Diaper Quotes

I once knew a chap who had a system of just hanging the baby on the clothes line to dry and he was greatly admired by his fellow citizens for having discovered a wonderful innovation on changing a diaper. ~ Damon Runyon

I learned how to change a cloth diaper on a raccoon. I was maybe 8 or 9. ~ Nikki Reed

A story: A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle. ~ Anthony Swofford

I saw a baby make a boom-boom in his diaper, and I thought, I'd never have suspected him of being a terrorist. ~ Jarod Kintz

I wish I knew what you were talking about," she returned. "Where's
the pin?"
"Pin?"
"Yes. Pin. To fasten the diaper. The kid can't hold the thing up with
two hands. ~ Emma Goldrick

You will be at your best forever, Even now you have good moments. Occasional glimpses of your heavenly self. When you change your baby's diaper, forgive your boss's temper, tolerate your spouse's moodiness, you display traces of saintliness. ~ Max Lucado

Now that I was sitting here holding my own flesh and blood with my heart about to explode from sheer joy, I felt nearer to knowing what it meant to be loved by God. The thought occupied my mind all summer - at every diaper change and every feeding, with every coo and smile and cry.

So this is what it's like to really love someone else, to have the sum total of everything you are and love, living and breathing outside of you?

It was my first, real taste of heaven, of communion with God, and in a way, its own baptism of sorts. ~ Edie Wadsworth

Old Milgrom pauses to console the girl and tells her she's not the only one who's clumsy, that she herself couldn't do anything when she was young - boil an egg or hem a diaper - and then she learned. Life taught her. ~ Ludmilla Petrushevskaya

The secret of surviving housework is simply to do it. Pull the plug on the part of your brain that always wants to negotiate everything. You need to change a diaper, rinse a bottle, clean a spill, fluff a pillow? Consider it done. It's a no-brainer. End of conversation. End of story.
Not postponing chores-and not spending any mental energy equivocating, temporizing, or stalling-is actually a lot more restful than worrying about what needs to be done. ~ Veronique Vienne

You're sure you want to do this? What if she eats him?"

I smiled, lifting the baby into my arms and grabbing his sippy cup. "Evelyn's trying. She deserves a chance." I closed the door and turned to her.

My wife eyed me. "She called you a rapscallion."

I laughed. "Yes - yes she did."

Kristen and I had good fun with that one. It was Kristen's favorite nickname for me.

I gave Oliver his sippy cup. "But in all fairness, you told her you were married and pregnant via Potatogram. She had a right to be upset. Give me this." I took the diaper bag from her. "You shouldn't be lifting more than you need to."

She scowled at me. "It's been four months since my surgery. I can carry a five-pound diaper bag."

I kissed the side of her stubborn head. ~ Abby Jimenez

Diaper that leaks onto the floorboard of my car while I'm stuck in ~ Gloria Furman

...if you lose, you'll have to wear a metal diaper to school and call me Lord Hunkyhair from now on."

"Uh... yeah, no," Fitz said as Biana asked, "Hunkyhair?"

"Lord Hunkyhair," Keefe corrected. "What? It's accurate." He tossed his head like he was in a shampoo commercial. "I think we need to make it a thing either way- don't you, Foster?"

"I think you're ridiculous," Sophie told him. ~ Shannon Messenger

Why do otherwise sane, competent, strong men, men who can wrestle bears or raid corporations, shrink away in horror at the thought of washing a dish or changing a diaper? ~ Frank Pittman

Just as Drake turned six weeks old, I decided I wanted to lose some baby weight. Chip and I were both still getting used to the idea that we had a baby of our own now, but I felt it was okay to leave him with Chip for a half hour or so in the mornings so I could take a short run up and down Third Street. I left Drake in the little swing he loved, kissed Chip good-bye, and off I went.
Chip was so sweet and supportive. When I got back he was standing in the doorway saying, "Way to go, baby!" He handed me a banana and asked if I'd had any cramps or anything. I hadn't. I actually felt great.
I walked in and discovered Chip had prepared an elaborate breakfast for me, as if I'd run a marathon or something. I hadn't done more than a half-mile walk-run, but he wanted to celebrate the idea that I was trying to get myself back together physically. He'd actually driven to the store and back and bought fresh fruit and real maple syrup and orange juice for me.
I sat down to eat, and I looked over at Drake. He was sound asleep in his swing, still wearing nothing but his diaper. "Chip, did you take Drake to the grocery store without any clothes on?"
Chip gave me a real funny look. He said, "What?"
I gave him a funny look back.
"Oh my gosh," he said. "I totally forgot Drake was here. He was so quiet."
"Chip!" I yelled, totally freaked out.
I was a first-time mom. Can you imagine?
Anyone who's met Chip knows he can get a little sidetracked, but th ~ Joanna Gaines

