Humor God Quotes

I shall tell you about God once you've reached your imaginary heaven. Then, give me a call. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

If God dropped acid, would he see people? ~ Steven Wright

Most preachers say the nature of God is unknowable, but I'm certain of one thing at least. God almighty has a sense of humor. ~ Robert Ferrigno

Lucien had never prayed before, never imagined that there might be a deity listening who would be interested in what he had to say, so his supplication skills were a tad rusty.
But now Lucien prayed.
Please don't take her from me just as I've found her. If you do, I'll come for your ass.
Any gods listening would do well to heed him. Lucien never made a promise that he couldn't keep. ~ Aimee Roseland

god must love stupid people he makes so many ~ -Unknown

i wasted all of my
outrage on my fucking religion.
it should have been wasted on god-
cut out the middle man. ~ J.A. Carter-Winward

A lot of people say, 'Hey, God doesn't have a sense of humor.' Yes, He does. God has a great sense of humor. ~ Si Robertson

He said, "If God lived on Earth people would stalk his Facebook page and leave nasty comments on his Pinterest site." Then it sunk in- timing was everything and social media was the devil. ~ Shannon L. Alder

God has a most wicked sense of humor. ~ Maureen O'Hara

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true
humor. ~ Mark Twain

I think God has a tremendous sense of humor. ~ Rainn Wilson

I like being a Baha'i who has an out-there sense of humor. God gives us talents and faculties, and making people laugh is one of mine. ~ Rainn Wilson

Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories. ~ Brian Spellman

Man - a figment of God's imagination. ~ Mark Twain

I was busy perusing the suicide notes and waiting for Belvedere's water to finish its treatment when I heard a thud from Cookie's office. Then a mousy squeak. The a throaty moan.
"Cookie," I said, wiggling my fingers at Belvedere to get him acquainted to with our strange ways, "are you masturbating?"
"No, I got a paper cut."
Oh, I didn't see that coming. ~ Darynda Jones

The only thing to seek in contemplative prayer is God; and we seek Him successfully when we realize that we cannot find Him unless He shows Himself to us, and yet at the same time that He would not have inspired us to seek Him unless we had already found Him. ~ Thomas Merton

The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life
the life God is sending one day by day. ~ C.S. Lewis

I am betrayed and played but right now im feeling nothing pain but to forgive, it's because I love God too much that I can't hate. ~ AKA

If Life is the ultimate work of Fiction,does that make god the greatest Protagonist? ~ Diganta Sarkar

Purpose is why God has created me ~ Oyewale Rita

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher. ~ Flannery O'Connor

Well, sir, if I could grow apples like that, I would call myself a gardener. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

God is not dead; he really does communicate today. He's interested in every part of your life, your home, your finances, every kind of decision - and more than just the moral issues. His eye is always on you. He wants to lead you. But you have to believe that he will indeed speak to you when you wait before him in believing prayer, with a yielded heart to do his will. ~ Jim Cymbala

Throwing a sub at the Apollyon probably wasn't something that should be done in public. But I couldn't help it; I laughed. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

What is it about our specific belief in God and His wishes that makes us so angry at the specific beliefs of another? What is it about the teachings of our respective deities that makes us more right than the next person? Or more wrong? ~ Chuck Austen

The interior of the arms dealer's private jet was so ugly it hurt my feelings as well as my eyeballs. ~ Terry Hayes

Right or wrong is decided by God because it is he who has done that thing. You are just a medium. ~ Shiv Kumar

As soon as I came to believe there was a God, I understood that I could not do otherwise than live only for him. ~ Charles De Foucauld

We all know what feminists are. They are shrill, overly aggressive, man-hating, ball-busting, selfish, hairy, extremist, deliberately unattractive women with absolutely no sense of humor who see sexism at every turn. They make men's testicles shrivel up to the size of peas, they detest the family and think all children should be deported or drowned. ~ Susan J. Douglas

I find myself really privileged to be able to go in and look at a set that the likes of Hollywood can provide, and say, 'My God, look at the craftsmanship in this; look at the ambition in it, the scale of it.' ~ Brendan Gleeson

I stressed out trying to figure out what I could say. I ate licorice. I stressed some more. I ate Dots. I stressed out even more-and wiped out a bag of Swedish Fish. And then I wrote. ~ Maria Shriver

I was a lousy nun. I couldn't do it. I couldn't find God. It wasn't suitable for me. It is suitable for very few people. ~ Karen Armstrong

I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland. ~ Jim Butcher

I would rather be wrong, by God, with Plato than be correct with those men. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Thorn grunted and the metal control fell from his spasming fingers. It bounced across the dusty concrete and I stomped down as hard as I could. I felt more than heard the metallic crunch under my boot. Another irreplaceable artifact ruined, courtesy of Julia Reed. ~ Erica Lindquist

No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath ... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? -Donald Miller,Through Painted Deserts ~ Donald Miller

To believe in a God means to understand the question about the meaning of life. To believe in a God means to see that the facts of the world are not the end of the matter. To believe in God means to see that life has a meaning. ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

In truth, politeness is artificial good humor, it covers the natural want of it, and ends by rendering habitual a substitute nearly equivalent to the real virtue. ~ Thomas Jefferson

The common goal of 22 million Afro-Americans is respect as human beings, the God-given right to be a human being. Our common goal is to obtain the human rights America has been denying us. We can never get civil rights in America until our human rights are first restored. We will never be recognized as citizens there until we are first recognized as humans. ~ Malcolm X

Look at all the things that can go wrong for men. There's the nothing-happening-at-all problem, the too-much-happening-too-soon problem, the dismal-droop-after-a-promising-beginning problem; there's the size-doesn't-matter-except-in-my-case problem, the failing-to-deliver-the-goods problem ... and what do women have to worry about? A handful of cellulite? Join the club. A spot of I-wonder-how-I-rank? Ditto. ~ Nick Hornby

I compose music for films, and by the grace of God, I've got a few awards. That's it. ~ A.R. Rahman

One more thing about Cassandra: in the most famous version of the myth, the disbelief with which her prophecies were met was the result of a curse placed on her by Apollo when she refused to have sex with the god. The idea that loss of credibility is tied to asserting rights over your own body was there all along. But with the real-life Cassandras among us, we can lift the curse by making up our own minds about who to believe and why. ~ Rebecca Solnit

It takes a long time before we cease to feel proud of being wanted. Though God knows why we should feel it, when we look around and see who is wanted too. ~ Graham Greene

True faith in God through Jesus Christ, must be manifested with fearless spirit and obedience to God's law. Joshua 1:1-11 ~ Felix Wantang

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up. ~ Woody Allen

Oh, seriously
how could you be miserable with twenty thingamabobs AND a snarfblat?! ~ John Bytheway

I have to choose to thrive, even in the pain. Even when it's tough. ... We can do this. God has not brought us this far to let us down now. ~ Joanna Gaines