Happy 40th Birthday Funny Quotes

A friendship counting nearly forty years is the finest kind of shade-tree I know. ~ James Russell Lowell

This wine is forty years old. It certainly doesn't show its age. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Men at forty Learn to close softly The doors to rooms they will not be Coming back to. ~ Donald Justice

So OK, it's your special big Four-O birthday But don't expect me to be obsequious and fawning You, being you, can't possibly be a good example So do try, at least, to serve as a warning ~ John Walter Bratton

Throw all caution to the wind, today, on your 40th
No need to have wisdom and sage
But tomorrow, as you start your 5th decade
Do try to act more your age ~ John Walter Bratton

Funny, but after trading for more than 15 years, I still am capable of forgetting a cardinal rule: The paper you own, in the end, will be intertwined with the fate of the 30-year bond. ~ Jim Cramer

If you survive long enough, you're revered-rather like an old building. ~ Katharine Hepburn

By your 40s, you don't want to be with the cool people; you want to be with your people. ~ Pamela Druckerman

I would say a magical thing happened on when the big 40th birthday came. I felt like a light kind of just went off, and maybe that's because I felt like at 40 I had the right to say and be who I wanted to be, say what I wanted to say, and accept what I didn't want to accept. ~ Halle Berry

Very early, I knew that the only object in life was to grow. ~ Margaret Fuller

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. ~ Wendy Liebman

Funny story: I was hanging out with Adam Shankman for Samantha Ronson's birthday, and Lance Bass was there. I don't really know Lance, but he comes over to me and goes, 'Hey, I just wanted to let you know I'm a fan of 'Pretty Little Liars' and I'm rooting for your character.' It was surreal! That's how 'PLL' has changed my life. ~ Ryan Guzman

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. ~ Mitch Hedberg

One quick glance around the room and I realise that I have somehow stumbled into a wannabe serial killer convention. Every single person in the room looks as if they are concealing a weapon of some sort. My heart thuds rapidly in my chest as I sneak past an elderly man who grins lecherously at me, flashing his gold tooth.

Oh dear God, I'm going to die!
First, I get dumped – on my birthday no less – and now I'm going to get knifed in some seedy bar! ~ Joanne McClean

At times is it seems that I am living my life backward, and that at the approach of old age my real youth will begin. My soul was born covered with wrinkles. Wrinkles my ancestors and parents most assiduously put there and that I had the greatest trouble removing. ~ Andre Gide

My faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. ~ Mark Twain

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!" ~ Jimmy Carr

I hope I'm not disturbing anything," he said with a smile.
"Just considering what birthday games Whyborne will be missing out on thanks to this wretched idea of the director's," she replied cheerfully. "I've gotten to Blind Man's Duff."
Griffin laughed. "How about Pin the Tail on -"
"Would you two stop? ~ Jordan L. Hawk

When I turned 18, I skipped my party to take my girlfriend on a road trip. It turned out to be an amazing birthday. ~ Josh Hartnett

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ~ George Burns

As it's your 40th birthday
This, we'd like to say
May you be bathed in goodness, happiness and sunshineness
On this, your special day. ~ John Walter Bratton

Sending someone all of the possible birthday party emoji is extra festive: great! But sending someone all of the possible phallic emoji (say, the eggplant and the cucumber and the corncob and the banana) is NOT extra sexxaayy: that's a weird salad. ~ Gretchen McCulloch

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday. ~ Andy Borowitz

Old age is not for sissies. ~ Malcolm Forbes

A man who views the world the same ... ~ Muhammad Ali

My husband and I were born three weeks apart, and our plan had always been to throw a joint party for our 40th birthdays. ~ Deborah Copaken Kogan

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too - a hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount. ~ Dora J. Arod

All the girls joined in.
'I was thirteen last April and it rained on my birthday and I didn't even get to wear anything special -'
'We turned ten - just two months ago -'
'I usually get a book for my birthday - but - this year -'
'You forgot my birthday, too.'
'And mine.'
The girls looked miserable. The King opened his mouth, then shut it.
'Sir!' whined Lord Teddie. 'You forgot my birthday, too!'
Bramble gave a surprised laugh, then slapped her hand over her mouth, as though shocked at letting it out. The tension broke. The girls laughed sheepishly, and Lord Teddie beamed. He probably did not have many ladies think him funny. ~ Heather Dixon

Art is dead.
Art is dead.
Art is dead.
Art is dead.

