Sigma Chi Funny Quotes

I had spent many years before I was 31 hearing people tell me, Oh Man, you're so funny, you need to be in television. But that and a quarter won't get you on a bus. ~ Chi McBride

Sigma Chi, more than anything else, got me involved with the people who knew how to study, and they helped me. I learned from them. The Norman Shield is still quite applicable now. ~ William DeVries

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

When I became a Sigma Chi it was great, because they were the pople I enjoyed being with and I was very proud of the association. It was kind of an instant confidence builder for me
that what I considered the best fraternity on campus had actually wanted me. And I had always been very shy and without a lot of confidence. So it was a really good social experience and for me it was also a social maturation. It was a great benefit. ~ David Letterman

Sigma Chi was a learning experience for me in personal growth, in finding out more about myself, in shaping my life more effectively, and in directing my energies more efficiently. All of those things were heavily influenced by my Sigma Chi experience. There is no question that that has had a tremendous impact on my career, profesionally and on my life. ~ Merlin Olsen

You have to be honest, have integrity, be able to cooperate and get along with other people. Sigma Chi is a great place to learn that and that's why it's a great thing to join this fraternity. ~ Jim Palmer

Roosevelt could always keep ahead with his work, but I cannot do it, and I know it is a grievous fault, but it is too late to remedy it. The country must take me as it found me. Wasn't it your mother who had a servant girl who said it was no use for her to try to hurry, that she was a "Sunday chil" and no "Sunday chil" could hurry? I don't think I am a Sunday child, but I ought to have been; then I would have had an excuse for always being late. ~ William Howard Taft

Well, you keep your place then, nigger. I could get you strung up on a tree so easy it ain't even funny." Crooks had reduced himself to nothing. There was no personality, no ego - nothing to arouse either like or dislike. He said, "Yes, ma'am," and his voice was toneless. ~ John Steinbeck

Have you ever heard someone say 'I shouldn't have trusted my intuition'? ~ Jennifer Ho-Dougatz

That's a lovely experience when you make an audience laugh. Then the nerves go away for a bit. And sometimes you do things then that you've never done before that are really funny. ~ John Cleese

Once anyone who has a sense of humor can do what they want, they want to do funny bits as much as possible. ~ Gavin McInnes

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip. ~ John Cleese

Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear. ~ Dylan Moran

I noticed that I used to go to second hand shops and flea markets and find funny, cute things, but now I go into those stores, and I think, This is dead people's stuff. This is all, like, somebody cleaned out their parents' house, and I don't want any of it. If I didn't want it from my parents, I don't want it from your parents. ~ Roz Chast

Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole. ~ Kresley Cole

Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great. ~ Mark Twain

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do. ~ Chris Rock

When you have great players, playing great, well that's great football! ~ John Madden

THE LANTERN IN THE LIFEBOAT I am nervous. I'm afraid. But I will stand here in the white hot heat of you. I will play Russian roulette with your playlists. I will tell jokes I'm not sure you'll find funny. I will hold on until there is no more reason to. And in the end, I will break the stars and resurrect the sun. ~ Pleasefindthis

I'm sure I look a wreck. But he's the one who wrecked me so he may as well take a good long look at what he's done. ~ Monica Murphy

What's meant for you will reach you in time, and if you embrace it with your arms wide open it might just stay with you forever and bless you with more happiness than you could ever envision. ~ Jayde Scott

Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. ~ Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one. ~ Andy Borowitz

Then I say, "Let's go and brush our teeth." So Lola says, "But Charlie, I can't brush my teeth because somebody is using my tooth." "But who would use your toothbrush?" I ask. Lola says "I think that lion. I saw a lion with my toothbrush and now he's brushing his teeth with it." "But it isn't this your toothbrush Lola?" "Oh," says Lola, "he must be using yours. ~ Lauren Child

The only person I compete with is Satan. If that happens to be you, then could you please move out of the way? You're standing in Christ's spot. ~ Shannon L. Alder

You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated."
"I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for. ~ Derek Landy

"Yes, but that's our strongest weak point." ~ Samuel Goldwyn

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade ... ~ Ron White

friends are the sunshine of life. ~ John Hay

Who's they?" He wanted to know. "Who, specifically, do you think is trying to murder you?"
"Every one of them," Yossarian told him.
"Every one of whom?"
"Every one of whom do you think?"
"I haven't any idea."
"Then how do you know they aren't?"
"Because ... " Clevinger sputtered, and turned speechless with frustration.
Clevinger really thought he was right, but Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn't know shot at him with cannons every time he flew up into the air to drop bombs on them, and it wasn't funny at all. ~ Joseph Heller

The funny thing about advertising is that it's not a zero-sum game ... Historically, in the digital ad world, pie has gotten larger and it's possible for everyone to win, and it's perfectly possible that will continue to be true for quite some time. ~ Eric Schmidt

Shit," Seth grunts. "Maybe he does have a magic dick."
Jackson snickers, but I don't find it funny at all. Not in the slightest.
"He doesn't have a magic dick." I spit. "You two are just being immature. ~ Skyla Madi

My goal is to ensure the Northern Border is safe, secure and allows for the free flow of travel and commerce. ~ Rick Larsen

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I will make thee think thy swan a crow. ~ William Shakespeare

Buffoons may have serious faces behind their mask! ~ Nelson Jack

It was a well-known fact that Lorna was leaving in six months' time, since Lorna had been leaving in six months' time for close to twenty-five years. ~ Danielle Wood