Joke Quotes

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Quotes About Joke

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I don't like to joke about dating. ~ Jen Kirkman
Joke quotes by Jen Kirkman
People talk about friendship like it's only about shared loves, but it's not. It's also about finding the same things annoying and getting excited about the same silly, irrelevant things. It's the person you can share a joke with, sure. But it's also the person you can subtly roll your eyes at when someone else is talking too loudly. The person who makes the fun things better and the boring things more bearable. That's Bonnie for me. ~ Sara Barnard
Joke quotes by Sara  Barnard
C: What do you get when a giant sneezes?
Out of the way. - Marigold ~ Jean Ferris
Joke quotes by Jean Ferris
Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke of everything, and a lousy joke at that." Professor ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Joke quotes by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Fundamentalists can't take a joke. Ever. They want us to blindly obey, parrot everything they do, and believe in their dogmas. ~ Shahin Najafi
Joke quotes by Shahin Najafi
If you find you are not understanding my explaination for a joke, hit F5 on your browser and the page will refresh and I will explain it again. ~ Ryan North
Joke quotes by Ryan North
No way you can get stuck. Your head is much smaller. Look at this big coconut of mine. It's practically Jupiter. Yours is more like, I don't know, Mercury or something."

"That doesn't mean I'm going along with an idea that you're pulling out of Uranus."

We both stopped to snicker. Hard to resist a Uranus joke. ~ Brad Parks
Joke quotes by Brad Parks
The why is what makes journalism an adult game. The why is what makes policy coherent and useful. The why is what transforms bureaucrats and foot soldiers and political leaders into viable instruments of rational and affirmative change. The why is everything and without it, the very suggestion of human progress becomes a cosmic joke. ~ David Simon
Joke quotes by David Simon
I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them. We laugh to keep from crying. ~ Kanye West
Joke quotes by Kanye West
I think one artist to another artist, the best compliment you can pay one another, because the part of you that is inspired or creates something, to write a joke or a song, that's like the God-like part of a person. ~ Dave Chappelle
Joke quotes by Dave Chappelle
Europe was not born in the early Middle Ages. No common identity in 1000 linked Spain to Russia, Ireland to the Byzantine empire (in what is now the Balkans, Greece and Turkey), except the very weak sense of community that linked Christian polities together. There was no common European culture, and certainly not any Europe-wide economy. There was no sign whatsoever that Europe would, in a still rather distant future, develop economically and militarily, so as to be able to dominate the world. Anyone in 1000 looking for future industrialization would have put bets on the economy of Egypt, not of the Rhineland and Low Countries, and that of Lancashire would have seemed like a joke. In politico-military terms, the far south-east and south-west of Europe, Byzantium and al-Andalus (Muslim Spain), provided the dominant states of the Continent, whereas in western Europe the Carolingian experiment (see below, Chapters 16 and 17) had ended with the break-up of Francia (modern France, Belgium and western Germany), the hegemonic polity for the previous four hundred years. The most coherent western state in 1000, southern England, was tiny. In fact, weak political systems dominated most of the Continent at the end of our period, and the active and aggressive political systems of later on in the Middle Ages were hardly visible.

National identities, too, were not widely prominent in 1000, even if one rejects the association between nationalism and modernity made in much contemp ~ Chris Wickham
Joke quotes by Chris Wickham
This morning she told a joke to make me feel better. She's tough and funny and caring. Beautiful. And that ass. Don't look at her ass, you idiot. It's the same ass you've seen a million times, so just forget about it because the last thing you need is to start remembering what it feels like. She really isn't Lillian, is she? She sort of is, Lillian, though, in all the best ways. No, that's wrong. I'm not looking for Lillian in Lily anymore, and I haven't since we've been on the run. It's strange, but I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't Lillian I loved. Maybe what I loved was the Lily in Lillian. Oh, shit. I think I love Lily ... ~ Josephine Angelini
Joke quotes by Josephine Angelini
We had all opted to take City's financial reporting course work, which, in theory, meant we wanted to write about stock prices and corporate takeovers. That, of course, was a joke. No one still in their twenties, and broke, goes into journalism to write about money - a subject in which they still have zero practical experience. ~ Chris Ayres
Joke quotes by Chris Ayres
There's no amount of money that makes you feel better when people think of you as a joke or a hack or a failure or ugly or stupid or morally empty. ~ Patrick Stump
Joke quotes by Patrick Stump
She was too much - for Zenith, Ohio. She'd tried at times to make herself smaller, to fit neatly into the ordered lines of expectation. But somehow, she always managed to say or do something outrageous - she'd accept a dare to climb a flagpole, or make a slightly risqué joke, or go riding in cars with boys - and suddenly she was "that awful O'Neill girl" all over again. ~ Libba Bray
Joke quotes by Libba Bray
I'm presuming, though, that breaking and entering isn't your intent, unless you bring a lawyer in tow, should you be caught." He pursed his lips. "That could be convenient. ~ Kelley Armstrong
Joke quotes by Kelley Armstrong
Who do you look like?" I laugh.