I felt so proud to be having a baby and so excited. And I felt closer to other women - to my sisters, to my mom. I felt empowered, like, 'I've given birth. I did it! There's nothing I can't handle.' I've really enjoyed this time that I have taken to be with Suri, as well as the challenges of the first couple of months: feeding and pumping, learning to decipher what each cry means - is she hungry? Is she tired? Does she need a fresh diaper? - and figuring out how to really help her. ~ Katie Holmes

My role is almost a sight-gag. I have to be a woman to sing the lyrics "I am a man" to have it be a joke. I start the lyric in a male-register and a whole coloratura up into a soprano. And other points in the show ... like the guy who likes to be treated like a baby and wear a diaper! ~ Max Von Essen

Oh, believe me, you want to know. Why it matters is because someday when Princess is screaming at three in the morning with a loaded diaper, or Junior gets expelled from preschool for punching his classmate, I want to be able to think back to the moment that we created them, and I want to smile and ~ Mia Sheridan

Why should anyone raise an eyebrow because a latter-day Einstein's wife expects her husband to put aside that lifeless theory of relativity and help her with the work that is supposed to be the essence of life itself: diaper the baby and don't forge to rinse the soiled diaper in the toilet paper before putting it in the diaper pail, and then wax the kitchen floor. ~ Betty Friedan

I do splurge on diaper bags. I have a half dozen in different colors and styles. ~ Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Everything TSA does is reactionary - first they ban the box cutters, then of course you have to take your shoes off, then you have to take the liquids out, now we have to be patted down in our private areas because of the diaper bomber. ~ John Mica

The first time I learned I could sell myself was when I convinced a wealthy American family to give me a job as a nanny. Childcare. Totally unqualified. But I learned to be ready for anything. And that I can adapt. That I can become the best diaper changer. ~ Scott Raab

A diaper is as inspiring as a drink. ~ Rufus Wainwright

[Crisco] ain't just for frying. You ever get a sticky something stuck in your hair,like gum? ... That's right, Crisco. Spread this on a baby's bottom, you won't even know what diaper rash is ... shoot, I seen ladies rub it under they eyes and on they husband's scaly feet ... Clean the goo from a price tag, take the squeak out a door hinge. Lights get cut off, stick a wick in it and burn it like a candle ... And after all that, it'll still fry your chicken. ~ Kathryn Stockett

I was pissin' Vince McMahon off when the red on the back of your neck was diaper rash! ~ Roddy Piper

The first thing we have to do," I told Luke the next day, "is find a nice place we can rent or sublet. Should we focus on the downtown area? Montrose? Or would you be open to finding something close by in Sugar Land? We could always go to Austin, but we'd have to take care to avoid you-know-who. And it's a lot more expensive to rent in Austin."
Luke looked contemplative, sucking slowly on the bottle as if he were mulling the possibilities.
"Are you thinking it over?" I asked him. "Or are you working on another dirty diaper?"
-Ella & Luke ~ Lisa Kleypas

We take a beautiful little boy and we put him in a diaper and we give him a lethal weapon and we say LOVE. Which makes absolutely no sense. ~ Mark Hart

I'm going to put a diaper on you for nap because you're still learning. You've done such a good job today, and your nap is a long time. You may not remember to pee when you're sleeping. When you wake up, we're going to take it right off. ~ Jamie Glowacki

Why are you limping like that?' Nicholas demanded.
'I'm swaggering,' I informed him.
'You look like you're wearing a diaper.'
Charming. And I had a crush on this guy.
Wait.
I had a crush on this guy?
'Now what?' he asked. 'You're making weird faces.'
'Nothing,' I said quickly. 'Never mind. ~ Alyxandra Harvey

