Twain Quotes

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Quotes About Twain

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#1. Now the way that the book winds up is this: Tom and me found the money that the robbers hid in the cave, and it made us rich. We got six thousand dollars apiece - all gold. It was an awful sight of money when it was piled up. Well, Judge Thatcher he took it and put it out at interest, and it fetched us a dollar a day apiece all the year round - more than a body could tell what to do with. The Widow Douglas she took me for her son, and allowed she would sivilize me; but it was rough living in the house all the time, considering how dismal regular and decent the widow was in all her ways; and so when I couldn't stand it no longer I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied. But Tom Sawyer he hunted me up and said he was going to start a band of robbers, and I might join if I would go back to the widow and be respectable. So I went back. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#2. Sure enough, it was just as I had dreaded, he started to climb the tree-"
"What the Bull?"
"Of course- who else?"
"But a bull can't climb a tree."
"He can't can he? Since you know so much about it, did you ever see a bull try?"
"No! I never dreamt of such a thing."
Well, then, what is the use of your talking that way, then? Because you never saw a thing done, is that any reason why it can't be done? - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#3. It is not like studying German, where you mull along, in a groping, uncertain way, for thirty years; and at last, just as you think you've got it, they spring the subjunctive on you, and there you are. No- and I see now plainly enough, that the great pity about the German language is, that you can't fall off it and hurt yourself. There is nothing like that feature to make you attend strictly to business. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#4. I 'uz mos' to de foot er de islan' b'fo' I found' a good place. I went into de woods en jedged I wouldn' fool wid raffs no mo', long as dey move de lantern roun' so. I had my pipe en a plug er dog-leg, en some matches in my cap, en dey warn't wet, so I 'uz all right. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#5. The silent colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that afflict the peoples - that is the one to throw bricks and sermons at. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#6. A man who goes around with a prophecy-gun ought never to get discouraged: if he will keep up his heart and fire at everything he sees, he is bound to hit something by and by. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#7. Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#8. It is not best to use our morals weekdays, it gets them out of repair for Sunday. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#9. There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#10. I particularly admire are Mark Twain and Jerome K. Jerome who wrote in a certain tone of voice which was humane and understanding of humanity, but always ready to annotate its little foibles. I think I'd lay my cards down on that, and say that it's that that I'm trying to do. - Author: Terry Pratchett
Twain quotes by Terry Pratchett
#11. Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century. - Author: Bob Newhart
Twain quotes by Bob Newhart
#12. It's very hard to concentrate when your stomach's rumbling. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#13. Cooper's art has some defects. In one place in 'Deerslayer,' and in the restricted space of two-thirds of a page, Cooper has scored 114 offences against literary art out of a possible 115. It breaks the record. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#14. One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#15. There is only one good sex. The female one. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#16. Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#17. I'm more private than people realize. I'm not that easy to get to know. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#18. A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#19. Nearly all black and brown skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#20. There are ten parts of speech and they are all troublesome. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#21. Mrs Kerslake:" but if there is no chance of being offered a place at Oxford, surely-?"
Simon Kerslake: "Thats not what i said Mother, I shall be an undergraduate at Oxford by the first day of term - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#22. It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#23. I find no change of consequence in grown people, I do not miss the dead. It does not surprise me to hear that this friend or that friend died at such and such a time, because I fully expected that sort of news. But somehow I had made no calculation on the infants. It never occurred to me that infants grow up ... These unexpected changes, from infancy to youth, and from youth to maturity, are by far the most startling things I meet with. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#24. I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#25. Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#26. What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#27. The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#28. An oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a scientist has; and so it it is reasonably certain that this one jumped to the conclusion that the nineteen million years was a preparation for him; but that would be just like an oyster, which is the most conceited animal there is, except man. And anyway, this one could not know, at that early date, that he was only an incident in a scheme, and that there was some more in the scheme yet. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#29. All great men are dead, and I'm not feeling too well myself - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#30. Ah
Ferguson
what
what did you say was the name of the party who wrote this?" "Christopher Colombo! ze great Christopher Colombo!" Another deliberate examination. "Ah
did he write it himself; or
or how?" "He write it himself!
