Funny Best Friend Quotes

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. ~ Jon Foreman

Friends should be like books, few, but hand-selected. ~ C.J. Langenhoven

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice. ~ Otto Von Bismarck

The best time to make friends is
before you need them. ~ Ethel Barrymore

Typically, [a victim of sexual assault] go home, take a shower, call their best friend, and evidence is lost. They say, "I can handle it." And they let time pass. And then, either the guy starts harassing them again or they see him do it to somebody else. Having that power on the first day is so important. ~ Kirsten Gillibrand

Before I met your father I thought that love and peace would change the whole world, but looking into your eyes, I knew all I had to do was let you be whoever it was that you wanted to be, and to love you, and that would be the best and closest thing I could ever do to change the world for the better.
"You are going to be brilliant," I told you. "You are going to be clever, and funny. Brave and strong. You're going to be a feminist, and a peace campaigner and a dancer. And one day you are going to be a mother yourself. You are going to fall in love and have adventures and do things I can't even imagine. You, little Claire Armstrong, you are going to be the most wonderful woman, and you are going to have the most amazing life: a life that no one will ever forget. ~ Jojo Moyes

Okay," she murmured. "I love you."
"I love you too."
She looked up at Holgar and realized that he didn't understand. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up, and she shook her head. His smile began to fade.
"Not as a friend, or as a partner. Holgar, I - I love you, and I want to be with you."
His smile faded, and his eyes took on a strange look. She could feel herself beginning to panic. He doesn't feel the same way. That's okay. At least I told him.
"Like a mate?" he asked.
She almost started laughing. A mate was British slang for a best friend. But that's not what Holgar was likely referencing. He was a werewolf, and they called their spouses mates.
"Like a mate," she said, managing not to giggle at the unexpected language barrier.
He still looked confused and a little lost.
"For helvede," she said, using his favourite curse word. And then she leaned forward and kissed him.
She tasted surprise on his lips for just a moment, and then he wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to him. she would have to do a healing spell on her bruised ribs later, but at the moment she didn't care. All she cared about was the passion, the yearning, she felt from him.
When at last they broke apart, she whispered again, "I love you."
"I love you too," he said.
And looking into his eyes this time, she knew that they were talking about the same thing.
"So, do we want to give us a shot?" she asked, breathless.
He ~ Nancy Holder

All I have to say is - run, dive, pitch a tent ... Spend hours on the phone with your best friend ... Wear bikinis. Drink tequila. Wake up in the morning happy for no good reason ... Lie in the grass, dream of your future, of your imperfect life & your imperfect marriage to your imperfect true love ... Because what else is there? Honestly, there's nothing else. Nothing else matters. ~ Melanie Gideon

Wait. What? You kissed at the bonfire?" Ellen flushes and nods. "Seriously? You didn't tell me? What kind of crap best-friend rule book did you read, Ellen, because the one I've got has way different chapters as to how information is supposed to be handed over. ~ Anne Eliot

But the girl shook her head, clucked her tongue in distaste. 'If I marry him, my children will be ugly,' she declared.

That night, lying next to Edward in his room, Yaw listened as his best friend told him that he had explained to the girl that you could not inherit a scar.

Now, nearing his fiftieth birthday, Yaw no longer knew if he believed this was true. ~ Yaa Gyasi

For me George Bush is just as scary, if not more. Because he doesn't look like a scary guy, because he's shaved and he has a tie on. But he's a real fanatic - a fanatic by definition is the one who says, if you are not with me, you are against me, and that's exactly the position he takes. The mullahs in my country, it's obvious. But a guy who says I am the president of the biggest secular democracy in the world and asks people to read the Bible and make crusades and says he's God's best friend - this guy is even more scary because you don't see it at the beginning. ~ Marjane Satrapi

Don't send me your script if you want me to play the black best friend. I just won't do that. ~ David Oyelowo

