Haha Quotes

Dexter was scared... and suprised... haha. ~ Deyth Banger

Once I entered the house late at night and overheard Mark and my mom having sex by the fireplace. She was moaning like she was flying on a magic carpet. I almost puked into the kitchen sink. I would give anything for her to dump him. Jade's mom says it will never happen because women over 45 have a better chance of getting blown up by a terrorist than finding a man. Haha! If I ever get that desperate, I will buy a giant vibrator and never leave the house. ~ Allison Burnett

Swallowing back her bitterness, Amelia glanced up at her brother and managed a rueful smile. "Thank you, but at this advanced stage of life, I have no ambitions to marry."
Leo surprised her by bending to brush a light kiss on her forehead. His voice was soft and kind. "Be that as it may, I think someday you'll meet a man worth giving up your independence for." He grinned before adding, "Despite your encroaching old age. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I guess that all figures into my approach because once I start hearing the imagination land stuff (that's my new phrase now I guess) I tend to tune out or start laughing at it like, "Haha, you guys really believe there is a heaven." ~ Brad Warner

I make make music in my own time, messing around with beats and riffs I write. Always practicing performing in my room most times I probably look like an idiot dancing around haha. ~ Christina Grimmie

God help anyone who stands in your way. You do like to manage other people's lives, don't you?"
"Only when it's obvious I can do a better job of it than they can. What are you smiling at?"
Rohan stopped, obliging her to turn to face him. "You. You make me want to - " He stopped as if thinking better of what he'd been about to say. But the trace of amusement lingered on his lips. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing. Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Jess gazed at the apples arranged in all their colors: russet, blushing pink, freckled gold. She cast her eyes over heaps of pumpkins, bins of tomatoes cut from the vine, pale gooseberries with crumpled leaves. "You could buy a farm."
"Why would I do that?"
"To be healthy," said Jess.
Emily shook her head. "I don't think I'd be a very good farmer."
"You could have other people farm your farm for you," said Jess. "And you could just eat all the good things."
Emily laughed. "That's what we're doing here at the Farmers' Market. We're paying farmers to farm for us. You've just invented agriculture."
"Yes, but you could have your own farm and go out there and breathe the fresh air and touch the fresh earth."
"I think that's called a vacation," said Emily.
"Oh, you're too boring to be rich," Jess said. "And I would be so talented! ~ Allegra Goodman

Ruin your fucking self before they do. Otherwise they'll screw you because you're a nobody. They'll keep you alive but you'll have to crawl and say "thank-you" for every bone they throw. You might as well stay drunk or shoot junk and be a crazy fucker. If the rich guys want to play with you, make them get their hands dirty. Send them away gagging, or sobbing if they're soft-hearted. You'll be left alone if you're frightening, and dead you're free! ~ Jenny Holzer

My family is the treasure. I thank them heartily but I can't say this seeing them face to face since I'm too shy haha. ~ Daesung

Turning Lillian to face him, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll procure the necessary items, and work out the proportions," he said. His expression was sober, but his dark eyes were warm as they gazed into hers. "In the meanwhile, I will leave the situation in your capable hands."
Tenderly Lillian traced the edge of his shirt collar, letting her fingertip touch the tanned skin of his throat. "You'd better hurry. If St. Vincent wakes to find himself at my mercy, he'll probably expire on the spot."
They exchanged a brief grin and Westcliff left the room. "Arrogant, high-handed creature," Lillian remarked, her smile lingering as she watched the earl's departure. "God, I adore him. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Oh, I'm good, you know. Mostly. I guess I'm in a bit of a spot. You see, I fucked a patient while I was on the clock. I mean, it's fine, because I thought I liked him, and we didn't get caught. But then I had sex with him again...totally off the clock this time...and we did get caught and then I got fired. Haha. I'm totally broke. Can I move back home?
That wasn't exactly how the conversation had gone. I'd have died. But I had told my parents that St. Andrew's hadn't worked out, and my Dad at least had an inkling as to why. Despite my being a colossal fuck-up and throwing away everything I'd ever wanted over a guy, they were letting me move into my old room.
Not ideal. Surely. But I'd just cleaned out my checking account to make my student loan payment, and rent was due in a week, and no one was exactly jumping out of their skin to hire a deaf waiter or a deaf receptionist while I looked for something permanent. It was moving home or living in my car, I guess ~ Peter Styles

Haha! I threw that shit before I walked in the room! ~ Black Dynamite

I can't believe you cheated!" "I can't believe you didn't know it. Man, what kind of got are you? I never knew stupidity had a divine representative. Guess I was wrong, huh?" "You're such an asshole."
-Phobos & Diemos ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

KEVIN: And now a word from our sponsors. Lauren?
LAUREN: Thank, Kev. Can I call you Kev?
KEVIN: Haha. No Lauren, by no means. ~ Joseph Fink

Jack prepared another needle with the antibiotics.
"You're not sticking me with that."
"Come on. It'll only hurt for a second, and I'll get to look under that sheet again."
"Jack, I'm not kidding. I don't like shots. Enough already."
"You need the medicine. Now gimme your cheek."
"Ha. Ha. Very funny."
She let him give her the shot and stuck her tongue out when he finished. He loved how easily she made him laugh.
"Smart ass."
"Sore ass is more like it."

