Shonda Rhimes Quotes

the air you are breathing right now is rare air. Appreciate it. And don't be an asshole.

Writing for television is completely different from movie scriptwriting. A movie is all about the director's vision, but television is a writer's medium.

Her toolbox is full. She has learned to not let go of the pieces of herself that she needs in order to be what someone else wants. She's learned not to compromise. She's learned not to settle. She's learned, as difficult as it is, how to be her own sun.

You can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.

There is victory in surrender.

Cynicism is a choice. Optimism is a better choice.

Yes, it is hard out there. But hard is relative. I come from a middle-class family, my parents are academics. I was born after the Civil Rights movement, I was a toddler during the women's movement, I live in the United States of America, all of which means I am allowed to own my freedom, my rights, my voice and my uterus.

I don't understand why people don't understand that the world of TV should look like the world outside of TV.

I never, ever pay attention to the ratings. I stopped paying attention to the ratings somewhere around season two or three of Grey's. It's something I have no control over, so I don't even pay attention.

If I don't poke my head out of my shell and show people who I am, all anyone will ever think I am is my shell.

Shonda, how do you do it all?
The answer is this: I don't.
Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life....
That is the trade-off.
That is the Faustian bargain one makes with the devil that comes with being a powerful working woman who is also a powerful mother. You never feel 100 percent okay, you never get your sea legs, you are always a little nauseous.

I'm a doer.
I do.
So. When I say I'm going to do something, I do it. When I say I'm going to do something, I really do it. I throw myself into it and I do. I do my ass off. I do right up to the finish line. No matter what.
No.
Matter.
What.

Sometimes the toilet paper does not win. Sometimes a broke woman needs the red wine more.

when you negate someone's compliment, you are telling them they are wrong. You're telling them they wasted their time. You are questioning their taste and judgment. You are insulting them. If someone wants to compliment you, let them.

You have to know when you are going to say, 'That doesn't work for me.'
You have to know when to say, 'This isn't worth it.'
'YOU are worth it.'
...the more I was willing to say yes to ME, the less I was willing to allow people in my life who left me emptier and unhappier and more insecure than before I saw them.

. . . [E]very single writer I met likened writing for television to one thing--laying track for an incoming speeding train. The story is the track and you gotta keep laying it down because of the train. That train is production. You keep writing, you keep laying track down, no matter what, because the train of production is coming toward you--no matter what. Every eight days, the crew needs to being to prepare a new episode--find locations, build sets, design costumes, find props, plan shots. And every eight days after that, the crew needs to film a new episode. Every eight days. Eight days to prep. Eight days to shoot. Eight days, eight days, eight days, eight days. Which means every eight days, that crew needs a brand-new script. And my job is to damn well provide them with one. Every. Eight. Days. That train of production is a'coming. Every eight days that crew on that soundstage better have something to shoot. Because the worst thing you can do is halt or derail production and cost the studio hundreds of thousands of dollars while everyone waits. That is how you go from being a TV writer to being a failed TV writer.

Everyone always says to me, 'Why aren't there more people of color on television?' I'm like, 'Why don't you ask a bunch of people who aren't putting people of color on television why there aren't more people of color on television?'

When someone says something petty or nasty, one of those little passive-aggressive things that would usually just pick at me for days, my new response is not to shut the door and bitch to anyone who will listen. Now? The moment they say it? "What did you mean by that?" I ask in a calm voice. It

Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in.

The insides of my brain are a fading photograph, stories and images drifting away to places unknown. Leaving patches of nothingness where a name or an event or a location should be. Anyone

Mother is not a title. Mother is a verb. It is not who you are. It's what you do.

You know what's a bigger taboo than being fat?

Not wanting to get married.

Whatever that spark is that makes each one of us alive and unique ... mine had gone. Stolen like paintings on the wall. The flickering flame responsible for lighting me up from the inside, making me glow; keeping me warm... my candle had been blown out. I was shut down. I was tired. I was afraid. Small. Quiet.

keeps his tone soothingly soft, the mellow tones of a psychiatric nurse, as he informs me that I will have to give a speech. Then he waits for me to freak out. This speech is not your

A hashtag is not helping. A hashtag is not a movement. A hashtag does not make you Dr King. A hashtag does not change anything. It's a hashtag.

I am terrible with examples. I can never think of them when anybody asks for an example.

One. Word.
NO.
No is a powerful word. To me, it's the single most powerful word in the English language. Said clearly, strongly and with enough frequency and force, it can alter the course of history.

