Condoms Quotes

When will it all be over? When will she have time to think and feel again? Presumably not till the baby is a teenager and can safely fend for himself. Although, of course, teenagers need to be taught to drive and say no to drugs and wear condoms. ~ Liane Moriarty

[Television executives] are afraid to advertise condoms that could save lives, but do not blush about telecasting a National Geographic special on President Reagan's pelvic plumbing. ~ Martin Nolan

Faelan stuffed his mouth with the granola bar like a starving toddler and moved down the aisle with the loaded cart. Bree grabbed an empty one and squeaked back. She rounded the corner and stopped. Faelan wasn't chewing. That was a good sign. The package he was reading wasn't. He glanced up, mouth parted, eyes dark, and the hand holding the box of extra large condoms darted behind his back. ~ Anita Clenney

it required a crazy Ukrainian guy. ... "Svoboda" I said. "Condoms only cost fifty slugs. Why would anyone buy this?" He grinned. "It's reusable!"

A disturbing thought popped into my head. "Wait. Have you used this one?" "No, but it wouldn't matter if I had. The cleaning process renders it sterile." "Are you kidd - " I stopped myself and took a breath. Then, as calmly as I could, I said, "It would matter, Svoboda. Maybe not biologically, but psychologically. ~ Andy Weir

Okay. I don't know how we're going to do this. If I'm not in you inside of five minutes, I'm going to die. My heart will simply explode, and it won't be pretty. But the thing is this - I haven't had sex in a couple years, which creates two problems. One, I don't have any condoms. If I had any condoms in some drawer somewhere, they'd be powder by now. And two, I can't promise to pull out because I'm going to come the second I'm in you. ~ Lisa Marie Rice

Because Clare had never let the fact that Mark didn't have a father in his life get in the way of sex education. She'd been showing Mark how to roll condoms onto bananas long before he'd known it was other bananas he was interested in. ~ Lisa Henry

You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms.
Joe Morelli ~ Janet Evanovich

Dear Lord," began Randy, who paused for long enough that Tristan sneaked an eye open to look at him. His saw his mother's cheek twitch with what he thought might be apprehension. "We are so grateful to be gathered here today with our family, and the family of our brother's homosexual boyfriend, and our new little goth friend who has a gay dad, whatever the heck that is all about. We'd like to say we're grateful this year for condoms, lube, and Ellen Degeneres, and for those guys on Queer Eye ... "
Randall Evan Phillips!" his mother shouted. ~ Z.A. Maxfield

Nah. A date with Peter the prostitute. Sounds like a plan. Be sure to bring flowers."

"I was thinking condoms. But your idea sounds more romantic. ~ Dani Alexander

Condoms are about as effective against AIDS as a twenty-four-chamber gun instead of a six-chamber gun when playing Russian roulette. ~ Peter Kreeft

What are you gonna help us with? That very tiny used condom? ~ Booth

Naked," she whispered against his mouth.
She wasn't sure if she meant him or herself. Nor did it matter. He pulled back enough to allow her to drag off her T-shirt.
While his gaze devoured her bare chest, he worked the buttons of his shirt, then jerked off the garment. She had already unfastened her jeans and quickly pushed them and her panties off. Even as he reached for his belt, he scrambled off the bed and headed for the bathroom. Seconds later he was back, naked and clutching a handful of condoms.
"Don't ask," he said when she glanced at them and raised her eyebrows. ~ Susan Mallery

Ooo-kay," she began slowly. "You want to have sex with me. You want to have sex with a woman to whom you've never spoken more than a few words at a time. Tell me something, Steele, is this one of those situations where any pussy will do? Is it a guy thing, coming off a mission and you'll dip into the first available well you can find?" He looked completely taken aback by her blunt language. Surprised even. Then he seemed to figure out that it was possible he'd just been insulted. "I don't fuck around," he growled. "I'm clean. I use condoms. I haven't had sex in a year." "All righty then," she said, more than a little surprised at his admission. "Maybe a little more than I needed to know." "If you're sleeping with me, you need to know. ~ Maya Banks

Okay, I've never done this. This is the guy's department. What do I do? We need to get Lee's size and we need industrial strength. Show me which ones to buy."
Eddie looked at the display and looked at me. "You're askin' me to help you buy condoms for Lee?"
"Industrial strength condoms," I reminded him.
...
"Let me get this straight," he said and I could tell he was laughing, "you dragged Eddie to Walgreen's to help pick out condoms for me?"
"Well, I didn't know!" ...
"Did you tell Eddie the part about long-lasting reliability?"
Oh Lord.
"Forget it," I said.
"Indy?" he called.
"What?" I snapped, kinda pissy.
"I love you." He still had laughter in his voice and there was something very cool about him laughing and saying I love you at the same time. ~ Kristen Ashley

