Amy Poehler Quotes

Nobody looks stupid when they are having fun.

Life is endings and beginnings.

Listen. Say yes. Live in the moment. Make sure you play with people who have your back. Make big choices early and often.

Sometimes this book stays in the present, other times I try to cut myself in half and count the rings. Occasionally I think about the future, but I try to do that sparingly because it usually makes me anxious.

Because remember, the talking about the thing isn't the thing. The doing of the thing is the thing.

I find that, in general, the amount of sharing men do with each other in one year is about the same as what I share with my female friends while we wait for our cars at the valet.

Grace. What a gift she gave me. Shame makes people abandon their children and drink themselves to death. It also keeps us from true happiness. An apology is a glorious release. Anastasia gave me a huge gift. That e-mail changed me. It rearranged my molecules. She has lived a life of struggle and decided not to pick up the armor. She teaches me about

A story carves deep grooves into our brains each time we tell it. But we aren't one story. We can change our stories. We can write our own. Melissa and Wendy and Jane and I joked about the Golden Globes and gave each other fake awards. I gave Melissa "Best Person in Charge." She gave me "Most Famous and Most Normal." This meant and means a great deal.

Even though we had such different families, Keri and I were a good pair, both freckled and Irish with a strong belief in justice. We would go out for recess and spend the whole time walking and talking. This is something I still love to do today. I call it "walking the beat." I often call my friends and tell them to meet me on a New York corner at a certain time. The physical act of walking combined with the opportunity to look out at the world while you are sharing your thoughts and feelings is very comforting to me. You are in charge of the route and the amount of eye contact. I guess those days with Keri were when this started.

The phrase "going to sleep" has always given me great anxiety. I don't like doing things I'm bad at, and I have been told since I was very young that I am a bad sleeper. As soon as I become prone, my head will begin to unpack. My mind will turn on and start to hum, which is the opposite of what you need when you begin to switch off. It is as if I were waiting the whole day for this moment. Trying to go to sleep is often when I feel most engaged and alive. My brain starts to trick me into thinking this is the moment it should turn on and start working overtime. It is a problem. I need some rest. I have a lot to do.

The computer is the new fireplace, everyone in the family gathers around the digital hearth for warmth.

Watching great people do what you love is a good way to start learning how to do it yourself.

I made the mistake of snooping and reading the model's journal. We finished having medium-to-boring sex and I rifled through his things while he took a shower. I am pretty good at snooping around. It started in my own house, where I would go through every drawer and every pocket in my parents' room. Luckily, I didn't find much at home except for some well-worn copies of Playboy that seem positively charming compared to the up-close butt fisting that pops up on my computer these days when I am trying to order salad tongs from Target. I honed my snooping skills when I babysat. It was then that I saw my first diaphragm, laxatives, and stacks of cash in an underwear drawer. I have basically ransacked every house I have been allowed into. My snooping tendencies have now abated somewhat, but I still have to fight the urge to immediately go through people's shit. I am not proud of this and I realize that by admitting this I am limiting future opportunities to be a houseguest.

If I have learned anything from hip-hop, it's that there's nothing sexy about a baby that ain't yours.

Now everything is backed up on the cloud and you can find your phone if you lose it in a taxi. Don't you realize it's only a matter of time before our phones can FIND US?

Hair spray was king, and the eighties silhouette in Burlington was big hair, giant shoulder pads, chunky earrings, thick belts, and form-fitting stretch pants. My silhouette was an upside-down triangle. Add in my round potato face and hearty eyebrows and you've got yourself a grade-A boner killer, so remember that before you try to jerk it to my teenage-nurse story.

I like to do things that challenge me and make me nervous.

Well, the first thing we do is take our brain out and put it in a drawer. Stick it somewhere and let it tantrum until it wears itself out. You may still hear the brain and all the shitty things it is saying to you, but it will be muffled, and just the fact that it is not in your head anymore will make things seem clearer. And then you just do it.

