Romance Humor Quotes

I suppose you'll not let me rest until I admit that I like your company?"
"You're getting to know me well ... "
"Very well, I'll admit. You're slightly more than tolerable. ~ Jody Hedlund

Eli's a good kid, Jasper. Too good for the likes of me. He deserves better."
Jasper shot him a penetrating look. "What he deserves is a nice dame, but seeing as how that ain't in the cards, you're the next best thing." "Wow." Jessie stared in disbelief. "No one's ever insulted me with a compliment before. That's some talent you got there, Jasper. ~ Charlie Cochet

The hotness of a sex scene lies in the loins of the beholder. ~ J.Leigh Hunter

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit ~ Ann Everett

Jack coughed slightly and offered his hand. "Hi, uh. I'm Jack."
Kim took it. "Jack what?"
"Huh?"
"Your last name, silly."
"Jackson."
She blinked at him. "Your name is Jack Jackson?"
He blushed. "No, uh, my first name's Rhett, but I hate it, so…"
He gestured to the chair and she sat. Her dress rode up several inches, exposing pleasing long lines of creamy skin. "Well, Jack, what's your field of study?"
"Biological Engineering, Genetics, and Microbiology. Post-doc. I'm working on a research project at the institute."
"Really? Oh, uh, my apple martini's getting a little low."
"I've got that, one second." He scurried to the bar and bought her a fresh one. She sipped and managed to make it look not only seductive but graceful as well.
"What do you want to do after you're done with the project?" Kim continued.
"Depends on what I find."
She sent him a simmering smile. "What are you looking for?"
Immediately, Jack's eyes lit up and his posture straightened. "I started the project with the intention of learning how to increase the reproduction of certain endangered species. I had interest in the idea of cloning, but it proved too difficult based on the research I compiled, so I went into animal genetics and cellular biology. It turns out the animals with the best potential to combine genes were reptiles because their ability to lay eggs was a smoother transition into combining the cells to create a new species, o ~ Kyoko M.

Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much.
He was talking with his friend Nathan. Where Bryce had the whole tan, blond, hazel-eyed thing going on, Nathan was fair with dark hair and dark eyes. They looked like opposite sides of the same coin. A really hot, totally unreachable coin that a collector would keep in a special locked case, which normal girls like myself were not allowed to touch. ~ Chris Cannon

I pull his hand up to my chest. "It's okay. Some of my best friends are in the mob. It must be really tough with your husband in prison."
"You THINK?" He pulls away, as if I've been insensitive, picks up a stone and throws it at a crow walking around in the grass.
As the crow screeches bloody murder and takes flight, escaping unscathed, Joshua darts in front of me, hits Tiger in the nuts and calls him a bitch.
Pulling Joshua back to my right, I glare down at him asking- WHAT did you CALL HIM?
"A BITCH."
"He's not a bitch."
"YES HE IS."
Tiger, coming to the rescue, kneels and places his hand on Joshua's shoulder. "Sorry little buddy. I didn't mean to make you go all APE shit. You like those little flying RATS."
Joshua shakes his finger at him. "THEY'RE NOT RATS... YOU BITCH."
As I start to give Joshua a lecture, Tiger stands up and stops me. "It's okay," he said. "Believe it or not- he's not the first to call me a bitch." Taking Joshua's free hand, he walks on his other side, while Joshua glares up at him with distrust. "Bitch isn't a word that you should be using. Not at your AGE."
"That's right," I agreed. "When you get older, you can call your girlfriend a bitch, but only in bed."
Joshua giggles. ~ Giorge Leedy

Gotten butt-ass, bone-dog naked for your vadge-cam?" Dante offered with an angelic smile, standing close.
"Fucking hell, D." Griff turned to Beth with an apology, but she spoke first.
"Huh-yeah. Thanks, cockbreath. ~ Damon Suede

Good God." he said incredulously. "You've got a black belt in purse attack, that's for damn sure. ~ Linda Howard

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away. ~ S. Walden

Dave had been fun when they'd first dated. Then impending fatherhood had sobered him at the same time Mickle and Company had crooked its finger, turning him from Mr. Right to Mr. Wrong. ~ Cheryl Sterling

Haydn snorts. "Only gullible, lovesick fools spout that mushy crap." Thank the stars that his tone is teasing, because I can sense Logan's patience waning.
"When you find the right girl, I'm so going to make you eat your words. And I'm going to thoroughly enjoy rubbing your nose in it. ~ Siobhan Davis