I don't want lunch, because I'm not hungry," he said. "And I don't want anger management classes, because right now angry is all I have," he spat. "And I don't want condoms, because it seems that I'm incapable of fucking anyone but you. ~ Kitty French

Olsons P.I. 'Kenny Jones' as he approaches a barman in a notorious Bangkok Gay bar as part of an investigation -
'I was tempted to ask him if he had heard the one about the two condoms walking down Soi Rome when they see The Balcony Pub. One condom turns to the other and says 'Let's go in there and get shit-faced' - ~ Warren Olson

JANE: What to do when it is that time in your girl child's life:

1. Sit down calmly and explain sex to her?

2. Buy her a book, video, or CD that gives her the details?

3. Buy her condoms and put her on the pill?

Or do as many mothers before you did - just stick your head in the sand and hope she joins a convent.

Of course these days your child may know more about sex than you did at her age, what with in-school health lessons, and out-of-school R-rated movies easily accessed on the TV, not to mention the Starr Report!

In the days of fairy tales, sex was dangerous because so many women died in childbirth. Today sex is again dangerous because of diseases like AIDS. So what do we say? ~ Jane Yolen

Listen, I noticed you haven't brought your swimsuit home yet. I hope you're not still getting in the water. It's too cold for swimming, Emma."
I do my own laundry. Digging around in my drawers is the only way she could have "noticed" anything missing. Does she also look for condoms or other incriminating evidence moms usually scavenge for? Does she come home to scavenge? The thought tickles my temper. Making a mental note to by a new bathing suit strictly for Galen's house, I say, "You're telling me this? You know how cold-natured I am." My laugh is loud enough to be suspicious, but Mom doesn't seem to notice. Rachel smirks though.
"Don't try to tell me you and Galen haven't figured out how to stay warm in the water."
"Mom!"
"Just promise you won't get in the water," she says, her voice tight again. "I don't need you getting sick."
"Fine. I promise."
"And be home before dawn this time. I dare you to bring home anything less than an A on your report card after this. I double dog dare you."
I mouth the words into the phone as she says them; you'd think she'd at least change the wording after all these years. It's her go-to threat for just about everything. But somehow, it doesn't work this time. There's no bluster behind it. She's getting soft lately, and I think it has to do with the night I accused her of adopting me. ~ Anna Banks

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. ~ Spike Milligan

Don't throw me teddy-bears, I'm 23! I'm a man! Throw me condoms or money! Paper, not coins. ~ Robbie Williams

Just when I think you've hit bottom you continue to amaze me," Kyle said. "Or, does this get worse? Nothing would surprise me after this. Are you sleeping with a married man whose wife is dying of cancer?"
Elroy didn't think he'd done anything wrong. "I know nothing about his wife, or his husband for that matter. I don't ask and I'm not out to break up his home. Lighten up, man. Everybody does it. It's not like I'm going to freaking marry this dude. I'm only having a little fun with him. You wanna come with me? We'll have a three-way. You should see the way this guy moves. It will blow your mind."
With that remark Kyle shoved his hands into his pockets and walked faster. "No, thank you. That's not something I'm interested in doing. Meeting nice, decent people is the only thing that blows my mind. I just hope you're using condoms, you goddman asshole. ~ Ryan Field

We are still not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame but there are 3,000 Kiss products, a Kiss musical toothbrush, everything from Kiss caskets to Kiss condoms. There are no Radiohead condoms ... ~ Paul Stanley

Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there. ~ Alyxandra Harvey

Have you ever heard of a condom? Don't Carpathians have condoms? Because I'm thinking that if you're all that worried, a condom might be just the thing."
His smile was slow in coming. "I had not thought of that. As a rule Carpathians do not need such things. ~ Christine Feehan

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction ... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation. ~ Dov Davidoff

As far as Obama is concerned, the only religion to be "reformed" - which is to say destroyed - is the faith that shaped the West, not the religion of the West's historic adversary. Obama has in effect declared to Christians in America: either bring your understanding of Christianity into line with my liberalism or don't bother entering the public square. You want federal money? Well then, perform abortions, distribute condoms, and hire homosexual activists. He would never dare talk to Muslims in those terms. He gives back ancestral swords to freed Muslims from Guantanamo Bay and hands abortionists' forceps to Christian doctors. ~ Phyllis Schlafly

I quickly scoop up the rest of my personal life on display on the sidewalk and I'm relieved that I had removed the flavored condoms that Regina had shoved into my purse before I left yesterday. Bacon Flavor. What woman wants to taste meat while, you know, tasting meat? ~ Vi Keeland

