Wanda Sykes Quotes

I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job; I have the ability to basically write my own ticket.

I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it and never turned back.

Sometimes black people really want to hold onto our oppression - 'This is ours! This belongs to us.' You can't just talk about equality for somebody else. Let's pass it on. Let's pass it on to somebody else. At the end of the day, it is all about inequality.

Ok so there's no TV shows, no movies going on fine, but I love going on stage and performing stand up so my situation is a little better than someone who's strictly just an actor or actress.

Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida ... Good grief ... Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole.

Should I talk about [having breast cancer]? Because how many things could I have? You know black, lesbian - I'm like, I can't be the poster child for everything. At least with the LGBT issues we get a parade and a float and it's a party.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.

I always had one goal, and that was to be a real funny stand-up comic, and that's pretty much what I'm doing. And everything else is kind of like gravy - TV, movies.

But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced.

I think the most difficult thing about coming out is just getting to that place where you're comfortable with who you are and you're sayin' hey this is ok and just accepting yourself and not caring what other people think. Because if you don't have that confidence in who you are then, if things don't go the way you wish that they will, you know if people aren't accepting then they can easily tear you down if you're not prepared and comfortable with who you are.

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on.

To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in mail one day and be like, I'm Secretary of State next month!

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

We never hid anything from the kids. I feel whole again, I really do. I've told them, 'Mommy's boo-boo is much better now.'

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

Now, I think the people who are still doing stand-up are doing it because they love stand-up.

I'm going to leave The Wanda Sykes Show and try to get her job because $5 million ain't too bad!

When my wife and I leave California, I want to have my marriage recognized in Nevada, Arizona, all the way to New York. How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving?

I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.

If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling.

Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny.

I'm like, If you do something dumb, I'll write about it. If you put something out there, to me it's like you're kind of asking for it.

Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.

Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I feel today's society is so judgmental.

I'm a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.

That word sassy - it haunts me. I keep getting the sassy thing.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

That's what they want: two women. Fellas, I think that's a bit lofty. Because, come on, think about it - if you can't satisfy that one woman, why do you want to piss off another one? Why have two angry women in the bed with you at the same time? And think about it - you know how much you hate to talk after sex, imagine having two women just nagging you to death.

It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.

I love my family but my family - they're the type of people that never let you forget anything you ever did ... I was in the first grade Christmas play - I'm playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby Jesus ... They still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one of my cousins just had a baby. So I'm like, 'Oh, that's a cute little baby. Let me hold the baby ... ' And my aunt runs over, 'Don't you give her that baby! You know she dropped the baby Jesus!'

Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. I hope his kidneys fail.

Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.

You can't make a woman happy. That's like trying to cure a fatal disease. The goal is to treat the symptoms so you can comfortably live with the illness.

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic.

As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.

When my parents send me emails the first 3 are blank.

These CEOs, man ... If you're that ruthless, you're a scary dude. I tell you, now when I walk past a little gang banger, I don't even blink. But if I see a white dude with a Wall Street Journal, I haul ass. Before I walk past the Arthur Andersen building, I cut through the projects. If you cut through the projects, you may just lose what you have on you that day. I ain't never been mugged of my whole future.

The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.'

I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all.

Writers get to stay with the piece. They don't just turn the script in and somebody else takes it over and goes out and produces it and edits it and all that stuff. We stay with the piece all the way through.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.

Whatever I talk about is what I'm interested in at the time. Politics are big with me. But being a mom is taking up most of my time. My act is more family-oriented than it is about politics.

You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.

I'm really funny now.

My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.

I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product.

Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.

What gets me is when celebrities aren't allowed to have an opinion on anything political. There's the whole 'Shut up and sing' thing.

Once you start making money, you can be an ass. But I am not an ass. I'm too lazy, that takes a lot of energy.

I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.

With a black president, I can relax ... I can dance in public ... I can buy a whole watermelon now.

The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man, the most powerful man in the world, is on national TV apologizing for receiving oral sex. He's an idiot. There are men sitting in here right now who would gladly accept oral sex on national TV.

I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.

In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.

But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

I felt like I was being attacked, personally attacked - our community was attacked. Now, I gotta get in their face. I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman. And I'm proud to be gay.