Oh what a morning it was, that first morning of Mrs. Sweet awaking before the baby Heracles with his angry cries, declaring his hunger, the discomfort of his wet diaper, the very aggravation of being new and in the world; the rays of sun were falling on the just and unjust, the beautiful and the ugly, causing the innocent dew to evaporate; the sun, the dew, the little waterfall right next to the village's firehouse, making a roar, though really it was an imitation of the roar of a real waterfall; the smell of some flower, faint, as it unfurled its petals for the first time: oh what a morning! ~ Jamaica Kincaid

When I start getting old, I'm going to start ending my prayers like, "Lord, it'd be a good day to die." I don't wanna be 130 years old with a diaper on, all my friends dead and gone. I wanna get to heaven, come get me! ~ Suge Knight

The diaper bag, the car seat, the bottles, the pacifiers, the changing mat, the wipes, and all the toys in their primary colored glory; none of which would compliment my outfit. ~ Dina Silver

The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns. ~ Paul Reiser

Jacques appeared on his hands and knees, peering around the corner of the cabin. His dark eyes lit with pleasure when he saw her. The baby flashed Antonia his wide grin and scooted toward her. Only in the last two days had he gone from pushing himself across the floor to a hands-and-knees crawl.
Henri trailed so close behind Jacques that he had to walk wide-legged so he didn't step on his brother.
The baby reached her, placed his hands on her legs, and pressed himself up, grabbing at the front of her tunic. "Maa."
Antonia hugged Jacques. He'd soiled his rabbit skin diaper and smelled, but she held him close, needing to feel the baby in her arms.
He wiggled in protest.
She dropped a kiss on his forehead and reached up to her shoulder to unlace the leather ties of her tunic, pulling the flap down to free her breast. He began to suckle greedily.
Henri dropped to her other side and leaned against her.
Antonia put her arm around him. Just holding her sons brought her comfort but also increased her despair. What do I be doin' now?
Should I be takin' the boys and leave? Head for Sweetwater Springs?
Antonia shook her head. No! I won't be leavin' Jean-Claude. Cain't leave my home.
But without her husband to provide for them, she didn't know how long she'd be able to manage on her own.
Somehow, I'll be findin' a way, Antonia vowed. ~ Debra Holland

How to fold a diaper depends on the size of the baby and the diaper. ~ Benjamin Spock

The book also includes tools including Website Resources, Baby Feeding/Diaper Schedule, Mom Medicine Schedule, Baby Clothes Size Chart, Baby Sitter Sheet, Short Hospital Bag Checklist, After Recovery Kit, Baby Medicine Basket Items, and 10 Things to Know When Traveling with a baby. ~ Lisa M. Rusczyk

A book is a writer's baby. With that being said, some writers should take the time to feed the baby and change the shitty diaper. ~ Monique (A Goodreads Reader)

Sometimes just walking behind a two-parent family on a sidewalk could trigger feelings of shame from being alone. I zeroed in on them -- dressed in clothes I could never afford, diaper bag carefully packed into an expensive jogging stroller. Those moms could say things that I never could: "Honey, could you take this?" or "Here, can you hold her for a second?" The child could go from one parent's arms to the other's. ~ Stephanie Land

Did Mama leave you all alone in here?"

I picked her up out of bed and rubbed her back for a minute while she hiccuped.

"Daddy's here," I murmured against her bald head, rocking her from side to side. "Let's get that wet diaper off you."

I laid her on the bed and grabbed a diaper from the top of Kate's dresser, talking the whole time. "I don't know what your mommy was thinking, leaving my princess in here all alone," I crooned, my voice somehow keeping Iris calm. "She's outside with your brothers and sister and Daddy's friend Miles. He's a jackass. You stay away from him, okay?"

I smiled as Iris froze, like she was listening intently.

"Daddy was not very nice," I said, pulling her little pants down her legs and unbuttoning her onesie. "I wasn't even there when you were born, and I'm really sorry about that. But your mama came home with me anyway, so that means there's a chance, right? As long as Miles keeps his you-know-what in this pants."

Iris lifted her hand to her face and tried really hard to get it to her mouth, her eyes unfocused as I babbled.