Christopher Colombo! He's own hand-writing, write by himself!" Then the doctor laid the document down and said: "Why, I have seen boys in America only fourteen years old that could write better than that. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#31. I played a lot of football when I was younger. I'm a good receiver, actually. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#32. There are more chickens than a man can know in this world, but an unprovoked kindness is the rarest of birds. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#33. Comedy keeps the heart sweet; but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#34. I got some of their jabber out of a book. S'pose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy - what would you think?" "I wouldn' think nuffn; I'd take en bust him over de head - dat - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#35. If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#36. I will gradually drop this subject of graveyards. I have been trying all I could to get down to the sentimental part of it, but I cannot accomplish it. I think there is no genuinely sentimental part to it. It is all grotesque, ghastly, horrible. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#37. The word Palestine always brought to my mind a vague suggestion of a country as large as the United States. I do not know why, but such was the case. I suppose it was because I could not conceive of a small country having so large a history. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#38. We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#39. It's not what you don't know that gets you in trouble, it's what you know for sure that ain't so" Mark Twain - Author: Tom Kelley
Twain quotes by Tom Kelley
#40. I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#41. Well, I lay if I get hold of you I'll - - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#42. It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. - Mark Twain - Author: Anonymous
Twain quotes by Anonymous
#43. It's important to give it all you have while you have the chance. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#44. There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and gruvvelling around when you've got an apple, and beg the core off you; but when they're got one, and you beg for the core, and remind them how you give them a core one time, they take a mouth at you, and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't a-going to be no core. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#45. One day I was handed a few volumes of new literature unlike anything I had ever read before and so captivating as to make me utterly forget my hopeless state. They were the earlier works of Mark Twain and to them might have been due the miraculous recovery which followed. Twenty-five years later, when I met Mr. Clemens and we formed a friendship between us, I told him of the experience and was amazed to see that great man of laughter burst into tears. - Author: Nikola Tesla
Twain quotes by Nikola Tesla
#46. Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#47. Playing whist by the cabin lamps when it is storming outside is pleasant; walking the quarterdeck in the moonlight is pleasant; smoking in the breezy foretop is pleasant when one is not afraid to go up there; but these are all feeble and commonplace compared with the joy of seeing people suffering the miseries of seasickness. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#48. The two most important days if your life are the day you are born ... and the day you find out why having multiple screens for your computer is so awesome because now reports and grants are like a billion times easier! - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#49. In the country neighbor­hood thereabouts, along the dusty roads, one found at intervals the prettiest little cottage homes, snug and cozy, and so cobwebbed with vines snowed thick with roses that the doors and windows were wholly hidden from sight-sign that these were deserted homes, forsaken years ago by defeated and disap­pointed families who could neither sell them nor give them away. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#50. I would much prefer to suffer from the clean incision of an honest lancet than from a sweetened poison. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#51. Mark Twain, the thinking man's Colonel Sanders, reputedly said, America is New York, New Orleans, and San Francisco. Everywhere else is Cleveland. - Author: Russell Brand
Twain quotes by Russell Brand
#52. Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can carry it too far. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#53. When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#54. Today's burdens can strengthen you for tomorrow. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#55. There is more real pleasure to be gotten out of a malicious act, where your heart is in it, than out of thirty acts of a nobler sort. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#56. All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth
including America, of course
consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#57. The shades of difference between other people and me serve to make variety and prevent monotony, but that is all; broadly speaking, we are all alike; and so by studying myself carefully and comparing myself with other people, and noting the divergences, I have been enabled to acquire a knowledge of the human race which I perceive is more accurate and more comprehensive than that which has been acquired and revealed by any other member of our species. As a result, my private and concealed opinion of myself is not of a complimentary sort. It follows that my estimate of the human race is the duplicate of my estimate of myself. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#58. The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#59. Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#60. A photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#61. Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#62. Never do wrong when people are looking. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#63. Wagner has some great moments, but a lot of miserable half hours. