike the knot in your neckcloth. In fact, I dislike you. Have I offended you enough yet, or shall I continue?"
Belhaven's mouth dropped open, his pasty face turning a deathly gray. "Are - are you trying to force a - duel?"
"Normally one doesn't bother shooting a repulsive toad, but in this instance I'm prepared to make an exception, since this toad doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut!"
"A duel, with you?" he gasped. "Why, it would be no contest - none at all. Everyone knows what kind of marksman you are. It would be murder."
Ian leaned close, speaking between his clenched teeth. "It's going to be murder, you miserable little opium-eater, unless you suddenly remember very vocally that you've been joking about Elizabeth Cameron's visit."
At the mention of opium the glass slid from his fingers and crashed to the floor. "I have just realized I was joking."
"Good," Ian said, restraining the urge to strangle him. "Now start ~ Judith McNaught
Joking quotes by Judith McNaught
Never call a girl fat, even if you're joking. ~ Demi Lovato
Joking quotes by Demi Lovato
He sounds like Jesus. Except rich and sexy."
"Watch it, Meg. In this town joking about Jesus could get you shot. You've never seen so many of the faithful who're armed. ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Joking quotes by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Was he joking? Was he being sarcastic? Aggressive? Impertinent? Or just courteous? There was no telling from his impassive face. What a country, he thought despairingly. In Russia you always knew. If a man made a stern face he was threatening; if he was laughing uproariously, he was joking. ~ George Mikes
Joking quotes by George Mikes
I've just been transferred to Kanglung," I say. They look at me to see if I am joking, and then they look at each other. There is a long, terrible silence and we all look at the floor. Karma Dorji wipes his runny nose on his sleeve and looks up. "Oh, miss," he says sadly. "Please don't go."
"Just a minute," I say, and go into the bathroom. I latch the door and turn on the tap full force. When the water is running noisily, I lean my hot forehead against the damp, flaking concrete, and cry. ~ Jamie Zeppa
Joking quotes by Jamie Zeppa
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