Humor Anorexic Ex Quotes

My Anorexic Ex was so skinny she didn't give head, she gave skull ~ Josh Stern

The trouble began right after Perry proposed. Although we were happy at first, it didn't take long before we discovered that we didn't suit. Perry said I wasn't the same woman he'd known all his life. He said I had changed- and he was right. We'd never argued before, but suddenly it seemed we couldn't agree on anything. I made him very unhappy, I'm afraid."
"So you gave him plenty of lip," Derek commented, looking pleased. His good humor restored, he reached over to pat her familiarly on the thigh. "That's fine. I like my women saucy. ~ Lisa Kleypas

It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see..."
"You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?"
"No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like so straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."
"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."
"I did," said Ford. "It is."
"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't people get rid of the lizards?"
"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."
"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"
"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."
"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"
"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"
"What?"
"I said," said Ford, with an increasing air of urgency creeping into his voice, "have you got any gin?"
"I'll look. Tell me about the lizards."
Ford shrugged again.
"Some people say that the lizards are the best thing that ever happenned to them," he said. "They're completely wrong of course, completely and utterly wrong, but someone's got to ~ Douglas Adams

The difference between dictatorship and democracy is that in a dictatorship one man can overcome, humiliate and put upon the other. In a democracy, the other can do the same with one. ~ Frigyes Karinthy

When the world is mine, then you all will be the 99.9%. ~ Scott Jonathan Nixon

For five years he [Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679)] served as personal secretary to, yes, Francis Bacon. In fact, I've noted over a course of years that the job of a secretary can be utterly fulfilling just in case one's boss happens to be Francis Bacon. ~ Daniel N. Robinson

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

You can take the barbarian out of the tavern, but he can take the blood out of your body. ~ Greg X. Graves

What makes a good family? Well, I suppose obviously love. Love lubricated often I think by humor. I think a family that can laugh at each other and tease themselves and who are able to be jolly with each other I think is the key. ~ Stephen Fry

:I am Topaz,: the unicorn on the hill haughtily announced, :and this is my vale.:
:I was not aware unicorns could own vales,: Wareska linked.
The unicorn stiffened, and even from this distance, Wareska could see her bright, golden eyes narrow dangerously. :Now you know,: she said with quiet menace. ~ Ash Gray

Only after the words were spoken did she realize what she had said. "My sins are all your fault, Brodick, and if I have to go to purgatory, then by God, you're going with me. Ramsey, if you do not stop laughing,I swear I shall toss you over this cliff."
"Do you love him, lass?" Father asked.
"I do not," she answered emphatically.
"It isn't a requirement," Laggan pointed out.
"I should hope not," she cried.
"But it would make your life easier," he countered.
"Gillian, you will tell the truth," Brodick demanded.
He grabbed hold of her hand. She tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let go.
"I have told the truth. I don't love Ramsey, and if he doesn't stop laughing at me, the Sinclairs will soon be looking for a new laird."
"Not Ramsey," Laggan shouted so he could be heard over Ramsey's laughter. "I'm asking you if you love Brodick."
"Did you tell Father I love you? Who else did you tell? ~ Julie Garwood

The Second law of human stupidity: The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person ~ Carlo M. Cipolla

The hardest thing about talking to teenagers, I had discovered, was that whatever you said inevitably came across like something an elderly aunt would say at a wedding. ~ Jojo Moyes

Its Batteries! I just know it! ~ Alison

If she can do the splits, the 5 second rule does not apply ~ Josh Stern

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. ~ Steven Wright

No one feels like you do, so every brush of your skin is a cruel reminder of what I've lost. I can barely stand the sight of you because you're more beautiful than I've allowed myself to remember, and when I cut that wire off Maximus and smelled you all over him, I wanted to kill him more than I've wanted to kill anyone in my life, yet I couldn't because of my promise to you."
Slow tears continued to trickle down my cheeks, but for a different reason this time.
"You care."
The words were whispered with a despairing sort of wonder. He wasn't willing to rescind his loveless vow, clearly, but I was wrong about the apathy I'd thought he felt. That he admitted all the above was surprising enough; the fact he'd done it within earshot of his pilots was no less than shocking.
Vlad grunted. "Don't worry. I intend to kill them as soon as we land. ~ Jeaniene Frost

