Caroline Kepnes Quotes

Some good shit happens fast (a bestselling book), and some good shit happens slow (love).

I grew up with no religion and she had all religion. She celebrates everything and I celebrate nothing.

Oh Beck, I love reading your e-mail. Learning your life. And I am careful; I always mark new messages unread so that you won't get alarmed. My good fortune doesn't stop there; You prefer e-mail. You don't like texting. So this means that I am not missing out on all that much communication. You wrote an "essay" for some blog in which you stated that "e-mails last forever. You can search for any word at any time and see everything you ever said to anyone about that one word. Texts go away." I love you for wanting a record. I love your records for being so accessible and I'm so full of you, your calendar of caloric intake and hookups and menstrual moments, your self-portraits you don't publish, your recipes and exercises. You will know me soon too, I promise.

Los Angeles is full of places to hide a body, but when the person inside the body doesn't love you, it's not an easy thing, turning that breathing person into a dead one.

Eye contact is what keeps us civilized.

You did all those awful things, but you also fell in love with a person who can forgive you.

She thinks she's so smart but if you erase an hour, it doesn't mean shit, not unless you erase the weeks leading up to that hour.

In the cage, you feel loved, not trapped. Just like me.

Full of disclaimers, you're like a warning label on a pack of cigarettes.

I love Stephen King as much as any red rum drinking American, but I resent the fact that I, the bookseller, am his bitch.

[ In a relationship] someone's gotta be the iceberg and someone's gotta be the sun.

Most kids are assholes, just like most adults.

The assholes are always puzzled when the order of the universe is restored, when they are held accountable for their cowardly, pretentious, loveless ways.

We all get our hearts broken. We get fucked up and throw up and we cry and listen to sad songs and say we're never doing that again. But to be alive is to do it again. To love is to risk everything

This is like the end of The Corrections," I say and the problem with books is that they end. They seduce you. They spread their legs to you and pull you inside. And you go deep and leave your possessions and your ties to the world at the door and you like it inside and you don't want for your possessions or your ties and then, the book evaporates. You turn the page and there is nothing and we are both crying.

There is nothing remarkable about this 'guac', about any 'guac', and California needs to calm the fuck down.

It's not romantic and it's a daylight date but I understand that your attraction to me is so intense that you need to keep a safe distance.

My middle school health teacher told us that you can hold eye contact for ten seconds before scaring or seducing someone.

I'll fucking kill Hugh Grant.

There's emptiness in him that can never be filled, emptiness that dresses up well at prep school, where a lack of willpower is called creativity.

Talking to you is like traveling through time.

I cry and watch Pitch Perfect and sing along with the Barden Bellas. I don't want to be a person who knows the name of a fictional a cappella group in a chick flick but that's what love has done to me.

...that guy came here to confess."
"Are you a priest?"
"No, I am a church!

I peeked in the bag. Do you know what was in there? I'll tell you what was in there: a collapsible tray table. Is there any sadder purchase in this fucking world? Maybe a CD of C+C Music Factory's Greatest Hits, but that's about it.

That's why you leave the windows open. You don't know how to be alone with yourself. And if you block out the world, there you'd be.

We're like, do whatever. Chill out. Be gay. Be straight. I mean, what is the big deal? We're all gonna die anyway, you know? Who wants to spend their precious life hating?

That's the problem with this never-ending centipede of lemmings, Beck. You know they're all pussies, each and every one of 'em. They buy these books to get scared because their lives are too easy. How pathetic is that?

I don't feel sorry for myself, Beck. Lots of people have shitty parents and roaches in the cabinets and stale, raw Pop-Tarts for dinner and a TV that barely works and a dad who doesn't care when his son doesn't come home during a national disaster. The thing is, I'm lucky. I had the bookstore.

Nature is an inherently forward beast; footsteps disappear, past hurts fade.

It's like they can smell the public school on me.

People are so lonely, they spend their birthdays on the Internet, thanking people for wishing them a happy birthday, people who only know it's their birthday because Facebook told them.

The real horror of my life is not that I've killed some terrible people. The real horror is that the people I've loved didn't love me back.

