Work Humor Quotes

Flogging will continue until morale improves. ~ Julie Klassen

Without humor, I cannot go on and I doubt many of my readers would go on either. Humor is so important. I am here to have fun here with my work. ~ Gary Shteyngart

Have you thought about studying psychology, Kyle?" he asked.
"I plan to get my PhD in that. To get my PhD in art history just seems so ... useless. I study art and its history every second of every day. I mean, when you think about it ... I'm art history in the making. But a PhD in psychology would allow me to understand my enemies so I can destroy them and their careers before they get in my way."
Cherise leaned over and whispered in Coop's ear, "If he starts wondering about the taste of human flesh, you do understand we will have to stop him before his murder spree begins?"
"I'm more worried," Cooper whispered back, "that he'll become ruling overlord of the universe and we'll have to find some kind of magic sword if we hope to destroy him."
They both shuddered and returned to their work. ~ Shelly Laurenston

We've come here to totally individualize, and yet, we're totally connected to everyone else. How does that work? ~ Art Hochberg

The President has a wonderful sense of humor, which is one of the reasons it is so much fun to work for him. ~ Karen Hughes

Humor, humility, and, of course, honesty, all are qualities that work in public and cultural diplomacy. ~ Cynthia P. Schneider

There is no time – everything's going on at the same time. How does that work? ~ Art Hochberg

MacMillian groaned again, and sat up. "Clients?"
"Yeah. You know, people who'll give us money in exchange for work. ~ Laura Oliva

In rough times, pathfinders rely on work, friends, humor and prayer. They develop a support network. ~ Gail Sheehy

Saturday, December 12, 8 p.m., the Loft
I WILL PASS ALGEBRA THIS SEMESTER, and NOTHING IS GOING TO DISTRACT ME FROM STUDYING FOR THE FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, December 12, 9 p.m., the Loft
I just had to go out and see the part where Bruce Willis throws the explosives down the elevator shaft, but now I am back to work. ~ Meg Cabot

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ~ Steven Wright

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work. ~ Calvin Trillin

They said, "You know, this issue doesn't seem to resignate with the people." And I said, you know something? Whether it resignates or not doesn't matter to me, because I stand for doing what's the right thing, and what the right thing is hearing the voices of people who work. ~ George W. Bush

I manage through a sense of humor. We all work hard, and work has to be a really interesting, fun place. And that has to start at the top. ~ Carol Bartz

Kate Hudson's entire career exists because people who fall in love sometimes tell lies about where they work. ~ Caroline Kepnes

Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work. ~ Lewis Black

There is something sinister about putting a leprechaun in a workhouse. The only solid comfort is that he certainly will not work. ~ G.K. Chesterton

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work. ~ Brandon Mull

When it comes to the subject it's best to understand that
white people do not recognize public transit as a viable option until a subway line is built that runs directly from their house to their work. ~ Christian Lander

This particular argument was pleasanter than most, because the person setting me straight was a pretty seventeen-year-old girl, a college sophomore, and it was no strain to smile at her with good humor as she went about her work. ~ Herman Wouk

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. ~ William Zinsser

You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's only some bugger with a torch bringing you more work. ~ David Brent

In the household in which I was raised, the themes were pretty simple. 'Work hard. Don't quit. Be appreciative, be thankful, be grateful, be respectful. Also, never whine, never complain. And always, for crying out loud, keep a sense of humor.' ~ Michael Keaton

I love Paul O'Neill, but you could not pay me enough to work for him again" one official told me. "the man has never encountered an answer he can't turn into another twenty hours of work. ~ Charles Duhigg

I know lots of things you don't"
"Name five."
"The Grand Unification Theory, tax law, binary, the capital of Azerbailan, and how tractors work. ~ Daniel Nayeri

The things we do to eat! Running from scorpions the size of small dogs, dodging 10 foot long rattlesnakes and squashing monster spiders - all in a days work ~ Gail Saunders-Smith

With reporting, if you work hard, you can usually pull something out. But writing humor doesn't respond to working hard, necessarily. I mean, you could just sit there and look at the page all day and maybe something will come. ~ Ian Frazier