"No one. My father used to joke that my mother must have had an affair with the milkman. ~ Amy Ewing
Joke quotes by Amy Ewing
Smell, the sense which somehow seems a joke, is the one most susceptible to outrage. It will give you no rest. One can close one's eyes to ugliness or shield the ears from sound; but from a powerful smell there is no recourse but flight. ~ Robert Leckie
Joke quotes by Robert Leckie
As a kid I was the youngest member of my family, and the youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation. My sister was five years older than I was, my brother was nine years older than I was, and my parents were both talkers. So at the dinner table when I was very young, I was boring to all those other people. They did not want to hear about the dumb childish news of my days. They wanted to talk about really important stuff that happened in high school or maybe in college or at work. So the only way I could get into a conversation was to say something funny. ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Joke quotes by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy. ~ Jim Gaffigan
Joke quotes by Jim Gaffigan
I'm not the comedy police, but you watch a movie, and everyone's laughing, and then you shake it out, and you realize, 'There's no joke there!' ~ Maria Semple
Joke quotes by Maria Semple
Whatever happened to a good pie-in-the-face joke? ~ Brooke Elliott
Joke quotes by Brooke Elliott
It is not a sin to be seventy but it is also no joke. ~ Golda Meir
Joke quotes by Golda Meir
My father worked behind closed doors inside the house, had a huge ancient Latin dictionary on a wrought-iron stand, spoke Spanish on the phone, and drank sherry and ate raw meat, in the form of chorizo, at five o'clock. Until the day in the yard with my playmate I thought this was what fathers did. Then I began to catalog and notice. They mowed lawns. They drank beer. They played in the yard with their kids, walked around the block with their wives, piled into campers, and, when they went out, wore joke ties or polo shirts, not Phi Beta Kappa keys and tailored vests. ~ Alice Sebold
Joke quotes by Alice Sebold
Should I be insulted that you're so eager to enjoy another man's pork?" I leaned out of the bathroom, toothbrush mid-swipe, and grinned. "Ethan Sullivan, did you just make a joke?" He hadn't, at least from the look on his face. But I wasn't threatened by the possessiveness in his eyes. Because bacon. ~ Chloe Neill
Joke quotes by Chloe Neill
Ian's strong hands closed around her. "Are you all right?"
"Perfectly fine." She bit her lip. "I believe Cameron needs to find me a softer horse."
Ian grinned, then burst out laughing. His laughter was warm and velvety, so fine she paused to drink it in.
Beth smiled at him and made a show of gingerly sitting down. "You may cease laughing at me, Ian Mackenzie. It was only my first lesson."
He leaned toward her. "You already have a very good seat, my Beth."
"Shall I take it you are referring to how I sit on a horse?"
Ian kissed her cheek and moved to his own chair, still smiling. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and sat down. "Beth likes to joke," he said without looking at the others.