I think we've had rather too much dirt rather than not enough. That's not a prudish English remark, but a statement of saturation. These up-and-coming young men," she splutters. "Penelope Fitzgerald
they think, 'Ah! Middle-aged lady with frizzy hair and a nice smile; she must be writing tastefully.' I say she's writing against taste, quite savagely. But they don't pick it up because they're brash young men poncing about, waving their blood and thunder and condoms! ~ A.S. Byatt

Throwing cash for the whole meal on the table, Kelly got up abruptly. That's it. Come on. We're going shopping. Clothes. Lingerie. Shoes. Condoms. ~ Laura Kaye

The men had to use condoms. You didn't want to get hit by that stuff, flying. I said be kind and I did something worse than flying cum. I threw up all over him. I couldn't stop throwing up. That's not sexy. ~ Ian McDonald

Phoebe, you're the most amazing lover I've ever had. You're sexy, responsive to the point of being a lethal weapon, sweet, funny, caring and if I had a box of condoms, I'd use every single one before sunup. ~ Susan Mallery

What about your mom?" "She offered to take me to Planned Parenthood to get the Pill and told me to make Adam get tested for various diseases. In the meantime, she ordered me to buy condoms now. She even gave me ten bucks to start my supply. ~ Gayle Forman

Use condoms; it's wise not to gamble with your children's future. ~ Bauvard

Wait," Eric said. "Do you have any camouflaged condoms?"
"Camouflaged?" The cashier's forehead crinkled in concentration. "I don't think so. We have every flavor and color imaginable, but I don't think we have any camouflaged."
"Why would you need a camouflaged condom?" Rebekah asked.
"So you won't see me coming. ~ Olivia Cunning

The idea of women having sex without risking pregnancy is deeply disturbing to the vision of women's role that Western civilization has inherited from the Judeo-Christian tradition.....In Britain, the Anglican Church denounced it (birth control) as 'the awful heresy'. As families grew smaller in the US during early years of the twentieth century....the moral reaction mounted. Theodore Roosevelt attacked the use of condoms as 'decadent'. He declared women who used contraceptives as 'criminals against the race...the object of contemptuous abhorrence by healthy people. ~ Jack Holland

Don't cry Meg. It's not that bad."

"It's not that bad? Ha! I'm thirty years old, with two black eyes, a swollen nose, a big, honking, yellow knot on my forehead, and the haircut from hell. As if that isn't enough, I had a transvestite in my bed this morning, my husband is a lying, cheating, cradle robbing, bastard, who at some point slept with my best friend."

Jack scooted over to the middle of the seat, and stopped listening to his head and wrapped his arms around her. Big mistake! From inside, four faces were pressed to the window.

"My last orgasm-with a partner- was…hell I can't remember when! I frequently knock myself out for entertainment purposes, I have little boobs, big feet, squishy panties, nosy neighbors and demon possessed fish. God hates me!"

Jack held her tighter.

"I have frequent flyer miles at the hospital. I fed my husband marijuana Ex-lax brownies and shoved a marble up his butt."

Jack pulled away to look at her and she was serious. And crying. Big, sad, alligator tears that made his heart swell. "My mother is a holy rolling, Catholic Dr. Ruth, complete with condoms and Rosary beads. I write about relationships and sex, both of which I suck at and I hired a Private Investigator to pimp me out."

Jack burst out laughing and she pushed him away and swatted his shoulder.

"And now you're laughing at me. Could things get any worse? ~ Amy Johnson

Used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue.
It's not like honey dip would wanna get with me,
But just in case I own more condoms than TLC. ~ Phife Dawg

I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms. ~ Aziz Ansari

I don't think I'm ever going to want to start using condoms after this baby gets here," she says. "Good. Because I'm going to get you pregnant as soon as you have this one." "Okay," she says. And I can feel her smile against my chest. I palm the back of her head and tug her hair so she'll look up at me. "Okay?" "Yes. Get me pregnant. Please. Make a baby with me. Make our family bigger." She throws her arms open wide. "I want it to be fucking huge." "Okay," I whisper. "You're in, Paul." "Yes, I'm in." I'm further in than I ever dreamed she would let me be. ~ Tammy Falkner