-Jenna & Jack ~ Jennifer Ryan

I would give anything to taste. To taste just dust. Because now that I'm nearly gone, I'm more here than I ever was. Now that I'm nothing but air, all I want is to breathe it. Now that I'm silent forever, haha, it's all words words words with me. Now that I can't just reach out and touch, it's all I want, is to. ~ Ali Smith

Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure. ~ Daniel Tosh

This is for all you kids out there watching TV, when you should go open a book. Haha. ~ Blake Lewis

We should get these wet clothes off," I say conscious now of the cold.
A smile breaks over Colton's face. He raises an eyebrow. "Yeah? ~ Jessi Kirby

Good! Hang in there! It's normal! [Low self-esteem] Often it's a sign of intelligence (but don't let that go to your head haha) ~ Patrick Stump

Emily sighed and looked to Simon. "Your brother is a hard man." Draven choked on his wine. She frowned. "Milord, are you all right?" she asked, pounding her hand on his back. "Fine," Draven said, then shrugged off her touch. "Your choice of words just caught me off guard." Once more Simon burst into laughter. "What?" she asked. Simon shook his head. "I'll leave it to my brother to explain to you just how hard a man he is." "Simon," he warned. "Don't growl at me when you instigated it."
-Emily, Draven & Simon ~ Kinley MacGregor

If you please, Mr. Haha, we'd like a quart of your finest whiskey."

His eyes tilt more. Would you believe it? Haha is smiling! Laughing, too. "Which one of you is a drinkin' man?"

"It's for making fruitcakes, Mr. Haha. Cooking. "

This sobers him. He frowns. "That's no way to waste good whiskey. ~ Truman Capote

He dragged me back - just in time. A tree had crashed down on to the side walk, just missing us. Poirot stared at it, pale and upset.
"It was a near thing that! But clumsy, all the same - for I had no suspicion - at least hardly any suspicion. Yes, but for my quick eyes, the eyes of a cat, Hercule Poirot might now be crushed out of existence - a terrible calamity for the world. And you, too, mon ami - though that would not be such a national catastrophe."
"Thank you," I said coldly. ~ Agatha Christie

haha must have been a weird typo it's illegal to hunt men but exhilarating ~ Mallory Ortberg

Yo, where you at, pretty boy?" Braeden hollered and came around the corner.
I grinned and he laughed. "You ready for today?" he said and hooked me around the neck with his arm and tried to bend me down so he could mess up my hair.
"Hells yeah," I said, dodging his attempt.
The guys that were around us all starting trading insults, so we joined in until the sound of music cut through the laughter.
Some old song about how the guy singing was too sexy burst through the noise, and we all started to laugh. "B-man!" someone shouted a row over. "Phone's ringing. ~ Cambria Hebert

Your name. That's all I want. I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours. ~ Colleen Hoover

I m not funny, really m not !!! I just tell people the truth, and then they start laughing and say haha you are funny...but seriously m not!!! ~ Shashankbisht

Go to hell," Sebastian muttered. "No doubt that was what you came to tell me tonight. If so, you're about a month too late."
"That was my intention," Westcliff admitted. "Now, however, I've decided to stay and have a snifter of brandy while you tell me what in God's name you're doing. ~ Lisa Kleypas

We don't know," Gansey said, around his straw. "Why is the tea so good here?"
"I spit in it. Let me see this thing. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

Hidan: Hey, look at that, it's my headband! You went to the trouble of picking it up and keeping for me? I'm touched. You're a pretty nice guy, Kakuzu, you knwo that?
Kakuzu: Shut up. Let's go.
Hidan: Let me put it on at least! Okay, I'm coming. Admit it, you like me a little, doncha?
Kakuzu: Either you shut up, or I'll kill you.
Hidan: Haha, you're embarrassed! I understand. ~ Masashi Kishimoto

Head Bitch in charge, luvah... ~ Mia Asher

And hey, it's okay to laugh at yourself sometimes, I do dumb things all the time (haha). But when it get's too personal, get your tough skin on and stand firm. ~ Christina Grimmie