So, how'd you get the tattoo?" she said.
"Drunken frat boys don't say no to things their drunken frat brothers are telling them to do."
"That almost sounds like an admission of weakness from the invulnerable Andrew Sheffield."
"Not weakness. Stupidity, maybe. That, I'll cop to."
"I can't believe the man behind such a successful business is stupid."
"You'd be surprised. Just as there are different kinds of intelligence, there are different kinds of stupid. ~ Linda Morris

Trav smiled his sweetest, most charming smile. "Of course I'll play your husband on TV."
Daisy blew out a breath of relief. "Great! Thank you. I knew you'd understand."
She reached for the ignition to shut off the car. He placed his hand on hers. They weren't done quite yet.
"As long as you play my wife in real life. ~ Kylie Gilmore

Liz pasted on a smile, trying to appear normal in light of the fact that he had possibly incriminating knowledge on her from the background check. She hoped her application for a marriage license with Craig wasn't in the report. Or her long shopping record for organization systems from The Container Store. Or her many Internet searches for breeds of nonshedding dogs (she was waiting for the house with a yard before getting one). Or her long-time obsession with new cleaning products. ~ Kylie Gilmore

I turn my head so that he doesn't see my smile and secretly curse him for making me feel special. ~ Kasie West

The man's mouth fell open in shock and hurt. He slowly shook his head. "So the stories are true. You really are a brat! You smug bastard. You need someone to throw you over a knee --!"
"How dare you!" Mycaela snarled. He lifted his hand to strike the man and couldn't believe it when the juggler caught his wrist, holding it aloft. They glared at each other, and Mycaela felt small, like a twig caught in the branches of a tree. But now he was forced to really look at the juggler, whose brown muscular chest was in his face, and he grew distracted. The man was wearing nothing except a pair of very colorful, very tight leggings. They clung to his bulge and his buttocks, and he was built like a stallion, lean and taunt and powerful. Mycaela bit his lip, willing himself not to awaken and silently cursing himself for smoking a drug that was sometimes used as an aphrodisiac. ~ Ash Gray

Fortunately for Alan's sake, Frank preferred beauty over age so I had no need to defend my territory. ~ Nicole Castle

What exactly does the I in FBI stand for?" ~Maggie Mae Castro ~ Beth Yarnall

The door to Jakes' office slammed against the wall, and Vivi barreled through the opening. "Turn this ship around right now. ~ Cheryl Sterling

He laced his hands behind his neck and propped his boots on the opposite arm of the sofa. If an artist were to capture this image, it would have been labeled,Smugness: A Portrait. She wanted to shake him. ~ Tessa Dare

Thanks so much," Daisy said as graciously as she could to the gift of edible underwear from her fiancé's grandmother. She was pretty sure this wasn't covered in any of the bridal etiquette guides. ~ Kylie Gilmore

Gideon could not imagine any other young unmarried woman of his acquaintance passing up the opportunity to snare, if not himself, then the Carradice fortune. In any case, the number of women who'd rejected him in any way was gratifyingly small. Yet Miss Prudence Merridew had most unmistakably rejected him. Several times. Wielding that damned lethal reticule like a little Amazon, to emphasize her point. ~ Anne Gracie

That was some powerful shit. Like mind and pussy-numbing, fuckilepsy inducing, reproductive organ-exploding powerful. You really are some kind of flogger wielding sex God. ~ Ella Dominguez

IF you wish to be a writer then don't wait until you write the "great American novel" for they aren't written they are created. If you don't write at all you won't know how "great" that simple book can be. ~ Shiree McCarver

We can't predict what's going to happen, but having love is worth the risk. ~ Nina Crespo

No offense, doll, but that's not something I'm willing to share. I'd prefer to live a long and happy life if it's all the same to you."
"You can't just throw out vague allegations and then say nothing else!"
"See, that's the good thing about being a fugitive like me. I can do what the hell I like, and I'm not answerable to anyone." Stepping away from the bars, he stands with his legs stretched out wide. His stance matches his grin.
"Sure looks like that's working out well for you," I say, piercing him with a scornful look. ~ Siobhan Davis

I already gave you my ass. I guess you can have my hand too. ~ K.A. Mitchell

Aline," he interrupted tersely, "the forces of heaven and hell combined couldn't stop me from making love to you right now."
That hardly left room for ambiguity. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I uttered the wisest thing that you must say to an angry woman - "I'm sorry. ~ Mita Jain

