Humor Reading Quotes

Hello, my name is Jaako and I am an addict. I am addicted to reading. ~ Jaako J. Wallenius

Sections in the bookstore

- Books You Haven't Read
- Books You Needn't Read
- Books Made for Purposes Other Than Reading
- Books Read Even Before You Open Them Since They Belong to the Category of Books Read Before Being Written
- Books That If You Had More Than One Life You Would Certainly Also Read But Unfortunately Your Days Are Numbered
- Books You Mean to Read But There Are Others You Must Read First
- Books Too Expensive Now and You'll Wait 'Til They're Remaindered
- Books ditto When They Come Out in Paperback
- Books You Can Borrow from Somebody
- Books That Everybody's Read So It's As If You Had Read Them, Too
- Books You've Been Planning to Read for Ages
- Books You've Been Hunting for Years Without Success
- Books Dealing with Something You're Working on at the Moment
- Books You Want to Own So They'll Be Handy Just in Case
- Books You Could Put Aside Maybe to Read This Summer
- Books You Need to Go with Other Books on Your Shelves
- Books That Fill You with Sudden, Inexplicable Curiosity, Not Easily Justified
- Books Read Long Ago Which It's Now Time to Re-read
- Books You've Always Pretended to Have Read and Now It's Time to Sit Down and Really Read Them ~ Italo Calvino

Reading every day keeps the brain dead sickness away. ~ Kristy Pellegrin

( ... ) perfectly ordinary books, printed on commonplace paper in mundane ink. It would be a mistake to think that they weren't also dangerous, just because reading them didn't make fireworks go off in the sky. Reading them sometimes did the more dangerous trick of making fireworks go off in the privacy of the reader's brain. ~ Terry Pratchett

I, on the other hand, believe that books, maps, scissors, and Scotch tape dispensers are all unreliable vagrants, likely to take off for parts unknown unless strictly confined to quarters. ~ Anne Fadiman

[A]s Agatha Swanburne once said, 'To be kept waiting is unfortunate, but to be kept waiting with nothing interesting to read is a tragedy of Greek proportions. ~ Maryrose Wood

I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like. ~ Karen Marie Moning

That's it then. This is how it ends. I haven't even read Proust. ~ James Turner

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading ... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time. ~ Steven Wright

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ~ Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. ~ Groucho Marx

Tyrena did not laugh again but her smile slashed upward in a twist of green lips. "Martin, Martin, Martin," she said, "the population of literate people has been declining steadily since Gutenberg's day. By the twentieth century, less than two percent of the people in the so-called industrialized democracies read even one book a year. And that was before the smart machines, dataspheres, and user-friendly environments. ~ Dan Simmons

I read the fuck out of every book I can get my hands on. ~ Nick Hornby

If you have never said "Excuse me" to a parking meter or bashed your shins on a fireplug, you are probably wasting too much valuable reading time. ~ Sherri Chasin Calvo

Chicken Soup for the Soul". You've heard of these books, am I right? We've all heard of them. But I wonder if you're aware of just how many "Chicken Soup" books exist on the planet. No offense, but I doubt it. I doubt it because in the time it would take you to come up with a number, the number would have become obsolete. Even as you read this, in some quiet, fecund place, another "Chicken Soup" book is being born. ~ Marisa De Los Santos

Well-read people are less likely to be evil. ~ Lemony Snicket

I remember that story. You have read it four times." Samson shrugged. "Why should I stop with the first reading? Nobody says, 'That was a fine piece of music. I'll never listen to that again." But some people treat books that way. Not I! ~ Karen A. Wyle

I was behind, but now I'm below. Hopefully, they'll have books wherever I go ... ~ Carmen DeSousa

It was amazing how many books one could fit into a room, assuming one didn't want to move around very much. ~ Brandon Sanderson

Cookbooks, it should be stressed, do not belong in the kitchen at all. We keep them there for the sake of appearances; occasionally, we smear their pages together with vibrant green glazes or crimson compotes, in order to delude ourselves, and any passing browsers, that we are practicing cooks; but in all honesty, a cookbook is something you read in the living room, or in the bathroom, or in bed. ~ Anthony Lane

Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading. ~ Lena Dunham

Jane's stories are too sensible. Then Diana puts too much murders into hers. She says most of the time she doesn't know what to do with the people so she kills them off to get rid of them.
-Anne Shirley ~ L.M. Montgomery

Wearing glasses for reading meant surrendering to old age without the least bit of a fight. ~ Andrea Camilleri

The most dangerous thing of all, and something he wanted to warn me about above all else, the one thing that had consigned whole regiments of unfortunate young people to the twilight world of insanity, was reading books. This objectionable practice had increased among the younger generation, and Dad was more pleased than the could say to not that I had not yet displayed any such tendencies. Lunatic asylums were overflowing with folk who'd been reading too much. Once upon a time they'd been just like you and me, physically strong, straightforward, cheerful, and well balanced. Then they'd started reading. Most often by chance. A bout of flu perhaps, with a few days in bed. An attractive book cover that had aroused some curiosity. And suddenly the bad habit had taken hold. The first book had led to another. Then another, and another, all links in a chain that led straight down into the eternal night of mental illness. It was impossible to stop. It was worse than drugs.