He laughs and hugs me and says that I shouldn't believe anyone who tells me it's gonna get better. "Ride the wave," he says. "Don't wait for it. Don't fear it. Just ride it.

I hope that most people at this point in time realize that Prince is one of the great poets of our time. I didn't say songwriter - I said poet. Prince is the closest thing we have to e. e. cummings and people are so stupid because they don't come in here and buy books of Prince poems. It

And then it happens, the most dreaded response in the world, more terse than any word, more withholding than a "no," and strictly verboten for someone as in love with language and me as you claim to be.

You: "K

Dope guac," says some asshole, and I pick up a Dorito and shove it into the guac. There is nothing remarkable about this guac, about any guac, and California needs to calm the fuck down. They're just avocados. Guac is guac and while sometimes it's slimy and disgusting, it's never delicious.

There is no better boost in the present than an invitation to the future.

Captain Dave is a salt-and-pepper guy who looks older than forty-six. He doesn't have kids of his own. Some people are born to be uncles and Captain Dave is that kind of people. He's also a recovering alcoholic who's obsessed with what everyone else is drinking at all times. Life is hard for some people.

And what did you say?" "I said I think that all children do better with happy parents than married parents.

You gotta ignore people until they get in line, especially spoiled rich kids.

It wasn't my fault that Candace followed me down to the water's edge and it wasn't my fault that I picked her up and held her down in the water and watched her pass on to the great beyond. She wanted to be there, or she wouldn't have gone down there with me. She knew she was killing me and she knew that I was not the type to go down without a fight.

only takes one weirdo to spot you inside and decide to go and get you.

If you knew what I went through to get into your home, that I messed up my back trying to know you, inside and out, you'd judge me for it.

What makes us become us? What fucks us up and why?

I own every book Stephen King has ever written."
"That's great. That's something to be proud of."
But did you read them, fuckface?

I don't like this culture of reading a book and spitting out an immediate reaction.

I live for living

The Internet is a beautiful thing and you sent a tweet an hour after we met that day: I smell cheeseburgers. #CornerBistroIsMakingMeFat

And let me tell you, for a moment there, I was concerned. Maybe I wasn't special. You didn't even mention me, our conversation. Also: I talk to strangers is a line in your Twitter bio. I talk to strangers. What the fuck is that, Beck? Children are not supposed to talk to strangers but you are an adult. Or is our conversation nothing to you? Am I just another stranger? Is your Twitter bio your subtle way of announcing that you're an attention whore who has no standards and will give audience to any poor schmuck who says hello? Was I nothing to you? You don't even mention the guy in the bookstore? Fuck, I thought, maybe I was wrong. Maybe we had nothing. But then I started to explore you and you don't write about what really matters. You wouldn't share me with your followers. Your online life is a variety show, so if anything, the fact that you didn't put me in your stand-up act means that you covet me. Maybe even more than I realize...

They're in their own world, where good things happen, a quarter mile and a million light years away.

6:08 and the next dude in line is buying the new King and The Shining just to be bold - he calls The Shining a prequel and I want to cut his face

You never sounded farther away from me and I will take that balloon and stab the fuck out of and at the same time I will take that balloon and tie it around Peach's neck because WHO THE FUCK CAN CUNT OUT OVER A BALLOON?

Everyone wants everything right now but you are able to wait with Such small hands.

A photo essay (otherwise known as a fucking slide show)...

...you can love some all you want, but you can't go into their past and become a part of their formative years.

you're a writer when we (I) know what you truly are: a performer, an exhibitionist.

You grow through love. You don't postpone love until you stop growing.

I tell you to slow down and you don't listen and I almost love what a cunt you can be because one of these days you're gonna tie me to a bed and slap me and lord over me the way you lord over all people who get in your way. You're so revved up and I want to play with you and I do.

Kate Hudson's entire career exists because people who fall in love sometimes tell lies about where they work.

All of life is slightly dependent on magic. So is death.

You ooze joy and she is an open wound, shrill and wan, unfucked and unloved.

You are not easily rescued

And part of the problem is that phone. You have that function on that fucking phone that enables you to know when your texts are opened and ignored.

