Ilya Bryzgalov Funny Quotes

I think like, 'And we have some problems here on the earth we worry about? Compared to likenothing. Just be happy. Don't worry be happy right now ~ Ilya Bryzgalov

You guys just here to blame someone. You never look yourselves in the mirror, eh? You're always good. You never make the mistakes. Your articles are always perfect. In reality, what have you done for this city? If you ask yourself, what have you done besides only criticize? Not much. ~ Ilya Bryzgalov

It's only game. Why you have to be mad? ~ Ilya Bryzgalov

Don't worry be happy right now. ~ Ilya Bryzgalov

I'm lost in the woods right now, ~ Ilya Bryzgalov

I am who I am. Life is too beautiful to be sad, to be depressed. The sun comes up every day and it's beautiful. ~ Ilya Bryzgalov

OK, they fire the puck from the blue line. Chief usually yelling 'block the shot' at the defensemen. They doesn't have the goalie gear, but they have to block the shot. So who is more crazy, me or the defensemen? Who is more weird? ~ Ilya Bryzgalov

I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub ~ Charles Bukowski

You're starting to sound a lot like my mother." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Repetitive." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Very funny. ~ Brandon Sanderson

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. ~ Garry Shandling

I'm sick and tired of everyone making fun of the size of Trump's hands. We should all be bigger than that.
So should Donald Trump's hands ~ Ed Krassenstein

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns ... behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth ... with braces on them. ~ Steven Wright

Excuse me, but where do you think you're going?" I asked.
"I figured I'd put my underwear in with yours. That way they could all get to know each other." One brown eyebrow lifted. "Unless you want to make some formal introductions right now? ~ Michele Bardsley

Kurt Cilke liked dogs because they could not conspire. They could not hide hostility, and they were not cunning. They did not lie awake at night planning to rob and murder other dogs. Treachery was beyond their scope. ~ Mario Puzo

There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It's a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you 'play' with them! ~ Richard P. Feynman

It's a great lesson about not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go. You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it ... You have to let people see what you wrote. ~ Tina Fey

Baseball statistics are like a girl in a bikini. They show a lot, but not everything. ~ Toby Harrah

Mountains were once my big adventure but is is over since a long time; I still dream from the wonderful days sometimes, read also a few pages from a mountain book. But the thought of doing again active mountain climbing has faded. ~ Fritz Zwicky

I'm not going to touch her," he said "She's not mine.She never will be."
"Indeed." Bruiser rolled his eyes and dusted off his hat. "Definitely no years of pent-up lusting there. Glad we have that sorted. ~ Tessa Dare

The great thing about writing fiction is that you can do whatever the fuck you want, go as far as you are willing to go, and laugh at the people who take it seriously. ~ Richard P. Denney

Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you're saying, but shut your pretty pie hole. ~ Cristin Harber

Delightfully, however, even phrases of world-ending awesome fury, spoken through a split lip, were quite funny. ~ Alan Moore

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken

You're not very fond of your room by day. You never think about it. You're in and out, the door opens and slams, the cupboard creaks. You sit down on the side of your bed, change your shoes and dash out again. A dive down to the glass, two pins in your hair, powder your nose and off again. But now–at night time- it's suddenly dear to you. It's a darling little funny room. It's yours. Oh, what a joy it is to own things! ~ Katherine Mansfield

To be absolutely modern is to be the ally of one's grave diggers. ~ Milan Kundera

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot! ~ Henny Youngman

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis! ~ Adam Carolla

It's funny because as a composer, you want to hear your songs live on. I think a lot of times people will create a song and it becomes stagnant or something that they're no longer interested in playing, and they leave it alone. ~ Christian Scott

Yes, I have been a victim of a sexual assault. Well, probably several really. Funny how we were conditioned to accept these situations as unpleasant instead of outrageous. ~ Megan Goldin

I wonder why Steven wasn't at swimming club tonight?" Archie asked.
"He's caught bronchitis," Mrs Akran said.
Imran thought for a second before replying. "I would like to catch a dinosaur too. I wonder what he feeds it?"
Archie looked at his friend his face looked as if he was in pain before he burst out laughing. "Imran you're tragic. Bronchitis is like a bad cold it's not a type of dinosaur. ~ Mark A. Cooper

Me mum always told me the rich was blessed, but I thought she was talkin' about gold." She leaned over to cackle in his ear, then actually patted him on the head as if he was some slavering lapdog. "You might have escaped the gallows, lad, but you was already well hung. ~ Teresa Medeiros

Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?' ~ Tommy Cooper

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. ~ Erma Bombeck

Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case. ~ Carla H. Krueger

I don't know (if they were men or women running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads. ~ Yogi Berra

I've always liked being funny and making people laugh. I was a cut-up when I was a kid, and was always doing bits for my friends and family. ~ Busy Philipps

Merry has just found her bio dad Sly and is meeting him for the first time (as her dad) and her beau Jason is confused:
Jason scratched the back of his neck. "Does someone want to tell me what's going on here?"
Sly lowered his voice and breathed heavily a couple of times. "Luke, I am her father."
"Funny."
"No, really," Merry said, wide-eyed. "It might be true. ~ Ashlyn Chase

Stripped of ethical rationalizations and philosophical pretensions, a crime is anything that a group in power chooses to prohibit. ~ Freda Adler

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go. ~ Dave Chappelle

We Americans look funny when we're in France because we don't travel, we are fairly un-cultured whereas Europeans go to Africa all the time because it's right there. ~ Henry Rollins

Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch. ~ Dennis Miller

Ela did you just fart? Because you just blew me away. ~ Mark A. Cooper

Dad shakes his head. "Nope. His name start with an F." He snaps his fingers. "Floyd. That's it. When I picked you up from school, I overheard you say how much you like him, and miss him, and . . ." Then my brother and I start laughing so hard we practically hyperventilate. Dad shrugs. "What? I know I'm clueless, but you've got to tell me what's so funny." "Floyd is Karma's phone," says Toby, who's clutching his stomach because he's laughing so hard. My ~ Hillary Homzie

One matter Englishmen don't think in the least funny is their happy consciousness of possessing a deep sense of humor. ~ Marshall McLuhan

Welhewan is charming us,' Sasha says in an unsure voice. 'It is trying to soothe us with its lullaby. Do not let yourself . . . Oh, a butterfly. Look how beautiful it is! No, don't look. The forest is making us happy, and we cannot let it. ~ Sarah Dalton