"You're doing so good, princess. Look at you, not even crying while I change you. Such a big girl." I finished re-dressing her and pulled her to my chest. "You think your mama could love me again?" I asked, kissing her little cheek. "Probably not, huh? We'll just have to keep working at it so you can live with Daddy forever. ~ Nicole Jacquelyn

You want to know what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid of every morning when I wake up that this will be the day when I can no longer move for myself. I know it's coming. It's just a matter of time until I have no choice, except to have someone else clothe me, feed me. Change my diaper. And I can't stand it. (Adron)
Then why don't you kill yourself? Why are you still here? (Livia)
Because every time I think of doing that, I can hear my family praying over me while I was in the hospital. I hear my mother weeping, my father begging me not to die on them. I could never intentionally hurt them that way. It would devastate them both, and while I'm a pathetic asshole, I'm not that selfish. (Adron) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

The older Irene got, the more she swore. I remember when her grandson pooped in his diaper at his christening, she said, 'Holy shit,' loud enough for everyone to hear. The look on that priest's face! ~ Anita Diamant

Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper ~ Casey Renee Kiser

You're pretty sexy when you're domestic." I told him, running a hand up the back of his thigh.
"If you think this is hot, you should see me change a diaper."
"I have, actually: why do you think I married you? That and your accent. Oh and your giant penis. ~ Christina Lauren

Washington is a dirty diaper. It's time for a change. ~ James Carville

So if anyone ever tells you:
You're not good enough!
You're not smart enough!
Give up your foolish dream!
If anyone ever tells you to quit,
You got to make them wear a diaper on their mouth
Because, man, they're just talking shit. ~ Shane Koyczan

I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat. I set the new one beneath the old one. That way, it's just wipe and pull the flap over. ~ Drew Brees

If you say children wouldn't know anything about masturbation on their own, you've never changed a little boy's diaper. ~ Joycelyn Elders

A large piece of lead floated out of Bobby head, followed by dark chunks of what could only be pieces of Bobby's brain.

The torrent started up again. It flowed steady rather than pulsed with his heart. I knew from that, and from the amount of blood, that it was that mofo vein bleeding. And probably more than a small tear if the amount of blood was telling. I thought there had to be a hole the size of Montana in that thing.

"Jesus Mother Mary" I said, then "Stitch!"

The scrub tech slapped a needle holder into my palm, a curved needle and silk stitch clamped into the end of it. I might have closed my eyes - I've been told I do that sometimes in surgery when I'm trying to visualize something - though if so I don't remember doing it. I took that needle and aimed it into the pool of blood.

"Suck here Joe, right here."

When I thought I could see something, something gray and not black red, I plunged the pointy end of the needle through whatever the visible tissue was and looped it out again. I cinched it down and tied it quick, then repeated the maneuver again after adjusting slightly for lighting, sweating, my own bounding heartbeat, and the regret I wasn't wearing my own diaper.
We're losing, I thought. ~ Edison McDaniels

Her diaper is soiled. A.J. has never changed a diaper in his life, though he is a modestly skilled gift wrapper. Back when Nic was alive, Island used to offer free gift wrap at Christmas, and he figures that diaper changing and gift-wrapping must be related proficiencies. ~ Gabrielle Zevin

I photographed all kinds of sports - Formula 1, Formula Atlantic. And anybody who knows me knows that, from the day they invented video cameras, I used to lug them around when you had to carry the pack here and the big camera here, plus the diaper bag and a baby and the purse or whatever. ~ Christie Brinkley

Mr. Bloemker moved closer. He smelled like a wet diaper. "What is it," he asked, looking over Lenore's shoulder.
"If it's what I think it is," said Lenore, "it's a sort of joke. A what do you call it. An antinomy."
"An antinomy?"
Lenore nodded. "Gramma really likes antinomies. I think this guy here," looking down at the drawing on the back of the label, "is the barber who shaves all and only those who do not shave themselves."
Mr. Bloemker looked at her. "A barber?"
"The big killer question," Lenore said to the sheet of paper, "is supposed to be whether the barber shaves himself. I think that's why his head's exploded, here."
"Beg pardon?"
"If he does, he doesn't, and if he doesn't, he does. ~ David Foster Wallace

