Funny Boyfriend Quotes

My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex - ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant. ~ Margaret Cho

Let's leave it all alone. I'm stupidest when I try to be funny. ~ Al Swearengen

They were Republicans, Nixon Republicans, and so didn't subscribe to the notion that laws are supposed to apply to all people equally. ~ Bill Bryson

The preacher released a pent-up breath as he sagged in relief. "Thank God he's gone." His eyes narrowed at Alexander as he bit out, "Did you know that man had the nerve to lasso me while I was out in the woods? ~ Rose Wynters

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant

If you give the audience what they expect, they'll be bored. There are no rules: You do what you want while respecting the boundaries. You don't poke people in the eye; you do things they haven't seen before and make it accessible, funny and clever. ~ Matthew Vaughn

Just then Jagger walks in, his hair all ruffled and his body hard and firm. We all stop talking and stare as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it up.
"Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer." he mutters ~ Bec Botefuhr

It's just kind of seemed like a funny way to explore action movies, I guess. I mean, I'm a big fan of them always. It's always people who are very equipped to deal with the situations that they're thrown in. So, the notion just seemed funny, because it's, like, basically stoners are kind of the last guys in the world who are equipped to deal with that. And the humor possibilities just seemed somewhat endless. ~ Seth Rogen

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. ~ Johnny Carson

A lot of times, as a clown, you find acting for a reason. It's a way to exercise yourself. If you're funny, you test yourself. ~ Matthew Lillard

Mrs. Panabaker is ten years older than God and probably smarter. She stops into the offices every other Thursday to tell my dad what she didn't like about his sermon the previous Sunday. She makes fudge-covered marshmallows at Christmas time and force feeds them to anyone too slow to escape. I've never seen her out of a suit dress and floral scarf, and on Sundays she always wears a matching hat. Last week was a salmon-colored number, and her hat was draped in fake fruit. I wanted to try to eat one of the grapes just to see what she'd do, but I value my life. ~ A.C. Williams

I ended up in the nurse's office after falling asleep in second period. She only agreed to not call my parents if I stayed under her supervision and rested. She wasn't taking any chances with Dr. Lahey's daughter and the heroine who'd saved the Ishida's only girl, who, by the way, Ayden mentioned wasn't back at school.
She probably got to recover in her native habitat. Some far off exotic locale, lounging on a tropical beach drinking fruity umbrella drinks brought to her by hunky, scantily clad beach boys who rubbed her back with suntan oil and hung on her every word while I ran for my life in the Waiting World, woke from a coma, and, bam, back at school with ten million pounds of schoolwork to make up, and no beach boys. Except for Ayden. He'd make a good beach boy. But don't get too excited. He's just a pretend boyfriend.
"You alright?" the nurse asked.
"Fine."
"You're sighing and making odd noises."
"Sorry. ~ A&E Kirk

If my kids were to make a talking doll of me as a mother, one of my recorded phrases would be 'I will throw that in the trash.' 'If you don't put that down right now, I will throw that in the trash.' It's very funny to hear myself say certain things - like noticing which phrases become the most popular to use. ~ Justine Bateman

You had to make a camera look like it's traveling at 300 mph, but you couldn't make it actually travel at 300 mph so you had to slow everything down and build devices to do that. So you were constantly engineering. ~ John Dykstra

Logan Matthews," I put my hand out to shake hers.
She looked down at it, shook her head, laughed once, and then looked back up at me.
"Definitely no."
"What? Why? Give me one good reason," I spat out. I didn't know why it was getting to me, her not wanting me. But I was pissed off and I felt like I needed to win that argument, or whatever the fuck it was that was going on there.
"Because."
"That's not a reason."
"Because I have a boyfriend."
"No you don't." I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Because you're an asshole."
"Valid, but not accepted. Next? ~ Jay McLean

He nuzzled my neck, inhaling deeply. "Mmm. You smell so good."

"Oh, yeah," I said, smirking. "I call this new perfume 'Le Jungle grime et tropical BO.' "

"Dirt and sweat. Very sexy. ~ James Patterson

Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh. ~ Amy Poehler

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. ~ Robin Williams

[In Moscow] we got through to [Soviet leaders] Brezhnev and Kosygin on the telephone. I think it was because nobody had ever tried to call them at home before. ~ Ross Perot

At the finish, it was all over ~ Jim Watt

Quote from the 2nd book in the Sojourn Series:

It's funny how quickly things can change, how fragile life is. I still can't come to terms with those six days. I don't know if I ever will, but I do know that I'm not the same person I used to be.