Returning to the library, Marcus saw Lillian lying on her back on the carpeted floor. His first thought was that she must have drifted into oblivion, but as he approached, he saw that she was holding a long wooden cylinder in her free hand, and squinting through one end. "I found it," she exclaimed in triumph. "The kaleidoscope. It's verrrry interesting. But not quite what I 'spected."
Silently he reached out, plucked the instrument from her hand, and gave her the other end to look through.
Lillian promptly gasped in amazement. "Oh, that's lovely ... How does it work?"
"One end is fitted with strategically placed panels of silvered glass, and then ... " His voice faded as she turned the thing toward him.
"My lord," she pronounced in solemn concern, viewing him through the cylinder, "you have three ... hundred ... eyes." She dissolved into a fit of giggles that shook her until she dropped the kaleidoscope. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I started to grin until I heard laughing and sensed we were on display.
Glancing at them, I tightened my grip on Judd as if to say, "So what? He's mine. Suck it."
Judd though wasn't interested in their laughter. He glared hard at them and literally growled like a dog.
While I giggled at the sound, the men shut up and moved away.
When Vaughn saw this display, he yelled out, "Whipped is a good look on you, brother."
"I'm packing, Outlaw. Don't make me pull it out."
At the same moment, Judd, Vaughn, and I thought of the same thing and started laughing.
"Yeah, don't pull it out here, baby," I said, giggling. "I'm the only one who should be looking at it."
Judd leaned his head back and sighed. "It's not my fault, you know. All of the blood left my brain the minute you sat on my lap."
"Poor bastard," I whispered in his ear as I nibbled on the lobe. ~ Bijou Hunter

Romeo was late. Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo ... I snorted. It was so loud it startled a girl at a nearby table.
- Rimmel ~ Cambria Hebert

Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively… But it wasn't just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could 'relate without getting close.' For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. ~ Woody Allen

Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha! ~ Jeff Kinney

Gentlemen," the king called out, "and ladies, First Meal is getting cold."
Which was the cue for everyone to head back to the dining room and actually eat what had been only studiously ignored up until now.
With Payne safe and at home, appetites were free to roam once more . . . although as God was his witness he was not going to think about what the hell that surgeon and his sister were no doubt about to get into.
As he groaned, Jane tightened her arm around his waist. "Are you all right?"
He glanced down at his shellan. "I don't think my sister is old enough to have sex."
"V, she's the same age you are."
He frowned for a moment. Was she? Or had he been born first?
Yeah, only one place to go for the answer to that. Shit, he hadn't even thought of his mother in all this. And now that he was . . . he had absolutely no desire or interest to pop up there and announce that Payne was doing great, fuck you very much.
Nope. If the Scribe Virgin wanted to keep tabs on what her "children" were up to? She could look into those fakakta seeing bowls she liked so much.
He kissed his shellan. "I don't care what the calendar says or about the birth order. That's my baby sister, and she's never going to be old enough to . . . 'um, yeah.' "
Jane laughed and retucked herself under his arm. "You are a very sweet male."
"Nah."
"Yeah."
Leading her into the dining room and over to the table, he gallantly pulled her chair ~ J.R. Ward

Get away from me," she cried. "What are you?"

"Death," Lok answered menacingly.

Brooke looked at him in horror.

"Haha, just kidding. ~ Will Collins

I thought of making you and Julian real brothers.
What is she talking about? Does she expect us to do a ritual thing like cut ourselves and rub blood together so we're blood brothers? ~ Simone Elkeles

Mrs. Abbott, I'm going to the kitchen to wash. You'll want to warn the housemaids to shield their eyes from the sight of my manly chest."
Kathleen, Lady Trenear, came to Garrett. "Whose housemaids would he be referring to?" she asked dryly. "Ours will be crowding into the scullery to obtain the best possible view. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I'm a pretty happy camper. Look a little more like Paul Newman, maybe. Haha. ~ John Warnock

Pas encore. Qa m'amuse."
"Really, Poirot!"
"Yes, my friend. I grow old and childish, do I not? ~ Agatha Christie

That dude is a class-A douche nozzle."

-Braeden ~ Cambria Hebert

What happened to your lip?" Ravenna said to him. "It looks sore."
Miss Feather's fingers darted to her mouth.
"Thank you for your kind concern, Miss Caulfield." His eyes were very dark blue and still rimmed with the longest lashed Ravenna had ever seen on a man. Beauty and virility and confidence and sheer privileged arrogance combined to remarkable effect. No wonder these silly girls stared. "It was bitten," he said.
"Oh, dear." Lady Penelope pouted sweetly. "That must have been alarming."
"Not terribly. I have been bitten by cats before." The corner of his mouth twitched. "This one," he said, turning his dark, laughing gaze upon Ravenna, "was otherwise charming."

