Gabriel Iglesias Quotes

Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.

I get a lot of influence from pro wrestling. People are like, 'Oh, it's fake.' But it's not about whether the guy wins or loses, it's about how he entertains you the whole time you're watching.

When you're a comedian, the Holy Grail is an hour long HBO special.

I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, I'll go for it.

I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.

I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles ... they don't have one that says 'oops.

In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible ... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.

Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I'm a control freak. When I'm doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.

Anything is possible as long as you're focused, determined and you really want to do it.

I know enough football to know that's funny!

I have always been told that I was a funny, entertaining person and have always been told to give comedy a try.

Now I understand why people do drugs, why people drink, and why people go crazy. As the success level goes up and up and up, the further detached I get from everybody else. Luckily, with my girlfriend, everything is gravy because I brought her into it. I brought her in and she's very hands on with my career.

I see a lot of nice hotels, but I never really get to enjoy the cities, because I have to be on a plane the next day.

When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, 'I want to go to that McDonalds.

I went up on stage, and said, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks." I was a genius at 10. Try telling that at 21, and you look hacky and stupid. That was the only joke I've ever told. Everything since has been character voices, doing impressions or just telling stories.

I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling.

I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.

You know, a lot of people think that just 'cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.

And I don't want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don't get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that's still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.

I found that laughter was a form of acceptance, and I really enjoyed that and I just - I crave it.

A lot of the comedians nowadays just do comedy as a stepping stone. Take for example Dane Cook. The guy is huge. The main reason he got into it is to do what he is doing now: film and television work.

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

I'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.

Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I'm going to do.

You can't be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.

My material never comes out verbatim every time. I always tweak in a line, or tweak away a line, gain a couple tags or lose a couple tags. The timing is always off.

I'm never home. I miss birthdays. I miss holidays. I miss anniversaries. I miss special moments. I'm not always there for important times, because I'm out on the road trying to make people laugh. I give up my privacy. I give up the ability to walk somewhere and relax.

I try not to get political, I don't want to get religious, I don't want to get controversial, I just want to have a show that relates to everybody.

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don't ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like 'this guy is ready to party.'

I just know you can not be on top forever. There's always going to be the next guy, and if I'm going to go down, I'd like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can't prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.

You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!

Comedians do movies and TV so that when they tour, they sell out. That's the goal: To get popular enough so the place is packed.

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

If you Google the word "fluffy," I'm the first thing that pops up. It's me, dogs and rabbits.

Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I got a brother who calls me Hollywood. Sisters kind of keep their distance. Even my mom is kind of like ahhh with me. Yeah dude, it really sucks. And I wish things were different. Unfortunately, they don't understand everything I go through on a day to day basis to be able to maintain what I'm doing.

Social media has definitely changed the game for me. I am able to connect to my fans on twitter and interact with them, daily. YouTube has been a game changer as well - people around the world have been exposed to my comedy through my YouTube channel.

I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.

I want to be known as a funny comic not just a funny Latino comic. I want to be able to go everywhere and anywhere.

Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.

Drinking can bring out a dude that has some issues.

I'm not fat. I'm fluffy!

I know what it's like to have a family and not have insurance and really need it. As a comic, insurance was one of those sacrifices I made early on until I could afford it.

I love Australia. First of all, everyone is so nice. The people are down to Earth, and they like having fun with you.

When you leave, you basically want to go eat, because I talk a lot about food in my act. So when you leave, you leave hungry.

I eat a lot of junk food, because that's what's usually available at 1:00am when I'm all done working.

I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.'

Honestly, I really don't like acting. I don't enjoy it. What I do like is going to a movie theatre and seeing my face on a poster. I like seeing my name on a poster. That is cool.

The only way I will do a sitcom is if it's hurled at me, and I don't have to work for it.

Every night, it's a bakery on the bus. It's a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out I'm diabetic, so I'm like, are you kidding me?!

I never go perform somewhere alone. I've done that since day one. I've always taken other comics with me.

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know.

I'm a big guy, but I'm really simple with the food. I'll hit the In-N-Out or just the regular buffets.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

I wanted to be a comedian, and this is what I'm doing. If I can keep this going, I'm happy.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'

When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments - except one. And that is, who is the biggest? I'll let you know right now, there's only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster - whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But that's all I've ever done.

It's because you alienate half the room talking about sports. Half the crowd will be against you no matter what you say.

I was not the popular kid in school.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Honestly, you got to take care of the people that take care of you. I know that sounds like cliche, or borderline phony, but that's the case. The reason I've had the fans that I have is because I've been consistent over the years and kept coming back and doing the same runs. I'm never going to stop doing the cities I've gone through. I'm only going to add.

As long as you have a director, that's your feedback. It's the director telling you, "Okay. That was great! Okay. Can we add a little? Can you tweak it like this? Can you make it more high pitched? Can you give it a little growl?"

As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else.

Make sure you're doing impressions of people that are still relevant, and that everyone knows. Red Skelton impressions are a little outdated.

TV and film for me are not as exciting as the live stand-up show and getting the immediate reaction of the crowd. TV is a lot of hurry up and wait for your shot and less immediate reaction from people.

As a comedian, especially one that works as much as I do, there is a lot of sacrifice. People don't see that I'm away from my family 46 weeks out of the year. I miss all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.

If i wouldn't have done comedy, I would have been a teacher. I was really good when I took an exploratory teaching class in high school, at getting kids' attention, and delivering lesson plans. Though my principal even told me that this was what I was meant to do. And that being a big-mouth comedian was a waste of time.

Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.

I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I'm alive and I'm living and I'm experiencing different things every day, the show will always change.

Be personal, and original. Try to work clean. Stay away from topical material, as it does not allow you to craft it to make it better for later. And always remember that it is the fans who will make you or break you.