Insensitive Jokes Quotes

A person who peremptorily denies the existence of anything which is beyond the horizon of his understanding because he cannot make it harmonise with his accepted opinions is as credulous as he who believes everything without any discrimination. Either of these persons is not a freethinker, but a slave to the opinions which he has accepted from others, or which he may have formed in the course of his education, and by his special experiences in his (naturally limited) intercourse with the world. If such persons meet with any extraordinary fact that is beyond their own experience, they often either regard it with awe and wonder, and are ready to accept any wild and improbable theory that may be offered to them in regard to such facts, or they sometimes reject the testimony of credible witnesses, and frequently even that of their own senses. They often do not hesitate to impute the basest motives and the most silly puerilities to honourable persons, and are credulous enough to believe that serious and wise people had taken the trouble to play upon them "practical jokes," and they are often willing to admit the most absurd theories rather than to use their own common sense. ~ Franz Hartmann

The real joke that history played on American women is not the one that makes people snigger, with cheap Freudian sophistication, at the dead feminists. It is the joke that Freudian thought played on living women, twisting the memory of the feminists into the man-eating phantom of the feminine mystique, shriveling the very wish to be more than just a wife and mother. ~ Betty Friedan

He was just a small church parson when the
war broke out, and he
Looked and dressed and acted like all parsons
that we see.
He wore the cleric's broadcloth and he hooked
his vest behind.
But he had a man's religion and he had a stong
man's mind.
And he heard the call to duty, and he quit his
church and went.
And he bravely tramped right with 'em every-
where the boys were sent.

He put aside his broadcloth and he put the
khaki on;
Said he'd come to be a soldier and was going
to live like one.
Then he'd refereed the prize fights that the boys
pulled off at night,
And if no one else was handy he'd put on the
gloves and fight.
He wasn't there a fortnight ere he saw the sol-
diers' needs,
And he said: "I'm done with preaching; this
is now the time for deeds."

He learned the sound of shrapnel, he could tell
the size of shell
From the shriek it make above him, and he knew
just where it fell.
In the front line trench he laboured, and he knew
the feel of mud,
And he didn't run from danger and he wasn't
scared of blood.
He wrote letters for the wounded, and he cheered
them with his jokes,
And he never made a visit without passing round
the smokes.

Then one day a bullet got him, as he knelt be-
side a lad
Who was "going west" right speedy, and they
both seemed mighty glad,
Edgar A. Guest

I live on a ranch in Texas and do my own thing. And I don't care what anyone has to say about it. My joke is that the only people I'm trying to please are myself and my fans, because they're the ones buying my records. And I have the best, most loyal fan base ever. ~ Kelly Clarkson

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. ~ George Orwell

To have a reputation for being noble, she thought, is more confining than to be known as a wit. On the rare days when a comedian has no jokes, people pardon the lapse. There is no forgiving a saint's occasional day of sin. ~ Libbie Block

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face. ~ John Oliver

The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there. ~ Frank Zappa

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. ~ Lewis Black

Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure. ~ Daniel Tosh

I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, 'Don, get up at a party and tell a joke', I'm the worst. ~ Don Rickles

What I meant was, I love your filthy mouth. And I love your mouth when it sings and jokes. I love your body, and everything it does to me. I love when you come, when you squirm under me, begging for it. I love your hands, and your eyes. I love your honor and integrity. I love your loyalty, your intelligence. I love your honesty, even when it hurts me. I've fallen in love with you, Monica. I didn't think it would happen to me again, but it did. Thank you. ~ C.D. Reiss

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing. ~ Wanda Sykes

For every ten jokes - thou hast got an hundred enemies ... ~ Laurence Sterne

It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when it comes to jokes. ~ Elizabeth Banks

I think very long and hard about every possibly offensive joke I want to make. I really hate mean humor and would hate to make anyone reading my jokes feel truly bad. ~ Megan Amram

I love telling myself jokes. I think I'm a riot. ~ Scott Stevens

The things we do when we expect our lives to continue are naturally and properly different than the things we might do if we expected them to end abruptly. We go easy on the lard and tobacco, smile dutifully at yet another of our supervisor's witless jokes, read books like this one when we could be wearing paper hats and eating pistachio macaroons in the bathtub, and we do each of these things in the charitable service of the people we will soon become. ~ Daniel M. Gilbert

I always joke to my dad and thank him for giving me this little boy body, when I was 6 or 7, my gymnastics coach looked at my quads and told the other coach to come over and see my quads. They were big then and still are. But I've kind of embraced it through the years. ~ Ali Krieger

There were jokes under fascism and the Nazis too, but those systems did not create an absurd, laugh-a-minute reality like communism. ~ Ben Lewis

Being a military child, we moved a lot and we developed different vernaculars from moving from the south, to the Midwest, and seeing the world. Going from New York to California and from Jamaica Queens to the South, I was always the new kid, or had the army crew haircut. I expected people to pick up on me. My brother kinda stole all of my old jokes. He got his inspiration from me. ~ Joe Torry

Twitter taught me how to become better at writing jokes because it forces you to chip away at all the extraneous words. ~ Peter Serafinowicz

It's just what they are - they're jokes ... most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks ... I can't determine what offends another person. ~ Paula Deen

