Funny Age Quotes

Old age takes away from us what we have inherited and gives us what we have earned. ~ Gerald Brenan

The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities. ~ Mindy Kaling

I think I'm one of those guys who was sort of always in comedy. I thought of myself - and other people seemed to think of me - as funny from a very young age. I was a very young comedy nerd and I even did sketch comedy in high school and college. I wrote and shot sketches on video and acted in them. ~ Andy Daly

I'm 42 and the age of a guy who has kids, so I guess I'm playing right where I'm supposed to be. I'm comfortable with that, but in the same breath I'd do something edgy. If someone came to me and offered me an edgy and funny story, then I'd do it. ~ Eddie Murphy

No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12. ~ Rowan Atkinson

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~ Helen Hayes

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. ~ Stephen Fry

The old - like children - talk to themselves, for they have reached that hopeless wisdom of experience which knows that though one were to cry it in the streets to multitudes, or whisper it in the kiss to one's beloved, the only ears that can ever hear one's secrets are one's own! ~ Eugene O'Neill

Men at forty Learn to close softly The doors to rooms they will not be Coming back to. ~ Donald Justice

I didn't know then that young girls were a sort of poison, infectious to the man of age; and that men of age justly take woman of age to cure themselves of the diseases of youth. ~ Roman Payne

The idea is that readers don't come blank to books. Consciously and not, we bring all the biases that come with our nationality, gender, race, class, age. They you layer onto that the status of our health, employment, relationships, not to mention our particular relationship to each book--who gave it to us, where we read it, what books we've already read--and as my professor put it, 'That massive array of spices has as much to do with the flavor of the soup as whatever the cook intended ~ Kelly Corrigan

Life expectancy in many parts of Africa can be something around the age of thirty five to thirty eight. I mean you're very fortunate if you live to that age. In fact when I went to Uganda for the first time one of the things that occurred to me was that I saw very few elderly people. ~ Annie Lennox

Honestly, half the reason I like you is because you're so ... I don't know. You like life." He looked away from my eyes, amused as his thoughts spun, considering. "You're fearless. Bold. Not afraid to enjoy yourself. You just go out there and do what you want. I like the whirlwind you exist in. I envy it. It's funny, really." He smiled. "I used to think I wanted someone exactly like me, but now I think I'd be bored to death with another version of myself. I'm surprised I don't bore you sometimes."
I gaped. "Are you kidding? You're the most interesting person I know. Aside from Hugh maybe. But then, he installs breast implants and buys souls. That's a hard combination to beat. But he's not nearly as cute. ~ Richelle Mead

Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not. ~ James Lipton

Myths tend to spiral out of control. Do you howl at the full moon and steal maidens to devour?"
"Depends on the maiden," he said.
Was he flirting with me? Devouring didn't really go with flirting, but his tone of voice did. Was this how werewolves flirted? Hey, baby, if I had to kill any girl and eat her flesh, it would be you ...
clean sweep ~ Ilona Andrews

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. ~ George Lopez

I was a late bloomer. I was still naïve about what 16 year olds today have known for years. I remember sitting up and taking notice - of the world, my body, others - in a way never before experienced. I noticed boys, or rather they noticed me, at 16. ~ Chila Woychik

Cricket is not like a government job where retirement age is fixed at A cricketer can retire at 30 or 60; it's up to the player. ~ Virender Sehwag

But Finn was like no one else. He could be funny, teasing, informative all at once. I was discovering that smart, engaged dialogue with a man is extremely erotic. Cleverness is an aphrodisiac. ~ Jane Lotter

Availability is a consistent factor in how most people choose to attempt suicide, said Ms. Barber, regardless of age. People trying to die by suicide tend to choose not the most effective method, but the one most at hand. ~ Anonymous

Knowledge comes naturally with studying,
and with God's touch, instantly.
Wisdom comes naturally with age,
and with God's touch, immediately. ~ Matshona Dhliwayo

When I was his age, and even today, when it comes to books and libraries, too much is never enough ~ Josh Hanagarne

So, then why am I your son?" "Because Mom and I made love, and one of my sperm fertilized one of her eggs." "Excuse me while I regurgitate." "Don't act your age. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

Then I understood I would never marry him. It's funny how one thing can make you realize something like that. One can be ready to give up the children one always wanted, one can be ready to withstand remarks about one's past, or one's clothes, but then
a tiny remark and the soul deflates and says: Oh. ~ Elizabeth Strout

It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something. ~ Catherine Gilbert Murdock

State and local government, with financial support from the federal government, should offer a program to educate and train foster children for employment and provide them with financial assistance, as needed, until they reach age 21. ~ Charles Bass

The trouble is, old age is not interesting until one gets there. It's a foreign country with an unknown language to the young and even to the middle-aged. ~ May Sarton