So here we are, in the family planning aisle with a cart full of sports drinks and our hands full of . . . "Trojans, Ramses, Magnum . . . Jeez, these are worse than names for muscle cars," Jase observes, sliding his finger along the display.
"They do sound sorta, well, forceful." I flip over the box I'm holding to read the instructions.
Jase glances up to smile at me. "Don't worry, Sam. It's just us."
"I don't get what half these descriptions mean . . . What's a vibrating ring?"
"Sounds like the part that breaks on the washing machine. What's extra-sensitive? That sounds like how we describe George."
I'm giggling. "Okay, would that be better or worse than 'ultimate feeling' - and look - there's 'shared pleasure' condoms and 'her pleasure' condoms. But there's no 'his pleasure.'"
"I'm pretty sure that comes with the territory," Jase says dryly. "Put down those Technicolor ones. No freaking way."
"But blue's my favorite color," I say, batting my eyelashes at him.
"Put them down. The glow-in-the-dark ones too. Jesus. Why do they even make those?"
"For the visually impaired?" I ask, reshelving the boxes.
We move to the checkout line. "Enjoy the rest of your evening," the clerk calls as we leave.
"Do you think he knew?" I ask.
"You're blushing again," Jase mutters absently. "Did who know what?"
"The sales guy. Why we were buying these?"
A smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. "Of course not. I'm sure it never ~ Huntley Fitzpatrick

American grammar doesn't have the sturdiness of British grammar (a British advertising man with a proper education can make magazine copy for ribbed condoms sound like the Magna goddam Carta), but it has its own scruffy charm ~ Stephen King

Of the Poet's Youth"

When the man behind the counter said, "You pay
by the orifice," what could we do but purchase them all?

Ah, Sandy, vou were clearly the deluxe doll, modish and pert
in your plastic nurse whites, official hostess to our halcyon days,

where you bobbed in the doorway of our dishabille apartment,
a block downwind from the stockyards. Holding court on

the corroded balcony, K. and I passed hash brownies, collecting
change for the building's monthly pool to predict which balcony

would fall off next. That's when K. was fucking M. and M. was
fucking J., and even B. and I threw down once on the glass-speckled

lawn, adrift in the headlights of his El Camino. Those were immortal
times, Sandy! Coke wasn't addictive yet, condoms prevented herpes

and men were only a form of practice for the Russian novel
we foolishly hoped our lives would become. Now it's a Friday night,

sixteen years from there. Don't the best characters know better
than to live too long? My estranged husband house-sits for a spoiled
cockatoo while saving to buy his own place. My lover's gone back
to his gin and the farm-team fiancée he keeps in New York.

What else to do but read Frank O'Hara to my tired three-year-old?
When I put him to bed, he mutters "more sorry" as he turns into sleep.

Tonight, I find you in a box I once marked ~ Erin Belieu

So, we skipped Annabel, and discussed condoms. I said I liked the orange ones, and we ended our talk in laughter. ~ Steven Herrick

How is it that mankind can engineer condoms to prevent pregnancy and STDs and not be able to invent some sort of emotional safeguard? Is it even possible to abstain from falling in love? ~ Daria Snadowsky

I looked at whale jawbones in the museum this morning. Then I did some shopping. Whenever I go into the drugstore it seems that many people are buying condoms and motion sickness medicine. ~ Lydia Davis

Nanahara: Where are you going, Boss?
Yashiro: To the convenience store. Whenever I buy all the condoms they have in stock and bring it to the cashier, the part-timer there makes a funny face.
Nanahara: ... That's an interesting hobby. ~ Kou Yoneda

Any reason why we couldn't just ditch the condoms from now on?" Surprise ~ Madeleine Urban

How about if you turn over, baby?" Wolf licked his way up Tristan's back to nibble at the spot between his shoulder blades. "And we can take turns working our way through these condoms my mom brought us. ~ Rhys Ford

They had this movie called Juno about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and it's nominated for an Oscar. That's an unusual experience for me, 'cause when a black girl gets pregnant it ain't no Oscar. It's social work and a box of condoms is what that is. ~ D. L. Hughley

Bracelets with white symbols?" Michael made the question casual; in fact, he bent his head and concentrated on tuning his guitar, not that it needed it. Every note sounded perfect as it whispered out of the strings. "Do you remember?"
"No." She felt a pure burst of something that wasn't quite panic, wasn't quite excitement. "Does that mean they have Protection?"
He hesitated for about a second, just long enough for her to know he was surprised. "You mean condoms?" he asked. "Doesn't everybody? ~ Rachel Caine

Honey, are you being safe?'
'I wear my seat belt, yes.'
'Does this Rob Lovely wear a seat belt too?'
Matty sighed. 'Mother, seat belts should be worn at all times when in a moving vehicle. Didn't you teach me that?'
'So long as we're both talking about condoms here, then I'll leave it.'
'Consider it left. ~ Leta Blake

The worst of all of this is the lie that condoms really protect against AIDS. The condom failure rate can be as high as 20 percent. Would you get on a plane - or put your children on a plane - if one of five passengers would be killed on the flight? Well, the statistic holds for condoms, folks. ~ Rush Limbaugh

