Humorous Names Quotes

I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face. ~ W.C. Fields

Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident. ~ Woody Allen

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused. ~ Erma Bombeck

Squeej? What kind of name was that for a pilot? ~ Jack McDevitt

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents) ~ W.C. Fields

While we are on the subject of cunt monikers, in his study of humorous names, Russell Ash found a whole family of Cunts living in England in the nineteenth century: Fanny Cunt (born 1839), also her son, Richard 'Dick' Cunt, and her daughters, Ella Cunt and Violet Cunt. ~ Kate Lister

Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. ~ Woody Allen

I miss the personalization that Vegas was - there were showroom captains and all the dealers knew the gamblers by their first names. ~ Wayne Newton

Bury us, and mark our names above. Let us be free. ~ Madeline Miller

I am a writer and the greatest compliment I can get is to know that I've contributed language to the culture, that I've defined something, given it a name. So I think that is one of the great things a writer can do. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

The second term of the Bush administration and first five years of the Obama presidency have been devoted to codifying and institutionalizing the vast and unchecked powers that are typically vested in leaders in the name of war. Those powers of secrecy, indefinite detention, mass surveillance, and due-process-free assassination are not going anywhere. They are now permanent fixtures not only in the US political system but, worse, in American political culture. ~ Glenn Greenwald

A man is known by the company he keeps not by the company he works. ~ Gaurav Agnihotri

Until you have experienced raccoons mating underneath your bedroom at three in the morning, you have missed one of life's sensational moments. ~ Robert Fulghum

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

When you little, you only get asked two questions, what's your name and how old you is, so you better get em right. ~ Kathryn Stockett

But perhaps his outstanding contribution to Australian politics was that, after a lifetime of switching sides, he put in place the basic two-party structure we have today: Labor versus anti-Labor. The anti-Labor parties have had many names, but always the same policy: to keep Labor out of office. ~ Mungo MacCallum

The psychological detective story in "Equus" made Peter Shaffer's name as a playwright. But it was his next play, "Amadeus," that cemented his reputation, largely because of the movie version. Another battle of wills, it was the story of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart seen through the eyes of lesser composer Antonio Salieri. ~ Bob Mondello

Otis barreled towards them empty-handed, before apparently realizing that a) he was empty-handed and b) charging towards a large body of water to fight a son of Poseidon was maybe not a good idea. ~ Rick Riordan

It's hard to have a friend when your name's a household word. ~ Little Richard

The Simi has needs. Lots of needs. I need akri's plastic card, for one thing. It very nice. People give me lots of stuff when I hand it to them. Ooo, I really like the new plastic card he gave me with my own name on it. It blue and all sparkly and it says Simi Parthenopaeus. Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? I have to say it again. Simi Parthenopaeus. I like that a lot. It even has my picture in the corner and I am a very attractive demon if I do say so myself. Akri says it, too. 'Simi, you are beautiful.' I like it when he tells me that. (Simi) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

My embarrassment was complete. If I just had passed out, that would have been bad enough. But to make matters worse, Will had carried me outside, where everyone else was; everyone in my youth group had seen Will carrying me. I felt like melting into the bench on which I sat. ~ Annie Riley

My full name used to be weird enough that nobody would ever call me it. Then that show had to become popular. Damn that show. It ruined a horrible name. ~ Larry Gent

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today. ~ George Mikes

The Major's laughter boomed out again.

"And I never kept a diary in my life!" he cried. "Why there's enough cream in this situation to make a dishful of meringues. You and I, you know, the students of Tilling! The serious-minded students who do a hard day's work when all the pretty ladies have gone to bed. Often and often has old--I mean has that fine woman, Miss Mapp, told me that I work too hard at night! Recommended me to get earlier to bed, and do my work between six and eight in the morning! Six and eight in the morning! That's a queer time of day to recommend an old campaigner to be awake at! Often she's talked to you, too, I bet my hat, about sitting up late and exhausting the nervous faculties."

Major Flint choked and laughed and inhaled tobacco smoke till he got purple in the face.