Sir Mark Turner," he said. "I speak with the tongues of a thousand angels. Butterflies follow me wherever I go. Birds sing when I take a breath. ~ Courtney Milan

A brief hush fell over the table when the guy from the bar approached. After he finished depositing their drinks in the center of the table, Lynn jumped on the opportunity to flirt, winking and smiling prettily at him. "Thanks, cowboy."
"Cowboy?" Reaching for her appletini, Piper laughed.
Lynn shrugged. "When I picture him in my bed, I see a Stetson and a saddle."
Something well-known among their group, ever since she watched John Travolta in Urban Cowboy, she was on a mission to secure herself her very own cowboy.
"I bet you see a branding iron too," Jules snickered.
Lynn's thoughtful gaze trailed after him as the bartender returned to making drinks. ~ J.C. Valentine

If change is what you're after, unify your broadcast and quit muddying up the signals with thoughts that contradict your preferences. The experience of happiness, love and abundance is actually the default Life design. It's already available. You just need to clean out the debris that's blocking your view. ~ Debbianne DeRose

Oh, darlin', it has nothing to do with how often you mention him. It's the moony way you do it. ~ Erik Bundy

Her body twitched from his magic. "What is this feeling?" She panted as she asked the question. Her body felt pleasantly soft. His motions slowed and became languid.
"It's called an orgasm," he replied in that slow, silky way of his. She loved his voice when it got thick like honey. Most of the time he spoke so quickly that she lost track. She liked it when his tone got deep and husky. "You should have one every time a man touches you. If you don't, punch him in the face. ~ Sophie Oak

Ben was in his truck, window down, idling at the curb, dark lenses hiding his eyes from her, looking effortlessly big and badass.
The way she wished she felt. ~ Jill Shalvis

Frankie runs a sex moon and has kids. My head hurts just thinking about it. You still keep up with her, too, then?"
Ryelle's face took on a hunted expression. "She sends me coupons, Declan. ~ Michelle O'Leary

Leaving the feasibility of testicular transplants alone for the moment, she said, "It was mostly my mistake. ~ Teri Anne Stanley

Nothing ends a first date faster than finding a dead body. ~ Katherine Bacher

I steal from the rich to give to myself. ~ Robert Thier

You might just be too old for me. I've seen that gray at your temples and in your beard. I do have standards, you know. This might very well change things."

"It's too late now. If you don't like how old I am, you can just call me Daddy or some shit. ~ Sayara St. Clair

Collin! What a gorgeous name. Then again his name could have been Cracker Jack and I would have thought it was just as wonderful. ~ Nicole Gulla

Ryan held a strawberry milkshake in one hand, his father's ashes in the other--and hoped like hell he didn't get them mixed up. ~ Tina Vaughn

In a typical college romance novel, he'd be a gorgeous but troubled sex god who'd cure all my deep-seated psych issues with a good hard fuck. I'd smell his misogyny and abusive tendencies from miles off but my brain would turn to hormone soup because abs. That's the formula. Broken girl + bad boy = sexual healing. All you need to fix that tragic past is a six-pack. More problems? Add abs.
It's Magic Dick Lit. ~ Leah Raeder

My name is Lilian Pnév̱ma, but you may call me Lilly, or anything else you would prefer. However, I would be particularly pleased if you called me You Sexy Thing You. ~ Brandon Varnell

It simply isn't a woman's nature to be silent for prolonged periods of time. ~ Maya Banks

Imagining the gods could hear him, Mycaela murmured to the well, "I wish I could find a man who'd take me away forever." He laughed softly. "But there are no stories about princes who wish for princes. ~ Ash Gray

I'll take Classic 69 and semen-swapping for $300 ~ Damon Suede

You take all the fun out of life for me, Nik. You know that?" Aiden- Blood Hunger (Deathless Night Series #1) ~ L.E. Wilson

He had a body that begged to be painted…with chocolate. ~ L.G.A. McIntyre

There was a definite pull to him and in that moment I had to know why. ~ Nicole Gulla

Katherine -I wondered if this was how Dorothy felt when she woke up in Oz with all the little people squawking ding dong, the witch is dead. ~ Lorraine Beaumont

If you love something, let it go.
If you don't love something, definitely let it go.
Basically, just drop everything, who cares. ~ B.J. Novak

You cannot discover new oceans until you are willing to lose sight of the shore. ~ Sharon Leaf