It's like you have a special skill when it comes to finding condoms. Seriously. They must fall out of the sky whenever you're around. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

I didn't eat."
"What difference does that make?"
"I'm not like you. I can't recharge by feeding off someone. I need food."
"I know that! When was the last time you ate?"
"Yesterday."
"Yester
why the hell didn't you eat?"
"We had to go buy condoms, remember?"
"And you couldn't grab a sandwich on the way out?" he said hysterically. "I'm gonna die because you couldn't grab a sandwich? ~ Karen Chance

She wondered if J.D. had polo ponies on his condoms. ~ Julie James

They'll have to eat first. And by the time they're finished, you'll be back."
"With the condoms." "Right." "For the giant orgy you're convinced we're about to have in the backyard."
"Dory! Just go!" "I'll go with," Ray said, getting up. "I need a snack." Which was how I ended up condom shopping with a vampire. ~ Karen Chance

Decision time. It's too dark for you to see your surroundings. So I'll describe. You choose." He pulled the pins out of her hair, tunneling his fingers through it as it tumbled to her shoulders. "The fireplace is across the hall. There's a shag rug in front of it. The living room's to our right. It has a wide, cushy sectional sofa. The den's to our left. It has a leather recliner that tilts way, way back. Upstairs, there are two bedrooms. The guest room's got a queen-size bed and a huge area rug. The master's got a king-size bed and extra pillows. What's your pleasure?"

"Where are the condoms?"

"In the master."

"Sold. ~ Andrea Kane

You can hand out condoms, drop bombs, build roads, or put in electricity, but until the girls are educated a society won't change. ~ Greg Mortenson

I struggled not to laugh at the brand-new bottle of lube in his left hand and the unopened box of condoms in his right. He watched me, his expression dark.
"Just buy those?" I asked lightly.
He nodded once.
"Had it all worked out in your mind, did you?"
He nodded again.
"Have you ever fucked a man, Seven?"
He shook his head, his right hand squishing the box of condoms as he tightened his grip.
"And ... this is what you want?" I looked at his face then, watching for any signs of doubt. There were none as he nodded again.
I opened my arms. "Come here," I said softly. ~ T.J. Klune

Doctors would only prescribe birth control in the most dire of circumstances, and even then, what form of birth control would they prescribe? There were no reliable options, except perhaps the condom. But condoms depended on the cooperation of men, and Sanger's experience in the tenements of New York City told her that men didn't mind six or seven children so long as they were able to enjoy sex when the mood struck them. Women were the ones dealing most with the consequences of sex, not only because they were the ones getting pregnant but also because they were the ones raising the children. ~ Jonathan Eig

A gentleman who doesn't have the physical and/or emotional sensitivity to use condoms couldn't possibly possess the self-confidence required to fully procure the infinite sounding of pleasure from the depth of a woman's being, via the endlessness of her cunt. ~ Inga Muscio

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms. ~ Chris Hardwick

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? ~ Dustin Hoffman

Condoms aren't a hundred percent you know," he reminds me calmly. My mind flashes to a certain episode of Friends, and I suddenly feel like yelling out that they should put that on the outside of the box. ~ Chantal Fernando

If condoms and potentially microbicides can prevent millions of deaths [from AIDS], they should be made more widely available. I know that there are those who, out of sincere religious conviction, oppose such measures. And with these folks, I must respectfully but unequivocally disagree. ~ Barack Obama

Daniel first kisses his brother in a town where no-one knows them, a no-account place that's barely even a town, just some buildings clustered around the highway: a smoky bar, an empty motel, a convenience store that only sells candy and condoms and beer. The nearest gas station is twenty miles away. The nearest bus station is fifty. ~ Kirsty Logan

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Most of what we got was crockery: from exotic crystal bowls to ceramic anomalies. Then, a cross-section of rugs- from a beautiful Kashmiri original to a memorable one with printed dragons and utterly incomprehensible hieroglyphics. Dibyendu (typically) gave us a scrabble set and Runai Maashi: that rocking chair. Yuppie work friends, trying to be unique and aesthetically offbeat, went for wind-chimes but there were really far too many of them by the end. We also got a fantastic number of white and off-white kurtas, jamdani sarees with complementary blouses, no less than nine suitcases, suit pieces, imported condoms, bed-sheets, bed-covers, coffee makers, coffee tables, coffee-table books, poetry books, used gifts (paintings of sunsets and other disasters), three nights and four days in Darjeeling, along with several variations of Durga, Ganesh and all the usual suspects in ivory, china, terracotta, papier-mâché, and what have you. Someone gave us a calendar that looking back, I think, was laudably sardonic. Others gave us money, in various denominations: from eleven to five hundred and one. And in one envelope, came a letter for her that she read in tears in the bathroom.'
('Left from Dhakeshwari') ~ Kunal Sen