"And you sitting up one side of the street," he gasped, "pretending to be interested in Roman roads, and me on the other pulling a long face over my diaries, and neither of us with a Roman road or a diary to our names. Let's have an end to such unsociable arrangements, old friend; you lining your Roman roads and the bottle to lay the dust over to me one night, and I'll bring my diaries and my peg over to you the next. Never drink alone--one of my maxims in life--if you can find someone to drink with you. And there were you within a few yards of me all the time sitting by your old solitary self, and there was I sitting by my old solitary self, and we each th ~ E.F. Benson

I do not think there is anything deserving the name of society to be found out of London. ~ William Hazlitt

When I use a name or place, I want to leave the reader open to the waterfall of determinacy that it may provoke. And I don't know, but I must mention the name Borges. I try to mention it in every one of my works. It's a mark, a stamp, a sort of homage to Argentinidad. But it's an homage that works through pat phrases, those stock images that populate his work: the night, labyrinths, libraries. That is, I don't want simply to pay homage to Borges, but rather the contrary: to recall his commonplaces. ~ Sergio Chejfec

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. ~ Ambrose Bierce

Most comedy is not very ambitious. You probably can't name more than a handful of comedies that would qualify for Best Picture. ~ Harold Ramis

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

I began to learn about the universe myself and take it seriously. I know the names of the stars. I know how near or far the heavenly bodies are from our own planet. I know our own place in the universe. I can feel the vastness of it inside myself. I began to realize with each passing fact what a wonderful and awesome place the universe is, and that helped me in comics because I was looking for the awesome. ~ Jack Kirby

One forgets words as one forgets names. One's vocabulary needs constant fertilizing or it will die. ~ Evelyn Waugh

If you constantly make it clear that you are unwilling to budge, don't get upset when no one is around who's willing to give you a push. ~ Mark W. Boyer

They were a bit like English taverns, which had effigies instead of names, so that people like Jack, who could not read, could know them. ~ Neal Stephenson

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? ~ Woody Allen

Racism always exists cheek by jowl with, inside, and alongside culture and class. As a rule, it is inseparable from them. That is why, for example, food, language and names assume such importance in racial prejudice. ~ Martin Jacques

Before I left the 'Star' last year to write books full-time, I welcomed catastrophe. It was material. Missed planes, broken pipes, dead lawns, digestive disorders, you name it, if it was something that had gone horribly wrong, it was worth banging out 600 words about. ~ Linwood Barclay

Doth not all nature around me praise God? If I were silent, I should be an exception to the universe. Doth not the thunder praise Him as it rolls like drums in the march of the God of armies? Do not the mountains praise Him when the woods upon their summits wave in adoration? Doth not the lightning write His name in letters of fire? Hath not the whole earth a voice? And shall I, can I, silent be? ~ Charles Spurgeon

Large scale collective bargaining ... is merely a seductive name for bilateral monopoly, and means either adjudication of conflicts in terms of power, or deadlock and stoppage, usually injuring outside people more than the immediate parties to the dispute. ~ Frank Knight

Louis Braille created the code of raised dots for reading and writing that bears his name and brings literacy, independence, and productivity to the blind. ~ Bob Ney

Every fop and fool in London has been sniffing after her." Having said that, Jason returned his attention for the report. "Go ahead and read off the names, if you must."
Frowning in surprise at Jason's dismissive attitude, Charles took the seat across the desk from him and put on his spectacles. "First, there is young Lord Crowley, who has already asked my permission to court her."
"No. Too impulsive," Jason decreed flatly.
"What makes you say so?" Charles said with a bewildered look.
"Crowley doesn't know Victoria well enough to want to 'court' her, as you so quaintly phrased it."
"Don't be ridiculous. The first four men on this list have already asked my permission to do the same thing- providing, of course, that your claim on her is not unbreakable."
"No, to all those four men- for the same reason," Jason said curtly, leaning back in his chair, absorbed in the report in his hand. Who's next?"
"Crowley's friend, Lord Wiltshire."
"Too young. Who's next?"
"Arthur Landcaster."
"Too short," Jason said cryptically. "Next?"
"William Rogers," Charles shot back in a challenging voice, "and he's tall, conservative, mature, intelligent, and handsome. He's also the heir to one of the finest estates in England. I think he would do very well for Victoria."
"No."
"No?" Charles burst out. "Why not?"
"I don't like the way Roger sits a horse."
"You don't like_" Charles bit out in angry disbelief; then ~ Judith McNaught