Now, I'm no longer looking for the enemy. So I no longer see the enemy.

I've learned this is a very long marriage doing a television show. I like the people that I work with to be people I enjoy, so you want to cast people who are as excited and enthusiastic as you are.

Because no matter how hard a conversation is, I know that on the other side of that difficult conversation lies peace. Knowledge. An answer delivered. Character is revealed. Truces are formed. Misunderstandings are resolved. Freedom lies across the field of the difficult conversation. An the more difficult the conversation, the greater the freedom.

We are only on the edge of change. There is still so much more work to be done. I'm going to accept this award as encouragement and not as accomplishment. I don't think the job is finished yet.

Serena's not worried her friend is gonna feel bad she's not as good at tennis as Serena is. You know why? Because in order to be as good as Serena, you have to decide that your goal is that NO ONE is going to be as good as you are at tennis.
Then you have to make it true.

I was 4 and dictating stories into a tape recorder, and my mom typed them up.

I am not a naturally optimistic person. I'm too in my own head to be a constant source of cheer. I have to work at happy. Dark and twisty is where my brain likes to settle. So I can use some reminders of what is good and optimistic and glass-half-full about this world. And nothing does that for me like the faces and souls of my tiny humans.

Making it through the ceiling to the other side was simply a matter of running on a path created by every other woman's footprints.

So, I decide to treat saying no in the same way I treat saying thank you. Say no and then don't say anything else.
I come up with three different clear ways of saying no.
* "I am not going to be unable to do that."
* Zola gives me: "That is not going to work for me."
* And there's simply: "No.

Lesson NUMBER THREE is that ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THEY ARE DOING IT ALL PERFECTLY IS A LIAR.

#StopPretendingHashtagsAreTheSameAsDoingSomething

You can quit a job. I can't quit being a mother. I'm a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother redefines us, reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. Being a mother brings us face-to-face with ourselves as children, with our mothers as human beings, with our darkest fears of who we really are. Being a mother requires us to get it together or risk messing up another person forever. Being a mother yanks our hearts out of our bodies and attaches them to our tiny humans and sends them out into the world, forever hostages.

Tell her how much all the little things she does all year long that seem to go unnoticed really mean to you." With a $2.59 card. Mother's Day is built on that idea.

I remember saying, very almost jokingly, I'm going to take over the world through television, that's my plan. And I said it to my agent, and I said it to my friends, and I said it to myself.

Losing yourself does not happen all at once. Losing yourself happens one no at a time.

We all think we're going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still. The expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.

Say yes? There's no way to plan. There's no way to hide. There's no way to control this. Not if I am saying yes to everything. Yes to everything scary. Yes to everything that takes me out of my comfort zone. Yes to everything that feels like it might be crazy. Yes to everything that feels out of character. Yes to everything that feels goofy. Yes to everything. Everything. Say yes. Yes.

I can't wait to find out who I will be when next Thanksgiving rolls around.

My memory is ever-so-slowly being replaced by blank spaces. The details of my life are disappearing. The paintings are being stolen off the walls of my brain. It

Don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy," she says. "But he is not the sun. You are.

What did you mean by that?"
She looked up.
"What?"
"'Well, too bad for you.' That's what you said. What did you mean by that?"
...
Her own apology was sincere; the work she has to do on herself is her own.
When something wasn't going well, when there was conflict or someone was upset or being difficult, the more introverted me would flee and hope it all went away. The new me wades right into the deep end and asks, "what's wrong?

The expected is what keeps us steady. It's the unexpected that changes our lives forever.

I'm a black woman every day, and I'm not confused about that. I'm not worried about that. I don't need to have a discussion with you about how I feel as a black woman, because I don't feel disempowered as a black woman.

happy, whole people are drawn to happy, whole people, but nothing makes a toxic person more miserable and destructive than a happy, whole person. Unhappy people do not like it when a fellow unhappy person becomes happy.

Nobody ever asks a man how he gets stuff done. Nobody asks a man how he finds balance.

The upside of culling people from my life is that my focus has become very clear. My vision has become razor sharp. I now work to see people, not as I'd rewrite them, but as they have written themselves. I see them for who they are. And for who I am with them. Because it's not merely about surrounding myself with people who treat me well. It's also about surrounding myself with people whose self-worth, self-respect and values inspire me to elevate my own behavior.

Maybe you know exactly what it is you dream of being, or maybe you're paralyzed because you have no idea what your passion is. The truth is, it doesn't matter. You don't have to know. You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new.

