Joanne McClean Quotes

One quick glance around the room and I realise that I have somehow stumbled into a wannabe serial killer convention. Every single person in the room looks as if they are concealing a weapon of some sort. My heart thuds rapidly in my chest as I sneak past an elderly man who grins lecherously at me, flashing his gold tooth.

Oh dear God, I'm going to die!
First, I get dumped – on my birthday no less – and now I'm going to get knifed in some seedy bar!

Damn, the girl is all red hair and a whole lot of flair!

I eye the karaoke machine in alarm.
Shit. I'm going to need a shot.
"Let's do Ssssummer Nightsssss! I jusssst love Greasssse!"
Scratch that … I'm going to need a shitload of alcohol before I even think about singing!
I turn to Mavis. "Give me everything you've got. If I'm going to sing a 'Grease' song, I'm not going to do it sober!

He looked at me intently before speaking. "Why do you do that?"
I frowned at him. "Do what?"
"Push everyone away." Danny told me simply.
I was a little stunned and when I didn't say anything, Danny continued on.
"Darcie, what are you so afraid of? Why do you shut people out?" He looked at me searchingly.
"Because it's easier that way!" I yelled at him suddenly and he looked taken aback.
I took a deep breath to calm down and added, "And I don't like feeling vulnerable."
Danny stared at me. "Being vulnerable is nothing to be ashamed of Darcie …it's what makes us human."
I shook my head furiously. "No! Being vulnerable makes you weak – just like every other emotion … if you allow yourself to care, you only end up getting hurt."
Danny threw me a consoling look. "But there's nothing wrong with caring –"
"No!" I interrupted angrily. "I don't want to care! You only end up getting hurt … and it hurts so bad that you can't breathe. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to feel at all! It's just easier to shut everyone out … if you don't care about them – you won't get hurt!

First off, what the hell kind of name is that?
Wow, her parents were pretentious naming their daughter Temperance!
What the actual fuck?

Come on Nerd Girl, tonight I educate on the delights of binge-drinking, flirting and drunken dancing.

I smiled at him, "It's okay, boys can be dumb."
Alex smirked, "Yeah, and girls can drive you crazy.

What is life if you don't have a dream to chase?

Darlin', I've heard all about fifty shades of grey but I never knew there were fifty shades of denim!

Ah, shit. She's been crying. This is not good.
I swear to God, a girl crying is fucking blackmail. It just makes you feel so damn guilty – no matter if you've done anything wrong or not – and have the bizarre urge to make her feel better.

I watch as she quickly grabs her dress and then suddenly pulls off my t-shirt, leaving her standing in her underwear.
Shit! What the hell?
A bit of warning would have been nice.
What is she thinking stripping off in front of someone she thinks she doesn't know?
Wait.
Damn, she looks hot.
Shit.
Stop staring!
Look away!
Look away or she'll think you're a creep!

Shit. Is this a good idea?
I'm a lawyer for Christ's sake.
I look at Lorelai and she looks so happy that I don't care anymore.
Screw it! If she wants to vandalise this prick's car, I'm game.
I can come up with an alibi for us both later ...

Danny looked stunned. "But what about the people who care about you?"
I shook my head. "They shouldn't waste their time … I'm not gonna change. I can't be fixed Danny!"
I wiped ferociously at the tears that were falling down my cheeks and threw him a challenging look.
"I'm not trying to fix you Darcie." Danny told me softly, his eyes boring into mine. "But you have to realise that everyone's a little bit broken and all they need is someone to help fill in the holes and cracks – that's all.

I awake to hear a shower running and quickly stifle a groan.
Oh God, my head hurts!
How much did I have to drink last night?
I slowly prise open one eye and quickly close it again, the light hurts my delicate hung-over state too much.
I sigh heavily and try to recall what exactly happened last night.

Crap. What do I say?
"Hi, I followed you here."
Yeah, that's not super creepy and stalkerish at all.
Nope, time for plan B.

So, I turn on the charm and ask ¿Cuánto cuesta pene?
Pretty impressive, right?
Wrong.
What I should have said was ¿Cuánto cuesta ese peine?
So, now you're probably wondering what I did ask her.
Well, when I said that, she threw me this really dirty look and chased me out of the shop.
So, I looked it up … I asked her the price of my … let's just say male anatomy part.

He throws me a wide grin. "Ooh, calmed down then, have we? I must say, your death threats are quite refreshing – they're a nice little step up from telling me to get my head out of my ass."
I shoot him daggers. "Bite me."
"Wow, I had no idea you were into that shit." he quips with a wicked grin.
"And I had no idea that you could reach a new level of asshole.

Yeah, well there's also a word for someone like you ... womaniser.

Fuck. I know we're both pretty liquored up but neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.

Lorelai pulls me in closer and I feel her hair brush the side of my face.
Huh, she smells like bubblegum and oranges.
Wait. What the hell?
Oh great! I'm actually sniffing her hair now.
Yeah, that's not super creepy at all!
Time to dial back the crazy.
It would be wrong to make a move, remember?
The song ends and suddenly The Ronettes' 'Be My Baby' starts to play.
"Ah! I loooove thissss!" Lorelai declares as she grabs me and starts gyrating up and down.
It's wrong to make a move. It's wrong to make a move. It's wrong to make a move.
Oh God …

How are you feeling Sweet Peach?" he enquires as he walks across to the chest of drawers, selects a pair of socks and pulls them on.
Sweet Peach? What the hell?
He's definitely gay ...
I shrug. "Er ... okay, I guess. I really don't remember much though. How did I get here ... and why am I wearing your t-shirt?" I ask hesitantly, afraid of the answer.
Hagen laughs nervously. "I brought you home when you couldn't tell me where you lived. And don't worry, you got changed all by yourself ... in the kitchen ... for like an hour.

Your greatest enemy is your own relection

Reading feeds the soul, writing nourishes it!

Don't worry girls ... I have the bladder of a camel ...

I find him cracking open a beer in the kitchen.
Jeez, doesn't the guy know the dangers of alcohol poisoning?

EvieS89: Maybe she's lonely and just wants a friend! ;-)
CharlieBoy88: No! Trust me, the chick is nuts! Lol! ;-)
EvieS89: *shakes head* Don't be mean!
CharlieBoy88: I'm not! I tried to be nice and have a conversation with her and all she did was sniff around me and ask me what type of tree I would be ...
EvieS89: *falls off chair laughing*
I ... .
*laughs some more*
I ... . oh man ... .
CharlieBoy88: I mean seriously ... WTH?!?