Beth felt the frost of Hart's rigid stare. Daniel's mouth was open in surprise, and Cameron sat very still. Something had happened, and Beth wasn't certain what. ~ Jennifer Ashley
Joke quotes by Jennifer Ashley
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke. ~ Maureen Johnson
Joke quotes by Maureen Johnson
These endless legal challenges that define elections in New York are a joke in this country, and they are the reason why it is so expensive, or one of the reasons, it's so expensive to run here and why so many people decide not to run. ~ Michael Bloomberg
Joke quotes by Michael Bloomberg
When we perceive aliens as a joke to be laughed at,
they feel so pity for us on the success of their plans. ~ Toba Beta
Joke quotes by Toba Beta
The hoary joke in the literary world, based on 'Dreams From My Father,' was that if things had worked out differently for Barack Obama, he could have made it as a writer. ~ James Fallows
Joke quotes by James Fallows
What I heard, and continue to hear, is a voice that can crack religious and political convictions open, that advocates for the least qualified, least official, least likely; that upsets the established order and makes a joke of certainty. It proclaims against reason that the hungry will be fed, that those cast down will be raised up, and that all things, including my own failures, are being made new. It offers food without exception to the worthy and unworthy, the screwed-up and pious, and then commands everyone to do the same. It doesn't promise to solve or erase suffering but to transform it, pledging that by loving one another, even through pain, we will find more life. And it insists that by opening ourselves to strangers, ~ Sara Miles
Joke quotes by Sara Miles
I'm a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly. It gets things in perspective and helps everyone to see that things aren't as bad as they seem. ~ Ronnie Wood
Joke quotes by Ronnie Wood
Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke. ~ Fred Durst
Joke quotes by Fred Durst
She had always found platypuses irresistible proof that God likes a joke as much as anyone else. ~ Kerry Greenwood
Joke quotes by Kerry Greenwood
She dropped her glass and wiped the spill with her sleeve.
'Oh, god, use a napkin,' he said. 'People are going to think you were raised by wolves.' He snorted at his own joke. ~ Faith McKay
Joke quotes by Faith McKay
I don't worry about the last shot or the next shot. I concentrate. Every shot gets a clean slate. And when a shot is over, I wipe it out absolutely. Tell a joke or something. If you worry about how you looked, how well you did, you'll go insane. ~ Michael Caine
Joke quotes by Michael Caine
With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke. ~ Tim Vine
Joke quotes by Tim Vine
Is there any other way to Erudite headquarters?" I say. "Not that I now of," says Cara. "Unless you want to jump from one roof to another." She laughs a little as she says it, like it's a joke. I raise my eyebrows at her. "Wait," she says. "You aren't considering
? ~ Veronica Roth
Joke quotes by Veronica Roth
I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of ... certainly of our household. ~ Scott Pruett
Joke quotes by Scott Pruett
Here is a good joke. The little boy walks into an ice cream store, He asks for a sundae with extra hot fudge sauce. 'I'm sorry." says tje ice cream man. "Hot fudge only comes in one temperature." Mark, Florida ~ Susan Magsamen
Joke quotes by Susan Magsamen
Children are God's or nature's practical joke on couples - that which is produced by passion then proceeds to nearly kill it. ~ Dennis Prager
Joke quotes by Dennis Prager
You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out. ~ Jack Youngblood
Joke quotes by Jack Youngblood
It is real, isn't it? It's not a joke? Petunia says you're lying to me. Petunia says there isn't a Hogwarts. It is real, isn't it?"
"It's real for us," said Snape. "Not for her. ~ J.K. Rowling
Joke quotes by J.K. Rowling
Every one of my novels could be entitled The Unbearable Lightness of Being or The Joke or Laughable Loves; the titles are interchangeable, they reflect the small number of themes that obsess me, define me, and unfortunately, restrict me. Beyond these themes, I have nothing else to say or write. ~ Milan Kundera
Joke quotes by Milan Kundera
Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it. ~ Joan Rivers
Joke quotes by Joan Rivers
A symphony is no joke. ~ Johannes Brahms
Joke quotes by Johannes Brahms
The truth is, my dad was a great driver. I mean, he could handle an automobile. He loved speed. He used to joke that his one regret was he didn't join the volunteer fire service so he could drive the ambulance. ~ Joe Biden
Joke quotes by Joe Biden
The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can't seem to come up with anything new that's funny. That's a tough place to be as a comedian. ~ Bill Burr
Joke quotes by Bill Burr
It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can see it intellectually, as well as emotionally, and I don't know whether you've noticed, but if somebody tells a joke, it's nearly always a mini fantasy. ~ Diana Wynne Jones
Joke quotes by Diana Wynne Jones
Life may be a grand folly, as you say, but it is harder to appriciate the joke when you're always the butt of it. ~ Richard Russo
Joke quotes by Richard Russo
When I look at my audience, I can tell better who's in the crowd and the kind of joke I shouldn't do. It's just complicated. I guess I sift through to make sure these jokes are a little different with not such a harsh edge to them. That's pretty much how I handle the crowd. ~ Larry The Cable Guy
Joke quotes by Larry The Cable Guy
Someone once told me a joke," he said. "I'd like to be a pacifist, but people keep getting in the way.' I made a decision to fight for my friend in prison. It was a deliberate decision. It isn't the only way-it's just something I decided. ~ Edeet Ravel
Joke quotes by Edeet Ravel
You heard me. Let someone else send you to your blaze of glory. You're a speck, man. You're nothing. You're not worth the bullet or the mark on my soul for taking you out."