A woman with long, blonde hair stood for a moment on the other side of the door. She looked similar to his date. Was she entering or leaving the coffee house?
Before Paul could confirm her identity or stand and run after her, she strode away and disappeared in the crowd. ~ Cheryl Sterling

Now why do I feel like Little Red Riding Hood?" Daisy asked.
Trav flashed a toothy smile and lunged for her neck. She squealed and squirmed, but he held on and chomped gently down her neck.
She smacked his arm because she liked that a little too much. "Back off, Big Bad Wolf. ~ Kylie Gilmore

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials ~ Ann Everett

Ren hugged me close and kissed my cheek.
I heard a dramatic sigh behind us. "Ugh, I think I preferred him whiny and despondent. This is just sickening."
Ren growled softly, "Who invited you here anyway?"
"You did."
"Yes, but I didn't invite you 'here.' How did you find us?"
"We flew into Salem, and I found the invitation for the dance at the house. I thought if there was a party, I should be here. Figures that all the pretty girls are taken. Perhaps... I can borrow yours."
Kishan held out a hand but Ren stepped in front of me and threatened, "Over my dead body."
Kishan pushed up the sleeves of his sweater. "Anytime, bro. Let's see what you've got, Mr. Romance. ~ Colleen Houck

It's hard to get a hug wrong. ~ Kiera Cass

Brendan wasn't sure how he felt about having someone defend his honor. He might look like some fairy tale prince, but he'd never thought of himself as soft or weak, someone that needed rescuing. But then he'd never had mobster bitches from hell on his ass either. ~ Darien Cox

They're only askin' you to do one thing. From what Rogue says, you ain't exactly reluctant."
"F**k myself into a coma. Sure, I can do that. Then what?"
"Uh, wait an hour? ~ Michelle O'Leary

I swore I'd never be the girlfriend who spies on her boyfriend's phone, but tough shit. I'm her today. ~ Allie Everhart

Hi honey, I'm home! Take your pants off! Wesley announced. He kissed my cheek as he passed me and put his lunch container in the sink. ~ J.M. Colail

My teenage hormones have rendered me too emotionally fragile to be in a learning environment right now. ~ Krystal Sutherland

...Oh god. I'm one of those girls."
"What girls?" he asked, perplexed.
"Those girls. The ones in all those books and TV shows. Some dumb high school girl falls in love with some supernatural guy, and he's all, 'Behold, I am five million years old!' and she's all, 'Oh my god, how can you ever love pathetic little me!' and he's like, 'Because of destiny!' or whatever. It's just so...ew. You know? ~ Lindsay Ribar

What mental hospital have you escaped from?" She wanted to laugh, but he looked so serious. "Prove you're an alien. Rip off your disguise. Show me your antennae. Where's your union card? ~ Cheryl Sterling

Sirus let his gaze drop and linger over the fine lines of Grey's body that no amount of winter clothing could hide, and he cursed under his breath at the waste of such a thing of perfection attached to such an asshole of a person. ~ Cameron Dane

Yes, and you did it spectacularly. They were the best non words ever not spoken. ~ Robert Thier

Nothing is impossible when you believe... ~ Nicole Silver

You don't have to say a thing except yes. You don't have to do anything, either, I'm quite willing to plan it all."
"You?"
"Yes me."
"You'd plan all of it? Even the wedding?"
"Why not?"
"You don't even like to plan your own breakfast."
He grinned. "You mean more to me tban bacon."
"More than [i]bacon?[/i] I'm honored."
"You should be, my foolish pea brain. ~ Karen Hawkins

Jakes nodded his dismissal. "Workable. Set up a meeting."
Mitchel stood. "Who would you like to send, sir?"
He smiled. "Ivy, I've neglected my duties as commander of The Baldain. I'll transport down to Earth and handle this matter myself. ~ Cheryl Sterling

You always need right moves, wheather it's life or romance.. ~ BHARAT SHARMA

If a man can't love you for who you are, he's not worth The Dior Gloss. ~ Leah Marie Brown

If you lie there much longer, I'll be tempted to tie you to the table legs and try buttering your ass instead of the toast. ~ Cari Silverwood

Focus. She's Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane's butt like that? ~ Zach ~ Monique DeVere

Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you. ~ Myrna Ericksen

She'd run over Dankyo in an instant to get to Theo. Be a darn big bump in the road, but she'd do it. ~ Cari Silverwood

Ha! Don't you know that writers are control freaks? We make our characters dance to our own weird tunes. That's half the fun."

