Life Humor Quotes

My need to parent is so much bigger, sometimes, than my children's need for parenting. ~ Margot Page

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe. ~ Paula Poundstone

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana. ~ Lana Turner

Corpus Bones! I utterly loathe my life. ~ Karen Cushman

Sense of humor is important in life, not just in clothing. How boring to live a life in beige. ~ Jean Pigozzi

It is easy to be calm when there is nothing to worry about, Eragon. The true test of your self-control, however, is whether you can remain calm in a trying situation. You cannot allow anger or frustration to cloud your thoughts, not at the moment. Right now, you need your mind to be clear.
Have you always been able to remain calm at times like this?
The old dragon seemed to chuckle. No. I used to growl and bite and knock down trees and tear up the ground. Once, I broke the top off of a mountain in the Spine; the other dragons were rather upset with me for that. But I have had many years to learn that losing my temper rarely helps. You have not, I know, but allow my experience to guide you in this. Let go of your worries and focus on the task at hand. The future will be what is will, and fretting about it will only make your fears more likely to come true.
I know, Eragon sighed, but it's not easy.
Of course not. Few things of worth are. Then Glaedr withdrew and left him to the silence of his own mind. ~ Christopher Paolini

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that hap­pi­ness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They told me I didn't under­stand the assign­ment and I told them they didn't under­stand life. ~ Gaius Julius Caesar

Sorry, did I say something wrong?" said Marvin, dragging himself on regardless. "Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God I'm so depressed. Here's another one of those self-satisfied doors. Life! Don't talk to me about life. ~ Douglas Adams

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life. ~ Terry Pratchett

I'm seriously laughing ~ Guy Harduf

I've been surrounded by nitwits my entire life. ~ Chelsea Ballinger

The departed souls shall never return. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita

You write the way you think about the world. My motto in times of trouble - and I'm speaking of life, not writing - is 'no humor too black.' ~ Elizabeth McCracken

Lola: [looks horrified] Burgundy. Please, God, tell me I have not inspired something burgundy. Red. Red. *Red*. *Red*, Charlie boy. *Red*! Is the color of sex! Burgundy is the color of hot water bottles! Red is the color of sex and fear and danger and signs that say, Do. Not. Enter. All my favorite things in life. ~ Chiwetel Ejiofor's Character 'Lola' In "Kinky Boots"

Every day, each day is the most important day of your life. ~ Art Hochberg

It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant. ~ Jane Austen

I don't feel any need to play the role of the clown. In my private life I take a break from humor. ~ Gad Elmaleh

She would've been a good woman," said The Misfit, "if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life. ~ Flannery O'Connor

How very inconvenient his little talent could be-when it wasn't saving my life. ~ Stephanie Meyer

To be angry once in a while is really good fun, because it makes others so miserable. But to be angry morning, noon and night, as I am, grows monotonous and prevents my gaining any other pleasure in life. ~ L. Frank Baum

I think it's a brilliant tool to have, not only to have a sense of humor, but to be able to use humor to help one navigate life, and I tend not to be that type of person. I wish I were. ~ Delroy Lindo

We trust, sir, that God is on our side. It is more important to know that we are on God's side. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Looking cool on Facebook isn't worth the cost of looking a cock in real life. ~ Mark Walters

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life. ~ Lemony Snicket

Oh yeah," Zane says and smirks at me. "I had her for dinner once. Best meal of my life. ~ Nicole Christie

A little hypocrisy and a little compromise oils the wheels of social life ~ Gregory Bateson

Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be. ~ Bill Vaughan

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life. ~ Garrison Keillor

The width of neck and shoulder suggested a rugby player, the broken nose confirmed it. Which shows just how wrong you can be as he never played the game in his life. ~ Spike Milligan

In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid. ~ Terry Pratchett

The thing about growing old is that when you wake up with a new pain, you can just about count on it becoming a permanent part of your life! ~ Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Ridicule is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking everything praiseworthy in human life. ~ Joseph Addison

Out here, it's better safe than sorry, because generally speaking, too much of the time sorry means you're dead. ~ Patricia C. Wrede

