Dark Jar Tin Zoo Quotes

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!

We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.

I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop.

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.

I make love like never, only less often.

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder.

If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal.

I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik's artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that's all fake heart and no brain is what's commonly called a "politician," and must be destroyed.

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It's kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn't listening.

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

My love's got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me.

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.

Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she'd never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.

I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it.

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.

Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.

We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.

Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.

Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible.

Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle - and mine just got stolen.