You trying to piss me off again, Patrick?" He removed Campbell Rawson from his shoulder and held him aloft.
I tilted my wrist so the cylinder fell into my palm, shrugged. "You're a joke, Gerry. I'm just calling it like I see it."
That so?"
Absolutely." I met his hard eyes with my own. "And you'll be replaced, just like everything else, in maybe a week, tops. Some other dumb, sick shit will come along and kill some people and he'll be all over the papers, and all over Hard Copy and you'll be yesterday's news. Your fifteen minutes are up, Gerry. And they've passed without impact."
They'll remember this," Gerry said. "Believe me."
Gerry clamped back on the trigger. When he met my finger, he looked at me and then clamped down so hard that my finger broke.
I depressed the trigger on the one-shot and nothing happened.
Gerry shrieked louder, and the razor came out of my flesh, then swung back immediately, and I clenched my eyes shut and depressed the trigger frantically three times.
And Gerry's hand exploded.
And so did mine.
The razor hit the ice by my knee as I dropped the one shot and fire roared up the electrical tape and gasoline on Gerry's arm and caught the wisps of Danielle's hair.
Gerry threw his head back and opened his mouth wide and bellowed ~ Dennis Lehane
Joke quotes by Dennis Lehane
Then I'll hide all the scissors and chewing gum." It made the entire room grow quiet before he looked over at me. "I know how upset you were last time when I had to cut your hair." My jaw was on the floor. He'd totally cracked a joke. "Then I guess you should hide the mattresses, too," I shot back playfully. ~ Amber L. Johnson
Joke quotes by Amber L. Johnson
The entire Quran is a big joke. If it was not so violent, it would be the biggest comic book ever written. ~ Ali Sina
Joke quotes by Ali Sina
I joke that I learned the essentials of storytelling from Hanna-Barbera, but I pretty much did. That kind of television is what enamored me as a kid, and that's what really got me hooked. You could say that's where it all began. ~ Kurt Sutter
Joke quotes by Kurt Sutter
If someone tells you you're crazy enough times, eventually it becomes true. It's that old psychiatrist's joke: insanity's all in your head. ~ Madeleine Roux
Joke quotes by Madeleine Roux
I asked if this was maybe a very, very lame, roundabout dinner-date invitation - to ask her to come over for cabbage. "No, he was really asking me how to cook cabbage," she moaned. The same guy e-mailed her a few days later with this gem, and again, this is not a joke: "I recently got my futon wet and put it outside to dry, but it got caught in the rain, so now it's wet again. ~ Aziz Ansari
Joke quotes by Aziz Ansari
What are you going to name him?" I asked her.
Adrian followed my lead. „Adrian Sinclair has a nice ring to it," he said.
Olive's eyes, full of fear, watched the window and door, but her lips curled into another smile at the joke. "Declan."
"Nice Irish name," I said.
"It would work," Adrian conceded. „Declan Adrian Sinclair."