It might just be possible, if you were very careful, to look at the occasional book that could teach you something, such as encyclopedias or repair manuals. The most dangerous kind of book was fiction-- that's where all the brooding was sparked and encouraged. Damnit all! Addictive and risky products like that should only be available in state-regulated monopoly stores, rationed and sold only to those with a license, and mature in age. ~ Mikael Niemi

They're book addicts. ~ Lemony Snicket

the book I was reading turned out to be crack ~ Elizabeth Norris

His bedroom was a reflection of Bryant's mind, its untidy shelves filled with games and puzzles stacked in ancient boxes, statues and mementoes competing for space with books on every subject imaginable, from Sensation and Perception in the History of Experimental Psychology to Illustrated British Ballads and A History of Indian Philosophy.
"What are you reading at the moment?' asked May.
"Batman," said Bryant. "The drawings are terribly good. ~ Christopher Fowler

That's the problem with this never-ending centipede of lemmings, Beck. You know they're all pussies, each and every one of 'em. They buy these books to get scared because their lives are too easy. How pathetic is that? ~ Caroline Kepnes

Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind. ~ Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra

Compulsory reading for anyone who has a pig, an aunt or a sense of humor. ~ Lindsey Davis

Neither would you, had you grown up in a library of melodramatic romance novels. ~ Clementine Holzinger

Books are like a mirror. If an ass looks in, you can't expect an angel to look out. ~ B.C. Forbes

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ~ Steven Wright

Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~ Lemony Snicket

People don't read anymore. And, when they do, they don't read books like this one, but instead read books that depress them, because those books are seen as important. Somehow, the Librarians have successfully managed to convince most people in the Hushlands that they shouldn't read anything that isn't boring.
It comes down to Biblioden the Scrivener's great vision for the world - a vision in which people never do anything abnormal, never dream, and never experience anything strange. His minions teach people to stop reading fun books, and instead focus on fantasy novels. That's what I call them, because these books keep people trapped. Keep them inside the nice little fantasy that they consider to be the 'real' world. A fantasy that tells them they don't need to try something new.
After all, trying new things can be difficult. ~ Brandon Sanderson

I was reading.

You're always reading. The only way people can ever talk to you is to interrupt.

Then maybe they shouldn't talk to me. ~ -Tamora Pierce Briar S Book Via Fictionalheroine

A well-read woman is a dangerous creature. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I've lowered my character with a great deal of unwholesome reading material. ~ Lisa Kleypas

She suddenly began to jump up and down, screaming at the top of her lungs. "The arks are after me! The arks are after me! Help me, the arks are after me!"
...
"The arks! You don't understand, I have the ring and the arks are after me!"
...
(and so the police officer is puzzled long enough for Miriam and Seth to escape) ~ Ted Dekker

I'd rather be a nodding acquaintance, than a bobble head ~ Josh Stern

It's not reading and whatever that makes you good or bad. It's whether you rape people, or get addicted to crack and go out mugging. ~ Nick Hornby

People are always doing studies. Now there's one that says drinking coffee can lead to the prevention of memory loss in old age. This is terrible news. Drinking coffee is my greatest pleasure in life. That, and forgetting. ~ Ariel Leve

Wood, if you stop to think of it, has been man's best friend in the world. It held him in his cradle, went to war as the gunstock in his hand, was the frame of the bed he came to rejoicing, the log upon his hearth when he was cold, and will make him his last long home. It was the murmuring bough above his childhood play, and the roof over the first house he called his own. It is the page he is reading at this moment; it is the forest where he seeks sanctuary from a stony world. ~ Donald Culross Peattie

Rafe hadn't sworn in front of a lady since he was fifteen and said something unacceptable in his mother's hearing. Though he'd been twice her size already, she grabbed him by his hair queue and dragged him to her boudoir, where she proceeded to wash his mouth out with lavendar soap. He had been vilely sick, to this day couldn't bear the scent of lavendar, anhd watched his tongue around females of all ages and social rank. ~ Laurie Alice Eakes

Happiness is a warm puppy. ~ Charles M. Schulz

I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!', and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye', then you can yell 'Cut!'" ~ Mitch Hedberg

Hearts are like Books. You cannot understand one by flipping the pages or by reading the last chapter ~ Alok Jagawat

