Funniest Sports Quotes

Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need? ~ Harry Caray

Ray Lewis is the type of guy, if he were in a fight with a bear I wouldn't help him, I'd pour honey on him because he likes to fight. That's the type of guy Ray Lewis is. ~ Shannon Sharpe

Ninety percent of this game is half mental. ~ Yogi Berra

The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level. ~ Chuck LaMar

What's the difference between a three-week-old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining. ~ Mike Ditka

I went through baseball as 'a player to be named later.' ~ Joe Garagiola

You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that. ~ Murray Mexted

They don't think it be like it is, but it do. ~ Oscar Gamble

I've had to overcome a lot of diversity. ~ Drew Gooden

The NFL, like life, is full of idiots. ~ Randy Cross

The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23! ~ Kevin Keegan

The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex. ~ Carl Everett

A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on. ~ Jerry Coleman

I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing, and the shadow won. ~ Muhammad Ali

Interviewer: Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player? Beckham: Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side. ~ David Beckham

The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch and one on the throttle. ~ Bob Varsha

Because there are no fours. ~ Antoine Walker

[My] career was sputtering until [I] did a 360 and got headed in the right direction. ~ Tracy McGrady

I'd be willing to bet you, if I was a betting man, that I have never bet on baseball. ~ Pete Rose

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject. ~ Shelby Metcalf

The lead car is unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. ~ Murray Walker

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract. ~ Carl "Spider" Lockhart

Well, I don't remember all the names of all the clubs we went to ~ Shaquille O'Neal

Sports life is very short. ~ Sergei Bubka

Eventually you won't think of 'the Internet business.' You'll think of it more like news, weather, sports, but even that taxonomy isn't clear. ~ Bill Gates

Van Ritzen is one of the funniest humans I've ever met. Read her book, laugh, lather, rinse, repeat. ~ Mark Leiren-Young

Sport has the power to change the world. It has the power to inspire, the power to unite people that little else has...It is more powerful in govenments in breaking down racial barriers. ~ John Carlin

It has always been my thought that the most important single ingredient to success in athletics or life is discipline. I have many times felt that this word is the most ill-defined in all of our language. My definition isas follows: 1. Do what has to be done; 2. When it has to be done; 3. As well as it can be done; and 4. Do it it that way all the time. ~ Bobby Knight

Here's another one," he continued. "Do you know about the three main achievements of the Revolution? Healthcare, education, and sports. Do you know about the three failures of the Revolution? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. ~ Regina Anavy

Maybe one of the qualities of being a great coach is being [a jerk]. There are quite a few of them around. ~ Larry Robinson

I don't know the history of my sport. I'm not like those people who know everything. ~ Usain Bolt

After I knock out Randy Couture, I'll fight for the heavyweight title, the real heavyweight boxing title in October or November, come back and fight in the UFC in January or February. It doesn't matter, I'm a two sport athlete. The oldest man to ever do that. ~ James Toney

You know, Dag and Claire smile a lot, as do many people I know. But I always wondered if there is something either mechanical or malignant to their smiles, for the way they keep their outer lips propped up seems a bit, not false, but protective. A minor realization hits me as I sit with the two of them. It is the realisation that the smiles that they wear in their daily lives are the same as the smiles worn by people who have been good-naturedly fleeced, but fleeced nonetheless, in public and on a New York sidewalk by card sharks, and who are unable because of social conventions to show their anger, who don't want to look like poor sports. ~ Douglas Coupland

A better ending could not have been scripted. Of course, if we had won, that would have been better. ~ Bobby Bowden

I was the nerd. Because I was reading. I wasn't into sports. I was really into art. Very geekish about comics. Assumed gay. ~ Marlon James

I've always wanted to hunt another human being for sport, even though I know his fear will taint the taste of the meat. ~ Catherine Zeta-Jones

Evan slung his arm over my shoulder. "That's my mom and dad," he pointed to a couple approaching us as families trickled onto the field. "Mom! Get a picture of me and she-wolf?"
"Sure, sure," the strawberry blonde lady said, digging in her purse. "Aha! Here it is. I'm Elaine, Evan's mom," she announced to us. "Now smile!"
I smiled but just before the flash went off Evan kissed my cheek. I gasped in surprise, probably making the funniest face known to man.
Evan snatched the camera from his mom and laughed. "That is totally going to be my facebook profile pic. Take a look she-wolf."
He turned the camera so I could see the image on the screen.
Oh, God.
I narrowed my eyes and pointed a finger at Evan. "You better promise me that, that picture never sees the light of day."
"Well, technically it's already seen the light of day, seeing as it's the morning and all."
"Evan, you know what I mean."
"Fine," he lowered his head, "I won't post it on facebook."
"Or twitter, instagram, or any other picture sharing site. Got it? Maybe you should just delete it now?"
"Nah," Evan grinned. "I'm keeping this forever and ever as proof that I kissed the she-wolf. ~ Micalea Smeltzer

When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. ~ Eric Cantona

The only time I got the absolute most insanely nervous in my life was at the Olympic trials, because archery is a horrible spectator sport. Nobody goes and watches an archery tournament. Because the targets are three-quarters of a football field away. Who can tell who's winning? You can't even see your own target from where you are. ~ Geena Davis

I will always be someone who wants to do better than others. I love competition. ~ Jean-Claude Killy

I used to practice at the hockey ground on synthetic surface while I was in the sports hostel, so Test cricket is certainly going to be a challenge for me. ~ Suresh Raina