But there's times when I like to find the strange angles to something. People go, 'I heard a lot of jokes like that, but that's one of the most interesting takes I heard.' That's what I try to do. ~ Godfrey

Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw. ~ Woody Allen

You should not take prayer too seriously. There is something playful about God. You only have to look at a penguin ... to realize that He likes to play little jokes on creatures. ~ Thomas Keating

I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze? ~ Daniel Tosh

I realised that all one really had to do was just observe. Observe and slightly exaggerate, and you had comedy. Instead of creating a mythical premise for a stupid joke, I found playing off truth got the best result. ~ Mel Brooks

Uh, no loose wire jokes, okay? ~ Marc Cerasini

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers! ~ Tina Fey

What' cha doing out here all alone? Did you forget how to find Sanctuary? (Simi)
No. I want to be alone for a bit. (Gallagher)
Why? Were the bears mean to you? Mama can get a bit cranky whenever I play with the cubs. She thinks I'm going to eat one, but bleh! They're way too hairy. Now if she'd let me skin one, I might be interested. (Simi)
Are you joking? (Gallagher)
Oh no. I never joke about hairy food. (Simi) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Your jokes are terrible."
Greg grinned, walking me backwards into my suite and wagging his eyebrows he corrected me, "It's pronounced
tremendous. ~ Penny Reid

So-called "natural language" is wonderful for the purposes it was created for, such as to be rude in, to tell jokes in, to cheat or to make love in (and Theorists of Literary Criticism can even be content-free in it), but it is hopelessly inadequate when we have to deal unambiguously with situations of great intricacy, situations which unavoidably arise in such activities as legislation, arbitration, mathematics or programming. ~ Edsger Dijkstra

There's a lot of actors that I admire because they can just switch one second into the character. Then, they go back to jokes, and then they're doing something really dramatic. I can't do that. I have to really focus. ~ Juan Pablo Di Pace

Comedians are the most ruthless critics in the world. ~ Amit Kalantri

I have to admit, I was quite insensitive to the issue of gender inequality in the workplace until a few years ago. ~ Naina Lal Kidwai

I became totally absorbed into this forest existence. It was an unparalleled period when aloneness was a way of life; a perfect opportunity, it might seem, for meditating on the meaning of existence and my role in it all. But I was far too busy learning about the chimpanzees'lives to worry about the meaning of my own. I had gone to Gombe to accomplish a specific goal, not to pursue my early preoccupation with philosophy and religion. Nevertheless, those months at Gombe helped to shape the person I am today-I would have been insensitive indeed if the wonder and the endless fascination of my new world had not had a major impact on my thinking. All the time I was getting closer to animals and nature, and as a result, closer to myself and more and more in tune with the spiritual power that I felt all around. For those who have experienced the joy of being alone with nature there is really little need for me to say much more; for those who have not, no words of mine can even describe the powerful, almost mystical knowledge of beauty and eternity that come, suddenly, and all unexpected. The beauty was always there, but moments of true awareness were rare. They would come, unannounced; perhaps when I was watching the pale flush preceding dawn; or looking up through the rustling leaves of some giant forest tree into the greens and browns and the black shadows and the occasionally ensured bright fleck of blue sky; or when I stood, as darkness fell, with one hand on the still warm trun ~ Jane Goodall

We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. ~ Daniel Dennett

Twain please!" Peck blubbered. "It was never personal. It was just business!"
"Oh Peck, do you think I'm mad at you? I"m a lawyer. I don't get mad. I don't get even." Twain gave him a wicked smile. " I sue people. ~ Arthur Daigle

People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard. ~ Michelle Pfeiffer

I started to make harder jokes before anyone else did. And the producers would get anxious. They'd say, 'That's a little bit hard-edged, isn't it?' And I'd say, 'Let's just try it and see how the audience reacts. If they don't like it, let's cut it out.' And the audience roared with laughter, so I learned you could do this harder humor and people loved it. ~ John Cleese

He cannot do anything deliberate now. The strain of his whole weight on his outstretched arms hurts too much. The pain fills him up, displaces thought, as much for him as it has for everyone else who has ever been stuck to one of these horrible contrivances, or for anyone else who dies in pain from any of the world's grim arsenal of possibilities. And yet he goes on taking in. It is not what he does, it is what he is. He is all open door: to sorrow, suffering, guilt, despair, horror, everything that cannot be escaped, and he does not even try to escape it, he turns to meet it, and claims it all as his own. This is mine now, he is saying; and he embraces it with all that is left in him, each dark act, each dripping memory, as if it were something precious, as if it were itself the loved child tottering homeward on the road. But there is so much of it. So many injured children; so many locked rooms; so much lonely anger; so many bombs in public places; so much vicious zeal; so many bored teenagers at roadblocks; so many drunk girls at parties someone thought they could have a little fun with; so many jokes that go too far; so much ruining greed; so much sick ingenuity; so much burned skin. The world he claims, claims him. It burns and stings, it splinters and gouges, it locks him round and drags him down…

All day long, the next day, the city is quiet. The air above the city lacks the usual thousand little trails of smoke from cookfires. Hymns rise from the temple. Fa ~ Francis Spufford