Entertainers like to seem complicated
But we're not complicated
I can explain it pretty easily

Have you ever been to a birthday
Party for children?
And one of the children won't stop screaming
'Cause he's just a little
Attention attractor

When he grows up
To be a comic or actor
He'll be rewarded for never maturing
For never under-
Standing or learning

That every day
Can't be about him
There's other people
You selfish asshole

I must be psychotic
I must be demented
To think that I'm worthy
Of all this attention

Of all of this money, you worked really hard for
I slept in late while you worked at the drug store
My drug's attention, I am an addict
But I get paid to indulge in my habit
It's all an illusion, I'm wearing make-up, I'm
wearing make-up
Make-up, make-up, make-up, make...

Art is dead
So people think you're funny, how do we get those
people's money?
I said art is dead
We're rolling in dough, while Carlin rolls in his grave
His grave, his grave

The show has got a budget
The show has got a budget
And all the poor people way more deserving of the
money
Won't budge it

'Cause I wanted my name in lights
When I could have fed a family of four
For forty ~ Bo Burnham

Be wise with speed; a fool at forty is a fool indeed. ~ Edward Young

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet. ~ Robert Orben

Isn't it so weird how the number of dead people is increasing even though the earth stays the same size, so that one day there isn't going to be room to bury anyone anymore? For my ninth birthday last year, Grandma gave me a subscription to National Geographic, which she calls "the National Geographic." She also gave me a white blazer, because I only wear white clothes, and it's too big to wear so it will last me a long time. She also gave me Grandpa's camera, which I loved for two reasons. I asked why he didn't take it with him when he left her. She said, "Maybe he wanted you to have it."
I said, "But I was negative-thirty years old." She said, "Still." Anyway, the fascinating thing was that I read in National Geographic that there are more people alive now than have died in all of human history. In other words, if everyone wanted to play Hamlet at once, they couldn't, because there aren't enough skulls! ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. ~ Will Rogers

You're not doing well and finally I don't have to
pretend to be so interested in your on going tragedy,

but

I'll rob the bank that gave you the impression that
money is more fruitful than words, and
I'll cut holes in the ozone if it means you have one less day of rain.
I'll walk you to the hospital,
I'll wait in a white room that reeks of hand sanitizer and latex for the results from the MRI scan that tries to
locate the malady that keeps your mind guessing, and
I want to write you a poem every day until my hand breaks
and assure you that you'll find your place,
it's just
the world has a funny way of
hiding spots fertile enough for
bodies like yours to grow roots.

and

I miss you like a dart hits the iris of a bullseye,
or a train ticket screams 4:30 at 4:47, I
wanted to tell you that it's my birthday on Thursday
and I would have wanted you to
give me the gift of your guts on the floor, one last time,
to see if you still had it in you.

I hope our ghosts aren't eating you alive.
If I'm to speak for myself, I'll tell you that
the universe is twice as big as we think it is
and you're the only one that made that idea
less devastating. ~ Lucas Regazzi

There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important. ~ Franklin Pierce Adams

I was looking for something within Judaism that had a spiritual nature and not just a religious nature. So my trainer at the time was the one who took me to the Kabbalah center on my 40th birthday. I was like, "Oh, this is so cool." I was just ready for it. I was ready for something different. ~ Sandra Bernhard

Hermione made purple and gold streamers erupt from the end of her wand and drape themselves artistically over the trees and bushes.
"Nice," said Ron, as with one final flourish of her wand, Hermione turned the leaves on the crabapple tree to gold. "You've really got an eye for that sort of thing."
"Thank you, Ron!" said Hermione, looking both pleased and a little confused. Harry turned away, smiling to himself. He had a funny notion that he would find a chapter on compliments when he found time to peruse his copy of Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches; he caught Ginny's eye and grinned at her before remembering his promise to Ron and hurriedly striking up a conversation with Monsieur Delacour.
"Out of the way, out of the way!" sang Mrs. Weasley, coming through the gate with what appeared to be a giant, beach-ball-sized Snitch floating in front of her. Seconds later Harry realized that it was his birthday cake, which Mrs. Weasley was suspending with her wand, rather than risk carrying it over the uneven ground. When the cake had finally landed in the middle of the table, Harry said,
"That looks amazing, Mrs. Weasley."
"Oh, it's nothing, dear," she said fondly. Over her shoulder, Ron gave Harry the thumbs-up and mouthed, Good one. ~ J.K. Rowling

Be pleased to look forward,
And pleased to look behind,
Count today, your 40th, and each birthday
With a grateful mind. ~ John Walter Bratton

We grow neither better or worse as we get old, but more like ourselves. ~ Bernard Baruch

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier ... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. ~ Steven Wright

Mum loves me being famous! She is so excited and proud, as she had me so young and couldn't support me, so I am living her dream, it's sweeter for both of us. It's her 40th birthday soon and I'm going to buy her 40 presents. ~ Adele

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. ~ P. J. O'Rourke