Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes

I think a lot of modern art is complete bullshit. But I admire the creativity. The weird shit people think of! Some of the most interesting things I've ever seen in my life, I've seen in modern art museums. And that's what art is all about. It's supposed to make you think.

The fictitious men in romance novels are as fake and imaginary as vampires. They're not real.

Patriotism is a gateway drug to fascism. Tribalism is the gateway to racism.

While the senate goes on spring break during a deadly pandemic, they're telling us peasants to go back to work, because the billionaires need more billions.

We all know that sex is the most interesting topic in the world. We love to talk about sex. There's no juicier gossip than who is sleeping with whom. And we love to read about sex. Check the top 1000 books on Amazon. Most of them have a shirtless guy on the cover, because they're smutty "romance novels" (read: porn for women) about a girl being swept off her feet by one (or more) billionaire alphamales. There are literally tens of thousands of books out there about shirtless billionaire alpha-male vampires who can't wait to mate with you. Lucky you! And women eat that shit up! Men, not so much. We men prefer to watch actual porn. And there's a perfectly good explanation for that.

Next time a little edgelord comments "OK boomer" to troll you, just troll him right back and reply with "I bet you like chicken nuggets." All small children like chicken nuggets.

There's a big overlap between conspiracy theorists, racists, gun nuts, doomsday preppers, fans of the rapture and poor white Republicans. They all have one thing in common: They feel like the oppressed underdogs.

For us men, sex is the most important thing in the world. Men feel about sex the way vampires feel about blood. They don't just like it, they crave it. That's why vampire stories always have strong sexual undercurrents. A vampire's hunger is simply a metaphor for a man's lust.

North Korea, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, isn't democratic. The Nazis, the National Socialists, weren't socialists. And America isn't the land of the free. It's all just clever nationalist marketing.

Most people don't think for themselves. They just regurgitate someone else's opinion and pass it off as their own.

Ten short years ago, nobody had ever heard of a selfie. But today every decent cell phone has not one but two cameras, so you can take idiotic duck face pictures. And don't forget the billion dollar selfie-stick industry. Capitalism has found a whole new way to turn our vanity into profit.

Would Jesus build a wall? Would Mother Teresa? No, of course not. They would welcome the refugees and give them free universal healthcare.

What is love? Love is when your heart has a raging boner.

Our entire life we chase the wrong things because we think having more money and buying more stuff will make us more happy. But it doesn't. You know why a billionaire has 100 Ferraris? Because 99 weren't enough.

The lie that abortion is murder is right-wing propaganda designed to demonize Democrats. Abortion is legal all over the world because a fetus without a cerebral cortex cannot think or feel before the 27th week. According to the CDC almost all abortions happen before the 13th week.

We live in this bubble of ignorance. Most people know nothing about history, or the historical context of the traditions they still follow today. People do things without knowing why they're doing them.

German is a much more precise language than English. Americans throw the word love around for everything: I love my wife! I love all my friends! I love rock music! I love the rain! I love comic books! I love peanut butter!

The word you use to describe your feelings for your wife should not be the same word you use to describe your feelings for peanut butter. In German, there are a dozen different words that describe varying degrees of liking something a lot. Germans almost never use the word love, unless they mean a deep romantic love. I have never told my parents I love them, because it would sound melodramatic, inappropriate, and almost incestuous. In German, you tell your mother that you hold her very dear, not that you are in love with her.

Trump's MAGA minions live in a Fox News bubble.

Owning a gun proves "In God we trust" is a lie. If you actually trusted in God, you wouldn't feel like you need a gun.

The strangest thing about fascism in America today is that American facists are so dumb, they don't even know they're fascists. They don't even know what the word fascism means.

They vaguely know that it had something to do with Hitler and the Nazis, but that's it. They have no idea that the first words of the Nazi anthem were "Germany above all else" which was their version of "America first." And the way Nazis demonized jews was no different than the way American fascists demonize liberals. Hitler promised to "make Germany great again." And Hitler denounced the newspapers, which exposed him for what he really was, as "Lügenpresse," which is German for "fake news."

If the German Nazi party still existed today, they would look exactly like the Republican party under Trump. Hitler's rallies looked no different than Trump's rallies. And Hitler would absolutely love a well-oiled propaganda outlet like Fox News.