I looked around and thought about my life. I felt grateful. I noticed every detail. That is the key to time travel.

I am allowed to have healthy self-esteem.

I plan on lying to my children about most of my drug use. I had a friend who told her adolescent son he was allergic to pot, and if he tried it he would break out into hives. This lasted for a while until one of his friends gently suggested maybe she had made that fact up. His whole world was blown. He came to her asking, "Did you make that up? How could you?" and she said, "Of course I did. Let me make you a BLT." I think this is a terrific idea. I think we don't lie to our children enough.

Tall women are attracted to my littleness. I have a lot of tall female friends. They like how I am always looking up to them and I like having the option to jump into their pocket if I want to hide.

Now I just want to sit down and have someone perform my five favorite songs while I eat a light dinner and receive a simultaneous pedicure.

Take your risks now; as you become older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn't even on.

I am introducing a new idea. Try to care less. Practice ambivalence. Learn to let go of wanting it.

You become more attractive when you love yourself. You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are.

But Wordsworth stuck with me when he said, "Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquillity." This book is a spontaneous overflow in the middle of chaos, not tranquillity. So it's not a poem to you. It's a half poem. It's a "po." It's a Poehler po. Wordsworth also said that the best part of a person's life is "his little, nameless, unremembered, acts of kindness and of love." I look forward to reading a book one day in which someone lists mine. I feel like I may have failed to do so. Either way, it's obvious I am currently on a Wordsworth kick and this should give you literary confidence as you read Yes Please. The

I cannot stress enough that the answer to life's questions is often in people's faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people's faces. People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous or asleep.

don't get a Saturday where you can catch up. The sleep

Maya Angelou said, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I'm proud that Mike Schur and I rejected the idea that creativity needs to come from chaos. I like how we ran our writers' room and our set. People had a great time when they came to work on our show and that mattered to us. I like to think the spirit we had on set found its way onto the show.

So, if you're doing good longform with talented people than you can step out and you can be the president or a construction worker and people accept that. It's really the roles you give yourself.

I'm a moon junky. Every time I look at the moon I feel less alone and less afraid. I tell my boys that moonlight is a magic blanket and the stars above are campfires set by friendly aliens.

Everyone lies about writing. They lie about how easy it is or how hard it was. They perpetuate a romantic idea that writing is some beautiful experience that takes place in an architectural room filled with leather novels and chai tea.

That voice that talks badly to you is a demon voice. This very patient and determined demon shows up in your bedroom one day and refuses to leave. You are six or twelve or fifteen and you look in the mirror and you hear a voice so awful and mean that it takes your breath away. It tells you that you are fat and ugly and you don't deserve love. And the scary part is the demon is your own voice.

Opening your heart and being courageous and telling people that you care about them or like them or that you think they're special only makes you a better, bigger, kinder, softer, more loving person, and only attracts more love into your life.

Nothing is more depressing than a tired dominatrix.

Remember, your career is a bad boyfriend. It likes you when you don't depend on it.

No one looks stupid when they're having fun.

It's very hard to have ideas. It's very hard to put yourself out there, it's very hard to be vulnerable, but those people who do that are the dreamers, the thinkers and the creators. They are the magic people of the world.

You aren't allowed to feel special, but no one knows the specific ways you are in pain.

If you said more than six lines on air you made six hundred dollars, and comedy pieces like "Staring Contest" helped pay my rent.

Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being. See what I just did there? I saved you thousands of dollars on self-help books. If you can surf your life rather than plant your feet, you will be happier.

But as my dear friend and relationship sponsor Louis CK has noted, divorce is always good news because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.

Quick note here: Everybody wants you to share your MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT all the time, and I am here to tell you that you don't have to. You don't have to tell it or tweet it or Instagram it. You don't have to put it in a book or share it with anyone who doesn't feel safe and protective of your heart.