I didn't look like a woman who might need twelve condoms. ~ Cheryl Strayed

She'd woken up with a receipt for condoms. That much she knew. But had she used them? Even if she had, a little voice in the back of her head yelled, "Glow-in-the-dark condoms from the Dollar Store, probably expired! ~ Samantha Bohrman

For if in careless summer days
In groves of Ashtaroth we whored,
Repentant now, when winds blow cold,
We kneel before our rightful lord;
The lord of all, the money-god,
Who rules us blood and hand and brain,
Who gives the roof that stops the wind,
And, giving, takes away again;
Who spies with jealous, watchful care,
Our thoughts, our dreams, our secret ways,
Who picks our words and cuts our clothes,
And maps the pattern of our days;
Who chills our anger, curbs our hope,
And buys our lives and pays with toys,
Who claims as tribute broken faith,
Accepted insults, muted joys;
Who binds with chains the poet's wit,
The navvy's strength, the soldier's pride,
And lays the sleek, estranging shield
Between the lover and his bride. ~ George Orwell

Holy shit ... but we were using condoms."
Pink tinged her cheeks. "Not the weekend at the lodge."
He leaned over and lowered his voice. "Yeah, but I pulled out."
Emma cocked her brows. "And you're Mr. Super Potent Sperm, remember? ~ Katie Ashley

You don't really have to fallin love with him, but he's not a terrible option for a fling. As long as you use a condom. Two condoms, even. ~ Sarah Mlynowski

How was your trip? Did you have fun?"

"It was work, Ma. I wasn't partying it up in Vegas," I tell her with a chuckle.

"Well, you were in Vegas. Why wouldn't you try to have some fun while you were there? You think I don't know what you do in your free time?" I can see her in my head rolling her eyes. "I know how you and your brothers act when you're single."

"Yeah, Ma, but I'm not single anymore," I declare, smiling.

"You guys are such man-whores. I swear - it's a wonder one of you didn't end up on that show 16 and Pregnant," she says, completely missing what I just said.

"Ma, stop talking for a second and listen to me," I say, waiting for her to stop rambling.

"I swear - Trojan owes me royalties for all the condoms I bought for you boys. ~ Aurora Rose Reynolds

You're next Claire."

She laughed. "Nope, not ready. See, we know about this thing called birth control, and we use it," she teased, and everyone laughed.

"Hey, I was on it!" Baylor called to her as Claire grinned back at her.

"That's what they all say."

"Not me. I wasn't, and we had faulty condoms," Avery said with a snort, which sent everyone into fits of laughter. "But I wouldn't change a thing. ~ Toni Aleo

Lamb-skin condoms must send a mixed message to guys who like to fuck sheep. And I wonder what the answer would be if you were to talk to a sheep about whether they would rather become a car-seat cover or a condom? If the sheep answers "condom," I think we can assume that sheep is gay. Sure you're sliding into a lady part, but you're going to have some guy coming inside you. ~ Adam Carolla

Radical feminism, male lesbians, transsexuals, musical condoms with suspenders, and lotsa drummers drumming are all manifestations of a political agenda with roots in the 1960s. This is all fruit we are reaping from the sexual revolution. ~ Rush Limbaugh

Astonishingly, the share of students who don't get education in contraceptives is going up, not down. The Trump administration even tried to cut off funding for a teen pregnancy prevention program (lawsuits forced it to continue that funding). What's confounding is that these same officials are often anti-abortion, yet they don't seem to understand that preventing unplanned pregnancies will reduce abortions. They believe that condoms will promote promiscuity, when condoms no more cause sex than umbrellas cause rain. These same officials then thunder about the irresponsibility of girls who get pregnant, oblivious to their own irresponsibility. ~ Nicholas D. Kristof

Yeah, he muttered, bent and kissed her jaw then moved from the bed thinking that if she wasn't cool with taking him ungloved, he was buying a fucking case of condoms and stashing them everywhere so they'd never run out. Her house. Her Cayenne. His truck. His wallet. Her wallet. His workout bag. His office. The club. Her nightstand. His bedroom at home.
Every-fucking-where.
Dozens of those fuckers. ~ Kristen Ashley

Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me? ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

The logistics of the operation would have boggled most minds: the American contingent alone called for 6.6 million sets of rations, five thousand crated airplanes, five thousand carrier pigeons and accompanying pigeoneers, and a somewhat unambitious 144,000 condoms, fewer than two each. ~ Ben Macintyre

New Rule: Americans have to come up with a better cheese to represent the nation than American cheese. I'm not even sure American cheese is cheese. I think it's aged Jell-O. And it doesn't need to be individually wrapped in plastic, either. You're thinking of condoms. ~ Bill Maher