You haven't lived until you duct-taped a diaper on a dog. ~ Lisa Scottoline

Mid-December then and still no snow. Strange Chicago crèches appeared in front yards: Baby Jesus, freed from the manger, leaned against a Santa sled half his height. He was crouching, as if about to jump; he wore just a diaper. Single strings of colored lights lay across bushes, as if someone had hatefully thrown them there. We patched the roof of a Jamaican immigrant whose apartment had nothing in it but hundreds of rags, spread across the floor and hanging from interior clotheslines. Nobody asked why. As we left, she offered us three DietRite Colas. ~ George Saunders

My handbag turned into a diaper bag for the chronically ill. ~ Tracey Berkowitz

In the meantime," Phane said,his mismatched eyes suddenly bright,his tone heavy with sarcasm,"Lucian needs to decide if he's going to change his balas's diaper or let the rest of us pass out from the scent."Bronwyn burst out laughing,but a growl emanated from Lucian's throat."I'll change her diaper after I change yours,little birdie."
"My 'Little birdie' isn't so little," Phane returned."Want to see?"
Lucian sniffed."And make my eyes bleed?Fuck no! ~ Laura Wright

Vik got up and moved to sit more in her lap. "What are you doing, Vik?" He flicked into his bot form and draped over her leg. "I'm getting bored." "You can't get bored." "Yes, I can." He stretched out. "How much farther?" She laughed at his tone that sounded like a five-year-old. "My God, he's like having a child." Syn snorted. "Yeah. You even have to change his diaper at times." "Nah. Just my batteries." Syn arched a brow. "And your attitude." "Bitch, bitch, bitch. Now leave me alone while I nap."
- Shahara, Vik, & Syn ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

I started taking walks
with my children on trash day just to collect the extra proofs of
purchase. We'd roam the alleys together, stopping at each diaper
box. I learned to swiftly tear the proof of purchase off in a stealth
maneuver I'd refined with practice: pushing the stroller up close
to the box, bending down as if tying my shoe, and ripping off the
qualifier, all in less than thirty seconds. ~ Mary Potter Kenyon

The duty of the moment is what you should be doing at any given time, in whatever place God has put you.
You may not have Christ in a homeless person at your door, but you may have a little child.
If you have a child, your duty of the moment may be to change a dirty diaper.
So you do it.
But you don't just change that diaper, you change it to the best of your ability, with great love for both God and that child ...
There are all kinds of good Catholic things you can do, but whatever they are, you have to realize that there is always the duty of the moment to be done.
And it must be done, because the duty of the moment is the duty of God. ~ Catherine De Hueck Doherty

Seeing their cranky old camp director immortalized in stone, wearing a diaper and spewing water from his mouth, made her feel a little better. ~ Rick Riordan

We caught seventy-five frogs that night! We left our ice chest in the truck, so I was putting frogs in my socks and the pockets of my pants and shirt.
When we couldn't carry any more frogs, we made our way back to my truck. As soon as we arrived, police cars came from every direction. A homeowner in the neighborhood must have seen my truck and feared we were burglars. As the police questioned us, they must have thought Mike was drunk, because he couldn't stop laughing. They kept asking me what we'd been drinking and smoking and where it was. When a policeman shined a light on my shirt, I figured out what Mike was giggling about. I forgot I'd stuffed a frog into the front pocket of my shirt and buttoned it. Its legs were sticking out of my pocket and it looked like it was wearing a diaper! The police let us go but warned us to never sneak back onto the golf course because it was trespassing. We probably went back three or four times by a different route and never were caught. ~ Jase Robertson

Observe," she said. "You put the diaper under here, and around there, and you - if you had one - pin the whole thing ogether. Now you try it."
"Not me," he objected. "How about a paper clip? Or a paper staple?"
"I don't see what's bothering you," Meg said. "She's only a little girl."
"I did notice."
"And, if you follow scripture, was created after Adam."
"And - what's your point?"
"Being the second model, women turned out considerably better than men. God, when She did this second work, you'll note, got all the plumbing inside. ~ Emma Goldrick

I hurried to the fridge, got a bottle, and put it into a sink of hot water. While the formula was warming, Jack went to the bed and picked up Luke.
Holding him in a secure and competent grip, Jack murmured softly to the baby. It made no difference. Luke started squalling, his mouth wide open and his eyes screwed shut.
"There's no use in trying to quiet him." I rummaged in the diaper bag for a burp cloth. "He just screams louder and louder until he gets what he wants."
"Always works for me," Jack said.
-Luke, Ella, & Jack ~ Lisa Kleypas