Cam scratched his nape. "You know what I don't get? How women can spend the majority of their lives in shopping malls but still say they have nothing to wear." Lydia snorted. "You know what I don't get? How men can spend the majority of their lives playing sports where they're being trampled on and listening to noisy mobs, yet they're put off by shopping, when it's no different." Both males tilted their heads, conceding that. ~ Suzanne Wright

My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging. ~ Hank Aaron

I've always believed that you can be whatever you want to be if you are willing to sacrifice and dedicate yourself. ~ Sugar Ray Leonard

I consider myself as a character actor. I like the sports analogy, which I do all the time; I'm an avid sports guy. I'm a golfer, but I grew up as sort of an avid fan and participant in baseball, and I'm like a relief pitcher. My job is to come in and throw strikes. ~ Clint Howard

The secret of success is concentrating interest in life, interest in sports and good times, interest in your studies, interest in your fellow students, interest in the small things of nature, insects, birds, flowers, leaves, etc. In other words to be fully awake to everything about you & the more you learn the more you can appreciate & get a full measure of joy & happiness out of life. ~ LeRoy Pollock

Where I came from, sports were the only way to get out front. ~ Joe Namath

I have long recognized a link between fitness and mental health and I think we need to encourage young people to take part in sports and team activities because we know it has such positive results. ~ Tipper Gore

I grew up very much in a sporting background. I always wanted to be an actor, but my escapism always came in sports. ~ Bradley James

When you think about the NASCAR brand, it resonates everywhere. They have the No. 1 sports brand. ~ Magic Johnson

One of the most basic factors in sports is that winning becomes a habit, and losing is the same way. When failure starts to feel normal in your life or your work or even your darkest vices, you won't have to go looking for trouble, because trouble will find you. Count on it. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Tennis is not like other sports where the coach is hired by an independent entity, and that makes a huge difference in the dynamic. ~ Ivan Lendl

He was California from the tips of his port wine loafers to the buttoned and tieless brown and yellow checked shirt inside his rough cream sports jacket. ~ Raymond Chandler

Tennis is an individual sport, and I am quite a self-conscious person. ~ Andy Murray

The flow. Yeah. Knowing you could step on the court and make it happen. You practiced, sure. But then, when you walked out there, you could just go. You could flow, that was it: you created and you didn't totally know how. You just knew you could, so you did. It wasn't thinking and it wasn't imitating somebody else's moves, though you always looked carefully when you watched good players play. But when you played ... it was something you couldn't explain. Neal used to know. It didn't come from thinking about it. ~ Doug Wilhelm

But there are important calls to both my personal life and professional endeavors about which I am excited to pursue, including projects and initiatives that directly and indirectly support USA Canoe/Kayak's mission. The goal is not to leave, but to create space in order to contribute more to national and international paddle sports objectives. ~ Joe Jacobi

Passion is passion. It's the excitement between the tedious spaces, and it doesn't matter where it's directed ... It can be coins or sports or politics or horses or music or faith ... the saddest people I've ever met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. ~ Nicholas Sparks

Which I think is great. I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. If you look in most professional sports, they're run by Jewish people. If you look at a lot of most successful corporations and stuff, more businesses, they're run by Jewish. It's not a knock, but they are some crafty people. ~ Michael Ray

New Singapore will be one of the world's finest, most liveable cities. Arts, theatres, museums, music and sports will flourish. Singapore will be a lively and exciting place.. Our city will not only have depth, but also the richness of diversity. But above all, Singapore will a home for Singaporeans. ~ Goh Chok Tong

A lot of people don't realize that I started my career in sports and was a sports reporter long before I was on television. I used to be an NBA reporter and an NHL reporter. ~ George Stroumboulopoulos

I walked away from the sport for 17 years, then started swimming again recently in a master's program. ~ Mark Spitz

When you win 20 games in a row and then lose four, people ask you, 'What happened?' ... That's the beauty of sports. ~ Tony Parker

Fantasy football is actually an amazing American pastime, because it takes the ultimate team sport, NFL and football, and turns it into the quest for individual achievement. ~ Jeff Schaffer

I'm going to try to enjoy the All-Star break, hope my players reflect on what happened the first half of the season, come back with a different attitude, try to find our solution on how to win it. ~ Don Baylor

If somebody says I am better than Roger, I think this person doesn't know anything about tennis. ~ Rafael Nadal

You either commit yourself as a professional racing driver that's designed to win races or you come second or you come third or fifth and am not design to come third, fourth or fifth, I race to win. ~ Ayrton Senna

To see a man beaten not by a better opponent but by himself is a tragedy. ~ Cus D'Amato

Just as we tell women today to vote, in honour of the suffragettes who campaigned for the right to do so, we owe it to these female sports pioneers to draw inspiration from their stories, to continue the fight. ~ Anna Kessel

It's impossible to imagine what Australia would be like without surfing. ~ Tim Winton

The sports of children satisfy the child. ~ Oliver Goldsmith

I mean, if you pause over what it means at the age of 76 that Eleanor Roosevelt wrote, the happiest single day of her life was the day she made the first team at field hockey. Field hockey is a team sport. Field hockey is a knockabout - I mean, picture Allenswood, the swamps of north London. It's a messy sport. So she really enjoyed playing this rough-and-tumble sport in the mud of Allenswood, a team sport. And she was very competitive. And she loved being competitive, and she loved to win. And that, I think, was all of the things that Allenswood enabled. ~ Blanche Wiesen Cook