Funny Hatss Quotes

I'm not much for parties. Sometimes you have to wear a funny hat, sometimes they expect you to eat sushi, which is like eating bait. And there's always some totally drunk girl who thinks you're smitten by her, when what you're really wondering is if she'll vomit on your shirt or instead on your shoes. ~ Dean Koontz

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. ~ Robert Heller

God, I needed you," he murmured. "I can't even tell you how many times I thought about this. The funny thing is, I don't need you any less now. I think I need you more."
~Shane~ ~ Rachel Caine

The clever men at Oxford, know all that there is to be knowed. But they none of them know one half as much, as intelligent Mr. Toad. ~ Kenneth Grahame

Please stop waiting for a map. We reward those who draw maps, not those who follow them. ~ Seth Godin

Let's play Russian roulette. If you win, I give you a Colombian necktie. ~ Natalya Vorobyova

If you two had babies would they be like uber-von Strassenbergs? Would they be like eight feet tall? ~ Gwenn Wright

What's up, sulky bear?"

"I was appreciating the beauty of nature," Jared said. "In a sulky way."

"You might have noticed me giving you odd looks occasionally in the past."

"I assumed you were thinking, 'Three fairies clearly attended that guy's christening, and all three gave him the gift of chiseled,' " said Jared. "Why, were you thinking something else?"

"When I first met you, I thought you were a creep with serious behavioral and emotional issues."

"But once you really got to know me," Jared suggested, "you realized I was a creep with behavioral and emotional issues that were quite funny? ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

In the morning, people have a plan for that day. Hardworking people think of what they will do during the day, and idle people on what they should do. ~ Eraldo Banovac

Frankly, most of my friends hold very different political beliefs. It's just a funny thing in this country that supposedly you can't sit down and have dinner and enjoy another person's company if you don't have the same beliefs. It's ridiculous. ~ Patricia Heaton

Well, I'm glad you're so amused," I said, running my fingers across the railing.
Maxon hopped up to sit on the railing, looking very relaxed. "You're always amusing. Get used to it."
Hmm. He was almost being funny.
"So...about what you said...," he started tentatively.
"Which part? The part about me calling you names or fighting with my mom or saying food was my motivation?" I rolled my eyes.
He laughed once. "The part about me being good..."
"Oh. What about it?" Those few sentences suddenly seemed more embarrassing than anything else I'd said. I ducked my head down and twisted a piece of my dress.
"I appreciate you making things look authentic, but you didn't need to go that far."
My head snapped up. How could he think that?
"Maxon, that wasn't for the sake of the show. If you had asked me a month ago what my honest opinion of you was, it would have been very different. But now I know you, and I know the truth, and you are everything I said you were. And more."
He was quiet, but there was a small smile on his face.
"Thank you," he finally said.
"Anytime."
Maxon cleared his throat. "He'll be lucky, too." He got down from his makeshift seat and walked to my side of the balcony.
"Huh?"
"Your boyfriend. When he comes to his senses and begs you to take him back," Maxon said matter-of-factly.
I had to laugh. No such thing would happen in y world.
"he's not my boyfriend anymore. And he made it pret ~ Kiera Cass

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. ~ Thomas Paine

Me mum always told me the rich was blessed, but I thought she was talkin' about gold." She leaned over to cackle in his ear, then actually patted him on the head as if he was some slavering lapdog. "You might have escaped the gallows, lad, but you was already well hung. ~ Teresa Medeiros

Dogs have their day but cats have 365. ~ Lilian Jackson Braun

I don't even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell. ~ Shannon L. Alder

It's a queer thing is a man's soul. It is the whole of him. Which means it is the unknown him, as well as the known. It seems to me just funny, professors and Benjamins fixing the functions of the soul. Why, the soul of man is a vast forest, and all Benjamin intended was a neat back garden. And we've all got to fit into his kitchen garden scheme of things. Hail Columbia !

The soul of man is a dark forest. The Hercynian Wood that scared the Romans so, and out of which came the white- skinned hordes of the next civilization.

Who knows what will come out of the soul of man? The soul of man is a dark vast forest, with wild life in it. Think of Benjamin fencing it off!

Oh, but Benjamin fenced a little tract that he called the soul of man, and proceeded to get it into cultivation. Providence, forsooth! And they think that bit of barbed wire is going to keep us in pound for ever? More fools they.

...

Man is a moral animal. All right. I am a moral animal. And I'm going to remain such. I'm not going to be turned into a virtuous little automaton as Benjamin would have me. 'This is good, that is bad. Turn the little handle and let the good tap flow,' saith Benjamin, and all America with him. 'But first of all extirpate those savages who are always turning on the bad tap.'

I am a moral animal. But I am not a moral machine. I don't work with a little set of handles or levers. The Temperance- silence-order- resolution-f ~ D.H. Lawrence

Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's laws wrong, it learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems to by keeping it's dreams; it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared. ~ Tupac Shakur

When I was a kid, I read comics. But when I saw how funny it was, and how wonderfully absurd, I said, "You know, I gotta do this." ~ Adam West

The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can't afford a yes man. ~ Robertson Davies

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. ~ H.L. Mencken

My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money. ~ David Letterman

It's easy to get thousands of people to come to your Church. Easy. Just have good entertainment. And so you go to worship services and you're entertained by music, the lights, the action...you're entertained. The preacher comes out, he has lots of funny stories or heart-rending stories and you'll live contented. You live satisfied emotionally.

I'm for numbers, I'm for reaching people for Christ. But when you become numbers-driven, then everything in the worship service is aimed at that. If you have numbers, you have to have big Churches. If you have big Churches, you gotta have big debts. So you have to get people to come, you gotta entertain them, and cause them to be emotionally satisfied. So, we're back into this man-centeredness that has destroyed worship service in the 20th century. ~ Dr. Joe Morecraft

It was funny how the old practices always came around again. It was the rhythm of human enterprise to invent and worship some new approach, to fully reject it a generation later, to realize the need for it again a generation or two after that and then hastily reinvent it as new, usually without its original elegance. Scientists hated to look backward for anything. ~ Ann Brashares

Funny thing about glass. When you broke the shit up, it got pissed and bit back. ~ J.R. Ward

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.' ~ Demetri Martin

My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters! ~ Norm MacDonald

My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex - ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant. ~ Margaret Cho

The [Five Second Rule] has many variations, including The Three Second Rule, The Seven Second Rule, and the extremely handy and versatile The However Long It Takes Me to Pick Up This Food Rule. ~ Neil Pasricha

I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too. ~ Mitch Hedberg

It's funny how that comes up, because sometimes I'll write something and I'll think, I don't know if that's a film or a play, and then other things I feel very strongly about them just being plays - they feel very theatrical to me. ~ Neil LaBute

Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. You're a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to the bathroom now and throw up. ~ Sarah Mayberry

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn't have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name. ~ Rucy Ban

Laughing together heartily at the same thing forms an instant bond. ~ Liz Curtis Higgs

It's funny how your dead when people start listening. ~ The Band Perry

I had a dream about you last night ... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs. ~ Amy Summers

Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil. ~ Molly Harper

Everyone always says to me, 'Why aren't there more people of color on television?' I'm like, 'Why don't you ask a bunch of people who aren't putting people of color on television why there aren't more people of color on television?' ~ Shonda Rhimes