-Ravenna, Vitor, & Lady Penelope ~ Katharine Ashe

Cam reached for her left hand. Taking the signet ring between his fingers, he drew it off easily and gave it to her. "Here. Although I'd rather you left it on."
Amelia's mouth fell open. She examined her hand, then the ring, and hesitantly pushed it back on the same finger. It slid over her knuckle and back again with ease. "How did you do that?"
"I helped you to relax." He ran a coaxing hand along her spine. "Put it back on, Amelia."
"I can't. That would mean I've accepted your proposal, and I haven't."
Stretching like a cat, Cam rolled her flat again, his weight partially supported on his elbows. Amelia drew in a quick breath as she felt him still firm within her. "You can't lie with me twice and then refuse to marry me." Cam lowered his head to kiss her ear. "I'll be ruined." He worked his way to the soft place behind her earlobe. "And I'll feel so cheap."
Despite the seriousness of the matter, Amelia had to bite back a smile. "I'm doing you a great favor by refusing you. You'll thank me for it someday."
"I'll thank you right now if you'll put the damned ring back on."
She shook her head.
Cam pushed a bit farther inside her, making her gasp. "What about my personal endowments? Who's going to take care of them?"
"You can take care of them" - she squirmed to the side to set the ring on the bedside table - " all by yourself."
Cam moved with her obligingly. "It's much more satisfying when you're involved."
As h ~ Lisa Kleypas

the human body has 7 trillion nerves, and some people manage to get on every single one of them ~ -no Author Haha

First of all, "no self" doesn't mean there is no self, haha. So the "no problem" is jumped at a little too fast I'm afraid. Especially in American culture where people tend to be materialistic philosophically. I don't mean running to the mall, but philosophically, you see? ~ Robert Thurman

I sort of fell."
"Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet? ~ Rick Riordan

Lifting a goblet of wine to her lips, Evie glanced at him over the rim as she drank. "What is in that ledger?"
"A lesson in creative record keeping. I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that Egan has been draining the club's accounts. He shaves away increments here and there, in small enough quantities that the thefts have gone unnoticed. But over time, it totals up to a considerable sum. God knows how many years he's been doing it. So far, every account book I've looked at contains deliberate inaccuracies."
"How can you be certain that they're deliberate?"
"There is a clear pattern." He flipped open a ledger and nudged it over to her. "The club made a profit of approximately twenty thousand pounds last Tuesday. If you cross-check the numbers with the record of loans, bank deposits, and cash outlays, you'll see the discrepancies."
Evie followed the trail of his finger as he ran it along the notes he had made in the margin. "You see?" he murmured. "These are what the proper amounts should be. He's padded the expenses liberally. The cost of ivory dice, for example. Even allowing for the fact that the dice are only used for one night and then never again, the annual charge should be no more than two thousand pounds, according to Rohan." The practice of using fresh dice every night was standard for any gaming club, to ward off any question that they might be loaded.
"But here it says that almost three thousand pounds was spent on dice," Evie murm ~ Lisa Kleypas

I like your mom," Adam said as they watched her walk away.
"She's a saint."
"Jake," his father called.
"And that's the reason why," Jake murmured. ~ Sarah Addison Allen

We walked hand in hand toward the diner, until Ivy froze in her steps. 'What's wrong?' I asked, skimming the area around us, looking for some kind of threat. She made a sound of panic. 'Ivy?' My heart was starting to beat faster. 'I'm still wearing your shirt!' She hissed. 'Is that all, woman? Please.' I started walking again. She refused to budge. I turned back and lifted and eyebrow. 'What now?' She stepped up close and whispered dramatically, 'I'm not wearing a bra either!' I matched her tone to whisper back, 'Good thing the girls are perky!' 'Braeden!' She gasped. I threw back my head and laughed. 'C'mon. I'm so hungry I could eat the rotten end of a pig.' 'Oh my gosh, that's disgusting!' she burst out as I towed her along behind me. 'Awe, baby. That hurts my feelings.' She made a rude noise, and I grinned. I opened the door to the diner, and she walked in first. I had to hold back a smile when she crossed her arms over her unleashed girls. This chick was fucking hilarious. Rimmel waved wildly from a booth near the window. Ivy hurried to the table and slid in across from Romeo and Rimmel. I followed with a lot less hurry in my step and slid in right next to Ivy. Romeo looked at Ivy, then at me. We exchanged a look. He held out his fist to pound it out. I obliged. 'About damn time,' he grunted. Then he glanced at Rimmel, who had her hair piled on the top of her head and a pencil sticking out of the mess. 'Can we order now, smalls? I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a ~ Cambria Hebert

My hair floated out around me with the evening breeze, and Romeo caught a strand of it before he opened the door to the car. "You really do look beautiful," he murmured, dipping his head low.
"Thanks," I said against his lips.
His kiss ignited instant desire inside me. Even though I spent last night with him, and the night before, I missed him terribly. I felt like we hadn't had enough alone time. I wanted more. I wanted so much more.
He groaned and pulled back. "Let's get this dinner over with," he said grumpily. "I want to spend some time alone with you."
"You read my mind."
"Now that the season is over, we'll have more time together."
"Want to just go to Taco Bell and hide at your place?" I asked when he slid into the driver's seat.
He laughed. The sound filled the interior of the car. "Why, Rimmel," - he pressed a hand to his chest like he was scandalized - " are you suggesting we stand up my mother?"
I giggled.
"I knew it," he drawled. "Underneath that sweet exterior lies the heart of a baddie baddie."
I laughed out loud. "A baddie baddie?"
"Like totally," he said in a valley girl voice and pretended to flip the long hair he didn't have.
God, I loved him.
"So what do you say?" I taunted as I smiled. "Want to play hookie?"
He groaned. "I'd love to, baby, but we can't."
I stuck out my tongue.
"Watch what you do with that thing, baby girl."
"Yeah? Or what?" I challenged. < ~ Cambria Hebert