I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it. ~ Jasper Johns

Labor is a man crowning glory."
"Not this man's."
"I quote Marx"
I raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough.
"I quote blisters. ~ John Fowles

People are like bees. They're all workers who could be queens, with the right stuff, but once a queen-making has begun, it can't be reversed. A bee that's half way a queen can't turn back into a worker. She'd starve. She must keep growing and then she must leave. ~ Natasha Pulley

No, I was just trying to burn a hole in the side of your face with my laser vision. It didn't work. ~ H.M. Ward

I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way. ~ John Zorn

Humor's always been the problem of my work, hasn't it? When working, I feel satisfied when I surprise myself. And when I surprise myself, I wind up laughing. ~ Kara Walker

All a publisher has to do is write cheques at intervals, while a lot of deserving and industrious chappies rally round and do the real work. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

Have you tried talking to her?"
"No. We've been punching her in the face repeatedly. What? You don't think that will work? ~ Cassandra Clare

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose. ~ Fred Allen

I know how it works, I just need to figure out how to make it work. ~ Dilip Jain

I never worry about people not taking my work seriously as a result of the humor. In the end, the comic's best trick is the illusion that comedy is effortless. That people imagine what he's doing is easy is an occupational hazard. ~ Richard Russo

Look there are going to be, there are already adjustment processes in place but the point is that you'll actually make them work and get satisfactory outcomes if there's decent burden sharing along the way. If there's, if you like a proper transitional assistance. ~ John Anderson

True salvation is wholly a work of God. It is said to be both a finished work and a gift, and, therefore, it lays no obligation upon the saved one to complete it himself, or to make after payments of service for it. ~ Lewis Sperry Chafer

Everyone is born with the nimit (karmic evidentiary instruments). I too, am born with nimit. With this body, so and so number of tasks [work] will be done by him, such is the nimit! ~ Dada Bhagwan

Sons, any man who is considered a success in life owes a lot to society. We have been very blessed, my dear sons. We have to show our appreciation to our society for making that possible. A time will come when you will meet other Kamerunians who share the same vision for this land. I am advising you to make them partners in our common goals when that time comes. We shouldn't shy away from playing a formidable role in financing that political force that shall emerge. We must use our influence to ensure that it succeeds. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

He'll be successful, finally, this coming Sunday, at the modest ceremony to be held in the living room. It's all so clear. Tyler will write a beautiful, meaningful song. Barrett will find a love that abides, and work that matters. And Liz. Liz will tire of boys, tire of her resolution to grow into a tough, colorful old woman who lives defiantly alone. ~ Michael Cunningham

Guy between boyfriends #6 and #7
Paul Diaz, Twenty-Something
He was in her watercolor class, so cute and the sweet kind of shy. They obviously clicked, the attraction thrilling between them, inspiring her to relish the infatuation freshman-style and write his name in her notebook in curvy, flowery script. She gave him openings but guessed he was too timid to ask her out. The day after finals, she ran into him at the deli on campus and thought she had nothing to lose.
"My work is having this fancy dinner party next weekend, the food's supposed to be great. Would you like to go with me?"
"Oh, uh, maybe, I'll have to check," he said. Then, "What was your name again?"
There's always something to lose. ~ Shannon Hale

I fight with love and i laugh with rage ... you gotta live light enough to see the humor, and long enough to see some change ... ~ Ani DiFranco

If I should die, and you should choose to carry on my work, you are welcome to visit my grave. Pour some water on it and shout three times. I want to hear your voice. ~ Malalai Joya

I famously had a huge television producer say to me one time, 'Can you please stop doing that to your face? It's very distracting and unattractive.' And I was like, 'You mean move it? Okay, sorry, I guess we're not going to work together.' ~ Katee Sackhoff

To a clear eye the smallest fact is a window through which the infinite may be seen. ~ Thomas Henry Huxley