You don't even live once. ~ Karl Kraus

The thing is, I was so bursting for the loo that I thought my bladder was going to explode. I could hardly speak, let alone make it up your stairs. When you threw the key down and I had to bend over to pick it up, I thought that was it, I was going to flood the road! And I'm not even exaggerating. I've never been so desperate in my life. ~ Jill Mansell

Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. ~ George Carlin

Laughter, and the broader category of humor, are key elements in helping us go on with our life after a loss. ~ Allen Klein

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ~ Steven Wright

There is a collective as well as an individual humor inclining peoples to sadness or cheerfulness, making them see things in bright or somber lights. In fact, only society can pass a collective opinion on the value of human life; for this the individual is incompetent. ~ Emile Durkheim

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. ~ William Arthur Ward

If there is a necessary talks, do not turn into businesses because pocket where business started. ~ Deh Gel

The elixir of life is a bubbling stream of laughter. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

You can hear now. Your inner ear is formed.
I shout "I love you" into the bedroom. Then I feel stupid. Then I don't. This is pretty much the story of my life. ~ Suzanne Finnamore

He bowed over her hand and kissed the knuckles. He'd never despised a glove more in his life. ~ Kristi Ann Hunter

The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life. ~ Martin Amis

This is the best night of my life," Raffy says, crying.
"Raffy, half our House has burnt down," I say wearily. "We don't have a kitchen."
"Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?" she asks. "We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets."
Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life. ~ Melina Marchetta

Life is just so much fun and so filled with humor. ~ Foster Friess

Certainly my personality, my sense of humor, my outlook on life was informed by the experiences of my parents and the stories they shared with me. ~ Geddy Lee

Here's the second joke: Two psychiatrists meet on the street and say hello. "How are you?" asks one. "Eh, not so good," says the other. "I had a stupid misunderstanding, a slip of the tongue. I was visiting my mother out at the old folks' home. We were having lunch and I asked her to pass me the salt, but instead I said, 'You fucking bitch you ruined my life. ~ David Rakoff

Jerry Seinfeld is amazing in many ways, not the least of them his ability to find humor, and convincing us to find it, too, in the million-and-two details about modern life that under different circumstances might send us into paroxysms of rage. ~ Tom Shales

You never get mad," she said when their server left the table. "Except at me."
"That's not true," he said tightly. "Torie can get me going."
"Torie doesn't count. You were obviously her mother in a previous life. ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. ~ Bill Watterson

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. ~ Robin Williams

We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. ~ Bill Watterson

After a dream like that, you're grateful that it was just a dream, that no matter how bad your actual life, it couldn't be worse than your dream life. ~ Brock Clarke

I then swept the crumbs into my palm and opened one of the empty drawers and poured them in. I was working on the theory that if I collected enough crumbs, eventually I could make my own Twix. It's good to have a purpose in life. ~ Colin Bateman

The life we've fashioned in this time is a singular one. One minute you're a child and you have no control over your life, the next you're an adult with responsibilities and no control over your life, and then you're an elder with wisdom, a wealth of experience...and no control over yourself or your life. ~ Jessa Callaver

I felt both relieved and irritated when Reva showed up, the way you'd feel if someone interrupted you in the middle of suicide. Not that what I was doing was suicide. In fact, it was the opposite of suicide. My hibernation was self-preservational. I thought it was going to save my life. ~ Ottessa Moshfegh

Love Is Like A Plant.We Give It Attention,It Grows. We Ignore It,It Dies ~ Chris J.Farah

Love is the antidote for all the fears, questions and worries that we accumulate in life. ~ Art Hochberg

I suffer from ADDAD ... Attention Deficit Doing ANYTHING Disorder!
It's where you set a goal to do certain things, then you start to do one thing, but get distracted by other things, which causes you to bounce around from thing to thing only to end up doing a lot of things with nothing to show for it!! ~ Tanya Masse

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. ~ Lily Tomlin

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. ~ Terry Pratchett

I was behind, but now I'm below. Hopefully, they'll have books wherever I go ... ~ Carmen DeSousa