Well?" Amelia demanded, clearly unaware of the turn of his thoughts. Which was a good thing, as they likely would have sent her screaming from the room. "Have you discovered anything about my brother's whereabouts?"
"I have."
"And?"
"Lord Ramsay visited earlier this evening, lost some money at the hazard table - "
"Thank God he's alive," Amelia exclaimed.
" - and apparently decided to console himself by visiting a nearby brothel."
"Brothel?" She shot Merripen an exasperated glance. "I swear it, Merripen, he'll die at my hands tonight." She looked back at Cam. "How much did he lose at the hazard table?"
"Approximately five hundred pounds."
The pretty blue eyes widened in outrage. "He'll die slowly at my hands. Which brothel?"
"Bradshaw's."
Amelia reached for her bonnet. "Come, Merripen. We're going there to collect him."
Both Merripen and Cam replied at the same time. "No."
"I want to see for myself if he's all right," she said calmly. "I very much doubt he is." She gave Merripen a frosty stare. "I'm not returning home without Leo."
Half amused, half alarmed by her force of will, Cam asked Merripen, "Am I dealing with stubbornness, idiocy, or some combination of the two?"
Amelia replied before Merripen had the opportunity. "Stubbornness, on my part. The idiocy may be attributed entirely to my brother." She settled the bonnet on her head and tied its ribbons beneath her chin. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Romeo had the attention span of a slice of bread.
Which is none at all.
Every time I start to explain something, it's like not only his eyes glazed over, but his entire body. At one point, I wondered if it were possible for him to be asleep with his eyes open.
And God, he smelled good. ~ Cambria Hebert

Try them on," I said.
Rimmel pushed the covers back and pulled her bare legs out to pull on the boots. She got one on and tied and then pushed her foot down in the other.
Her forehead wrinkled. "There's something in there," she said and quickly pulled it back off.
"What is it?"
"I'm not putting my hand in there!" she squealed. "It might be a bug."
"A bug?" I was amused. "How would a bug get in there?"
She screwed up her face and stuck out her tongue. "Who knows? Bugs are creepy like that."
I chuckled and shoved my hand down into the boot. She watched like she was expecting something to eat my hand off. I pulled out the square white box and held it out. "I think it might be for you," I said and winked. ~ Cambria Hebert

Goes with the whole King of the Badasses. Kind of hard to lead an army of the damned if I'm the King of Nice
-Stryker ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

She picked up a handheld grenade launcher, cradling it like a baby. ~ Kimberly Derting

I wonder how Merripen is faring," Win said, her blue eyes soft with concern. Merripen, the cook-maid, and the footman had gone to the house two days earlier to prepare for the Hathaways' arrival.
"No doubt he's been working ceaselessly day and night," Amelia replied, "taking inventory, rearranging everything in sight, and issuing commands to people who don't dare disobey him. I'm sure he's quite happy. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it." ~ Jim Gaffigan

Their long overdue kiss was interrupted far too soon for either of their likings.
"Well, it be about time!"
Nothing on God's earth can douse a man's ardor like the sound of his mother's voice. ~ Suzan Tisdale

Life isn't all haha hehe. ~ Meera Syal

She walked over to Ioan. "And for your information, my lord ... " She lifted his hand and put his index and middle finger upright. "I assure you that there is nothing wrong with Christian's technique or prowess."
Corryn, who had paused beside the group after Christian had lunged at Lutian, broke into laughter.
Ioan hissed at her. "What are you laughing at?"
"I was just thinking of why we can't go to Scotland anymore. Someone should tell Christian about your little problem." She held up her pinkie and wiggled it, then burst into laugher.
"You're not supposed to know anything about these matters!"
Corryn rushed off before her brother could grab her. ~ Kinley MacGregor

All conversation had stopped. Following the guests' collective gazes, Cam saw something - a lizard? - wriggling and slithering its way past sauceboats and salt cellars. Without hesitation he reached out and captured the small creature, cupping it in closed hands. The lizard squirmed furiously in the space between his closed palms.
"I've got it," he said mildly.
The vicar's wife half fainted, slumping back in her chair with a low moan.
"Don't hurt him!" Beatrix Hathaway called out anxiously. "He's a family pet!"
The assembled guests glanced from Cam's closed hands to the Hathaway girl's apologetic face.
"A pet?… What a relief," Lady Westcliff said calmly, staring down the length of the table at her husband's blank countenance. "I thought it was some new English delicacy we were serving."
A swift wash of color darkened Westcliff's face, and he looked away from her with fierce concentration. To anyone who knew him well, it was obvious he was struggling not to laugh. ~ Lisa Kleypas