I take my time walking up the stairs and onto the street. I want life to move slowly because I want to anticipate you with all my heart, greet you with all my heart, fuck you with all my heart and miss you with all my heart. I have to laugh because I sound like a greeting card but I deserve this, you, joy.

You're so clean that you're dirty.

I bet he got picked on but what they don't tell you about bullying is that sometimes, the kid deserves it.

Love is kind, love is patient but also, mainly, above all - yes - Love is perverted.

It is my destiny to know people who abuse punctuation.

And when she cums she screams and she throws a pillow across the room, it goes out the window, over the balcony.

And I will never again underestimate the power of anticipation. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation into the future.

I fold my hands under my head and tell the books all about you. They listen, Beck. I know it sounds crazy, but they do.

She wasted my heart, my time.

But I can't stand the way you make me feel so good, like, better than I ever felt, and then you tear it all away, like deep down, you don't want me to be happy.

So I Lyfted to Home Depot, where I bought random stuff, rope and duct tape, plastic bags, cable ties, and plastic gloves. The girl at the register winked and said she's also a big fan of Fifty Shades and this is what has become of our society. Fucking and killing are the same damn thing. Now

You can tell when something is right because most things are just plain wrong.

Hollywood, where the rich don't have to pay for anything.

your friends "liked" your status in a way that leaves no doubt that you were the one dumped.

I hate it here... ...Everyday is actually three days, a freezing morning, a blistering day, and a cool night. You need a lot of clothes. And every day is the same day, which is why it's important to hang a calendar. I see why people move here and wake up one day scratching their heads, wondering when they turned forty or what year it is.

We are built to walk. Not to SoulCycle and jog and hike. Walking is mental. You sharpen your thoughts and process your emotions.

You smile, embarrassed to be a nice girl, and your nails are bare and your V-neck sweater is beige and it's impossible to know if you're wearing a bra but I don't think that you are.

And there is nothing more terrifying than realizing the one who knows you best loves you least.

Curtis will be here in ten minutes because he's supposed to get here at six and he's never been on time because he's part of Generation Benji, all busy with his fake life in his fucking gadgets, tinderokcupidinstagramtwitterfacebookvinebullshitnarcissism incorporatedonlinepetitionsfantasyfuckingfootball.

Night moves don't work in the morning.

In terms of sheer annoyance, nobody I have ever known has compared to Sare Worthington, saver of the environment, native of Portland, Maine, forever wishing that she were from Portland, Oregon. Bitch should have just moved there.

And [Benji] cheats on you, Beck. A lot. Compulsively. He is in intense pursuit of a performance artist who fucks with his head the way he fucks with yours.

Most people die old, full of pain and regret. Or young and full of drugs and self-indulgence - or sheer bad luck.

Now there are elements of our dynamic coming slowly into view, like a photograph in a darkroom.

This is your success and this is the magic hour, the golden time before the time. Just be in it. You earned it. Don't spread it and don't pull on it and don't push it and don't share it and don't examine it. This is it.

Some people, it's like they care more about their status updates than their actual lives.

Well, sometimes you just want to go where it's dark, you know?

You blush. You are Charlotte's Web and I could love you.

And really, when you grow up, and get over yourself, when you fuck narcissism and leave the hashtags at the door, you see what really matters in life.

Memories are all the same at their core; it's just us trying to keep each other alive, the best parts anyway.

This is why people like writing. You visit old friends without having to go on Facebook and see what they're up to and deal with what idiots called FOMO. You make them into what you want them to be, the people they could be if only they were braver, smarter.

Just eat it and shit it and be done with it and don't feel special cuz you eat that shit with someone because in the end we all shit alone!

Some guys are assholes and you have to accept that.

A poet is different. A poet transforms the world with Such small hands.

I don't say anything. I know the power of silence. I remember my dad saying nothing and I remember his silences more vividly than I remember the things he said.

This is why America loves Stephen King so much; he keeps us on the edge of our seats until it hurts.

It would be nice to have something alive to hold on to right now, something to love me, something with a beating heart that I can feel, something to be with me as I sit here, in hell, trying to figure it out.

I wish it were socially acceptable to brandish a knife.