Funny Football Quotes

In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Germany are a very difficult team to play ... they have eleven internationals out there today. ~ Steve Lomas

All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed. ~ Mitchell Thomas

That was in the past - we're in the future now. ~ David Beckham

I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body. ~ Dave Barry

There's no in between-you're either good or bad. We were in between. ~ Gary Lineker

One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best. ~ Alan Shearer

People say I'll be drafted in the first round, maybe even higher. ~ Craig Heyward

It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson. ~ Gordon Strachan

Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer. ~ Frankie Boyle

You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team. ~ Eric Cantona

I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock. ~ Barry Venison

I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd. ~ Johnny Giles

Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl. ~ Bill Peterson

I'm as happy as I can be-but I have been happier. ~ Ugo Ehiogu

If God had wanted us to play football in the sky, He'd have put grass up there. ~ Brian Clough

Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it. ~ Woody Hayes

I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet. ~ David Beckham

If you cut Jamie Carragher open, he'll bleed red. ~ Clive Tyldesley

Interviewer: Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player? Beckham: Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side. ~ David Beckham

When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time. ~ Max McGee

Sometimes in football you have to score goals. ~ Thierry Henry

That was liquid football ~ Steve Coogan

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on. ~ John Lambie

I know enough football to know that's funny! ~ Gabriel Iglesias

Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo. ~ Tony Kornheiser

We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion. ~ David Beckham

I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way. ~ Ron Atkinson

I tried it 100 or a million times it couldn't happen again. If I could, I would have carried on playing. ~ Alex Ferguson

I never make predictions and I never will. ~ Paul Gascoigne

I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL. ~ Steve Henderson

The funny thing is, I really feel it if I don't run. I start getting sluggish, and I feel like I need to do it. That's how I know that the workouts are working - I miss them if I don't have them. ~ Kai Ryssdal

Yeah, it's funny, working on a show with as large a cast as we have here, your work gets sort of compartmentalized. There's still about half the cast that I've never had a scene with but I have missed working with Terry. ~ Michael Emerson

Funny how the illusion of safety can make us careless. ~ Christopher Moore

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.' ~ Eugene Mirman

I'm conflicted. On one hand, I want to stay in and catch up on The Vampire Diaries, but there's this really awesome restaurant I've been wanting to try out. ~ Jessica Sorensen

There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that. ~ Harold Robbins

I try to be passionate about every aspect of my life, how I love my wife, how I serve my wife, how I serve God. In the same way, I try to be passionate about football. I try to serve my coaches with passion. I try to serve my teammates with passion. I try to serve God, through football, with passion. ~ Troy Polamalu

The sky already fell. Now what? ~ Steven Wright

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? ~ Steven Wright

Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I'm insane. You're crazy. Maybe that's why. We just make crazy together. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Todd's mother had several children by different fathers, and Todd [Willingham] had been abandoned in California ... He's a good-looking man. He was a witty man, you know? Funny, caring. He wasn't arrogant, but he was kind of set in his ways. If he thought something, it was one way. You could show him an alternative, but he was still going to stick by his particular view. But I could see how to women he could be a very charming, good-looking guy, especially when he was younger. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

It's funny how much of childhood is about proximity. Like who your best friend is is directly correlated to how close your houses are; who you sit next to in music is all about how close your names are in the alphabet. Such a game of chance. ~ Jenny Han

It's great to have atmosphere at the stadium, but football is all about the players. ~ Isco

I was brought here [New Orleans] for a reason. I feel like I can make a tremendous impact, not only with the team but in the community. ~ Drew Brees

Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic?
"Actually," replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that. ~ Cassandra Clare

It is hard being a football loather, a football unfan. I sometimes feel as lonely as the sole survivor in the last reel of a Zombie film, as, one by one, old friends reveal themselves, with their glassy stares and outstretched arms, to have succumbed to the lure. ~ Craig Brown

Romance is such a funny term.
Funny as in, "I have a fake body part. Guess what it is. ~ Chelsea Martin

An independent Brooklyn probably would have built a new stadium for the Dodgers, so today there might be not just baseball but also the only football team on this side of the Hudson. ~ Pete Hamill

My grandmothers are Irish-American and German-American; my grandfather is from the Caribbean. My father is African-American. My family looked funny. I just started naturally imitating whoever I was talking to. I didn't want to be a phony, but I felt very authentic in the moment. ~ Sarah Jones

I am endlessly fascinated that playing football is considered a training ground for leadership, but raising children isn't. ~ Dee Dee Myers

He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.
"That's it?"
He looked up. "Sorry?"
"Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town."
"It's got a car alarm."
"Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?"
"No. It's a pretty good car alarm. ~ Derek Landy

I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny to me. ~ Greg Kinnear

Foley looks like an un-made bed. ~ Jerry Lawler

It was our worst-ever day, the worst result in my history, ever. Even as a player I don't think I ever lost 6-1. ~ Alex Ferguson

If I had to pick another career, I'd be an optometrist for potatoes. That's where the money is. ~ Peter Wisan

What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes. ~ Samuel Beckett

I try to play the stiff, as much as I can, and play it dry, which is sometimes hard for me. My problem with comedy is to want to clown it up, but she's the funny one. Those are her jokes, not mine. For me, it's a lot of not doing anything. I just don't want to muck it up. ~ John Cho

Did we miss out on a lot of targets? No. Was it disappointing? No. ~ David Moyes

To use the old jailhouse term and not the modern rock and roll one, a punk's question. ~ Adrian Barnes

You're taking a nap? Come on, Kate, I need you for this fight. Stop lying around."
"You must think you're funny."
"Just saying, you have to pull your own weight. A hot body and flirting will only get you so far."
"Everything I do, I learned from you, boy toy."
"Boy toy?" Curran asked.
"Would you prefer man candy? ~ Ilona Andrews