I never married either. No one could put up with my lifestyle. I just wasn't ready for the diaper service and the white picket fence. I mean sailing, surfing, it's exciting. It's an adventure. It's one of the few things left around where you're totally responsible for your own outcome - except for maybe going across the Mojave with a donkey and a canteen. Everything else is stoplights, or follow the yellow line, or do this but don't do that. Surfing's one of the few things left. ~ Anonymous

I was the oldest of the children in my family. I had to do a lot of diaper-changing and lunch-making. I was taking my little sister to ballet, picking up my brother, sort of being a super-nanny. ~ Vin Diesel

Of all the spirits I have seen, only Elvis and Mr. Sinatra are able to manifest in the garments of their choice. Others haunt me always in whatever they were wearing when they died.

This is one reason I will never attend a costume party dressed as the traditional symbol of the New Year, in nothing buy a diaper and a top hat. Welcomed into either Hell or Heaven, I do not want to cross the threshold to the sound of demonic or angelic laughter. ~Odd Thomas ~ Dean Koontz

Vidal gives the impression of believing that the entire heterosexual edifice - registry offices, 'Romeo and Juliet,' the disposable diaper - is just a sorry story of self-hypnosis and mass hysteria: a hoax, a racket, or sheer propaganda. ~ Martin Amis

I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and 3% orange juice, for a chaser. That formula is accurate, give or take 2% for the milk. In my experience, comedy is 2/3rds tragedy, and one third 33.3 percent. And tragedy started at birth, so humor involving babies is probably the funniest. But even though I didn't write anything about babies, you might laugh so hard that you'll regret not wearing a diaper while reading. ~ Jarod Kintz

If you're looking for diaper stories or BDSM, look elsewhere. My stories are of love and of course hot man to man sex. Please give them a read. ~ Dick Parker

I autograph a lot of body parts of intoxicated people. And lots of shoes. And I signed a diaper once! ~ Carrie Underwood

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~ Jimmy Piersall

Life is filled with tragedy, with long patches of struggle and with, I think, beautiful bursts of joy and accomplishment. Blessed with those moments, you just try to relax as much as possible and focus on the little things, like the joy of changing your baby's diaper. ~ David Dastmalchian

You act like you have a saggy diaper that leaks." "Maybe you need to take your Shut-The-Hell-Up pill. ~ J.A. Konrath

The whole issue was almost unbelievably meaningless and small. He thought about the word "meaning" and tried to summon up his baby's face without looking at the photo, but all he could get was the heft of a full diaper and the plastic mobile over his crib turning in the breeze that the box fan in the doorway made. He imagined that the clock's second hand possessed awareness and knew that it was a second hand and that its job was to go around and around inside a circle of numbers forever at the same slow, unvarying machinelike rate, going no place it hadn't already been a million times before, and imagining the second hand was so awful it made his breath catch in his throat, and he looked quickly around to see if any of the examiners near him had heard it or were looking at him. ~ David Foster Wallace

And we were in our thirties. Well into the Age of Boredom, when nothing is new. Now, I'm not being self-pitying; it's simply true. Newness, or whatever you want to call it, becomes a very scarce commodity after thirty. I think that's unfair. If I were in charge of the human life span, I'd make sure to budget newness much more selectively, to ration it out. As it is now, it's almost used up in the first three years of life. By then you've seen for the first time, tasted for the first time, held something for the first time. Learned to walk, talk, go to the bathroom. What have you got to look forward to that can compare with that? Sure, there's school. Making friends. Falling in love. Learning to drive. Sex. Learning to trade. That has to carry you for the next twenty-five years. But after that? What's the new excitement? Mastering your home computer? Figuring out how to work CompuServe? "Now, if it were up to me, I'd parcel out. So that, say, at thirty-five we just learned how to go on the potty. Imagine the feeling of accomplishment! They'd have office parties. "Did you hear? The vice president in charge of overseas development just went a whole week without his diaper. We're buying him a gift." It'd be beautiful. ~ Phoef Sutton