You have not had any privacy since the first day you owned your first cell phone. They can track everything. They can hear recordings of anything you have ever said on your cell. And read everything you ever read, and everything you ever typed. And see every location you've ever been to. That's just how cells work. Your privacy is a willful illusion.

When a guy calls you hot, he's looking at your body. When a guy calls you pretty, he's looking at your face. When a guy calls you beautiful, he's looking at your heart. All three guys still wanna fuck you though.

Many fundamentalist Christian Evangelicals are racist because religion and racism are two sides of the same coin. Both are nothing more than primitive tribalism: Us vs Them thinking. That's why religious nuts and racists can so easily be manipulated into hating someone who is different from them.

LA is very different from New York. New York is a huge, dense metropolis. LA is a bunch of small towns all running into each other.

New York is the city that never sleeps. Los Angeles is an endless sea of suburbs.

If you like war, be a nationalist. If you like peace, be a citizen of the world.

Republican ideology in a nutshell: Some of you will die but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

If everything Fox News says about liberals were actually true, I'd hate liberals too.

The same people who refuse to wear masks and claim it's all just a hoax, also claim that China hid how deadly the virus is.

Those two thoughts clearly contradict each other, but somehow they're too brainwashed to notice.

Mating has been programmed into our DNA. And that programming always influences our interaction with the opposite sex, whether we like to admit it or not.

Creativity takes courage. It takes courage to bare your soul for the world. It's like taking off your armor, although you know people have pointy sticks that they love to jab into soft flesh.

The NRA brainwashes you into believing that you need to buy a bunch of guns, to protect yourself from all the people with guns.

Wanna sound smart and witty? Then quote smart and witty people.

Did you ever think one day you'd live through a global pandemic, with a doomsday virus, and the Joker is president? Sounds like a bad made-for-TV scifi movie.

Yo mama so stupid, she watches Fox News and voted for Trump.

Trump is a 12-year-old little asshole stuck in the body of a 70-year-old dumbfuck.

If abortion is murder then blowjobs are cannibalism.

Republicanism is a corrupt ideology that celebrates extreme selfishness and greed. It's all about me me me.

Trump's MAGA minions simply don't care that global warming is real, as long as it doesn't affect them personally. Why should they care if the planet burns after they're dead?

The difference between a writer and an author: Writers call each other writers. Readers call writers authors.

Capitalism is cruelty for money.

Have you ever played Monopoly? It's a board game designed to teach kids capitalism. And what happens in the end? The winner has all the money, and everyone else has nothing. Woohoo! So much fun! That's literally how America works. That's why there are a few super rich people who own almost everything, and tens of millions of dirt poor people who have nothing.

Prostitution is not exactly a reputable business over there either, even though the girls actually have to pay taxes on their earnings, and submit to regular health check ups. Even the prostitutes have universal healthcare over there. The benefit of legal prostitution is obvious: tax income for the city, healthier girls, and safety. In Amsterdam, each girl has an alarm button next to her bed that she can press if one of her "customers" tries to rape or hurt her. The police will arrive within minutes and protect the girl from harm.

Trump only cares how the covid-19 pandemic affects him, his bank account, and his chances of getting re-elected.

The rich ruling class has used tribalism, a primitive caveman instinct, to their advantage since the beginning of time. They use it to divide and conquer us. They drive wedges between us peasants and make us fight each other, so we won't rise up against our rulers and fight them.

You can observe the same old trick everywhere in America today: Red states and blue states are fighting. Christians and Muslims are fighting. Men and women are fighting. Baby Boomers and Millennials are fighting. Black people and white people are fighting.

That doesn't just happen all by itself. There are always voices instigating these fights.

The Wall is nothing more than a talking point Trump uses to trigger his racist and xenophobic base. MAGA minions have been brainwashed by Nazi propaganda techniques to see foreigners as evil monsters who want to exterminate white America, and Trump as their protector who was sent by God.

Introverts think about more than just being introverts.

Mike Pence, the most anti-science religious fundamentalist in Washington, is now in charge of America's biggest science project ever: finding a cure for the coronavirus. I think we all better start praying.

Why is it so hard for many erotica authors to admit that erotica is porn? Everyone loves porn!