Style is obviously important in Haiti. A lot of people wore bright colors and neatly pressed shirts. The taxis and billboards were beautiful. Haiti is not afraid of color. And texture. And depth. The young people looked fierce and bored. They looked like pure energy. There was true aesthetic but also a palpable darkness. I mean, let's get real. Kids are slaves here. Kids are bought and sold and put to work.

I UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE READ SO MANY BOOKS ON DIVORCE. When you are a person going through a divorce you feel incredibly alone, yet you are constantly reminded by society of how frequently divorce happens and how common it has become. You aren't allowed to feel special, but no one understands the specific ways you are in pain.

I grew up watching skating all the time in the Olympic stuff.

I was a shitty version of myself. The shadow side. I made a lot of noise because I felt bad about hurting someone's feelings and I didn't want to get quiet and really figure out how I felt. I was afraid to lie down and put my hand on my heart and hear the tiny voice whispering inside me saying I had screwed up.

Hey Lady I don't want to fuck you husband .

Any painful experience makes you see things differently. It also reminds you of the simple truths that we purposely forget every day or else we would never get out of bed.

I firmly believe that every boy needs his mom to love him and every girl needs her dad to pay attention to her.

A watched cervix never dilates.

I like bossy girls. I always have. I like people filled with life.

Sleep is out ... tired is the new black.

I really liked the idea of playing that kind of optimistic, super-intense, go-get-'em spirit combined with being a little bit of an outsider. I am really drawn to girls of that age in general, who believe they can be a waitress, scientist, actress, a dentist, a zookeeper ... and who really aren't boy-crazy.

Plenty of talented people don't have the careers they want. Plenty of untalented people make millions and make movies. There is a difference between determination and talent.

It's never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.

The Gift of Fear.

We stand in the bathroom and look at our face and say, "Stop getting old, face. I command you!" and it doesn't listen. Change is the only constant. Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being.

I SAY "SORRY" A LOT. When I am running late. When I am navigating the streets of New York. When I interrupt someone. I say, "Sorry, sorry, sorry," in one long stream. The sentence becomes "Sorrysorrysorry" and it's said really fast, as if even the act of apologizing is something to apologize for. But this doesn't mean I am a pushover. It doesn't mean I am afraid of conflict or don't know how to stand up for myself. I am getting to a place right in the middle where I feel good about exactly how much I apologize. It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate. I am still learning the right balance.

Always remember your kid's name,

I'd say any good set or any comedy that I've worked on, that's worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, 'What if you say this? What about this?'

SLEEP AND I DO NOT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. We have never been friends. I am constantly chasing sleep and then pushing it away.

Go back to the Dalai Lama. He says, I think technology has really increased human ability. But technology cannot produce compassion.

Back then there was this wonderful thing called "twilight sleep" where women were given anesthesia at the onset of labor and woke up with a baby. Today "twilight sleep" is when you pass out on your bed while looking at paparazzi photos of Robert Pattinson eating an omelet.

Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do. Sometimes it works.

My generation was obsessed with scoliosis. Judy Blume dedicated an entire novel to it. At least once a month we would line up in the gym, lift our shirts, and bend over, while some creepy old doctor ran his finger up and down our spines. Nuclear war was a high-concept threat, two words that often rang out in political speeches or on the six o-clock news. Our spines. Lice. Nuclear war. The Big Three.

I am a tea girl. Coffee smells so good but my stomach doesn't like it.

In my twenties I tried cocaine, which I instantly loved but eventually hated. Cocaine is terrific if you want to hang out with people you don't know very well and play Ping-Pong all night. It's bad for almost everything else.

During an interview with Katie Couric Tuesday, Sarah Palin says she is not opposed to gay people, adding 'One of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years happens to be gay and I love her dearly and she doesn't exist.'

Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a 'Batman' with a limited-edition silver bat-erang and therefore if it stays in its original packing it increases in value.

Conan O'Brien's show was speaking to a massive and young audience, and he would put us in weekly bits on Late Night.

He would stand backstage and berate himself if he felt he didn't do a good job. It was almost like he couldn't hear how loud everyone was laughing.