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#64. Naturally the question suggests itself, Why did these people want the river now when nobody had wanted it in the five preceding generations? Apparently it was because at this late day they thought they had discovered a way to make it useful; for it had come to be believed that the Mississippi emptied into the Gulf of California, and therefore afforded a short cut from Canada to China. Previously the supposition had been that it emptied into the Atlantic, or Sea of Virginia. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#65. Mark Twain, cynical about so much else, has a particular reverence in the Holy Land for "sitting where a god has stood". What flabbergasted him was that his traveling companions would be in such a sanctified environment and winter what they saw according to other writers or their denominational background instead their own experience with the holy. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#66. It's considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#67. There would be a center table, with books of a tranquil sort on it ... - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#68. I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#69. Human nature is the same everywhere; it deifies success, it has nothing but scorn for defeat. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#70. We get our morals from books. I didn't get mine from books, but I know that morals do come from books- theoretically at least. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#71. Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it
namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain. If he had been a great and wise philosopher, like the writer of this book, he would now have comprehended that Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and that Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. And this would help him to understand why constructing artificial flowers or performing on a tread-mill is work, while rolling ten-pins or climbing Mont Blanc is only amusement. There are wealthy gentlemen in England who drive four-horse passenger-coaches twenty or thirty miles on a daily line, in the summer, because the privilege costs them considerable money; but if they were offered wages for the service, that would turn it into work and then they would resign. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#72. ...as long as we have the choice to read what we want, I suspect Twain and Homer and the rest will always be with us. The stoutest old writers ebb and flow in popularity; tastes and political correctness and educational trends also ebb and flow, and we have a tendency to embrace the short view because it makes better news stories. So the joy of literature may not be at a high water mark right now, and yet you can walk into the Target store of your choice and pick up Catcher in the Rye. Beauty floats, I guess, along with sorrow and hope. (http://www.wab.org/events/allofroches...) - Author: Leif Enger
Twain quotes by Leif Enger
#73. If there is a God, he is a malign thug. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#74. Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#75. I feel sexy when I get out of the tub - your skin is fresh and you've put up your hair without looking. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#76. It's an awful snug place for orgies." "What orgies?" "I dono. But robbers always have orgies, and of course we've got to have them, too. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#77. We Americans ... bear the ark of liberties of the world. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#78. OH, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet,
Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment Seat;
But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
When two strong men stand face to face, tho' they come from the ends of the earth! - Author: Rudyard Kipling
Twain quotes by Rudyard Kipling
#79. The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#80. If you must be indiscrete, be discrete in your indiscretion. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#81. He said that man's heart was the only bad heart in the animal kingdom; that man was the only animal capable of feeling malice, envy, vindictiveness, revengefulness, hatred, selfishness, the only animal that loves drunkenness, almost the only animal that could endure personal uncleanliness and a filthy habitation, the sole animal in whom was fully developed the base instinct called patriotism, the sole animal that robs, persecutes, oppresses and kills members of his own tribe, the sole animal that steals and enslaves the members of any tribe. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#82. An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#83. I am as prompt as a clock, if I only know the day a thing is wanted-otherwise I am a natural procrastinaturalist. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#84. When angry, count four. When very angry, swear. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#85. And last but not least, reflecting my feelings on proofreading ... excuse any pages on my websites that have misspelled words or grammatical errors ... I'm not a proofreader of any great merit. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#86. The laws of Nature take precedence of all human laws. The purpose of all human laws is one - to defeat the laws of Nature. This is the case among all the nations, both civilized and savage. It is a grotesquerie, but when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#87. If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#88. The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#89. I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#90. In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#91. The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother. I shall always delight to meet an ass after my own heart when I have finished my travels. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#92. Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#93. If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#94. The secret to success: find out where people are going and get there first - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#95. We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to scoff at each other ... Oh, we are a nasty little lot-& to think there are people who would like to save us & continue us. It won't happen if I have any influence. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#96. Hello Huckleberry!"
"Hello, yourself, and see how you like it."
"What's that you got?"
"Dead cat."
"Lemme see him, Huck. My, he's pretty stiff. Where'd you get him?"
