Jerry Lawler Quotes

If Mark Henry was the Titanic, the iceberg would've sank!

The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.

It's not often that you see a smile on the face of the Viper, but it actually looks good on there.

I've seen a lot of real out-of-line attitudes since I have been in the WWF and those people are still there or are getting a second or third chance or something like that.

If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert.

You know what they say in Arkansas ... manure happens.

Her, Me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the same thing, you don't need one of them.

How could Triple H EVER be mad, how could he EVER have a bad day? How would you like to be married to her?! Wake up in a wonderful mood every morning. I mean, look at that!

Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.

We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to.

I've been here for nine years, and over that time, these people have become like my family.

Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.

The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries.

Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo.

Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally.

You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.

Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.

Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.

Hey Mark Henry, where are your gold medals? We all know that if Mark Henry won a gold medal he'd just take it and have it bronzed.

What the Hell. In 1988, I was the AWA heavyweight champion and I never came to Milwaukee.

I don't think that McMahon thinks very much about the fact that J.R and I have been successful. I don't think that McMahon thinks the wrestling announcers really have that much to contribute the show.

Dustin Runnels came up to me and asked me if I made my peace with God today. I don't know if I ever had a fight with him.

As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator!

What's twelve inches long and hangs in front on ass, Mankind's tie.

When I'm in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock.

I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that's gone. The commentary is lacking.

Speaking of birthday suits, I think Mae Young's needs ironing!

When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.

Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!

Can I press one for English?

In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope. I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad.

Do you have a quarter? My mom told me to call her when I meet the women of my dreams.

Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn't make you a great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don't make him a great husband.

There's one thing that comes into mind when I see Trish Stratus ... MANAGEMENT

Is he dancing or having a seizure?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes.

I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.

One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

It used to be that Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shamrock is the world's most dangerous speedbump.

Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.

Mark Henry is so strong he eats steak with a spoon.

Go back to your bingo hall.

I'm an artist and I can draw very well. I'm amazed that everybody can't draw well because I can do it so effortlessly.

OSHA had come in and looked at the channel 5 studios and it sort of had something to do with wrestling, but they found that there were some safety concerns that had to be addressed.

Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!

When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.

Foley looks like an un-made bed.

I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.

I don't know of any wrestler who hasn't, at one time or another, been with a fan. One time I met a woman at a match in Tennessee, and afterward we went to a little roadside motel. We checked in, went to the room, and enjoyed each other for an hour or so.

I'd like to retain Trish Stratus's services.

If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?