Humorous Doctors Stagnation Quotes

The colonel dwelt in a vortex of specialists who were still specializing in trying to determine what was troubling him. They hurled lights in his eyes to see if he could see, rammed needles into nerves to hear if he could feel. There was a urologist for his urine, a lymphologist for his lymph, an endocrinologist for his endocrines, a psychologist for his psyche, a dermatologist for his derma; there was a pathologist for his pathos, a cystologist for his cysts, and a bald and pendantic cetologist from the zoology department at Harvard who had been shanghaied ruthlessly into the Medical Corps by a faulty anode in an I.B.M. machine and spent his sessions with the dying colonel trying to discuss Moby Dick with him. ~ Joseph Heller

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals. ~ Mark Twain

In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot. ~ Dave Barry

She was the only doctor's wife in Branford, Maine, who hung her wash on an outdoor clothesline instead of putting it through a dryer, because she liked to look out the window and see the clothes blowing in the wind. She had been especially delighted, one day, when one sleeve of the top of her husband's pajamas, prodded by the stiff breeze off the bay, reached over and grabbed her nightgown around the waist. ~ Lois Lowry

Lucian. She's not normal. She's got the sex drive of Ursula. I'm so ashamed to say I've faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor's excuse! ~Steve~ ~ Lucian Bane

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.
~ Jonathan Swift

Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals. ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

When just a kid, moved back to Canada and looking for a taste of England, I'd picked up a book of my Gram's, a dog-eared romance from the 'sixties about English hospital 'sisters' trying to get it on with the doctors, and thought it very shocking behaviour for nuns. ~ Roberta Pearce

I realized that I was okay with myself. I was quirky and withdrawn and loud, but I liked that. I smiled at strangers without thinking they were going to attack me and drag me into their cars. I went to doctors' offices and touched magazines that had been touched by sick people. ~ Anna White

I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it relieves nasal congestion. What I'm saying is that it actually works, which is something you can say about very few other aspects of the medical establishment. ~ Dave Barry

The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity ... ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy ... but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him. ~ Jennifer Daydreamer

Note to self: being Kurt's son, being an ex-mental patient, getting into Harvard, having written a book, and being a doctor are all things that in and of themselves do not make a life. If you lean on them too hard, you'll find that there's not much there. But if you add up a lot of things that aren't in and of themselves enough, it almost starts to add up to something ... ~ Mark Vonnegut

Doctors' positions and recommendations about drugs, procedures, surgical interventions, health and nutrition are not always based on strong scientific evidence. ~ Joel Fuhrman

More people perish than want to. Death comes running with astonishing speed, strikes his victims with marvelous accuracy. These include generals, doctors, governesses, soldiers, policemen, ministers. None of them pass away peacefully, as it says in the newspapers. Their executions are violent enough. ~ Robert Walser

standard Superconducting Quantum Interference Device, or SQUID, interface. The same kind doctors use to communicate with surgically implanted components like pacemakers. ~ Sam A. Patel

I always made a point of telling the doctors I was sane, and asking to be released, but the more I endeavored to assure them of my sanity, the more they doubted it. ~ Nellie Bly

Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. ~ H.L. Mencken

My character Milly in 'The Boy Who Could Fly' was a very strong part. There were dramatic moments, and there were humorous moments, too. The whole story with Eric Underwood's character was just wonderful, and the messages behind the script were very important to me. ~ Lucy Deakins

My dearest Pudding pie" I read aloud.
"Yes, my little turnip?"
"Hilarious," I muttered. "If you ever call me anything of the sort again we shall have words. ~ Jordan L. Hawk

I think that if Mozart were alive today and decided to become a novelist, he would write humorous fantasy. ~ Frank P. Ryan

He was staring hard, not at his wife and me but at his daughter watching us. In his cold pupil, in the firm twist of his lips, was reflected Madame Miyagi's orgasm reflected in her daughter's gaze. ~ Italo Calvino

We would all be better off if our doctors took us aside, sat down next to us, and gave us this compassionate, yet universally true, warning, I'm very sorry to have to remind you of this, but you've got only so much time to live; I suggest you begin, now, to make the most of every minute of every day. ~ Bill Phillips