Patience; accomplish thy labor; accomplish thy work of affection! Sorrow and silence are strong, and patient endurance is godlike. Therefore accomplish thy labor of love, till the heart is made godlike, Purified, strengthened, perfected, and rendered more worthy of heaven! ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I lost a Tony award to Broadway legend Audra McDonald when I was twelve so I've been a bitter bitch since before my first period. ~ Anna Kendrick

I know you enjoy coffee, I´d offer you some. But, the last time I got you coffee, it didn´t work out so well for me."
Tony smirked, "God, Claire you´re something else. I can´t imagine anyone else joking about that."
"Well, see, you misinterpreted. I wasn´t joking. I´m actually still pissed as hell. ~ Aleatha Romig

In spite of myself, I gave a snort. Just once, I'd like to hear a simple, straightforward prophecy. ~ Cameron Dokey

You should be ready to take advantage of all the opportunities that arise. Accept every invitation. Follow each whim. Some will work out, others won't. But don't give up. ~ Joanne Guidoccio

144461I know very little having to do with human beings that doesn't also have to do with connection. We want to be noticed, we want to be good enough, we want friends, and we want to be loved. We want our place to stand. ~ Chris Crutcher

Lady, you have the wrong number. Our cat isn't even in the hospital. He doesn't want pajamas. ~ Jenny Lawson

And don't call me 'my lord.' That's what servants do. You're my fiancée, remember?" He sounded irritated. "I'll call you Maria, and you should probably call me by my Christian name-Oliver."
An unusual name for an English lord. "Where you named after the playwright, Oliver Goldsmith?"
"Alas, no. I was named after the Puritan, Oliver Cromwell."
"You're joking."
"Afraid not. My father thought it amusing, considering his own…er…tendency toward debauchery."
Lord help her, the man's very name was a jab at respectability. Meanwhile, his estate could probably hold the entire town of Dartmouth!
A sudden panic seized her. How could she pretend to be the fiancée of a man who owned a house like that?
"I was named after King Frederick," Freddy put in.
"Which one?" asked Lord Stoneville. Oliver.
"There's more than one?" Freddy asked.
"There's at least ten," the marquess said dryly.
Freddy knit his brow. "I'm not sure which one."
When humor glinted in Oliver's eyes, Maria said, "I think Aunt Rose was aiming for a generally royal-sounding name."
"That's it," Freddy put in. "Just a King Frederick in general."
"I see," Oliver said solemnly, though his lips had a decided twitch. His gaze flicked to her. "What about you? Which Maria are you named after?"
"The Virgin Mary, of course," Freddy said.
"Of course," Oliver said, eyes gleaming. "I should have known."
"We're Catholic," Freddy added.
"My mother was C ~ Sabrina Jeffries

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic. ~ Jim Norton

Liz pasted on a smile, trying to appear normal in light of the fact that he had possibly incriminating knowledge on her from the background check. She hoped her application for a marriage license with Craig wasn't in the report. Or her long shopping record for organization systems from The Container Store. Or her many Internet searches for breeds of nonshedding dogs (she was waiting for the house with a yard before getting one). Or her long-time obsession with new cleaning products. ~ Kylie Gilmore

Love sharpens intelligence, fear dulls it. Who wants you to be intelligent? Not those who are in power. How can they want you to be intelligent? - because if you are intelligent you will start seeing the whole strategy, their games. They want you to be stupid and mediocre. They certainly want you to be efficient as far as work is concerned, but not intelligent; hence humanity lives at the lowest, at the minimum of its potential. ~ Osho

In all my documentaries I did all the camera work, but in fiction I didn't want to do it myself. I think the machinery is so heavy and demanding that you would leave the actors alone for a long time. ~ Pirjo Honkasalo

For many years before I met Maharajji I was searching, going here and there, studying this and that. I began following strict yogic codes - brahmacharya, 3:00 A.M. risings, cold baths, asanas, and dhyan. It was during a period when I had given up coffee and tea that I met Maharajji. Tea was being offered to all of us, and I didn't know what to do. I said nothing but did not accept a cup of tea, and Maharajji leaned over to me, saying, "Won't you take tea? Take tea! You should drink the tea. It's good for you in this weather! Take tea!" So I drank the tea. With that one cup of tea, all those strict disciplines and schedules were washed away! They seemed meaningless and unnecessary; the true work seemed beyond these things. Now I do whatever comes of itself. ~ Ram Dass