The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi. ~ Denis Leary

I know you've always tried to do your best by me, in your own insufferable, arrogant way. You've been a decent brother, Gray. And a damn good friend."
Gray swore. He looked to the side, then back at his brother. "Fair warning, Joss. If you don't take your hand off me ... I will have to hug you."
Joss laughed. "After that speech, I'd be damn disappointed if you didn't. ~ Tessa Dare

Sometimes the hardest person in the world to talk to is your best friend, because it matters so much. ~ Steph Bowe

A gourmet meal without a glass of wine just seems tragic to me somehow. ~ Kathy Mattea

Best friend is like a pen and we're the paper. We'll not complete without their ink ~ Lucy 'Aisy

The hardest thing for me to do, and the best thing I've done and learned as an actor is to sacrifice being funny in certain circumstances in order to do something that makes sense for the story or the character, or emotionally. ~ Jonah Hill

They all get the crazy idea that whoever has the most friends wins. One is enough.
Just find that one, irreplaceable someone. ~ Adachitoka

My hair is my everything: my best friend, my mentor, my moral compass. ~ Keith Murray

Guurl. Tell me. Do you keep your hair this long for religious reasons? Like, will you lose your strength if you cut it?--Terry, a member of the glam squad, to Khloe Richardson ~ Naima Simone

If your cash is about to run out, you have to cut your cash flow. CEOs have to make those decisions and live with them however painful they may be. You have to act and act now; and act in the best interest of the company as a whole, even if it means that some people in the company who are your best friends have to work somewhere else. ~ Larry Ellison

I was debating on jumping and ending my despair over losing my best friend, but I decided to call you instead. ~ Holly Hood

Just spending time together is not enough, he said. The sorts of activities you engage in are vital. Graham concluded you are driven to grow, to expand, to add to your abilities and knowledge. When you satisfy this motivation for self-expansion by incorporating aspects of your romantic partner or friend into your own skills, philosophies and self, it does more to strengthen your bond than any other act of love. This opens the door to one of the best things about misattribution of emotion. If, like those in the study, you persevere through a challenge - be it remodeling a kitchen yourself or learning how to dance the Dougie - that glowing feeling of becoming wiser, that buoyant sense of self-expansion, will be partially misattributed to the presence of the other person. ~ David McRaney

The truth is, I'm all about you, Lena. You're my best friend. You're my girl. ~ Kylie Scott

The two of us, we're the best kind of disaster. Apples and oranges. Well, more like apples and machetes. ~ Brittany Cavallaro

You are a fucking hoot, Fred. I'm officially making you my new best friend. It's quite an honoured and sought after position, I'll have you know. So far I have a grand total of four friends in Dublin. You've currently just snagged yourself the top spot."
"Oh stop, Viv, I'm welling up, here," I reply drily. ~ L. H. Cosway

I googled "what to do when your future werewolf mate/boyfriend/best friend courts you and brings you a dead rabbit." First, there was a lot of porn. Then I found a recipe for Maltese rabbit stew. It was delicious. The stew, not the porn. The porn was weird. GORDO ~ T.J. Klune

I don't blame you for being upset, Sera. But what you need to be doing is getting pissed as fuck and then stab him in the nut sack with those killer stilettos." I look up at my best friend, Adam, and see the empathy in his eyes. "Fuck it! I'll stab him in the nuts, and then gouge his eyes out. Girl, I'll be the ... the fucking Nut Slayer! ~ Flora Roberts

I come from a long line of miserable people. ~ Arlene Schindler

I try my best, but at the same time, I try not to let being out with someone affect my everyday life. Like, if I want to go out and grab a smoothie with a friend who's a male, I'm not gonna let the paparazzi stop me from doing that and living my life and just being a normal person. ~ Kendall Jenner

When a girl gets laid, she tells her best friend. When a girl finds a lump, she tells her best friend. When a girl finds a kickass shade of nail polish, she tells her best friend. And, I might add, when a girl gets kidnapped, she tells her best friend! ~ Kristen Ashley

The love of a dog is no small thing. ~ Karen Auvinen

Don't steal nobody's cattle or their women. Treat your horse like your best friend, because sometimes that's all you got. Most important, trust and believe in your guys and always have their back when they need you. ~ G. Neri