Political Correctness started out as a movement that intended to protect minorities from harassment. But it has morphed into an excuse for self-righteous zealots to harass people who supposedly offended minorities, even if the minorities don't actually feel offended.

I mean, does any Eskimo really feel offended by the word Eskimo? Or have some Political Correctness zealots simply taken it upon themselves to decide for the Eskimos that they should feel offended by that word?

The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds.

Nowadays words like "Liberal" and "Muslim" are used by right-wing extremists in the same way as the word "Jew" was used by the right-wing extremists of Nazi Germany.

Guns make losers feel like winners. That's why people who suck at life don't want to give up their guns.

No, coronavirus is not just the flu. It's highly contagious pneumonia. Covid19 is to the flu what heroin is to aspirin. Vaguely similar, but not at all the same.

Why ban guns? Let's give everyone a rocket launcher! What could possibly go wrong?

If Fifty Shades is your idea of a good book, you have no idea what a good book is.

When a troll tries to piss on your leg online, simply reply with: "Does your mom know she raised a little asshole?" It attacks him on so many different levels at once, he won't know how to respond.

This, today, right now, will seem like the good old days in 2 weeks. Things are about to get a hell of a lot worse.

Americans like to buy things they don't need, with money they don't have, to impress people they don't like. And then they wonder why they're not happy.

There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive
as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.)

That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex.

Hitler's Nazi mob didn't think of themselves as the bad guys. They thought of themselves as the victims of evil foreigners. Just like Trump's MAGA mob.

Sometimes, just for fun, I type some random, silly word in front of the word porn and google it. Just to see if it exists. Because that means people out there are getting off on it. So I googled Nazi porn. Yupp. It exists. Then I googled goldfish porn. Yupp. Found it. Someone out there finds sex with goldfish arousing. Fart porn. Yes, that's a thing too, and it brings someone somewhere great pleasure. Stormtrooper porn. Yes, the force is strong with that one. And it's not even a Saturday Night Live parody. It's literally hardcore porn, featuring men dressed in Stormtrooper outfits. With surprisingly high production values.

It's so exhausting, so mentally and emotionally draining when you care about a drug addict and they never miss an opportunity to disappoint, manipulate or hurt you.

Why ban guns? Let's give everyone rocket launchers! What could possibly go wrong?

A lot of women are ashamed of their pussies. They think it's not pretty enough. Not the right color. Or the lips are too big or two small. Let me put your fears to rest: There is no such thing as an ugly pussy.

Most Nazis, KKK members, MAGA minions, and other deplorable racists don't even know they're racists, because they don't know that the malicious lies they believe about other races aren't actually true.

If you think of yourself as a follower of Christ's teachings, if you consider yourself a good person, you are morally obligated to be against greed. It's your duty as a good person to be against exploitation. It's your moral duty to be against predatory capitalism.

I think there is only one way the Covid-19 pandemic is gonna end: The immune will live. The rest will die. We might lose a 5th of the world population.

Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: "Look at me! I'm a much better person than you! And I judge you! I condemn you! Shame! Shame! SHAME!" These social media shamings bear an uncanny resemblance to medieval witch hunts.

If it's true that men and women can be 'just friends' then how come all cheaters first start out as 'just friends?

Dear poor white people, I have bad news for you: super rich white people are not your friends. They became super rich by exploiting people like you. That's not what friends do.

Being faithful and monogamous is not natural for human beings. It takes work. Deep down we all know that. We have all been tempted to stray at some point or another. Even when it was only a fleeting thought and we didn't act on it. Every time we acknowledge that someone of the opposite sex is "attractive" or "sexy" we are doing nothing other than pointing out that they would be a suitable mate. Not acting on that natural impulse to want to mate with a viable mating partner requires a conscious decision. It's a constant struggle between what your body wants, and what the civilized part of your brain says you should do, in order to avoid the negative consequences of cheating on your spouse and ruining your long-term relationship. That's why affairs, and extra-marital sex, are often referred to as "a moment of weakness.

Nobody gives a shit that you're offended. I'm not. And my opinion is more important to me than yours.

Democrats suck at coming up with catchy propaganda slogans, because they don't think like Nazis.