She angled his head ever so slowly to the right. "What's the other half?" Just as the position became uncomfortable, she reversed the motion.

"Rewriting," he said. "You know how you think of a brilliant response to an insult six hours later when it's utterly useless? A writer has a time machine. I can go back to the moment the insult was hurled and parry it with my slow but rapier-sharp wit."

"Relax. I've got you," she said, rotating his head gently to the right. "I guess us nonwriters think you just sit down at your computer and the book comes out the way we read it."

"We foster that myth. It makes us seem more like creative geniuses and less like mere craftsmen. ~ Nancy Herkness

There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive
as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.)

That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

I see the beginning, I see the end. And in the middle I just hope I don't fall on my ass to much ~ Shehanne Moore

I love to read (du) okay i love to read about alpha males and gods shadowhunter maze runner half bloods divergent a good romance ~ Gena Showalter

Exiting the building, we shield our eyes with our hands and raise our voices. The wind has really picked up and is sending dirt, dust and debris airborne. A few windblown pedestrians, struggling to walk down the sidewalk, appear as though they might get blown away.
I ask Tiger where he wants to go.
"ANYWHERE…I DON'T CARE. AS LONG AS IT'S NOT FAR."
"LET'S GRAB A CAB. WE CAN'T WALK IN THIS."
As I open the backdoor of a Yellow Cab parked at the curb, the cabbie turns and gives me a mean look. "Are you the Floro's?" he asked.
Tiger follows me into the backseat, as I answer- That we are.
Tiger asked, "And you are?"
The cabbie grunts- "ALEXANDER the fuck'n GREAT. ~ Giorge Leedy

Was it against the law to vomit in the Oval Office? ~ Julie Ann Walker

It smelled delicious but tasted of jealousy. ~ Katie Graykowski

Rhett: Here's the problem. I am not the sexual equivalent of an espresso machine. ~ Rowena Cherry

Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you're gonna be begging me to taste your pie. ~ Carmen Jenner

It's you," she murmured, staring at his eyes, a fine, dove gray.
He smiled. "Of course, it's me. Let's get you back to your boat. ~ Cheryl Sterling

If only the devil were feminine - perhaps he (she) was; no one had ever seemed to think of that - he would readily believe that her pseudonym was Daisy Morrison. ~ Mary Balogh

You're the only kick-ass general I know who needs three gay boys to dress him, John."
"But I only need one gay boy to undress me. ~ Sarah Black

You can't even begin to fathom the amount of fucks I do not give about what you want. ~ Ella Dominguez

She did a mental z-snap and channeled her inner badass. ~ Julie Ann Walker

When she shines we all bask in her happiness, but when the thunderstorms come in, let me warn you, find a faraway hiding hole. Dorothy Broadbelt, lady in waiting to Queen Elizabeth 1. ~ Suzanne Crowley

Good luck on your test."
"I'm gonna ace it for sure!" I said, rolling to Wesley's side of the
bed and pulling the sheet up.
"Don't I know it," he smiled, and then slapped the doorframe. "Oh
yeah. If Gus calls, just tell him I was balls-deep in your ass and that I'm
on my way now. ~ J.M. Colail

Those who live by the sword kill those who don't."
– Dread Emperor Vile the First ~ ErraticErrata

The desert is an unpredictable place. One day you're sweating, the next you're freezing. One moment the air is damp and cloudy like when the tide is coming in, the next the entire world is orange and dusty. The desert must be a woman. ~ Dianna Skowera

Love is a risk. It always is. None of us is guaranteed a long life. But love takes courage. ~ Amy Andrews

Basic economic theory. People behave differently based on how much they think something's worth. Because everyone got their chips for free, people made huge bets on every hand - no matter what they were holding. People who play with everything on the line - for real - don't act like that. ~ Elle Lothlorien

If Pierre Bon-Bon had his failings--and what great man has not a thousand?--if Pierre Bon-Bon, I say, had his failings, they were failings of very little importance--faults indeed which, in other tempers, have often been looked upon rather in the light of virtues. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

A shiny ring isn't romantic to me. I think thought and love into what you do for the person you're in love with - that's romance. ~ Sasha Grey

Atop a Ferris wheel, Orson Welles told Joseph Cotten how Italy's thirty years of war and terror and bloodshed had produced the Renaissance and Michelangelo, and how Switzerland's five hundred years of democracy and peace had produced, goddamn, only the cuckoo clock. ~ Kevin Wilson