Natalie Nunn Funny Quotes

Every time a dog humps your leg, you're being raped. #metoo ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

I sometimes think drivers don't know what grass is, or flowers, because they never see them slowly," she said. "If you showed a driver a green blur, Oh yes! he'd say, that's grass! A pink blur? That's a rose-garden! White blurs are houses. Brown blurs are cows. My uncle drove slowly on a highway once. He drove forty miles an hour and they jailed him for two days. Isn't that funny, and sad, too? ~ Ray Bradbury

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

There is no hell. There is only France. ~ Frank Zappa

You're always trying so hard to see something, just like you're taking notes, like some scholar doing research, right? Or just like a little kid. You really are a little kid, when you're a kid you try to see everything, don't you? Babies look right into the eyes of people they don't know and cry or laugh, but now you just try and look right into people's eyes, you'll go nuts before you know it. Just try it, try looking right into the eyes of people walking past, you'll start feeling funny pretty soon, Ryū, you shouldn't look at things like a baby. ~ Ryu Murakami

Does anyone know why Will left? Charlotte demanded, standing at the head of a long table around which the rest of them were seated. Cecily, her hands folded demurely before her, suddenly became very interested in the pattern of the carpet. ~ Cassandra Clare

That was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more. ~ Beth Revis

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass. ~ W.C. Fields

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

As far as my journal, I want to share tour life with my fans. ~ Natalie Gulbis

If I start feeling down I'll gorge myself on pasta. That usually does the trick. It's the Italian blood in me. ~ Natalie Imbruglia

Um, thanks," Jackson told her. "And your name is…?"

"I'm Margaret, Margaret Van Der Graaf," she answered with another eerie smile. Her teeth were so white that they looked bleached.

"Van Der Graaf?" Jackson repeated, trying to stifle his laughter. He didn't want to be rude to the only person in sight, to this kind-hearted stranger who was offering to help him, but… Van Der Graaf?

"What are you laughing at?" Margaret asked with curiosity, flashing him a calculating gaze. "I like my name. If you're going to be a jerk, then I won't help you. You can stay out here on the street through the night for all I care."

"…Harsh," said Jackson, giving her a quizzical glance back. There was something 'off' about her, something that Jackson couldn't quite place, something that bordered on horrible loneliness and longing. "Who else lives here, Margaret Van Der Graaf?" He couldn't resist saying her name aloud. Despite its hilarity, it had a nice ring to it. "Who else lives here?" he urged.

"Me, myself and I," said Margaret simply, snickering when she saw his horrified and annoyed expression ~ Rebecca McNutt

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant! ~ Henny Youngman

She introduced herself to my parents with one of her mighty, bunny-crushing handshakes. (I'd never seen Claudia crush a bunny, to be fair, but that's the approximate level of pressure.) ~ Maureen Johnson

The last I knew you were going to a party. just a few friends at the McEvoys' you told me. The science club, you told me. What happened? You got into a fight about the theory of relativity? Did creationists crash the party and start a rumble? ~ Tami Hoag

His life was a constant war with insensate objects that fell apart, or attacked him, or refused to function, or viciously got themselves lost as soon as they entered the sphere of his existence. ~ Vladimir Nabokov

The whole summer stretched out before us, long, hot, endless.
September flashed like a tiny red warning light in the distance, but if I squinted, I could ignore it. I decided to squint for a while.
'It's going to be wonderful,' I said. ~ Natalie Standiford

There is no certainty; there is only adventure. ~ Roberto Assagioli

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. ~ Jon Foreman

You're not mending anything, remember, Sand? The hedge." He paused and shook his head at himself. "And Perrotte's away for a few minutes, and you're talking to yourself again. ~ Merrie Haskell

I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me. ~ Andy Weir

I've never been a big believer in formal education. ~ Megan Fox

That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it?" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller. ~ Cassandra Clare

I don't think I'm crazy, but then again, define crazy. ~ J. Lincoln Fenn

Relaxing at home in his 55th-floor condominium before a game, Sammy Sosa is the same as at the ball park: focused but funny, exuberant but reserved. He is in a strange country, conversing in two languages, but his every movement displays a combination of confidence and humility. ~ Bill Dedman

He slowed down a bit more. "Gaia, how do you know these things?" She shrugged. "I'm smart." "And modest, too." "Modesty is a waste of time," she pronounced. "I'll keep that in mind. ~ Francine Pascal

It's funny - when you look at the real A-listers nowadays, look at how many live in and around Hollywood. Most of them live on a ranch in Utah. It's no coincidence these guys get in and get out. ~ Darren Boyd

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country. ~ Ian Rush

Yes, Max is very hot." "Excuse me?" She laughed. "He's the knight, and you're the noble gentleman, silly. You're both hotties." Ethan snorted with a laugh. "On with the tour you noble hotty you." "You're a funny girl, but also quite hot." "Thanks." Ethan ~ Cheri Schmidt

There is no need to worry about mere size. We do not necessarily respect a fat man more than a thin man. Sir Isaac Newton was very much smaller than a hippopotamus, but we do not on that account value him less. ~ Bertrand Russell

Nicole's door opened, and she stomped down the hall. "I have something to say," she said, giving him the Slitty Eyes of Death. "You're totally unfair, and if I run away, you shouldn't be surprised." "Don't make me put a computer chip in your ear," Liam answered. "It's not funny! I hate you." "Well, I love you, even if you did ruin my life by turning into a teenager," he said, rubbing his eyes. "Did you study for your test?" "Yes." "Good." He looked at his daughter - so much like Emma, way too pretty. Why weren't there convent schools anymore? Or chastity belts? "Want some supper? I saved your plate." She rolled her eyes with all the melodrama a teenager could muster. "Fine. I may as well become a fat pig since I can't ever go on a date." "That's my girl," he said and, grinning, got up to heat up her dinner. ~ Kristan Higgins

You 'accidentally' touched his bottom? Didn't that happen when you last saw him as
well? Surprising how often that seems to be a problem. ~ Twisted Hilarity

God, could that dopey girl dance. Buddy Singer and his stinking band was playing 'Just One of Those Things' and even they couldn't ruin it entirely. It's a swell song. I didn't try any trick stuff while we danced
I hate a guy that does a lot of show-off tricky stuff on the dance floor
but I was moving her around plenty, and she stayed with me. The funny thing is, I thought she was enjoying it, too, till all of a sudden she came out with this very dumb remark. "I and my girl friends saw Peter Lorre last night," she said. "The movie actor. In person. He was buyin' a newspaper. He's cute."
"You're lucky," I told her. "You're really lucky. You know that?" She was really a moron. But what a dancer. ~ J.D. Salinger

Funny how when we start to tell a secret, we can't stop. Something falls open in us, and the sheer momentum of letting go pushes us on. ~ Victoria Schwab