My roommate has a gerbil," Ryan said, grinning. "The little guy got loose and crapped all over my bed. It's just been a crazy day."
Nodding at his silly story, I heard a familiar voice. "That's fucking fascinating," Judd said from behind me. "Then, what happened?"
Judd was stalking me apparently.
He pulled a chair to the table. "What are we having for dinner?"
"Who are you exactly?" Ryan asked.
"Tawny's man. I don't do names or handshakes, so save it, kid."
When Ryan looked at me for help, I shook my head. "I have no control over him. If I did, he wouldn't be here."
"Oh, don't be like that," Judd said, caressing the back of my hair. "I like that sweater on you. Very autumn. Looks good with your eyes."
"Please, go away."
"I can't. I'm your ride tonight."
"Should I leave?" Ryan asked.
Judd glanced at my date. "Just catch onto that, did you?"
Ryan stood up. "See you around, Tawny."
"Can't you stay and ignore him?"
Judd's eyes narrowed. "No, he can't."
"We can still talk," I said, praying Ryan would stay. "He might leave if we treat him like static in the background."
Ryan considered staying until Judd's amused expression faded. "She's not fucking you, if that's what you're holding out for. In fact, you ain't even getting a goodnight kiss. Well, unless you want that to be the last thing your lips ever do before I rip them off your face."
"I'm going to leave," Ryan said, giving me ~ Bijou Hunter

Something's gone very wrong when you're thinking about roaring like a lion in a leotard just to get off."

-Charles ~ K.F. Breene

Meet Bob...

Bob is in this cage because he tried to steal my cookie.

Haha Bob,

Haha. ~ Stanley Fischer

I deny that one's rational will can be undermined by physical sensation," she said. "One's brain is always in charge." Leo couldn't prevent the mocking smile that rose to his lips. "Good God, Marks. Obviously you've never participated in the act, or you would know that the major organ in charge is not the brain. In fact, the brain ceases working altogether."
- Cat & Leo ~ Lisa Kleypas

Clumsily she reached for her bodice, trying to pull the reinforced fabric together.
"Allow me. You're still unsteady." His hands brushed hers aside and he began to hook her corset deftly.
Clearly he was familiar with the intricacies of a woman's undergarments. Amelia didn't doubt there had been more than a few ladies willing to let him practice.
Flustered, she asked, "Was I stung anywhere?"
"No." Mischief flickered in his eyes. "I checked thoroughly. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Amelia groped for the ring and began tugging and twisting it. "It's stuck again." She sounded disgruntled.
Cam pinned her wrist and bent his head, taking her finger into his mouth. She gasped as his tongue swirled around the base, leaving it wet. Gently, he used his teeth to draw the gold band off. Taking the ring from between his lips, he slid it back onto his own finger. Her hand, now bare, flexed as if bereft, and she looked at him uncertainly.
"You'll get used to wearing it." Cam smoothed his hand along the plane of her midriff and stomach. "We'll try it on you a few minutes at a time. Like breaking a horse to harness." He grinned at her expression. ~ Lisa Kleypas

So Isis shows up in Byblos like "Hey queen my husband is embedded in your palace may I please extract him?"
And the queen is like "sure, go ahead. It's not like he's a major structural support or anything, right?" and Isis is like "haha, sucker".
And she goes and removes the pillar WITHOUT DAMAGING THE PALACE AT ALL
Thus inventing Jenga. ~ Cory O'Brien

You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you, Garrett joked. ~ Tara Sivec

Life handed me lemons, so I made lemonade, lemon cake, lemon drops, and I even used the rinds to make lemon art. So, the joke is on you, life, haha! ~ Emilyann Allen

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?"
"No! Good God, no! ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me > omg > boner. ~ Leah Raeder

She ducked her head into my chest, and I smiled. She brought out these tender feelings in me I'd never experienced with anyone before. I used the hand that was already draped over her shoulder and tugged on her braid. "Some girls are probably gonna say shit, Rim," I said. "Some bitches be devious."
She giggled and looked up at me as we stopped beside the Hellcat. "Some bitches?"
I grinned. "Just keepin' it real."
- Romeo & Rimmel ~ Cambria Hebert

Nothing is more depressing than a tired dominatrix. ~ Amy Poehler

I'm not sick, Deuce. You don't know your own charm.
My charm? I hadn't been aware I had any. It must be the dress, I thought. ~ Ann Aguirre

Getting dragged, kicking and screaming out of the ring, begging for mercy from whomever it is that fires me, and never be seen again. That's how I wanna go out. Haha, yeah, I don't want any.. hero's goodbye, or a big send off. I don't want a retirement ceremony. That's not how I'm built, I just wanna disappear into the sunset and have people, 'Man, that guy was a jerk. Wow, I'm glad he's gone.' ~ Chris Jericho

If someone is robbing us, come back after buisness hours! Calla's voice came from upstairs. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

Nick couldn't resist teasing Ash. 'So does this make you visibly challenged?' 'No.' Ash said, putting his I.D back into his pocket, 'but if you don't lay off me, I'm going to make you breathing impaired.'"
"-Nick and Ash ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Ed, "I hate deserts. There is nothing but sand *collapses* If there was some grass I could turn it into bread. I'm starving! Huh? Hey! Al' where'd you go? Al? Hey!"