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ~ Steven Wright

My life is part humor, part roses, part thorns. ~ Bret Michaels

It's your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver. ~ Betty White

I devised a sort of strategy for any sort of discussion that was over my head: I became the moderator. If you're the group's John McLaughlin, you can fake being informed while still being involved by deploying a few pointed but vague questions. If a person is holding forth and another is twitching to interrupt, jump in and ask her why she disagrees. Ask follow-up questions. Nod vigorously while saying things like 'in what sense?' or 'How, specifically?' That way, you smoothly take control of the conversation without actually contributing anything even remotely worthwhile or informative. ~ Jancee Dunn

There is something really horrific for any human being who feels he is being consumed by other people. I'm talking about a writer's critics, who don't address what you've written, but want to probe into your existence and magnify the trivia of your life without any sense of humor, without any sense of context. ~ Wole Soyinka

I don't care what it is you're doing; if you're not laughing, you're not doing it right. ~ Donna Barker

Humanism is my Religion, Good is my adoption , Bad is my Elimination, Acceptance is my Decision, Love is My Gift , Relation is my Affection ,Truth is My Strength, Help Is My Credit , Knowledge is My Treasure ~ Jagan Kumar

My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor. ~ Manuel Puig

If someone doesn't understand something twice ,then don't waste time in explaining thrice . They would have already understood that , the first time . ~ Puneet Barman

Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite. ~ Christian Morgenstern

If I had created myself, I would be taller, blond, and more well endowed, financially. I would have cast out spiders and bad-hair days. Therefore, and hence, I believe strongly in a Creator who not only gave me the gift, but the free will to create my own journey through life. ~ Audrey Conn

When humor goes, there goes civilization. ~ Erma Bombeck

If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well. ~ Alan Thicke

There are as many kinds of anger as there are of the sunsets with which they ought to end. ~ George MacDonald

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor. ~ Steven Wright

The taste of a meal is not determined by the face or physique of the cook. After all, a cooking pot has no eyes to admire or abhor the cook, even it has, they have been blinded by cooking. ~ Vincent Okay Nwachukwu

There is nothing like scrubbing toilets for a living to make you question the choices you have made in life. ~ Raegan Butcher

There's no need for fiction when we have everyday life. ~ Latasha Wakefield

I read the script and decide if a particular character looks fun to play. I look for complexity and a sense of humor. Those are crucial, real things to life. ~ Steve Buscemi

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

I don't hate you, you're just the most annoying person in my life. ~ Rebecca Sparrow

Real motherhood is different. It's better and it's messier and it's more complicated. It will break your heart and make you laugh harder than you ever imagined. You find yourself alternating between feeling like your friends talked you into some sort of pyramid scheme so you could share in their misery and thinking this is the most fulfilling thing you've ever done in your life. ~ Melanie Shankle

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life. ~ Ray Romano

CALVIN:
Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?
When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it's funny.
Don't you think it's odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?
HOBBES:
I suppose if we couldn't laugh at the things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life. ~ Bill Watterson

The stairs were certainly steep; and in those days, when they could rarely see their own feet, women were always falling; it was a commonplace of domestic life. ~ John Fowles

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life? ~ Nicki Elson

I think shows that are completely dramatic are a lie. People use humor to cope. That is how we deal with things. In the darkest situations, there's humor. And if you don't show that, you're not being true to real life. ~ Jenji Kohan

It is better to get F on paper than in life ~ Sekoni Kalechi Sullivan

Minus the Tresses..the World seems 100 grams lighter!! :-) ~ Abha Maryada Banerjee

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life. ~ Terry Pratchett

( ... )best of luck, avoid roasted cabbage, don't eat earwax, and look on the bright side of life! ~ Christopher Paolini

Who enjoys life more? Well to start with, definitely the Living ~ Josh Stern

A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. ~ George Carlin

Life is an adventure! So live it up! ~ L.M. Preston

Write your dream obituary and live that life! ~ Tami Holzman

People in real life don't get ballplayers' humor, the way we talk in the clubhouse. ~ Justin Verlander