Rayn Mirago ~ B.D. Messick

If you get shot," Lira says, "I'm going to treat you like you're incapable of doing the simplest tasks."
She cradles her arms around her knees to keep out the cold.
"See how you like it when I hold out my arm to help you walk, even though you're not shot in the leg."
"I'd be flattered," I say, "that you would look for an excuse just to hold my hand."
"Perhaps I'm just looking for an excuse to shoot you. ~ Alexandra Christo

Dog owners are out in all kinds of weather. They tell you it's small payment for the love their dogs bear them. Some love. If that dog weren't on a leash, he'd be off after another dog, a cat, or any stranger walking along the street with a wet bag of meat. ~ Selma Diamond

Elisabeth Sheffield's new novel is multilayered, smart, beautifully written, and funny. I was taken in by the first paragraph and held firmly through the roller coaster of a ride. The depth of the novel was evidenced by the constantly shifting meaning of the title itself. In fact, the entire work never changes its meaning, but somehow, seamlessly, simply means more. This is a rare and memorable piece of work. ~ Percival Everett

You, the actor, must be aware of when you're being funny, but the character you're playing should always be oblivious to the fact. ~ Jon Lovitz

A kiss is a lovely trick to stop speech. ~ Ingrid Bergman

There's a constant flow of child actors. It's kind of funny to watch the new crew come through. I think, You poor little things. You're going to have to struggle for a long time. ~ Tina Yothers

I overheard Nona talking about my little buds and how she remembered back when she was developing into a woman, and that was enough for me. ~ Holly Hood

It's a funny thing with documentary films - you want them to feel as entertaining and as gripping as a fictional film. With a fictional film you want it to feel as realistic as a documentary film. ~ Jonathan Demme

Faith is a funny thing. It's easy to believe while life is rolling merrily along. But in times of trial, it's tempting to turn away from God. Yet that's when we need him the most. ~ Irene Hannon

I'm all about that money, dress like everyday sunny, rolling weed like a Marley, smile like everything funny. ~ Wiz Khalifa

Sport is singularly able to give us peak experience where we feel completely one with the world and transcend all conflicts as we finally become our own potential. ~ George A. Sheehan

There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio - I don't know that guy. ~ Bill Burr

Dog love is blind. For that matter, dog love is stupid. ~ Rob Sheffield

I don't care how handsome or fabulous or funny the groom is, or how sweet and accommodating the bride, or vice versa. Marriage is hard. ~ Jenna McCarthy

Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string. ~ Jon Stewart

Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That's kind of like what I do, except instead of cute little plastic models, it's living human tissue, and instead of playing, I'm fucking working, and instead of fun, it's fucking not fun, it's serious. ~ Colin Nissan

People in Tibet have an expression. When you reach a certain degree of venerableness and age, and people ask, "How are you?," there is an expression that people use that means, "Just barely not dead." Some people might be frightened by it but I think it's quite funny. ~ Robert Thurman

You're not Auntie Millie's boyfriend. I am." High looked down at the kid whose face was now twisted with dislike and outrage and, fuck him, but he couldn't beat back the smile. "You're not my boyfriend, sweetheart," Millie said. "You're my nephew." The boy looked to his aunt and snapped, "Same thing. ~ Kristen Ashley

I have a brain and a uterus, and I use both. ~ Patricia Schroeder

I tried it 100 or a million times it couldn't happen again. If I could, I would have carried on playing. ~ Alex Ferguson

Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hippopotamous throwing up. ~ Adam Rex

Everything funny in a not-funny-at-all kind of way. Sarcasm as something you practiced like karate. Later concealing your mute fury when nobody fed you the opening lines. ~ Jonathan Lethem

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead. ~ W.C. Fields

There was a profound silence, abruptly broken by an enormously loud rumble from George's stomach. Plaster didn't actually fall from the ceiling, but it was close. ~ Jonathan Stroud

That's when I saw you, really saw you for the first time. I didn't intend to look at you, it just happened. It was like those pictures, you know, those optical illusions. You can gaze at them forever and see only one thing. Then when you relax your eyes for just a moment, another picture magically appears. The funny thing with that kind of visual trick it that it's really hard to go back to seeing the original picture once you've seen the new one. ~ Kimberly Sabatini