When Ole Kirk Kristiansen established the company name LEGO in 1934, it was a fortunate play on words. The entrepreneur had been inspired by the Danish phrase "leg godt" - "play well." He took the beginning of each respective word and made what he considered to be a pleasant-sounding, imaginary word out of them. The company owner was unaware that as the first person present singular of the verb legere, "lego" is also the Latin word for "I assemble" - and therefore completely appropriate for the modularity of the company's later invention, the LEGO brick. ~ Christian Humberg

How many cars out there look like Corvettes? You want something nobody else has. You don't want an old look-alike thing, and that's why Corvettes have the reputation of being one of the fastest cars. I've always had good cars, and a Corvette is one of the best cars I've had. I've had Lamborghinis, I've had Ferraris, I've had Stutz Blackhawks. You name it, I've had them. For the money, Corvette is tops. ~ Jack LaLanne

Augustus was sensible that mankind is governed by names; nor was he deceived in his expectation, that the senate and people would submit to slavery, provided they were respectfully assured that they still enjoyed their ancient freedom. ~ Edward Gibbon

When they had finished they made me take notes of whatever conversation they had quoted, so that I might have the exact words, and got up to go, and when I asked them where they were going and what they were doing and by what names I should call them, they would tell me nothing, except that they had been commanded to travel over Ireland continually, and upon foot and at night, that they might live close to the stones and the trees and at the hours when the immortals are awake. ~ W.B.Yeats

Come now: Do we really think that the gods are everywhere called by the same names by which they are addressed by us? But the gods have as many names as there are languages among humans. For it is not with the gods as with you: you are Velleius wherever you go, but Vulcan is not Vulcan in Italy and in Africa and in Spain. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

You grow up with somebody, and he is a success, a big-shot, and you're a failure, but he treats you just the way he always did and hasn't changed a bit. But that is what drives you to it, no matter what names you call yourself while you try to stick the knife in. There is a kind of snobbery of failure. It's a club, it's the old school, it's Skull and Bones, and there is no nasty supercilious twist to a mouth like the twist the drunk gets when he hangs over the bar beside the old pal who has turned out to be a big-shot and who hasn't changed a bit, or when the old pal takes him home to dinner and introduces him to the pretty little clear-eye woman and the healthy kids. ~ Robert Penn Warren

The global warming scare has provided a field day for politicians and others who wish to control our lives. After all, only the imagination limits the kind of laws and restrictions that can be written in the name of saving the planet. ~ Walter E. Williams

My dearest Pudding pie" I read aloud.
"Yes, my little turnip?"
"Hilarious," I muttered. "If you ever call me anything of the sort again we shall have words. ~ Jordan L. Hawk

I do not have any membership with fake names. ~ Mehmet Kececi

and though he admitted it to no one, especially not his parents when they called from Delhi every weekend, he was crippled with homesickness, missing his parents to the point where tears often filled his eyes, in those first months, without warning. He sought traces of his parents' faces and voices among the people who surrounded and cared for him, but there was absolutely nothing, no one, at Langford to remind him of them. After that first semester he had slipped as best as he could into this world, swimming competitively, calling boys by their last names, always wearing khakis because jeans were not allowed. He learned to live without his mother and father, as everyone else did, shedding his daily dependence on them even though he was still a boy, and even to enjoy it. Still, he refused to forgive them. ~ Anonymous

Dummy Dum Dum was my nickname for years at school. I was the strange one of the family, the one who couldn't remember his name. ~ John Lydon

Unless we're talking about old-school, witchcraft-trial violence, can we please phase out the phrase 'girl crush?' While we're at it, if we can axe 'like, total girl crush' unless Total Girl Crush is the name of a fizzy soft drink, in which case I'll take two, thank you. ~ Sloane Crosley

Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell" ~ George Carlin

The atheists, libertines, despisers of religion ... that is to say all those who usually pass under the name of Free-thinkers. ~ Jonathan Swift