Al, "Down here! *Al's hand emerges from the sand beneath Ed and grabs Ed's leg*"

Ed, "AHH!!"

Al, "I sunk again. . ."

(cut to later, after Ed dug Al out)

Al, "I get full."

Ed, "Full of what? *kicks Al and sand falls out of his chest plate and buries Ed*"

Al, "Hahahaha. . .hahaha. . .haha. . . ha. . . *still laughing, inches away from Ed*"

Ed, "*bursts out of sand and starts running after Al* Get back here!"

Al, "What are you going to do?"

Ed, "Nothing!"

Al, "Than why are you chasing me?"

Ed, "Stop and you'll find out!"

Al, "I promise I won't get buried again!"

Ed, "Not unless it's by me!"

Al," Ed!"

Ed, "Rrrrrrrrr! ~ Hiromu Arakawa

I made him take some broth," Lillian explained. "I had the devil of a time getting him to swallow - he wasn't precisely what one would call conscious - but I persisted until I had poured a quarter cup or so down his throat. I think he relented in the hopes that I was a bad dream that might go away if he humored me."
Evie had been unable to induce Sebastian to drink anything since the previous morning. "You are the most wonderful - "
"Yes, yes, I know." Lillian airily waved away the words, uncomfortable as always with praise. "Your tray was just brought up - it's there on the table by the window. Mulled eggs and toast. Eat every bite, dear. I should hate to have to use force on you too. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Love your company as if you're the boss.

-haha- ~ Marjoriefaith

I love book signings: kids waiting in line for you to scribble on their new books, haha! ~ Brian Jacques

Never bullshit a bullshitter. ~ Jennifer Niven

I wonder why the Ramsay estate is so unproductive?" Amelia mused as the carriage traveled alongside lush pastures. "The land in Hampshire is so fertile, one almost has to try not to grow something here."
"But our land is cursed, isn't it?" Poppy asked with mild concern.
"No," Amelia replied, "not the estate itself. Just the titleholder. Which would be Leo."
"Oh." Poppy relaxed. "That's fine, then. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Westcliff sees an odd sort of logic in why you would finally be the one to win St. Vincent's heart. He says a girl like you would appeal to ... hmm, how did he put it? ... I can't remember the exact words, but it was something like ... you would appeal to St. Vincent's deepest, most secret fantasy."
Evie felt her cheeks flushing while a skirmish of pain and hope took place in the tired confines of her chest. She tried to respond sardonically. "I should think his fantasy is to consort with as many women as possible."
A grin crossed Lillian's lips. "Dear, that is not St. Vincent's fantasy, it's his reality. And you're probably the first sweet, decent girl he's ever had anything to do with."
"He spent quite a lot of time with you and Daisy in Hampshire," Evie countered.
That seemed to amuse Lillian further. "I'm not at all sweet, dear. And neither is my sister. Don't say you have been laboring under that misconception all this time? ~ Lisa Kleypas

Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage. ~ Norm MacDonald

You bought chocolate―as far as I'm concerned, you're my new favorite person. ~ Sarah J. Maas

What's the plan for today?" I asked him. "Same thing we do every day. Try and take over the world." I stared at him for a second. "Was that a 'Pinky and the Brain' reference?" "Sure was." "I'm the Brain." He laughed and took another sip of coffee. "I wouldn't have it any other way." I nodded triumphantly and nibbled at my bagel.

-Lacey & Camden ~ B.B. Hamel

You may choose to live like a miser," Leo said, "but I'll be damned if I have to. You're incapable of enjoying the moment because you're always intent on tomorrow. Well, for some people, tomorrow never comes."
Her temper flared. "Someone has to think of tomorrow, you selfish spendthrift!"
"Coming from an overbearing shrew - "
Win stepped between them, resting a gentle hand on Amelia's shoulder. "Hush, both of you. It serves no purpose to make yourselves cross just before we are to leave." She gave Amelia a sweet quirk of a smile that no one on earth could have resisted. "Don't frown like that, dear. What if your face stayed that way?"
"With prolonged exposure to Leo," Amelia replied, "it undoubtedly would. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Haha, you lose! I got your delicious Subway sandwich Jerry 'stupid' Lawler! ~ Santino Marella

Man, Rhage is playin' with fire," Butch said as he started to rack up the balls.
"I give Fritz thirty seconds before he's - Here he comes."
"I'm going to pretend I'm not here."
V took a swig of his Goose. "Me too."
While they got busy grabbing balls, Fritz came steaming across the foyer like a missile seeking a heat source.
"Watch your ass, Hollywood, true?" V muttered as Rhage came over with a basket of popped-and-fluffy.
"It's good for him. He needs the exercise - Fritz! How are you, buddy?"

