Funny Haha Quotes

Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing. Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Your name. That's all I want. I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours. ~ Colleen Hoover

Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively… But it wasn't just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could 'relate without getting close.' For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. ~ Woody Allen

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?"
"No! Good God, no! ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me > omg > boner. ~ Leah Raeder

If someone is robbing us, come back after buisness hours! Calla's voice came from upstairs. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage. ~ Norm MacDonald

Oh, god ... " I whimper. "I haven't done anything yet, baby," Colton growls. "I know," I pant. "I was just saying your name. ~ Jasinda Wilder

Parents have funny ways of showing their love sometimes. Mom says my life is all black and white right now, as a kid. But she says when I get older, become a women, that changes, and there's a lot of gray area. I think adult love is more complicated. ~ Brooklyn James

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests. ~ Winston Churchill

Are you scared of going in to see the raghnaid [the council]?" asked a gray female pup.
"Are you cag mag [crazy]? If a bear was his Milk Giver, you think he's scared of the raghnaid? ~ Kathryn Lasky

It's funny that it all becomes about clothes. It's bizarre. You work your butt off and then you win an award and it's all about your dress. You can't get away from it. ~ Reese Witherspoon

Wonder Showzen is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I first saw it, I thought it was so funny and new and original and edgy and insane and subversive. I didn't know comedy could do that. ~ Eric Andre

He stood and inhaled, then walked a few more feet, stooped, and prodded a chunk of rabbit fur.
"I'm definitely thinking something with more body parts," I said. "Like a head."
He gave a snort of a laugh. "It's probably around here somewhere, but I suppose you want the parts attached, too. ~ Kelley Armstrong

In the end, the thing that really stays with you is not that you were clever enough to connect a sketch to another sketch, but what really sticks with you is when you just have an incredible moment happen, or execute a really funny idea. ~ Bob Odenkirk

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed
you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps? ~ Jasper Fforde

In homosexual sex you know exactly what the other person is feeling, so you are identifying with the other person completely. In heterosexual sex you have no idea what the other person is feeling. ~ William S. Burroughs

Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away. ~ Thomas Beecham

It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me! ~ Herge

The world, every day, is New. Only for those born in, say, 1870 or so, can there be a meaningful use of the term postmodernism, because for the rest of us we are born and we see and from what we see and digest we remake our world. And to understand it we do not need to label it, categorize it. These labels are slothful and dismissive, and so contradict what we already know about the world, and our daily lives. We know that in each day, we laugh, and we are serious. We do both, in the same day, every day. But in our art we expect clear distinction between the two ... But we don't label our days Serious Days or Humorous Days. We know that each day contains endless nuances - if written would contain dozens of disparate passages, funny ones, sad ones, poignant ones, brutal ones, the terrifying and the cuddly. But we are often loathe to allow this in our art. And that is too bad ... ~ Dave Eggers

Megan looked into Agnes's frightened face. Agnes had been so sharp just a few years back - funny and cutting and wonderfully ribald. ~ Harlan Coben

So, I'm the Eighth Wonder of the World. It's flattering and very, very funny. ~ Eva Longoria

I'm in a funny position: I've been in one band in my life and that was with my brother. As incredible as that has been, I feel like I'm missing out a little bit on being in a real rock band - or how I imagine being in a real rock band to be. It's like being in a street gang: you all wear the same leather jacket or whatever. ~ Eleanor Friedberger

Pull something out and show me." I said thoughtlessly. Isaac started snickering, Ethan joined in. Asher was holding back a laugh, his cheeks turning pink. I thought about what I said and started laughing. There are just some things you can't say in a room full of guys. ~ B.L. Brunnemer

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network. ~ Tina Fey

Ronan, the middle brother, defended his safety by being as frightening as possible. Like the other Lynch brothers, he was a regular churchgoer, but most people assumed he played for the other team. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall. ~ Frankie Boyle

It's true. Goodfellow is monogamous. he's become a freak. A pervert. Depravity on the cloven hoof."
"Or his balls fell off," suggested another puck who came to the bar. "Or his dick. Anyone who would hang out with Bacchus is bound to get a catastrophic genital rotting illness at some point. ~ Rob Thurman

Alec shrugged "Look who's talking. 'Oh, I love her. Oh, she's my sister. Oh why,why,why
"
Jace threw a handful of dead leaves at Alec, making him splutter.
Isabelle was laughing. "You know he's right, Jace. ~ Cassandra Clare

I see a trend here where the President seems to think his job is to count votes and then try to make a deal That's what we in legislatures do. Mr. Obama's job is to travel the country, fight for the values that he cares about. ~ Anthony Weiner