„Declan Neil," she corrected. ~ Richelle Mead
Joke quotes by Richelle Mead
By now the streets of Kalaupapa were filled with people racing for high ground - sick people crying
"Tsunami!" as nature played yet another mean trick on them, God's last best joke at their expense. It was,
after all, April Fool's Day. ~ Alan Brennert
Joke quotes by Alan Brennert
She looked at Rose sitting between Jasper and Prue. How odd that one's child should do that! How odd to see them sitting there, in a row, her children, Jasper, Rose, Prue, Andrew, almost silent, but with some joke of their own going on, she guessed, from the twitching at their lips. It was something quite apart from everything else, something they were hoarding up to laugh over in their own room ... There was all that hoarded behind those rather set, still, mask like faces, for they did not join in easily; they were like watchers, surveyors, a little raised or set apart from the grown-up people. ~ Virginia Woolf
Joke quotes by Virginia Woolf
You can be merry with the king, you can share a joke with him. But as Thomas More used to say, it's like sporting with a tamed lion. You tousle its mane and pull its ears, but all the time you're thinking, those claws, those claws, those claws. ~ Hilary Mantel
Joke quotes by Hilary Mantel
The car housed a hysterical bumper sticker: Save the Planet, and I permitted a moment of contemplation to truly bask in this thought. Save the planet? What a joke. Save the planet from what? From ourselves? And save it for what? For ourselves? It was a kind of perpetual stupidity in a tug-of-war battle over trivial matters. Only imbeciles see things in black and white: liberal or conservative, yes or no, this or that. Those in power laugh at those people in their morally inverted shades of grey, basking in the labels they've created so the people are easier to control. ~ Bruce Crown
Joke quotes by Bruce Crown
First of all, Saddam did not win the war, even though he says he did, I mean, you know, that's a joke and everybody in the world knows it. ~ Norman Schwarzkopf
Joke quotes by Norman Schwarzkopf
What if at the core, if you dug deep enough, uncovered every truth ... what if at the heart of it all.. there was a lie, like a worm at the centre of the apple, coiled like Oroborus, just as the secret of men hides coiled at the centre of each piece of you, no matter how fine you slice? Wouldn't that be a fine joke now? ~ Mark Lawrence
Joke quotes by Mark Lawrence
My joke is a picture of David Bowie on his balcony in the '70s in a suit in Paris, and unless that's you, I'm not interested. There are very few aesthetic types that I have, and people who look like that are not always necessarily good for me. ~ Jen Kirkman
Joke quotes by Jen Kirkman
There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules. ~ Robin Ince
Joke quotes by Robin Ince
What did the mat say to the door? You must be really aDOORable to open up to everyone who knock at you. And I welcome everyone and what do I get? People stepping all over me ~ Ana Claudia Antunes
Joke quotes by Ana Claudia Antunes
I actually credit Twitter with fine-tuning some joke-writing skills. I still feel like I'm working at it. ~ Steve Martin
Joke quotes by Steve Martin
He paused, letting the tension mount. His solemn gaze met mine. "How long are you going to make me wait?"
I considered making a joke. Blowing the whole thing off like nothing had happened. But I cared about Adam too much to dismiss his genuine interest with careless sarcasm. "I don't know."
He stared at me for a few moments. Behind his eyes I could see the wheels turning. Weighing the options and eventualities. Finally, he breathed out through his nose, like expelling bad energy. "Well, I guess that's better than 'never'. ~ Jaye Wells
Joke quotes by Jaye Wells
I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilarious thing for me to say because for many, many years I was the guy whose only contribution to any conversation was, 'There was a funny 'Simpson's' joke about that.' ~ Joss Whedon
Joke quotes by Joss Whedon
I don't find the same things funny that many other people seem to find funny. I don't really respond to sex jokes and things like that. Some of my friends look at me and go, "Come on, Nic, that was my best joke. Why aren't you laughing?" I go, "I really don't know why I'm not laughing. I'm sort of out of sync with it." So I'd have to find something that was really about weird human behavior for me to laugh. ~ Nicolas Cage
Joke quotes by Nicolas Cage
I can't wait for him to visit me again. He's just so handsome, don't you think?" she asked.
I paused. "Yeah, he's cute."
"Come on, America! You have to have noticed those eyes and his voice..."
"Except when he laughs!" Just remembering Maxon's laugh had me grinning. It was cute but awkward. He pushed his breaths out, and then made a jagged noise when he inhaled, almost like another laugh in itself.
"Yes, okay, he does have a funny laugh, but it's cute."
"Sure, if you like the lovable sound of an asthma attack in your ear every time you tell a joke."
Marlee lost it and doubled over in laughter.
"All right, all right," she said, coming up for air. "You have to think there's something attractive about him."
I opened my mouth and shut it two or three times. I was tempted to take another jab at Maxon, but I didn't want Marlee to see him in a negative light. So I thought about it.
What was attractive about Maxon?
"Well, when he lets his guard down, he's okay. Like when he just talks without checking his words or you catch him just looking at something like...like he's really looking for the beauty in it."