I realized that every healthcare professional - every single doctor, nurse, midwife, pharmacist, physical therapist, and paramedic - need to shout out about the reality of their work so the next time the health secretary lies that doctors are in it for the money, the public will know just how ridiculous that is. Why would any sane person do that job for anything other than the right reasons, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have so much respect for those who work on the front line because, when it came down to it, I certainly couldn't. ~ Adam Kay

Scrawny little mundane bastard. ~ Cassandra Clare

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. ~ Jimmy Fallon

I am a Doctor, but above all else I consider myself an activist for peace, justice and care for all people. ~ Patch Adams

I think there are a lot of things out there that are humorous that people don't realize until you actually show them what is going on. Saran Wrap for one thing. You know, you could pull enough of that out of the box and it will actually kill you. It will get a hold of you, stick to you, and choke you to death. ~ Tim Conway

The mobile phone ... is a tool for those whose professions require a fast response, such as doctors or plumbers. ~ Umberto Eco

I've heard that men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. ~ Jill Shalvis

Still, Emma and I somehow struck up the type of friendship that lasts through primary school and high-school cliques, and our fathers are both doctors, although my dad is a GP and Dr Frank is a gynecologist (or, as Emma's two older brothers prefer to call him, a 'box mechanic'). In many ways, I think Emma and I balance each other out - at least, I hope we do. She forces me to be less cynical and bitter. And I'm on hand to remind her that, as long as she has two eyebrows rather than one, she has nothing to worry about. I text her back: 'Call me when you can plait them.'

- Cat ~ Rebecca Sparrow

This is about respect for women, the judgments that women make and their doctors about their reproductive health. It's an important part of who women are, their reproductive health. ~ Barack Obama

Hey Highbrow. Next time remember to tuck and roll. ~ Naima Simone

Have you ever heard of a condom? Don't Carpathians have condoms? Because I'm thinking that if you're all that worried, a condom might be just the thing."
His smile was slow in coming. "I had not thought of that. As a rule Carpathians do not need such things. ~ Christine Feehan

In the bubble decade, making money as an end in itself boomed as a calling among students at elite universities like Harvard, siphoning off gifted undergraduates who might otherwise have been scientists, teachers, doctors, entrepreneurs, artists or inventors. ~ Frank Rich

You know your life is completely screwed up when you have to look up the mythological figures who talk to you in the bathroom mirror. ~ Maurissa Guibord

When I started writing the script I thought that maybe someone else would direct it, but then I started to fall for it so much that I left the other project and I put all my time on The German Doctor. ~ Lucia Puenzo

Are you by any chance acquainted with the words 'steel toe'? Or do the words 'permanent dent' mean anything to you?"
My locker door is not intimidated. "My grandfather was a vault at Fort Knox, and if you try to dent me with a kick you will only tear some ligament that will never mend. ~ David Klass

Acting has been my passion from the minute I started. I was pretty young when I wanted to be a doctor, but when I started doing theater work as a freshman in high school, the first time I hit the stage I was like, If I can do this every day, life won't get any better! ~ Sophia Bush

So what are you supposed to do with it?"
He eyed her incredulously. "For real? It's called a butt plug. What do you think you're supposed to do with it?"
She scratched her nose and nodded, trying not to let the apprehension show. "Okay. I'll do it. But if it hurts, just let me know and I'll take it out, stat. Don't be a hero."
He gaped at her and shook his head. "Aw, no. Sweetie. That's not for me. ~ Christine Bell

I think we need more math majors who don't become mathematicians. More math major doctors, more math major high school teachers, more math major CEOs, more math major senators. But we won't get there unless we dump the stereotype that math is only worthwhile for kid geniuses. ~ Jordan Ellenberg

If Blake said that, said Father Brian, he never lived in Dublin. ~ Ray Bradbury

Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved ~ Niccolo Machiavelli

The Japanese are human beings like the rest of us, but they will strongly resent this insinuation. ~ George Mikes

Before I speak, I have something important to say. ~ Groucho Marx

There are definitions of morbid obesity. Doctors define it. ~ Jane Velez-Mitchell