People looked at him as an orange-faced evil clown with silly hair. Like the Joker in Batman comics. Make Gotham great again!

Everyone thinks they are above average, which is statistically impossible. There have to be below average writers. But nobody sees themselves that way. That means there are a whole lot of bad writers out there, who don't even know it.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you're in prison.

Ladies,

I have bad news for you. Men are pigs. No really. I know you think you know what I'm talking about but you don't know the half of it. You have no idea how depraved we men really are.

I'm about to tell you the truth about men. The whole truth. Not that sanitized holier-than-thou shit they feed you in all those other relationship books.

I'm gonna take you into the abyss that is the male mind. It's a dark and scary place. You're not gonna like it. It's dirty in there. Icky. Don't touch anything. Bring hand sanitizer.

Televangelists preach a corrupted perversion of Christ's socialist teachings. Prosperity gospel is predatory capitalism masquerading as religion.

You want to make America great again? Make racism wrong again!

When we're really old, people in the future will interview us, because we lived through one of the biggest events in human history. Like the Spanish flu of 1918 that killed over 50 million people. Or the great depression. Or Pompeii. Or the Titanic.

What makes a good book? An author who knows how to leave out all the unnecessary bulk and delivers a lean story where not a single word is fluff.

Right now we live in an age of extreme Political Correctness. It has gone way too far. I hope it's just a phase. Political Correctness is now just a fancy word for censorship. It's no longer about protecting the weak. It has become an excuse to persecute others, because persecuting people is fun. Don't you dare say or think the wrong thing, or a Twitter mob of angry villagers will come after you with digital torches and metaphorical pitchforks.

Sex is like pizza: if you're going to use BBQ sauce, you better know what the fuck you're doing.

Don't worry about offending people. Any time you write something thought provoking, some idiots will complain, because they hate it when you make them think.

Trump's most fanatic supporters will never admit that he is anything less than the Second Coming of Christ, because it is much easier to brainwash someone into being a zealot than it is to make a zealot realize he has been brainwashed.

Right-wing Americans don't recognize fascism, even when it's right in front of their face, because they have been brainwashed by fascists their entire lives.

In America, people with pre-existing mental health issues have access to firearms but not healthcare. Thanks, Republicans!

You must be a Fox News viewer. Nobody else is dumb enough to believe Trump's lies.

Social media is to socializing what masturbating is to sex.

The secret to good writing is to use small words for big ideas, not to use big words for small ideas.

Every couple of days, western news outlets report the latest findings as if it was brand new information. Meanwhile the same stuff has been published in Chinese studies weeks or even months ago. We're wasting so much valuable time reinventing the wheel.

Prostitution isn't illegal to protect women. Prostitutes would be much safer if it was legal. It's illegal to protect men. Men are addicted to sex. Sex is like heroin to men. If all women were allowed to charge admission to their pussy, they would have total control over men and it would cause a giant wealth transfer. Men would go broke and women would end up with all the money and power.

Do flat-earthers believe that other planets are also flat?

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.

The purpose of a democratic government is to protect the poor from the rich. The purpose of religion is to protect the rich from the poor.

When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're black, that's racism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're female, that's sexism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're a leo, that's astrology. Notice a pattern? It's all nonsense.

No two dogs are alike. And yet, all dogs have something in common that makes them dogs, and makes them different from cats. The same goes for men and women. The trouble starts when cats don't realize that dogs are different. Dogs think differently, and perceive the world differently, than cats do. I'm a dog. You're a cat. And a dog knows better what it's like to be a dog than a cat does.

The coronavirus pandemic is exactly the kind of cataclysmic event that brings about drastic changes. I think Medicare For All and UBI are now inevitable. It's either that, or complete chaos.

Food for thought: Every dead body on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends. It may save your life one day.

We men really, really, really like sex. We like sex so much, many of us are willing to risk getting in serious trouble to get it. That's why laws against rape haven't stopped rape, and why laws against prostitution haven't stopped prostitution, and why men who cheat on their wives would continue to cheat even if it was illegal, and why gay men continue to be gay even in fundamentalist religious countries like Saudi Arabia, where homosexuality is punishable by death.

Bush warned us about pandemics in 2005. I used to think he was the dumbest, most incompetent president ever. But compared to Trump, Bush looks like Einstein.