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

Tabby, I think Wren's ass is possessed."
"Why's that, sugar?" Tabby sounded calm, but Chloe could hear rustling, like Tabby was playing with her sheets…or changing a newborn's diaper.
"Should it look like something from The Exorcist is living in there?"
"Alex, we were told about this." Tabby's tone was patient. "The black stuff, the…what did she call it? The poo cork? Is out now, and we're going to see the poop rainbow for a while."
"I'll never look at Skittles the same way again," Alex groaned. ~ Dana Marie Bell

We all come from the past, and children ought to know what it was that went into their making, to know that life is a braided cord of humanity stretching up from time long gone, and that it cannot be defined by the span of a single journey from diaper to shroud. ~ Russell Baker

When you're older, I'll tell you about the very first poop. The ancient, eternal, original poop. The one all babies poop at some point during the twenty-four hours after birth. It's completely black. Like evil itself had pooped. No joke.

Changing that diaper was my Vietnam. ~ Fredrik Backman

Woods? Do you have a sec?" Ty asks.
"Sure."
"Alone?" Ty eyes Henry and Jerry Rice, and I jerk my head at Henry.
"Fine," Henry says, rolling his eyes. "Divorce me if you must, Woods. I can't believe I've only been married half an hour and I'm already a single
parent." Ty holds the door to the gym open so Henry can get the stroller through. I giggle at the sight of him carrying those diaper bags across the
gym. ~ Miranda Kenneally

I've been arrested - spent time in lockup with genuinely dangerous guys. I've been in street fights without rules where no one was coming to break it up - and I've won. I've conquered the insurmountable challenge of earning a law degree and dealing with the self-centered jackasses who are my clients without committing aggravated assault. It's a diaper. How hard could it be? I ~ Emma Chase

In a room filled with babies, you will know yours from his cry. You'll tilt your head to listen, and from the pitch and tone or jagged howl, you'll instinctively know if he has a wet diaper, a lost pacifier, or if he needs good now. Before long, you'll know his favorite colors, what he wants for lunch, what he'll refuse to eat for dinner, that spiders fascinate him, but bull frogs prompt nightmares, and how long it takes him to start complaining on a long car ride. You may even bet on it. And the first time you see him copy your husband, with a hand gesture, or a tilt of his head, your heart will jump into your throat, and for a few seconds, you'll fall in love with the man you married all over again. ~ Holly Kennedy

There were times when it felt as though my children were annihilating me (truly you have not lived until you have changed one baby's diaper while another baby quietly vomits on your shin) and finally I came to the thought: all right, then, annihilate me, that other self was a fiction anyhow. ~ Sarah Ruhl

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

It's funny, I used to do a character that was just a baby - just an adult baby. I would get up onstage and complain about adult stuff, but as a baby. I was in a diaper, and I would require hugs from the audience and reassurance and stuff. ~ John Gemberling

Diaper spelled backwards is repaid , think about it. ~ Marshall McLuhan

That dude's as guilty as a baby with a soggy diaper! ~ Noah Child

And you're headed to a place with no bath and no shower. So you can just imagine how crazy it is to get up there, take your diaper off, have a urine-soaked crotch, and all you can do is wet a washcloth and wipe your skin off. You also have to do it on landing and spacewalks, too. It's not a ride that makes you springtime fresh. ~ Mike Mullane

Being a man is the weeding and the watering and the fertilizing. Doing it not just once but ten thousand times. Not just when the mood strikes but precisely when it doesn't. When there's nothing you'd rather less than change another diaper, warm another bottle. Nothing you'd rather than sleep cause you ain't since the baby arrived shrieking like a banshee - ~ Andrés Cruciani

Diaper backwards spells repaid. Think about it. ~ Marshall McLuhan

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible. ~ Erma Bombeck

When we are born into this world, the world revolves around us. We're spoon-fed on the front end and diaper-changed on the back end. It's as if the entire world exists to meet our every need. And that's fine if you are a two-month-old baby. If you're twenty-two, it's a problem! Newsflash: ~ Mark Batterson

Ed Cray ruined this class the way an infant with dysentery ruins a diaper. Actually, that's not fair to the infant; the kid has no idea what he's doing. ~ Bryan Bishop

