T.J. Klune Quotes

There's nothing like being admonished by a nine-year-old ecoterrorist in training.

You know you live in America when people can hate who you love, but then can turn around and hug a damn racist. Fuck them. You go out and show them just how stupid they are.

Because for all his bravado, for all the sass and the sarcasm, he is still the greatest wizard I have ever known. He's the better part of all of us. And I am humbled to be in his presence.

Yes, well, there's nothing wrong with having a healthy libido," I said, trying to figure out if I should write about the time I sat on Ryan's face or if I should maybe go to church a little bit more. It really could have gone either way.

Wait until you meet the therapist.
That bad?
Let's just say i can't believe he's a real person.
Like Santa Claus?
More like if Santa Claus and Ron Jeremy had a child and then that child had a child with Richard Simmons.
So, like a leprechaun?
Yes, Otter, exactly like a leprechaun.
I'm going to tell him I believe in Santa Claus, just to see what happens.
I dare you.

Billy leaned forward. 'What's he like?' he whispered conspiratorially.
'Who?' Tock asked, looking confused.
'Felix. The Split One. I heard he came in this afternoon shooting fire and wind from his hands and told the Council to shove it.'
'Uh, not quite,' Tick said. 'He kind of waved to everyone and went upstairs.'

You are beautiful, and your magic is a wonderful thing. The world knows it now. You no longer have to hide away.

The big kid hasn't said anything yet. 'I do like hearing myself talk,' I say, 'only because I have a lot of neat things to say, but eventually the conversation will run out in, like, four or five years, and then where will we be?'
Wonder of all wonders, he cracks a little smile. I don't blame him. I am pretty funny.

I look like a gay Mormon missionary," he lamented in the mirror. "Pardon me, have you heard the word of the Lord? It's fabulous!" He

Hi, Sam!"
"Hi, Tiggy."
"You okay?"
"Yes, Tiggy."
"Tiggy smash something for Sam?"
"No, Tiggy."
"Tiggy smash something for Sam."
He smashed one of the wooden sparring dummies.
"Thank you, Tiggy."
"Tiggy smash!" he bellowed and then proceeded to smash three more.

"Hi, Tiggy."
"You okay?"
"Yes, Tiggy."
"Tiggy" title="T.J. Klune Quotes: Hi, Sam!"
"Hi, Tiggy."
"You okay?"
"Yes, Tiggy."
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Also, we would accept donations in our name to Planned Parenthood, because the male Republicans who wish to dismantle it should have their testicles hooked up to a car battery. Maybe then they would understand what it feels like to be a woman in America.

I started with one squirt but didn't think that was enough, so I ended up accidentally spraying on six more. I went back to the beach to wait, smelling like a department-store tragedy.

Yeah, the only thing I'm sure of right now is that I'm about to fucking freak.

Well, now," Mrs. Havisham said, all but purring as she leaned forward, ample cleavage on display. "You've grown up, haven't you? Tell me, Gustavo. What are your thoughts on having an experienced lover?"
"Not many," Gus said. "In fact, none at all. Also? I came out when I was thirteen. You were there. As was the whole town. Pastor Tommy announced it at the Fall Harvest Festival. On stage. Into a microphone. There was apple pie afterward."
"Still?" she said with an exaggerated pout.
"Yes," Gus said, deadpan as he could make it. "Still. Funny how that works."
"Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me," she said, dragging a pink fingernail down his arm. "My door is always open. Like my body."
"That's not even remotely healthy," Gus said with a sniff.
"Maybe that's why I need your protein," she said with a wink.
"Nope," Gus said. "Nope, nope, nope."
"You sure about that?"
"Maybe you should close that door. And your legs.

'There's a seagull eating our food,' he told me, and it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard.

Gary looked back at Lartin and sized him up. Then he did that thing that I swear only unicorns can do. His blue eyes got impossibly big. His eyelashes lengthened as he fluttered them at Lartin. His mane was luminous in the darkened cave, and he purred, Well aren't you precious.

I was a speck of sand on an infinite beach, waiting for the tide to come in and wash me away. And here he was, the ocean, the waves, and I drowned in him.

Robert Redford is like cheese: he ages well and I want to put him in my mouth.

You just have to believe," I said as I flexed.
"I believe you should work out more if you're going to keep doing that," Gary said. "Because it's making me feel sad for you.

He hesitates, then says, "You don't think Otter ... gets offended by what I say?" He begins to speak faster. "I mean, I don't care who Otter sleeps with. I don't care that he's a fa- gay. I don't care that he's gay. Why would I ?" He grins thinly. "He's my brother. You don't turn away from someone like him just because he likes sick instead if the good stuff.

I don't think this is working out between us," I told him. "You and I want different things. It's not me, it's you.

I googled "what to do when your future werewolf mate/boyfriend/best friend courts you and brings you a dead rabbit." First, there was a lot of porn. Then I found a recipe for Maltese rabbit stew. It was delicious. The stew, not the porn. The porn was weird. GORDO

Don't tell me you don't know!" I roared at him. "Tell me one fucking thing you do know!" "That I love you." His breath hitched in his chest. And I just. I couldn't breathe. Everything

Remember when it was this great big secret? Now everyone knows, and everyone wants to shoot something. Fucking humans, man. Now, where are my guns? I want to shoot something.