-Butch, Vishous, & Rhage ~ J.R. Ward

What the fuck was that about?" Vaughn said, standing over me.
"I pissed him off."
Dark blue eyes flicking to the restroom, Vaughn reached back and scratched at his shoulder. "All I know is when Judd came back from Texas, he was all hollowed out. Like a ghost, I guess. This morning before his bitch fit, he looked alive again. Whatever you said or did, can't be that big a deal compared to the shit mood he's been in lately."
Glancing at the restroom, I wanted to go back to before I said the words. My honesty ruined our happy morning.
"You can't take it personally," Vaughn added when I just stared at the restroom. "You know how moody Judd is. Always crying and bitching about something. A freaking drama queen."
Grinning, I looked up at him. "Thank you."
"Men like us aren't used to pretty girls looking at them like you look at Judd. He's not sure what to do with you and you're just gonna have to be patient while he figures shit out."
"Okay," I said, studied him. Whereas Judd hid a deep sorrow and iced heart behind his walls, I sensed Vaughn concealed a barely contained rage. He smiled easily enough, but it was a ruse. Just like Judd who acted like the world didn't touch him, Vaughn faked his exterior to avoid showing anything to the world.
"Why do they call you Outlaw?" I asked.
Vaughn sighed. "Because it's better than calling me dead man walking."
"I don't understand."
"You don't need to, darlin. The drama queen ret ~ Bijou Hunter

There was an old Taoist who lived in a village in ancient China, named Master Hu. Hu loved God and God loved Hu, and whatever God did was fine with Hu, and whatever Hu did was fine with God. They were friends. They were such good friends that they kidded around. Hu would do stuff to God like call him "The Great Clod." That's how he kidded. That was fine with God. God would turn around and do stuff to Hu like give him warts on his face, wens on his head, arthritis in his hands, a hunch in his back, canker sores in his mouth and gout in his feet. That's how He kidded. That God. What a kidder! But it was fine with Hu.
Master Hu grew lumpy as a toad; he grew crooked as cherry wood; he became a human pretzel. "You Clod!" he'd shout at God, laughing. That was fine with God. He'd send Hu a right leg ten inches shorter than the left to show He was listening. And Hu would laugh some more and walk around in little circles, showing off his short leg, saying to the villagers, "Haha! See how the Great Clod listens! How lumpy and crookedy and ugly He is making me! He makes me laugh and laugh! That's what a Friend is for!" And the people of the village would look at him and wag their heads: sure enough, old Hu looked like an owl's nest; he looked like a swamp; he looked like something the dog rolled in. And he winked at his people and looked up at God and shouted, "Hey Clod! What next?" And splot! Out popped a fresh wart.
The people wagged their heads till their tongues wagged too ~ David James Duncan

As soon as the doors were closed, Amelia went to her sister with her hands raised. At first Cam thought she intended to shake her, but instead Amelia pulled Beatrix close, her shoulders trembling. She could barely breathe for laughing.
"Bea ... you did it on purpose, didn't you? ... I couldn't believe my eyes ... that blasted lizard running along the table ... "
"I had to do something," the girl explained in a muffled voice. "Leo was behaving badly - I didn't understand what he was saying, but I saw Lord Westcliff's face - "
"Oh ... oh ... " Amelia choked with giggles. "Poor Westcliff ... one moment he's def-fending the local population from Leo's tyranny, and then Spot comes s-slithering past the bread plates ... "
"Where is Spot?" Twisting away from her sister, Beatrix approached Cam, who deposited the lizard in her outstretched palms. "Thank you, Mr. Rohan. You have very quick hands."
"So I've been told." He smiled at her. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Whatcha got for us today, Miss?" the oldest one asks.
"I want you to move everything out of unit four."
"Everything?"
"Yes. Except the brown chair in the living room." I open the door to the building. "On second thought, leave the mattress, too ~ Lori Nelson Spielman

They all knew who "Alpha Omega" stood for, too. I'd ask every girl who she had a crush on, and she wouldn't tell me, and she'd ask me who I had a crush on, and I'd say, "Ohhh, haha, well, I call him Alpha Omega." Then she'd say, "Who is that," and I'd tell her right away, because I can't keep my own secrets secret. (Obviously.) It sort of undid the whole point of having a code name in the first place. But your first mistake was thinking that anything I did in high school would ever make sense. ~ Katie Heaney