"Bought him off'n a boy. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#97. A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#98. You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#99. Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#100. It was a splendid population - for all the slow, sleepy, sluggish-brained sloths stayed at home - you never find that sort of people among pioneers - you cannot build pioneers out of that sort of material. It was that population that gave to California a name for getting up astounding enterprises and rushing them through with a magnificent dash and daring and a recklessness of cost or consequences, which she bears unto this day - and when she projects a new surprise the grave world smiles as usual and says, Well, that is California all over. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#101. Profound silence; silence so deep that even their breathings were conspicuous in the hush. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#102. It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#103. it warn't no time to be sentimentering. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#104. Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#105. Now there you have a sample of man's "reasoning powers," as he calls them. He observes certain facts. For instance, that in all his life he never sees the day that he can satisfy one woman; also, that no woman ever sees the day that she can't overwork, and defeat, and put out of commission any ten masculine plants that can be put to bed to her. He puts those strikingly suggestive and luminous facts together, and from them draws this astonishing conclusion: The Creator intended the woman to be restricted to one man. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#106. today i will find strength in my weakness - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#107. A brown spotted lady-bug climbed the dizzy height of a grass blade, and Tom bent down close to it and said, "Lady-bug, lady-bug, fly away home, your house is on fire, your children's alone," and she took wing and went off to see about it
which did not surprise the boy, for he knew of old that this insect was credulous about conflagrations, and he had practised upon its simplicity more than once. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#108. I've been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened, Mark Twain once said. - Author: Sharon Salzberg
Twain quotes by Sharon Salzberg
#109. Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#110. Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#111. If you think it ain't dismal and lonesome out in a fog that way, by yourself, in the night, you try it once – you'll see. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#112. The priest explained the mysteries of the faith 'by signs,' for the saving of the savages; thus compensating them with possible possessions in Heaven for the certain ones on earth which they had just been robbed of. And also, by signs, La Salle drew from these simple children of the forest acknowledgments of fealty to Louis the Putrid, over the water. Nobody smiled at these colossal ironies. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#113. Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#114. Write without pay until somebody offers to pay. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#115. The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#116. It is noble to teach oneself; it is still nobler to teach others. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#117. Mark Twain once put it, "The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." Power - Author: Saul D. Alinsky
Twain quotes by Saul D. Alinsky
#118. Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#119. Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#120. But the lawyer he jumps on the table and yells, and says: "Gentlemen - gentlemen! Hear me just a word - just a single word - if you please!

There's one way yet - let's go and dig up the corpse and look. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#121. When all else fails, write what your heart tells you. You can't depend on your eyes, when your imagination is out of focus. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#122. Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before ... Anonymous author - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#123. Too much is just enough. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#124. A person who has a cat by the tail knows a whole lot more about cats than someone who has just read about them. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#125. Heaven knows insanity was disreputable enough, long ago; but now that the lawyers have got to cutting every gallows rope and picking every prison lock with it, it is become a sneaking villainy that ought to hang and keep on hanging its sudden possessors until evil-doers should conclude that the safest plan was to never claim to have it until they came by it legitimately. The very calibre of the people the lawyers most frequently try to save by the insanity subterfuge ought to laugh the plea out of the courts, one would think. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#126. There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#127. My sister ... was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before; my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#128. If you're looking for friends when you need them ... it's too late. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#129. Brooklyn praise is half slander. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#130. As became a young sinner, Sam [Mark Twain] had a special interest in Satan. He asked his Sunday school teacher questions about Eve in the garden, wondering "if he had ever heard of another woman who, being approached by a serpent, would not excuse herself and break for the nearest timber." Twain recalled, "He did not answer my question, but rebuked me for inquiring into matters above my age and comprehension. - Author: Fred Kaplan
Twain quotes by Fred Kaplan
#131. The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#132. Mark Twain created a new type of literature and not a lot of people can say that. Not a lot of people can say they're absolutely original and completely self-made. - Author: Val Kilmer
Twain quotes by Val Kilmer