If I am not going to change, I have to move on. I can't waste precious time hovering in the "I wishes" and the "if onlys."
That is being a dreamer. Dreamers never say yes to anything.
I HAVE TO DO.

Perfect is boring and dreams are not real. Just do. So you think, "I wish I could travel." Great. Sell your crappy car, buy a ticket to Bangkok, and go. Right now. I'm serious.

There are all kinds of ways and reasons that mothers can and should be praised. But for cultivating a sense of invisibility, martyrdom and tirelessly working unnoticed and unsung? Those are not reasons. Praising women for standing in the shadows? Wrong. Where is the greeting card that praises the kinds of mothers I know? Or better yet, the kind of mother I was raised by? I need a card that says: "Happy Mother's Day to the mom who taught me to be strong, to be powerful, to be independent, to be competitive, to be fiercely myself and fight for what I want." Or "Happy Birthday to a mother who taught me to argue when necessary, to raise my voice for my beliefs, to not back down when I know I am right." Or "Mom, thanks for teaching me to kick ass and take names at work. Get well soon." Or simply "Thank you, Mom, for teaching me how to make money and feel good about doing it. Merry Christmas.

Saying yes . . . saying yes is courage. Saying yes is the sun. Saying yes is life.

I really don't think there's a world in which you can do anything with anybody. Because we're in the world of the White House, I think there are certain things you can do, and larger things that can happen, but I don't think you can do anything.

And it wasn't just because Oprah was awesome. Oprah is without a doubt, the best talk show host on the planet and incredibly smart, insightful and kind. And she was awesome. But we have established that she has always been awesome and still, before the Year of Yes, the old Shonda would have suffered some kind of nuclear panic attack, resulting in total amnesia. Oprah will always be amazing in this scenario. The difference was me. I had no armor on. I had nothing to hide. I was worried about nothing. I was . . . fearless. And so we had a conversation. We had a chat. We talked. What had I always been so afraid of? What had I been guarding? What was I so nervous about?

Wonder Woman is not faking it. Wonder Woman means it. Wonder Woman is all swagger and badassery. Compliment

The only limit to success is your own imagination.

The best stories are often true ... The narrative of human life is most beautiful when told truthfully and without boundaries.

I was baptized Catholic but I was Church of Oprah. If you are a person on

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.

I actually like being alone. I spend most evenings reading and taking long baths.

But we all have to acknowledge that our way is not the way.

Don't apologize. Don't explain. Don't ever feel less than. When you feel the need to apologize or explain who you are, it means the voice in your head is telling you the wrong story. Wipe the slate clean. And rewrite it.

Once I stopped expecting to like it, once I stopped demanding that losing weight be easy or pleasant, once I stopped waiting for the band to start playing, paying attention to what went into my mouth became tolerable. Because I wasn't waiting for it to get better. It's NEVER going to get better. It just . . . sucks.

I felt bolstered by their friendship. By their loyalty. By the idea that I had these amazing friends, these members of my tribe, these gladiators at my back.

She's wonderful and soulful. She has a sly sense of humor. I've seen her deliver a funnier joke with a single silent raise of her eyebrow than many stand up comedians. She guards a very sensitive heart. Any human suffering brings her to tears. She's smart. Talk down to her and find yourself mentally slapped. She's an excellent judge of character, and seems to know an original spirit from a forgery every time. Cross boundaries with her...in any improper way and suffer the wrath of a lion. ... She's principled and firm. Rude behavior doesn't materialize in her presence. She's a grown-up who fully sees and knows children as citizens, and people, and souls. And because she respects children, all children seem to respect her.

Being a mother is incredibly important. To the naysayers, I growl, do not diminish it by calling it a job.

Finally I want to say this: if you are a kid and you are out there and you are chubby and not so cute and nerdy and shy and invisible and in pain, whatever your race, whatever your gender, whatever your sexual orientation, I'm standing here to tell you: you are not alone.
Your tribe of people, they are out there in the world. Waiting for you.

I happen to like debating, and I like to debate like a lawyer, and I can argue any points to death, and I will.

Remember, you are no longer students. You are no longer works in progress. You are now citizens of the real world. You have a responsibility to become a person worthy of joining and contributing to society. Who you are today . . . that's who you are. Be brave. Be amazing. Be worthy. And every single time you get the chance? Stand up in front of people. Let them see you. Speak. Be heard. Go ahead and have the dry mouth. Let your heart beat so, so fast. Watch everything move in slow motion.

I mean that I am going to miss Cristina Yang so much that my heart hurts.