Phoebus de Chateaupers likewise came to a 'tragic end': he married. ~ Victor Hugo

Everything is possible in America, except the production of intelligence. ~ Mie Hansson

He laced his hands behind his neck and propped his boots on the opposite arm of the sofa. If an artist were to capture this image, it would have been labeled,Smugness: A Portrait. She wanted to shake him. ~ Tessa Dare

Nora was eating a piece of cold duck with one hand and working on a jig-saw puzzle with the other when I got home.
"I thought you'd gone to live with her," she said. "You used to be a detective: find me a brownish piece shaped something like a snail with a long neck."
"Piece of duck or puzzle? ... ~ Dashiell Hammett

Mr. Klamp laid down the law. No tardiness, no talking above 40 decibels, no untied shoelaces, no visible undergarments, no eating, no chewing gum, no chewing tobacco, no chewing betel nuts, no chewing coca leaves, no chewing out students (unless Mr. Klamp was doing the chewing out), no chewing out teachers (unless ditto), no unnecessary displays of temper (unless ditto), no unnecessary displays of affection (no exceptions), no pets over one ounce or under one ton, and no singing, except in Bulgarian. I began to think Mr Klamp wouldn't be so bad ... ~ Polly Shulman

His dark eyes searched her face. "But you love me," he said finally.
She had no reason to deny it. Ileni lifted her shoulders. "I'll recover. ~ Leah Cypess

You are the light of the world. Shine brightly. Smile beautifully! Rejoice daily! ~ Brenda M. McGraw

[T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton. ~ Kevin Hearne

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. ~ Woody Allen

I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I have to communicate with my dad using numbers. ~ Mitch Hedberg

You can just enjoy your little perversions alone. God gave men a hand and five fingers for a reason, you know. ~ Lora Leigh

I guess maybe you don't get to be the Merlin of the White Council by saving up frequent-flier miles ~ Jim Butcher

I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore. ~ Nenia Campbell

I will not service your sister," he told her flatly, unable to think of anything else to say.
Elina laughed. "She does not want servicing. At least not from you."
"But when I came into your room earlier - "
"It gets cold on Steppes. We share beds. We share food. We do not share cocks. There is no cock sharing among the Daughters of the Steppes. That is disgusting."
"So then earlier . . ."
"She was inviting you to nap with us, like our brothers and cousins sometimes do. But not fuck."
"Oh."
"You sound disappointed."
"No. Just depressingly relieved."
"What?"
"Beautiful sisters invite me to bed - I usually dive in headfirst. A little time away with you and suddenly I'm . . . my father."
"I like your father. Now he is charming. You are dolt with ineffective travel-cow and cousin that keeps trying to dress me like doll."
"Is that where you got that eye patch from?"
"Yes."
"It's a nice color on you. ~ G.A. Aiken

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out? ~ P.G. Wodehouse

Those who lack a sense of humor are destined to be life's hacked up hairballs. ~ S.A. Garcia

I uttered the wisest thing that you must say to an angry woman - "I'm sorry. ~ Mita Jain

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. ~ Tom Mulligan

I mean when you really, really, really think about it, the whole trip is really, really unbelievable. ~ Art Hochberg

I am the Olympics. ~ Dave Eggers

The Dallas Times Herald ran a cartoon mocking the [Reagan] administration's position. "We don't oppose the extension of the Voting Rights Act ... but we think the test of discrimination should be intent not effect," a fictional Smith said at a press conference. "Won't that cripple enforcement of the Act?" a reporter asked. "That is not our intent," Smith responded. ~ Ari Berman

And Tria this is Vilenthe." Tria just stares before collapsing onto the floor Ingra looks down "She'll be fine." Vilenthe scowls "She has seen me before. Many years ago before I was selected for the 11th Tournament, she must've forgotten about that but we have met before. ~ Charon Lloyd-Roberts

Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses. ~ Jerome K. Jerome

My family has been amazing, and they understand how blessed I am. They've been able to keep my sense of humor. ~ Karen Duffy