And also ... well ... i told them I want to get an apartment with him next year rather than live in the dorms."
What'd they say?"
Over their dead bodies."
What did you say?"
I asked whether they wanted to be burie or cremated. ~ Carolyn Mackler

Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time. ~ Neil Gaiman

The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure. ~ Francoise Bertaut De Motteville

My day's work will begin again the next morning. The tomb is not a blind alley. ~ Victor Hugo

I don't believe in sharing my money. If I go out and work my nuts off and make some money, I don't feel that I should have to share it with my community. ~ Gary Numan

Work on.
Work as if every time you started with and every time you finish. ~ Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch

I couldn't sustain myself if I skimped on food - I work 16-hour days, I need the energy, I can't afford to be stingy on what I eat. ~ Freema Agyeman

For knowledge, great knowledge, may be obtained in the mysteries of the gospel, without any work of grace in the soul. You see, even if a man has all knowledge, he may still be nothing, and so, consequently, not be a child of God. ~ John Bunyan

I like to work on New Year's Eve. It has a nice spirit; a nice feel about it. If you are all about the 'year-end' thing at all, then laughing with fellow human beings is a great way to start the new year. ~ Paula Poundstone

It can be liberating to get fired because you realize the world doesn't end. There's other ways to make money, better jobs. ~ Ron Livingston

- When we feel well after carrying out a certain task. Consequently, everything which causes us to lose our enthusiasm and self respect, is harmful; even if it means power, money or success. I have seen so many people suffocated by success, making mistakes which ended up destroying years of work, yielding to heavy drinking, becoming aggressive, tough, bitter. These people are distant from themselves, and distant from others. ~ Paulo Coelho

Writing poetry's,' I looked around the solarium, but Madame Crommelynck's got a tractor beam, 'sort of . . . gay.'
'"Gay"? A merry activity?'
This was hopeless. 'Writing poems is . . . what creeps and poofters do.'
'So are you one of these „creeps"?
'No.'
'Then you are a „pooof-ter", whatever one is?'
'No!'
'Then your logic is eluding me. ~ David Mitchell

Religion should lay more emphasis on our relationship with people ~ Sunday Adelaja

I just feel like it's so amazing every few years when I'm not making a film to act and basically go back to film school and just watch other filmmakers work and try to be a part of somebody else's vision. So I feel like you do use two very different parts of your brain, and it's great to be able to jump back and forth. ~ Sarah Polley

Luchese lit his cigar and pushed up the sleeves of his jacket as if preparing for work. Bring it on, fuckface, James thought. It was hard to take seriously a man that wasn't smart enough to just take the damn jacket off. ~ Genevieve Dewey

Maybe I'm too jumpy, too untrusting. The thing is, once something bad happens, there's no way to undo it. There's no erase button on life. I can't just click the delete key and start over. ~ H.M. Ward

Forget socialism, capitalism, just-in-time deliveries, salary surveys, and the rest ... concentrate on building organizations that accomplish that most difficult of all challenges: to make people look forward to coming to work in the morning. ~ Ricardo Semler

All you leave the world is what you've done. No one will ever know the conditions, the comments, the pressures. Only the work remains. ~ Arnold Friberg

All right. And if any of you get hurt I'm going to be really mad. I sleep with a Glock next to my bed so don't think I'm joking. I will shoot you if you don't make sure Gibson gets back here safely ~ Lauren Dane

If you've got more ambiguous characters or stock stereotypes, the plastic comes through and they don't work as well. ~ Bill Watterson

I've worked with a ginormous number of people over the years. What happens when you've been around for a while, when you run into people whose work you've seen and liked and they have seen and liked your work, there's a sense of you kind of know each other even though you don't. ~ Richard Masur