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park. ~ Larry The Cable Guy

It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and our air force has to have a bake-sale to buy a bomber. ~ Robert Fulghum

Funny how a woman can be bold as an army when there's a need fer it, and yet so gentle. ~ Jodi Picoult

No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it. ~ Jessica Day George

He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat. ~ Adam Rex

The psychopaths are always around. In calm times we study them, but in times of upheaval, they rule over us. ~ Ernst Kretschmer

Norbit operates on the principle that vulgarity is automatically funny. Crassness doesn't need a joke attached because it is (in and of itself) the height of hilarity. ~ James Berardinelli

I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work. ~ Stephen Colbert

People were stopping me on the street to say, 'Oh my God, it's Crazy Eyes!' Which is kind of a funny thing to have people shout at you on the street. ~ Uzo Aduba

I try to look at this music career thing as the means to an end. And really, at the end of it, I see myself on a sailboat, sailing off the edge of the world. ~ Michelle Shocked

Yes you are right," said Pavel. "We will succeed simply because we are the best in all of world. We will get LVR by using incredible intelligence."
Leon showed he was in full agreement by screaming and hitting himself repeatedly on the head. ~ Cuthbert Soup

Love was a funny thing, Peter thought. You grow up thinking you will have some control over it - when you will fall in love, who you will fall in love with. But then life surprises you out of nowhere, and you fall in love when the world is falling apart. ~ Kristin Harmel

Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself. ~ Sara Henderson

Peace through war. Seems a funny way to go about it, if you ask me. ~ Traci Chee

As he pulls away from her, his gaze meets mine, and we stare at each other for one long moment before I slowly raise my left hand and give him the middle finger. ~ Deanna Chase

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

The real funny thing is, whether the demons exist or not at all in your life, it's nothing to do whether you believe or not to one, none nor both of them. ~ Toba Beta

I do not want chemistry to degenerate into a religion; I do not want the chemist to believe in the existence of atoms as the Christian believes in the existence of Christ in the communion wafer. ~ Marcellin Berthelot

I want gifts and Christmas music. I don't care how many Draziri are out there. They won't take Christmas from me."

"Yes, but we don't have a suitable male," Orro said. "And only one dog."

I looked at him.

"What is this Christmas?" Wing asked.

Orro turned from the stove. "It's the rite of passage during which the young males of the human species learn to display aggression and use weapons."

Sean stopped what he was doing and looked at Orro.

"The young men go out in small packs," Orro continued. "They brave the cold and come into conflict with other packs and they have to prove their dominance through physical combat. Their fathers teach them lessons in the proper use of swear words, and the young men have to undergo tests of endurance, like holding soap in their mouths and licking cold metal objects."

Sean made a strangled noise.

"At the end of their trials, they go to see a wise elder in a red suit to prove their worth. If they are judged worthy, the family erects a ceremonial tree and presents them with gifts of weapons."

Sean was clearly struggling, because his head was shaking.

"Also," Orro added, "a sacrificial poultry is prepared and then given to the wild animals, probably to appease the nature spirits."

Sean roared with laughter. ~ Ilona Andrews

When I entered and shut the door, the Darkling gave me a small bow. "How are you, Alina?"
"I'm fine," I managed.
"She's fine!" hooted Baghra. "She's fine! She cannot light a hallway, but she's fine."
I winced and wished I could disappear into my boots.
To my surprise, the Darkling said, "Leave her be."
Baghra's eyes narrowed. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
The Darkling sighed and ran his hands through his dark hair in exasperation. When he looked at me, there was a rueful smile on his lips, and his hair was going every which way. "Baghra has her own way of doing things," he said.
"Don't patronize me, boy!" Her voice cracked out like a whip. To my amazement, I saw the Darkling stand up straighter and then scowl as if he'd caught himself.
"Don't chide me, old woman," he said in a low, dangerous voice. ~ Leigh Bardugo

Sometimes I get a funny feeling inside me that I shan't be here very long,
and I'm not talking in terms of things like success.
It frightens me sometimes ~ Marc Bolan

Foul!" yelled Jamie, who seemed extremely happy not to be the one facing a blade. "Distracting technique! Put your shirt back on right now. ~ Sarah Rees Brennan

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery. ~ Robert Benchley

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it. ~ Hiroko Sakai

I find it funny because people complain about Brooklyn becoming too hip, but would they prefer stock brokers or gunfights or something? ~ Kemp Muhl

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. ~ Homer Simpson