I'm sorry," she whispered.
Zane shifted off of her. "What?"
"I shouldn't have done that."
"Done what?"
She heard the caution in his voice.
"I was too…you know."
"I don't know," he said. "Too, what?"
"Wanton."
There wasn't any sound. Not even a hint of sound. Then he laughed. It wasn't a chuckle. It was a huge, from-the-belly laugh. The kind that made it impossible for the person laughing to move or breathe or even stop.
"Zane?" She shook his arm.
He continued to laugh. The sound seemed to echo all around them.
"Zane, stop. You'll wake up everyone."
That seemed to get his attention. She sensed his attempt to control himself, although a few guffaws escaped.
"This isn't funny," she told him in a heated whisper.
He leaned close. She couldn't see him, but she could feel him.
"Phoebe, you're the most amazing lover I've ever had. You're sexy, responsive to the point of being a lethal weapon, sweet, funny, caring and if I had a box of condoms, I'd use every single one before sunup. But you're not wanton."
His words made her feel a little better, but only a little. "I don't usually, you know, climax that much. Or at all."
"You did with me."
"I know."
"I wanted to please you."
She smiled. "I could tell."
"So what's the problem?"
"I don't want you to think less of me."
He touched her cheek, then outlined her mouth. "I think the world of you."
Her concern faded like mis ~ Susan Mallery

Lines that seemed unconnected gradually becomes part of a confession that had at its center rooms in the burning heat of August, where something has taken place, clearly sexual, but it is also the vacant streets of rural Texas, roads, forgotten friends, the slap of hands of rifle slings and forked pennants limp at parades. There are condoms, sun-faded cars, soiled menus with misspellings, a kind of pyre on which he had laid his life. That was why he seemed so pure – he had given all.

Everyone lies about their lives, but he had not lied about his.

He had made of it a noble lament, through it always running this thing you have had, that you will always have, but can never have. (There stood Erechteus, polished limbs and greaves....come to me, Hellas, I love for your touch.)

I had met him at a party and only managed to say, – I read your beautiful poem. ~ James Salter

In our personal spaces, where there are no eyes to guide our better nature caressing our intentions, we sometimes gnaw in the agonizing realization that, although we charitably took on the rough task with smiling faces, our condescension has produced our worst nightmare. For a new work has triggered our insecure buttons, birthing the fear that the author may flow past our selfish desires, and find their way into the ocean of our faith, leaving us alone and desperate. And so we must, with the extremest prejudice, bomb their potential future by damming all of our congratulations. Rendering Goodreads a stale pond of green algae and used condoms. But do we not know that this same pond we all must drink from? Instead of filing another dead weight upon our self-deprecation, we should condescend to our own little devils, transforming them into loving companions with our guidance, so they may sprout wings in our charity, by praising this new work loudly to all of our friends and acquaintances. Instead of a dam, we can fashion a fountain of ascension, whose poetic mead, we may all get drunk on. Then, one day, those that we have assisted, we may one day find them returning us the favor by building us a fountain. That's my opinion on the subject anyway. This has been an exercise in poetic articulation. Signing off. ~ Sun Moon

I always struggled with opening single-serving items such as bags of M&M's or condoms. ~ Penny Reid

Tina returns from the bathroom and climbs into bed with a question in her eye.
"I want to talk you about something."
I get worried, but I try not to show it.
"I have a number of questions that I want to ask you. I feel like you are the only person that I can ask these questions. Do you mind?"
"No, I don't mind. Go ahead."
"Do you think that escorts are more health-conscious than most girls? Do you think that they get tested more regularly for STDs, and that they are more careful, for example, as in using condoms?"
"I definitely think that they are."
"Why do you think that?"
"The girls that I see all tell me that they get tested anywhere from every month to every three months. They always use condoms, that is, unless they trust the guy and they know that he gets tested regularly. All these girls know how to do a dick check and they screen their clients before meeting them. Therefore, I would say that the escorts that I have met are all much more health conscious than amateurs are."
"Do you get tested regularly?"
"I've told my MD that I see girls and he orders tests for me every three months, or at least twice a year at a minimum."
"I would like to dispel some of the myths about escorts. ~ Sacha Haughtee

Condoms instantly shot to the number-one position on my mental list of must-find survival supplies, far ahead of food, water, and a way across the Mississippi River. ~ Mike Mullin

And this is your close friend, Drew?" he asked looking at Mark...

"Good buddy... Just hanging out here. Doing guy stuff."

"Talking about women. And sports. And beer. And uh..." Mark added.