No one looks at you funny if you excuse yourself to grab a smoke. Imagine the reactions if you say, "Hey, I'm going to go grab a five-minute prayer. I'll be back."
Or worse, "Hold that thought. I just want to go cry a minute."
Excuses are easy. Quitting is much harder. ~ Taya Kyle

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. ~ Hedy Lamarr

A person's age can be determined by the degree of pain he experiences when he comes in contact with a new idea. ~ Quincy Jones

Jazz does not belong to one race or culture, but is a gift that America has given the world. ~ Ahmad Alaadeen

She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is. ~ Margaret Watson

The human birthright includes the possibility of an easy death at extreme old age if we are healthy. Alternatively, we may experience a lot of disease, but with medical intervention probably live almost as long, suffering from suboptimum health all the way through. It's our choice. ~ Steve Solomon

it's funny how you can't exactly pick your crush. well, you can, but once it get hold of you, it's hard to shake off. ~ Emily Franklin

Women can't resist a man with strong squeezing hands. Tells us you must be great at, oh, I don't know…making juice. Opening jars. Crushing beer cans. ~ Meg Maguire

Old age is the lubricant of belief. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore. ~ Lois Greiman

I remember being handed a score composed by Mozart at the age of eleven. What could I say? I felt like de Kooning, who was asked to comment on a certain abstract painting, and answered in the negative. He was then told it was the work of a celebrated monkey. 'That's different. For a monkey, it's terrific'. ~ Igor Stravinsky

We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to. ~ Jerry Lawler

I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I'm not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I'm certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions. ~ Rowan Atkinson

The second childhood of a saint is the early infancy of a happy immortality, as we believe. ~ William Mountford

Raising our sons is among the most important social imprints we will leave on the world, for they will become the partners, husbands, fathers, friends, lovers, creators, and leaders of tomorrow. ~ Melia Keeton Digby

That is something that my mother instilled in me at a very young age - to know my self-worth. And I have had times again and again in the fashion industry where all of that was tested and I rose to the occasion because I was told that I am worthy and I should be able to walk away from something that is not worthy of me. ~ Iman

It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

And that unconscious ease that comes of being so young - still oblivious to the blows that will destroy parts of her. Past the age of forty, everyone is like a bombed-out city. ~ Virginie Despentes

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar.. ~ Dave Barry

Back in 1995, Munger had given a talk at Harvard Business School called "The Psychology of Human Misjudgment." If you wanted to predict how people would behave, Munger said, you only had to look at their incentives. FedEx couldn't get its night shift to finish on time; they tried everything to speed it up but nothing worked - until they stopped paying night shift workers by the hour and started to pay them by the shift. Xerox created a new, better machine only to have it sell less well than the inferior older ones - until they figured out the salesmen got a bigger commission for selling the older one. "Well, you can say, 'Everybody knows that,'" said Munger. "I think I've been in the top five percent of my age cohort all my life in understanding the power of incentives, and all my life I've underestimated it. And never a year passes but I get some surprise that pushes my limit a little farther." Munger's ~ Michael Lewis

Living a life fully engaged and full of whimsy and the kind of things that love does is something most people plan to do, but along the way they just kind of forget. Their dreams become one of those "we'll go there next time" deferrals. The sad thing is, for many there is no "next time" because passing on the chance to cross over is an overall attitude toward life rather than a single decision. ~ Bob Goff

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. ~ David Letterman

Roth was feeling a gentle warmth as he thought of his son. He was remembering the way his son used to awaken him on Sunday mornings. His wife would put the baby in bed with him, and the child would straddle his stomach and pull feebly at the hairs on Roth's chest, cooing with delight. It gave him a pang of joy to think of it, and then, back of it, a realization that he had never enjoyed his child as much when he had lived with him. He had been annoyed and irritable at having his sleep disturbed, and it filled him with wonder that he could have missed so much happiness when he had been so close to it. It seemed to him now that he was very near a fundamental understanding of himself, and he felt a sense of mystery and discovery as if he had found unseen gulfs and bridges in all the familiar drab terrain of his life. "You know," he said, "life is funny. ~ Norman Mailer

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door. ~ Bill Bailey

Mr. False! No, don't start grabbing the chickens! Better off farmer with no chickens than a load of chickens with no farmer! Anyway, they'll probably float, or fly, or something! ~ Terry Pratchett

It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to 'serve the community' by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morpork's crime rate, leading to at least one old lady having her front room wallpapered so many times in six months that now she could only get in sideways. ~ Terry Pratchett

There is no point in housing troubles inside your underwear if you can't solve them by yourself. ~ Pawan Mishra

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female. ~ Oscar Wilde