Marlee smiled, and I knew she'd seen that in him, too.
"And I like that he seems genuinely involved when he's there, you know? Like even though he's got a country to run and a thousand things to do, it's like he forgets it all when he's with you. He just dedicates himself to what's right in front of him. I like that.
Kiera Cass
Joke quotes by Kiera Cass
Are you coming?" Matthew took his hand. "Not yet, but I hope we're headed that way." Silas rolled his eyes. "That's a terrible joke." "I know. You'll have to punish me for it. ~ Elia Winters
Joke quotes by Elia Winters
I tell this joke about Barack Obama is the best communicator of our generation: The guy reads a teleprompter better than any Hollywood actor. John McCain, his opponent - Stevie Wonder reads a teleprompter better than John McCain. ~ Frank Luntz
Joke quotes by Frank Luntz
It was a running joke; everyone was aware of how ridiculous the rumor mill was, and yet they all shamelessly participated in it. ~ Jamie McGuire
Joke quotes by Jamie McGuire
I said that we should be all right if we had some cigarettes. I only meant this as a joke; nevertheless half an hour later McNair appeared with two packets of Lucky Strike. He had braved the pitch-dark streets, roamed by Anarchist patrols who had twice stopped him at the pistol's point and examined his papers. I shall not forget this small act of heroism. We were very glad of the cigarettes. ~ George Orwell
Joke quotes by George Orwell
You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people. ~ Dave Barry
Joke quotes by Dave Barry
[...] It is. Philosophy is a field that, unfortunately, reminds me of that old Woody Allen joke, "those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach, teach gym." And the worst part of philosophy is the philosophy of science; the only people, as far as I can tell, that read work by philosophers of science are other philosophers of science. It has no impact on physics what so ever, and I doubt that other philosophers read it because it's fairly technical. And so it's really hard to understand what justifies it. And so I'd say that this tension occurs because people in philosophy feel threatened, and they have every right to feel threatened, because science progresses and philosophy doesn't.
[the atlantic, Has Physics Made Philosophy and Religion Obsolete? - interview, apr 23 2012] ~ Lawrence M. Krauss
Joke quotes by Lawrence M. Krauss
You remember having friends who used to lampoon the world so effortlessly, crouching at the verge of every joke and waiting to pounce on it, and you remember how they changed as they grew older and the joy of questioning everything slowly became transformed into the pain of questioning everything, like a star consuming its own core. ~ Kevin Brockmeier
Joke quotes by Kevin Brockmeier
You see a lot of sketch variety shows where each segment is one joke that they repeat over and over and over again, and the sketches are always three or four minutes too long. ~ Eric Andre
Joke quotes by Eric Andre
Meet Tony. My first chest hair. I called him Tony as he's Tony one I got," Connor laughed.
Jason laughed at his joke at first and then as fast as lightning grabbed Connor's only chest hair and plucked it.
"Tony one you had," Jason corrected. ~ Mark A. Cooper
Joke quotes by Mark A. Cooper
There's nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn't hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I'll bet it was pretty funny. ~ Jarod Kintz
Joke quotes by Jarod Kintz
I move my feet, turn away from her, try to pretend she's not there, which is the biggest fucking joke I've ever not laughed at. ~ David Levithan
Joke quotes by David Levithan
I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Joke quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
And Eth couldn't help looking. It's been years since he's seen a beautiful naked woman in the flesh. I'd be worried about him if he hadn't looked."
"He's a minister!"
"It was a blessed event. You sure you don't want me to hang that robe up?"
"You're making a joke out of this."
"Absolutely not. Only an insensitive jerk would think something this traumatic was funny. Tell you what. I'll go downstairs right this minute and kill him before he gets away. ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Joke quotes by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Oh God. It's no joke. Oh God oh God. How can I keep on living? ~ Margaret Atwood
Joke quotes by Margaret Atwood
In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke. ~ Carlos Mencia
Joke quotes by Carlos Mencia
I phoned the Admiral back.
'It's no use, Admiral, the French speak nothing but French.'
There was a short pause on the end of the line then his voice rattled into life like a sabre.
'They're lying, Tim!'
'What?'
'The French Navy must by law speak English, as English is the international maritime language of the sea.'
'Has anyone told the French that?'