#133. I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#134. Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#135. You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#136. Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#137. Teaching is like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at once. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#138. We always prized him, but never so much as now, when we are going to lose him. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#139. Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#140. Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#141. It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#142. I know I am not capable of suffering more than I did during those few minutes of suspense in the dark, surrounded by those creeping, bloody-minded tarantulas. I - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#143. The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#144. Our Congresses consist of Christians. In their private life they are true to every obligation of honor; yet in every session they violate them all, and do it without shame. Because honor to party is above honor to themselves. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#145. We all know about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the oyster. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#146. I do not see my family life in any way, shape, or form as an opportunity for a photo. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#147. The truth is a fragile thing, but a lie, well told, can live forever. " - Mark Twain - Author: Rebecca Nugent
Twain quotes by Rebecca Nugent
#148. Secondly, these missionaries would gradually, and without creating suspicion or exciting alarm, introduce a rudimentary cleanliness among the nobility, and from them it would work down to the people, if the priests could be kept quiet. This would undermine the Church. I mean would be a step toward that. Next, education - next, freedom - and then she would begin to crumble. It being my conviction that any Established Church is an established crime, an established slave-pen, I had no scruples, but was willing to assail it in any way or with any weapon that promised to hurt it. Why, in my own former day - in remote centuries not yet stirring in the womb of time - there were old Englishmen who imagined that they had been born in a free country: a "free" country with the Corporation Act and the Test still in force in it - timbers propped against men's liberties and dishonored consciences to shore up an Established Anachronism with. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#149. Everybody has heard of the great Heidelberg Tun, and most people have seen it, no doubt. It is a wine-cask as big as a cottage, and some traditions say it holds eighteen hundred thousand bottles, and other traditions say it holds eighteen hundred million barrels. I think it likely that one of these statements is a mistake, and the other is a lie. However, the mere matter of capacity is a thing of no sort of consequence, since the cask is empty, and indeed has always been empty, history says. An empty cask the size of a cathedral could excite but little emotion in me. I do not see any wisdom in building a monster cask to hoard up emptiness in, when you can get a better quality, outside, any day, free of expense. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#150. I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#151. Coming from where I came from, it was unimaginable to ever be wealthy. That was just too far out of my reach. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#152. The power of literature, I've always thought, lies in how willful the act of making it is. As such, I've never bought into the idea that the writer requires any special ritual in order to write. If need be, I could write almost anywhere, as easily in an ashram as in a crowded cafe, or so I've always insisted when asked whether I write with a pen or a computer, at morning or night, alone or surrounded, in a saddle like Goethe, standing like Hemingway, lying down like Twain, and so on, as if there were a secret to it all that might spring the lock of the safe housing the novel, fully formed and ready for publication, apparently suspended in each of us. - Author: Nicole Krauss
Twain quotes by Nicole Krauss
#153. Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation; the thing itself is a pain, not a pleasure; at least the pain is the biggest end of it. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#154. So I hove a brick through his window... - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#155. Presently she stepped into the kitchen, and Sid, happy in his immunity, reached for the sugar-bowl - a sort of glorying over Tom which was wellnigh unbearable. But Sid's fingers slipped and the bowl dropped and broke. Tom was in ecstasies. In such ecstasies that he even controlled his tongue and was silent. He - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#156. The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. MARK TWAIN - Author: Guy Kawasaki
Twain quotes by Guy Kawasaki
#157. The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#158. The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#159. There are not enough morally brave men in stock. We are out of moral-courage material; we are in a condition of profound poverty. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#160. Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#161. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#162. Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection-that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#163. I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#164. If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#165. I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#166. The best swordsman in the world doesn't need to fear the second best swordsman in the world; no, the person for him to be afraid of is some ignorant antagonist who has never had a sword in his hand before; he doesn't do the thing he ought to do, and so the expert isn't prepared for him; he does the thing he ought not to do; and often it catches the expert out and ends him on the spot. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#167. Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR
per