Every "yes" changes something in me. Every "yes" is a bit more transformative. Every "yes" sparks some new phase of revolution.

Nobody got anything great by playing it safe.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that food doesn't work. Anyone who tells you that food doesn't work is either stupid or a liar or has never had food before. You can tell them I said so. It works. Putting food on top of it works. If food did not work, if it didn't work its slutty, gluttonous, more-is-more magic, everyone in America would be Angelina Jolie thin. No one would drive-thru. No one would sprinkles or pinkberry or any of it.

The Year of Yes, I realize, has become a snowball rolling down a hill. Each yes rolls into the next into the next and the snowball is growing and growing and growing. Every yes changes something in me. Every yes is a bit more transformative. Every yes sparks some new phase of evolution.

I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard. Don't call me lucky. Call me a badass.

So you made it out of a uterus a long time ago. Big deal," I whisper. "So did everybody else on the planet. What else you got?

Any actual parts of me, anything real, anything human, anything honest, I kept to myself. I was a very good girl. I did what everyone needed me to do. And

Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be.

People really do not like it when you decide to step off the road and climb the mountain instead. It seems to make even the people who mean well nervous.

I'm the woman who forgets to cut the price tag off my dress and walks around with it stuck to my back so everyone can see not only how much I spent but also WHAT SIZE I AM for an entire dinner party. I'm the one who spills. Who trips. Who drops. I once accidentally flung a chicken bone across the room at a very elegant cocktail party while trying to make a point.
Did you hear me?
I FLUNG A CHICKEN BONE ACROSS THE ROOM AT A COCKTAIL PARTY.
While everyone stared at the chicken bone on the white carpet, I pretended that the culprit was not me. True story

Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral, pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It's hard work that makes things happen. It's hard work that creates change.

I'm missing my baby's first swim lesson. If I am at my daughter's debut in her school musical, I am missing Sandra Oh's last scene ever being filmed at Grey's Anatomy. If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the trade-off. That is the Faustian bargain one makes with the devil that comes with being a powerful working woman who is also a powerful mother. You never feel 100 percent okay, you never get your sea legs, you are always a little nauseous. Something is always lost. Something is always missing. And yet. I want my daughters to see me and know me as a woman who works. I want that example set for them.

So when you negate someone's compliment, you are telling them they are wrong. You're telling them they wasted their time. You are questioning their taste and judgment. You

You are not alone. The goal is that everyone should get to turn on the TV and see someone who looks like them and loves like them. And just as important, everyone should turn on the TV and see someone who doesn't look like them and love like them. Because perhaps then they will learn from them. Perhaps then they will not isolate them. Marginalize them. Erase them. Perhaps they will even come to recognize themselves in them. Perhaps they will even learn to love them.

Standing around like Wonder Woman in the morning can make people think you are more amazing at lunchtime. Crazy. But true. How awesome is that?

You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new. It doesn't have to fit your vision of the perfect job or the perfect life. Perfect is boring, and dreams are not real. Just . . . DO.

I never wanted to have to look at myself in the mirror and say that I didn't try as hard as I could to make these shows work. That I didn't give 100 percent to leave a legacy for my daughters and for all the young women of color out there who wondered what was possible. It irritated me to my core that we live in an era of ignorance great enough that it was still necessary for me to be a role model, but that didn't change the fact that I was one. I

I don't know if anyone has noticed but I only ever write about one thing: being alone. The fear of being alone, the desire to not be alone, the attempts we make to find our person, to keep our person, to convince our person to not leave us alone, the joy of being with our person and thus no longer alone, the devastation of being left alone. The need to hear the words: You are not alone.

Your body is yours. My body is mine. No one's body is up for comment. No matter how small, how large, how curvy, how flat. If you love you, then I love you.

I can experience life or I can give up on it.

Badassery: 1. (noun) the practice of knowing one's own accomplishments and gifts, accepting one's own accomplishments and gifts and celebrating one's own accomplishments and gifts; 2. (noun) the practice of living life with swagger : SWAGGER (noun or verb) a state of being that involves loving oneself, waking up "like this" and not giving a crap what anyone else thinks about you. Term first coined by William Shakespeare.

Being a mother still happens if you don't stay home with your kids. It still happens if you get a job and go to work. It happens if you are an Army Ranger and you're deployed overseas and your kid is rating with your parents. Still a mother. Still not a job. Working or staying home, one is still a mother.

Marriage is a financial partnership. Marriage has nothing to do with love. Love is a choice we can make every day.