The line went dead for a moment before he thundered, 'Yes Nelson. At the battle of Trafalgar.'
I tried to stifle an irresistibly British giggle not knowing if the Admiral was making a joke or not. I got it right. He was serious. ~ Tim FitzHigham
Joke quotes by Tim FitzHigham
My goal is to get on the national team. People joke that we'll be able to go to Beijing in 2008, but it's just jokes right now. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a reality. ~ Lindsay Thompson
Joke quotes by Lindsay Thompson
A critical analysis of the present global constellation-one which offers no clear solution, no "practical" advice on what to do, and provides no light at the end of the tunnel, since one is well aware that this light might belong to a train crashing towards us-usually meets with reproach: "Do you mean we should do nothing? Just sit and wait?" One should gather the courage to answer: "YES, precisely that!" There are situations when the only true "practical" thing to do is to resist the temptation to engage immediately and to "wait and see" by means of a patient, critical analysis. Engagement seems to exert its pressure on us from all directions. In a well-known passage from his 'Existentialism and Humanism', Sartre deployed the dilemma of a young man in France in 1942, torn between the duty to help his lone, ill mother and the duty to enter the war and fight the Germans; Sartre's point is, of course, that there is no a priori answer to this dilemma. The young man needs to make a decision grounded only in his own abyssal freedom and assume full responsibility for it.

An obscene third way out of this dilemma would have been to advise the young man to tell his mother that he will join the Resistance, and to tell his Resistance friends that he will take care of his mother, while, in reality, withdrawing to a secluded place and studying.

There is more than cheap cynicism in this advice. It brings to mind a well-known Soviet joke about Lenin. Under socialism; L ~ Slavoj Zizek
Joke quotes by Slavoj Zizek
Were you serious when you said I might win someday at Wimbledon?"
Claire answered, "There's so much that's pure luck, good or bad. The weather can be terrible. We always say we should re-schedule Wimbledon and hold it in the summer!"
I frowned. "Wimbledon is in the summer."
Claire sighed. "It's a joke, Fiona."
"Oh. ~ Fiona Hodgkin
Joke quotes by Fiona Hodgkin
I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel. ~ James C. Humes
Joke quotes by James C. Humes
It just seems like right now we're in a place where people are being witch-hunted for expressing an opinion. Even if it's a lousy opinion or a shitty opinion, and comics I don't think can ever fall into the trap of any groups that want to censor what a person says or thinks or punish a person for expressing what they think. Anything you say about a social issue is going to offend half the country. I don't care how nicely you say it, I don't care how well you construct the joke, simply by stating the opinion, you are for something and anti something else. ~ Jim Norton
Joke quotes by Jim Norton
Philosophy, then, is that thinkins with which one can start nothing and about which housemaids necessarily laugh. Such a definition of philosophy is not a mere joke but is something to think over. We shall fo well to remember occasionally that by our strolling we can fall into a well whereby we may not reach ground for quite some time. ~ Martin Heidegger
Joke quotes by Martin Heidegger
When two terms belong to the same category, it is proper to construct conjunctive propositions embodying them. Thus a purchaser may say that he bought a left-hand glove and a right- hand glove, but not that he bought a left-hand glove, a right- hand glove, and a pair of gloves. 'She came home in a flood of tears and a sedan-chair' is a well known joke based on the absurdity of conjoining terms of different types. Now the dogma of the Ghost in the Machine does just this. It maintains that there exist both bodies and minds. ~ Gilbert Ryle
Joke quotes by Gilbert Ryle
Oh, Phil," I teased. "You know what happens when you assume."
"Yes. Someone makes an overdone, tripe joke about the spelling of a commonly used verb. ~ Megan Squires
Joke quotes by Megan Squires
Oh, I love critics. Because they love me. It's not a joke. They care. ~ Prince
Joke quotes by Prince
I was up really early. It was the day of my selection tests and interviews to become a Prison Officer. The recruitment process was an absolute joke ... Everyone could have travelled round the world seven fucking times before they hear[d] back from the Service's recruitment cowboys. ~ Ronnie Thompson
Joke quotes by Ronnie Thompson
...our relationship was like a Word document that we were writing and editing together, or a long private joke which nobody else could understand. ~ Sally Rooney
Joke quotes by Sally Rooney
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