Funny Hats Quotes

Roadblock #5: It's Unpredictable
By and large, human beings don't like surprises. I know that I don't. Okay, maybe I like that rare piece of unexpected good news or a letter from a friend or a thoughtful thank-you. But I'm willing to bet that people in funny hats jumping out of dark closets are responsible for more heart attacks than expressions of unbridled delight. When the doorbell rings late at night, I'm under no illusion that it's the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol!
This, most likely, goes back to our caveman past when a big, exciting surprise was apt to be something like an 800-pound,snarling, saber-toothed tiger about to rip the head from our shoulders. Surprises were usually bad news. (Think about this the next time you're crouching in the dark in somebody's front hall closet with their raincoats and umbrellas.) ~ Paul Powers

Well, once again we are invaded. And, humiliatingly, by a lifeform which is absurd. My colleague Tim Powers once said that Martians could invade us simply by putting on funny hats, and we'd never notice. It's a sort of low-budget invasion. I guess we're at the point where we can be amused by the idea of Earth being invaded. (And this is when they really zap you. ~ Philip K. Dick

You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. ~ Stephen Manes

Mrs. Panabaker is ten years older than God and probably smarter. She stops into the offices every other Thursday to tell my dad what she didn't like about his sermon the previous Sunday. She makes fudge-covered marshmallows at Christmas time and force feeds them to anyone too slow to escape. I've never seen her out of a suit dress and floral scarf, and on Sundays she always wears a matching hat. Last week was a salmon-colored number, and her hat was draped in fake fruit. I wanted to try to eat one of the grapes just to see what she'd do, but I value my life. ~ A.C. Williams

Wherever you find 'men together' - writing the rules, as at exclusive golf or other men's clubs, businesses, and lodges where they wear elaborate robes and funny hats - women are kept completely outside if possible and, when grudgingly admitted, to highly restricted areas or token status. ~ Eugene Kennedy

Which is why I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a compound. And this guy not only operates outside the bounds of the law, but he used to be a Nazi and he wears funny hats. That's right. The pope is coming to America this week, and, ladies, he's single! ~ Bill Maher

I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination. ~ Criss Jami

Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer. ~ Charles M. Schulz

Your lost friends are not dead, but gone before, advanced a stage or two upon that road which you must travel in the steps they trod. ~ Aristophanes

Mr. Morrow, IOI owns this network ... " "Of course they do!" Morrow shouted gleefully. 'The own practically everything! Including you, pretty boy! I mean did they tattoo a UPC code on your ass when they hired you to sit there and spout their corporate propaganda? ~ Ernest Cline

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. ~ Joe Rogan

You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited ... and for me it was between the two buildings going down ... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win. ~ Louis C.K.

All the world's a stage. Creative work is a kind of theater. The stage is your studio, your desk, or your workstation. The costume is your outfit - your painting pants, your business suit, or that funny hat that helps you think. The props are your materials, your tools, and your medium. The script is just plain old time. An hour here, or an hour there - just time measured out for things to happen. ~ Austin Kleon

Comedy is very important, yes. For one thing, it keeps you sane. But it's not really a conversion. I mean, it's marginally a conversion, because if people tune in or go to a nightclub or even watch television, and hear that a lot of other people are laughing at something you thought was not funny, at least it'll force you to reconsider. ~ Tom Lehrer

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. ~ Edsger Dijkstra

Tighe took control of his thoughts.
"You need to use the bathroom. When I tell you to, go into the house. Two cats will try to come
in with you. You must let them in. Don't allow anyone to stop them. Once inside the house, you'll
go into the bathroom and close the door, pull down your pants, then curl up on the floor and go to
sleep."
The bastard's career would be over when they caught him, literally, with his pants down. But he
deserved it for kicking a cat. ~ Pamela Palmer

Hey, I am thinking of it myself, in this part of world (East), we all do endeavors in praying and are sweating (white liquid) and this is our situation, frustrated , but on the other part of world (West) ,they are enjoying in party and drinking liquor (white liquid) but their situation is that, successful, I do not know that the problem relates to the type of liquid or the way of drinking!! ~ Ali Shariati

I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Melons. The girls. Gazongas. I could rattle off every nickname in the world for my boobs – oops nearly forgot jubblies – but it didn't change the fact they were small. ~ Gabrielle Tozer

Don't gobblefunk around with words. ~ Roald Dahl

I think the whole concept that women aren't funny is dead. It's over; it's done. ~ Kate Flannery

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. ~ Erma Bombeck

When I was dating, my girlfriends and I used to say, 'Don't cry in front of him before date three.' "
"Cry?" I echoed, frowning.
"Yeah. Guys gets skittish when you cry."
"I don't think I have to worry about that one."
"You don't cry?"
"I don't make it to date three. ~ Kasie West

Well, I did Marlene 15 years ago and that's in the style. It's somehow similar and not similar because Marlene was much more aggressive, funny and sad. ~ Maximilian Schell

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. ~ Quentin Crisp

I love Mikhail Bulgakov. He is very original and takes the story to unexpected places. I didn't realise political writing could be so funny. ~ Denise Mina

I closed my eyes, shook my head, and laughed softly at his breathy words. Funny how I still hated that nickname, but my heart fluttered every time he said it. I hadn't forgotten the longing to hear him say it again while I was with Trent, because I knew hearing him say it meant seeing him again. And I knew that no matter how ridiculous it was, I would never complain about it again. ~ Molly McAdams

It's official," he declared to no one in particular. "This is the worst vacation ever. ~ Cassandra Clare

You know, really - actually, it's funny because it's a sore spot with me because I have all these recipes that, you know, you have to measure things out and put them in. And then you bake it and it becomes this thing. And it's not a recipe. ~ Trisha Yearwood

Toby twisted around. "Boo." Emily screamed. ~ Sara Shepard

She'd been pounding her location and thoughts into a device that would send those things to virtually any human with Internet access and yet looking over her shoulder had been a violation of privacy. ~ Stefan Bourque

I do not use airplanes. They strike me as unsporting. You can have an automobile accident-and survive. You can be on a sinking ship-and survive. You can be in an earthquake, fire, volcanic eruption, tornado, what you will-and survive. But if your plane crashes, you do not survive. And I say the heck with it. ~ Isaac Asimov

We counted 19 missiles that landed in a small area of Baghdad. ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all. ~ Johnny Depp

I don't even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell. ~ Shannon L. Alder

It's just crazy, isn't it? Here she sits at a table, like butter wouldn't melt, yet in my ear, I'm the one that's melting like butter! ~ Jimmy Tudeski

It's funny being the big news every day - and the good news every day. ~ Charlie Adam