G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#168. There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#169. All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#170. So I "feckup" words sometimes ... I write in a colloquial style, so did Mark Twain. Seems I'm in pretty good company. - Author: Emma Paul
Twain quotes by Emma Paul
#171. The darling mispronunciations of childhood! - dear me, there's no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#172. Look at you in war ... There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#173. I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#174. Her sister, Miss Watson, a tolerable slim old maid, with goggles on, had just come to live with her, and took a set at me now with a spelling- book. She worked me middling hard for about an hour, and then the widow made her ease up. I couldn't stood it much longer. Then for an hour it was deadly dull, and I was fidgety. Miss Watson would say, "Don't put your feet up there, Huckleberry;" and "Don't scrunch up like that, Huckleberry - set up straight;" and pretty soon she would say, "Don't gap and stretch like that, Huckleberry - why don't you try to behave?" Then she told me all about the bad place, and I said I wished I was there. She got mad then, but I didn't mean no harm. All I wanted was to go somewheres; all I wanted was a change, I warn't particular. She said it was wicked to say what I said; said she wouldn't say it for the whole world; she was going to live so as to go to the good place. Well, I couldn't see no advantage in going where she was going, so I made up my mind I wouldn't try for it. But I never said so, because it would only make trouble, and wouldn't do no good. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#175. Among you boys you have a game: you stand a row of bricks on end a few inches apart; you push a brick, it knocks its neighbor over, the neighbor knocks over the next brick
and so on till all the row is prostrate. That is human life. A child's first act knocks over the initial brick, and the rest will follow inexorably. If you could see into the future, as I can, you would see everything that was going to happen to that creature; for nothing can change the order of its life after the first event has determined it. That is, nothing will change it, because each act unfailingly begets an act, that act begets another, and so on to the end, and the seer can look forward down the line and see just when each act is to have birth, from cradle to grave. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#176. Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#177. A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#178. I feel like in a way I'm starting over, with everything. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#179. Moralists and philosophers have adjudged those who throw temptation in the way of the erring, equally guilty with those who are thereby led into evil - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#180. Books are the liberated spirits of men. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#181. It's a good thing for a dog to have fleas; keeps his mind off being a dog. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#182. If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#183. Aging is a matter of mind. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Author: Anonymous
Twain quotes by Anonymous
#184. Do I want you to write to me? Indeed I do.... The others break my heart, but you will not. You a something divine in you that is not in other men. You have the touch that heals, not lacerates. And you know the secret places of our hearts... You have seen our whole voyage... [Y]ou see us not, chartless, adrift - derelicts. - Author: Peter Messent
Twain quotes by Peter Messent
#185. I really hope my peers appreciate and respect what I'm doing. - Author: Shania Twain
Twain quotes by Shania Twain
#186. It's better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#187. kind. It was the most singular, and almost the most touching and melancholy exile that fancy can imagine. - One of - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#188. The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#189. I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#190. Life and peace. Victory and vengeance.
And never the twain shall meet. - Author: Laini Taylor
Twain quotes by Laini Taylor
#191. Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#192. Mark Twain didn't psychoanalyze Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer. Dickens didn't put Oliver Twist on the couch because he was hungry! Good copy comes out of people, Johnny, not out of a lot of explanatory medical terms. - Author: Samuel Fuller
Twain quotes by Samuel Fuller
#193. It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time. The spectacles stayed on. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#194. Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures? - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#195. I told him that if we doubted that we are demons in Hell, he should read The Mysterious Stranger, which Mark Twain wrote in 1898, long before the First World War (1914-1918). In the title story he proves to his own grim satisfaction, and to mine as well, that Satan and not God created the planet earth and "the damned human race." If you doubt that, read your morning paper. Never mind what paper. Never mind the date. - Author: Kurt Vonnegut
Twain quotes by Kurt Vonnegut
#196. To eat is human, to digest, divine - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#197. The preacher who casts a vote for conscience' sake, runs the risk of starving. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#198. Of all the unchristian beverages that ever passed my lips, Turkish coffee is the worst. The cup is small, it is smeared with grounds; the coffee is black, thick, unsavory of smell, and execrable in taste. The bottom of the cup has a muddy sediment in it half an inch deep. This goes down your throat, and portions of it lodge by the way, and produce a tickling aggravation that keeps you barking and coughing for an hour. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#199. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain
#200. A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public - Author: Mark Twain
Twain quotes by Mark Twain

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