There's no drama like wrestling. ~ Andy Kaufman

Moreover, people have become accustomed to reading to escape as opposed to reading to think. ~ Leigh M. Lane

Big hat, no cattle. ~ Kate Quinn

Staring into the dragon's maw, one quickly learns wisdom. ~ Steven Brust

I wonder if there has been a book written on toes - the bottom parts of a body are just as important as the top parts. Each chapter would focus on one of the ten toes and each would inspire singular, existential commentary: the potential of our toes as leaders, the solidity of our little instruments, the dangers of relating size and value. It would be called The Toe Manifesto and people would be interested in reading it because, after all, it is the toe that goes forward first and foremost, and the toe that helps to tell us if our bodies are hot or cold - in other words, the toe experiences far more than we give it credit for. ~ Meia Geddes

Real literature is something much better than a harmless instrument for getting through idle hours. The purpose of great literature is to help us to develop into full human beings. ~ Russell Kirk

When I started, I wanted to be thought of as tortured and seductive, not funny, but humor tends to be a reflexive part of a person's sensibility. It's an almost impossible thing to teach anyone, which leads me to believe that it's intuitive. ~ Mark Leyner

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. ~ Max Eastman

I do find the sibling connection endlessly fascinating, as I do all family dynamics. I like how siblings seem to create their own parentless mini-civilization within a family, one that has its own laws, myths, language, humor, its own loyalties and treacheries. ~ Jandy Nelson

Everyone knows how people who laugh easily create us by their laughter,
making us think of funnier and funnier things. ~ Brenda Ueland

Yeah, well," Nico said, "not giving people a second thought ... that can be dangerous." "Dude, I'm trying to say thank you." Nico laughed without humor. "I'm trying to say you don't need to. Now I need to finish this, if you could give me some space?" "Yeah. Yeah, okay." Percy stepped back while Nico took up the slack on his ropes. He slipped them over his shoulders as if the Athena Parthenos were a giant backpack. Percy couldn't help feeling a little hurt, being told to take a hike. Then again, Nico had been through a lot. The guy had survived in Tartarus on his own. Percy understood firsthand just how much strength that must have taken. Annabeth walked up the hill to join them. She took Percy's hand, which made him feel better. "Good luck," she told Nico. ~ Rick Riordan

Scripture trains us to listen to and learn from stories of all kinds, inside the sacred text and outside, and to discern patterns and meanings within them. Stories of all sorts form and shape the character of those who read them. We live within the narrative as creatures in search of an ending, in search of happiness. ~ N. T. Wright

Some people will tell you that honesty is the best policy, but I disagree. In instances like this, I fully believe that feigned ignorance is the best policy. ~ Leila Sales

Dyspepsia is responsible for many a reputation for romantic melancholy or ungovernable rages. ~ Agatha Christie

It takes a great reader to make a great book. ~ Orna Ross

My father was a patient father. He was so patient that when he once saw a sign that read 'Patient Entrance' at the Welt Foot Hospital, he drove his automobile incredibly slow. ~ Shoeburn Ruffet

There are two kinds of reading, reading which is contemplation - even a kind of vision & reading for information. For the first only the best will do, for the rest - then one can let in anything one would like to read in the world. ~ Mary Butts

You can't force folks to have good sense, even if they're family. Maybe especially then. ~ Patricia C. Wrede

Most people are widely read. I'm thinly read. I've read *** all, and I'm very proud of it. ~ Eddie Izzard

You need others to define who you are ~ Ela Crain

Good books are rare, and to have a really good library, a few shelves are all we need. When I was still on my campus in India, I was convinced, like many professors, that if the Lord was to be found anywhere, it was in the lower stacks of the library. But now - just as when I go into a big department store, I can say, "How many things I don't need! How many expensive suits I don't want!" - when I enter a big library I say, "What tomes I don't have to read again! What folios I will never open!" This feeling of freedom will come to all of us when we realise, in the depths of our meditation, that all wisdom lies within. ~ Eknath Easwaran

If her rump were any stiffer, she'd break it every time she rides', I thought to Pounce.
'If she fell on the steps, they would never be able to put her together again', he replied. ~ Tamora Pierce

I'm finding that people reading the book [ The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star] are saying, "You came from one background, I came from this background - you were a rock star, I was a CEO. I didn't have a heroin/coke problem, but I had a pill problem. But I also fell from grace, didn't know how to get recovery, and I am now in recovery." People tell me that their kids read it and told them they'll never do drugs - "This book really shows me where it goes." ~ Nikki Sixx

Just clip the red one," Cyrus told her.
"They're all red," Erica informed him.
"They are?" Cyrus asked. "Curse those Soviets! Everything always has to be red with them. ~ Stuart Gibbs

I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got lost in transit to Israel. ~ George Mikes