"Condoms," Drew added and I rolled my eyes. Brilliant. ~ N.M. Silber

Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small. ~ Barbara Seaman

Here at the creek mouth the fields run on to the river, the mud deltaed and baring out of its rich alluvial harbored bones and dread waste, a wrack of cratewood and condoms and fruitrinds. Old tins and jars and ruined household artifacts that rear from the fecal mire of the flats like landmarks in the trackless vales of dementia praecox. A world beyond all fantasy, malevolent and tactile and dissociate, the blown lightbulbs like shorn polyps semitranslucent and skullcolored bobbing blindly down and spectral eyes of oil and now and again the beached and stinking forms of foetal humans bloated like young birds mooneyed and bluish or stale gray. Beyond in the dark the river flows in a sluggard ooze toward southern seas, running down out of the rainflattened corn and petty crops and riverloam gardens of upcountry landkeepers, grating along like bonedust, afreight with the past, dreams dispersed in the water someway, nothing ever lost. ~ Cormac McCarthy

Could be an amazing product, sell like condoms at a high school prom, donuts at a police convention, sunscreen on a Caribbean crush ship. ~ Dennis Vickers

Well, there are lot of people who make a lot of money off the fifth- and sixth-life crises. All of a sudden they have a ton of consumers scared out of their minds and willing to buy facial cream, designer jeans, SAT test prep courses, condoms, cars, scooters, self-help books, watches, wallets, stocks, whatever ... all the crap that the twenty-somethings used to buy, they now have the ten-somethings buying. They doubled their market! ~ Ned Vizzini

I've heard the sound of 70 condoms being scraped over the floor at the British Museum. It feels like being an adventurer. Why would you stay in your living room if you could go out and experience things no one's ever experienced? ~ Herbert

They made their way into the sleeping bag. It was crowded, and she was still naked, so it only took about three seconds flat for him to get hard again.
She reached between them. "Are you sure there aren't any more condoms?"
He flexed at her words, then groaned softly. It was going to be a long night. "Positive."
He was torn between asking her to stop tormenting him and begging her to keep on doing it. The outcome of the latter as inevitable, and in a sleeping bag, more than a little messy.
Just a few seconds more, he told himself as he closed his eyes and gave himself up to the steady stroking of her hand. He would stop her before things got out of control.
But Phoebe being Phoebe and his attraction to her being what it was, that point of "out of control" arrived a lot faster than he would have realized. Painfully aroused and right on the edge, he grabbed her wrist.
"You're killing me."
"So not my purpose."
Then she stunned him by opening the sleeping bag, pushing it away and sliding down between his legs. As her fingers toyed with his testicles, her mouth settled on his erection. From there it was a thirty-seven-second journey to heaven. ~ Susan Mallery

I feel like you're trying to convince me that we don't need condoms, but fuck that. If you impregnate me, I'm going to devour " you like a praying mantis." I pin Zeph against the wall and kiss her hard, because her threatening to kill or mutilate me is always so hot. ~ Gisele Walko

I do support a sex-positive attitude for young people. Use condoms, that's important. I love the idea that promiscuity can be healthy but it's got some dodgy crevasses. Ooh, that's a bad reference! But it's got some dangerous cavities there. You know what I'm saying. ~ Rachael Taylor

Dopey, in out of his depth, began to look desperate.
"Debbie Mancuso," he yelled, "and I are not having sex!"
I saw my mom and Andy exchange a quick, bewildered glance.
"I should certainly hope not," Doc, Dopey's little brother, said as he breezed past us. "But if you are, Brad, I hope you're using condoms. While a good-quality latex condom has a failure rate of about two percent when used as directed, typically the failure rate averages closer to twelve percent. That makes them only about eighty-five percent effective against preventing pregnancy. If used with a spermicide, the effectiveness improves dramatically. And condoms are our best defense - though not as good, of course, as abstention - against some STDs, including HIV."
Everyone in the kitchen - my mother, Andy, Dopey, Sleepy, and I - stared at Doc, who is, as I think I mentioned before, twelve.
"You," I finally said, "have way too much time on your hands."
Doc shrugged. "It helps to be informed. While I myself am not sexually active at the current time, I hope to become so in the near future." He nodded toward the stove. "Dad, your chimichangas, or whatever they are, are on fire."
While Andy jumped to put out his cheese fire, my mother stood there, apparently, for once in her life, at a loss for words. ~ Meg Cabot

We're the ones causing global warming. In fact, what we ought to be saying is population growth is a major cause of it, so I hope to have a T-shirt out very, very soon: Stop global warming, use condoms. ~ Mechai Viravaidya

Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing ... rewarding immoral and illegal behavior ... For example, we now give free needles to junkies, which seems to me to be only a step away from giving condoms to rapists. ~ Bill Maher