Debbie Downer was one of the few sketches where I broke, and I remember watching Heratio Sanz laugh so hard that tears squirted out of his eyes. I still believe that sketch may be a cure for low-level depression if watched regularly.

I used to get my hair dyed at a place called Big Hair. It cost $15. They just used straight bleach, so my hair was the color of white lined paper, and my eyebrows looked like they were done with a thick black marker.

I have told people that writing this book has been like brushing away dirt from a fossil. What a load of shit. It has been like hacking away at a freezer with a screwdriver.

Someday you will wake up feeling 51 percent happy and slowly, molecule by molecule, you will feel like yourself again.

Sometimes we get defensive about what we feel guilty about.

THE HOLIDAYS ARE RUINED!
This book is one page long and just contains that one sentence.

What is more nerve-racking: live comedy or the World Series. SNL

We don't want to be afraid to make a choice because we're afraid to make a mistake because most decisions aren't final. Feelings change all the time. You can always change your mind and taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting because we never know what's going to happen. Every day something new comes our way.

It can be hard, this life. Beautiful too.

Symmetry is pleasing but not as sexy. Einstein is cool but Picasso knows what I'm talking about.

What I like about all these giant superhero movies is that they speak to the issues that I'm dealing with - working mother and time management and how to be an interesting, sexual, curious woman in your 40s.

A new poll reveals that 56% of Americans believe that Wal-Mart is bad for the country, while the other 44% work there.

I have the Angelina Jolie of vaginas.

I think it's glorious to be nervous. Being nervous is great! How often do we get nervous on a daily basis? Being slightly nervous means you care, and you're alive, and you're taking some kind of risk. Hooray for being nervous! A friend told me to substitute the word 'excitement' for 'nervous'. That way you acknowledge the physical feelings without putting a negative spin on things. So to answer your question, sometimes I still get so excited about 'Update' that I want to throw up

Our ego is a monster that loves to sit at the head of the table, and I have learned that my ego is just as rude and loud and hungry as everyone else's. It doesn't matter how much you get; you are left wanting more.

Calling people sweetheart makes most people enraged.

Please don't drive drunk, okay? Seriously. It's so fucked up. But by all means, walk drunk. That looks hilarious. Everyone loves to watch someone act like they are trying to make it to safety during a hurricane.

It was hard to feel like somebody didn't like me. It felt like such a failure. I don't care as much now. It's really great. It's like I can finally eat spicy food without the gut ache later, or something similar. I have a stomach for other people not stomaching me. Or at least I am working on it.

When you feel scared, hold someone's hand and look into their eyes. And when you feel brave, do the same thing. You are all here because you are smart. And you are brave. And if you add kindness and the ability to change a tire, you almost make up the perfect person.

I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they "want to do" and start asking them what they don't want to do.

I think the hardest thing is to know what you want, ask for it, and then to stop talking.

You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.

It's a struggle for me to remain open," she admits. "To not shut down because I'm defensive or scared or maybe my ego is getting in the way. And the other side of that is just believing that I belong where I am and deserve to take up space. I fight constantly between those two things, between not apologizing for what I want and staying vulnerable and creatively supple and not thinking I know better than everyone else.

The "yes" comes from my improvisational days and the opportunity that comes with youth, and the "please" comes from the wisdom of knowing that agreeing to do something usually means you aren't doing it alone.

You have to remember that goodbyes are temporary because no one ever really leaves and nothing lasts forever. People are always with us, because they are in our hearts and in our memory. The only thing we can depend on is change ... Life is just a series of moments
a string of pearls that make up the necklace of your life and so every once in a while, to complete the circle, you need to end a chapter.

A word about apologizing: It's hard to do it without digging yourself in deeper. It's also scary and that's why we avoid the pain. We want so badly to plead our case and tell our story. The bad news is that everybody has a story. Everyone has a version of how things went down and how they participated.

A war raged between my jokey and protective brain and my squishy and tender heart. I have realized that mystery is what keeps people away, and I've grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place.