Where's the baby?"
"I just fed and changed him," Haven said.
Hardy lifted Luke's carrier and gave it to Jack, who took it with his free hand.
"Thank you." I gave Haven a woeful glance as she handed me the diaper bag. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For falling asleep like that."
Haven smiled and reached out to hug me. "There's nothing to be sorry about. What's a little narcolepsy among friends?"
Her body was slim and strong, one small hand patting my back. The gesture surprised me in its naturalness and ease.
I returned the embrace awkwardly. Haven said over my shoulder, "I like this one, Jack."
Jack didn't answer, only nudged me out into the hallway.
I trudged forward, nearly blind with exhaustion, staggering with it.
It took extreme focus to keep one foot in front of the other. "I don't know why I'm so tired tonight," I said. "It's all caught up with me, I guess."
I felt Jack's hand descend to the center of my back, guiding me forward. I decided to talk to keep myself awake. "You know, chronic sleep deper . . . dep . . ."
"Deprivation?"
"Yes." I shook my head to clear it. "It gives you memory problems and raises your blood pressure. And it results in occupational hazards. It's lucky I can't get hurt doing my job. Unless I fall forward and hit my head on the keyboard. If you ever see QWERTY imprinted on my forehead, you'll know what happened."
"Here we go," Jack said, loading me onto the elev ~ Lisa Kleypas

Well, you're all mine now, Blake. We can handle anything; we will or won't be charity cases together. I don't think he's offering to diaper you and buy you a wagon. Maybe just a cup of coffee?" She touched his hair.
He softened. "Together makes this easier to swallow. I guess there's no harm in talking to the man. ~ Debra Anastasia

Well, I'm going to try. Better to practice on somebody else's kid first."

"Before what?" he asked, cautiously.

"I was just joking." Suddenly, I felt very defensive.

"You're sure your pill is working, right?"

"Yes! Don't worry, If I ever wanted to have a baby it doesn't have to be with you," I said, sensing rejection and fighting back.

"Well, who in the hell would it be with?" he asked, sounding irate.

"I don't know. I don't have a crystal ball."

"I've got news for you, Lilith. If you're going to be bearing anyone's children, they'll be mine," he said heatedly. Suddenly, the baby started crying.

"Now look what you did," I chastised. "You made him cry."

"I didn't make him cry. A shitty diaper made him cry. Now you want to take this on, I'll take it on with you. Bring him over here," Adam demanded, storming off with the diaper bag. ~ N.M. Silber

I was not above filching empty candy bar wrappers from
trash bins at the park or picking up the back cards of batteries from
store parking lots. My children all sported Hershey shirts but ate
very few of the required candy bars themselves to get them. Trips
to the pool were the most rewarding, where candy was sold at the
concession stand and the trash receptacles were overflowing with
wrappers. On neighborhood trash day, the children and I walked
up and down the alleys, where we confiscated extra Pampers points
to send in for savings bonds and toys. Even the tennis shoes my
children wore on these jaunts were obtained free from the Huggies
diaper company. ~ Mary Potter Kenyon

My role is insignificant. Sure, there's diaper detail and fire watch and general fawning, but aside from keeping our noses above the poverty line, I'm as useful to the kid as a philosophy degree. ~ Gordon Highland

They laid him on my chest.
This is what it's all about, I thought. This is so perfect.
I memorized everything I could about my little boy, to make sure that I knew who he was-no one was going to accidentally switch my kid on me. In fact, I demanded that they keep him in my room with me throughout the entire stay.
Our families came in and took turns holding him. He was an instant celebrity. A little later, the nurse came in with a diaper. Chris took Bubba and laid him on the table nearby.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Changing his diaper."
"Really? How do you know how to do that?"
"I just do."
He did. It was Chris-taking care of things without a fuss, even if it meant dealing with poop. ~ Taya Kyle

It is a great honor to meet you, young man. Now, here is someone very special that I want you to meet."
And she pulled one of the little girls into her lap, and said, as if she was presenting a wonder of the world, "This is Giulietta."
Romeo stuck the biscotto in his pocket. "I don't think so," he said. "She's wearing a diaper. ~ Anne Fortier

What passes for news is just morbid speculation or cartoonish screaming, followed by diaper commercials. ~ Karen Russell

I recommend that everyone have a Diaper Genie. Who can live without it? ~ Kim Kardashian