I struggled not to laugh at the brand-new bottle of lube in his left hand and the unopened box of condoms in his right. He watched me, his expression dark.
"Just buy those?" I asked lightly.
He nodded once.
"Had it all worked out in your mind, did you?"
He nodded again.
"Have you ever fucked a man, Seven?"
He shook his head, his right hand squishing the box of condoms as he tightened his grip.
"And ... this is what you want?" I looked at his face then, watching for any signs of doubt. There were none as he nodded again.
I opened my arms. "Come here," I said softly.

I'm about to hug the crap out of you," I warned him. "Like, full-on feelings hug where it goes on for a bit too long and becomes slightly awkward and we both clear our throats and shuffle our feet when it's over.

But Bear said I shouldn't talk to strangers because they would be scared of me. I always thought I was supposed to be afraid of them, but Bear said I would just end up talking them to death and that any nefarious purpose they might have had would become moot.
When Bear McKenna accuses you of talking too much, you know you have a problem

No cussing!" I admonished him. "You're a godsdamned knight, for fuck's sake. Act like one!

How do you say what's in your heart if your heart is something you haven't known for years? How do you give yourself completely when all you've done is bury yourself in grief? How do you come back from the dar when it's all you can remember?

It's better, Benji, to have something burn brightly for a short time than to never have it at all.

How he closed down like before. How he gave himself over to the wolf. How he didn't speak for months and months. And yet, the moment he comes home, the moment he sees you again, he finds his voice like he'd never lost it at all.

Eric pressed himself against me, a long hot line of sweat and flesh. There was a roll of his hips against mine and I said, "Wow." He laughed. The

But if you worry too much about all the things you could be, you'll miss out on all the things you actually are.

I wish I could find that one person made for me so that way I can show them why I was made for them.

I may have lost my mind," he told her. "Isn't it wonderful?

You're my brother, you big queen. I will love you no matter what you do, who you do, or where you do it. Do we have a clear understanding?

Honey bear," the unicorn said. "You are the gayest thing I've seen since I last saw my own reflection.

If Sam were a tree, you know what kind of tree he'd be?"
"What kind?"
"A pine. Because of all the pining.

I am eighty-three years old, but I only remember the last seventy-one years. You see, when I was twelve, I met a blue-eyed boy and fell in love. I can only remember the last seventy-one years because anythin' before that day don't matter. Nothin' that came before could compare to anythin' that came after. I wasn't truly alive until he looked at me for the first time. And from then on, even if I didn't know how it was possible, I knew he was mine. And he has been. Every day he has been.

For the most part, he'd accepted that some people were born to be Extraordinaries, and some people were born to be medicated so they didn't spin out of control. Fair? Not really, but Nick was learning that his brain could do things that others couldn't. In a way, he had his own superpower, even if it was called a disorder.

That's not the question you should be asking, though, if this is a dream. The question you should be asking is what you're going to do now? Because you're awake?

Please let it be known that from this day forward my working title for the business is now 'Queen of the Fuck Palace!

I was only sixteen when I'd found out the truth, still young and naïve enough to believe in impossible things.
She wasn't sixteen. She was in her twenties. Which meant she was cynical.

I should have known it was going to go downhill from there.
"Now, I understand you're looking to be dominated," Sir said.
Justin squeaked.
"Uhh," I said. "I don't think that's quite what I - "
"Did I say you could speak, boy?" Sir asked sharply.
"No, Sir. Sorry, Sir."
He waited a beat, as if making sure I wouldn't step out of line again. I didn't, because I didn't want to get fisted or have something shoved up my pee hole.
"Now. We should probably discuss hard limits," Sir said. "I'm okay with most things, even the… fluids… some others might have problems with. Even the more solid ones."
"So unbelievably gross," I breathed in awe.

There is beauty in the written word,

Ox!" Jessie bellowed.
"This is going to be loud," Chris said.
"Should we leave?" Tanner asked.
"Nah," Rico said. "I want to wwatch what happens.
"As your Alpha, I command you to save me," I told them. They just stared at me. Useless fucking pack.

"This is" title="T.J. Klune Quotes: Ox!" Jessie bellowed.
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You told him, huh? Through your secret wizarding network that you still haven't told me about."
"It's called a letter in the mail," he said.

Had I known then what I know now, I would have clung to him. I would have looked him in the eyes to see that spark of mischief, that undying intelligence that belied his gruff exterior. If I'd known the inevitable, I would have said everything I felt in my heart and soul. I would have told him thank you for being my father. I would have said that if I'm ever going to be a good man, it's going to be because of the way he'd raised me ...
... I would have told him I loved him.
But I didn't. I didn't because I didn't know. I didn't even say goodnight. Or goodbye.

It's funny, really: the older you get, the more you know about the world. The synapses in your brain fire at a higher level and quicker function, your knowledge expands. But you lose part of yourself, that part able to imagine great armies that wait for nothing more than your command; the dragon that hides under your bed that only you can see, its long emerald tail flashing in the darkness; the ghost that lives in your attic that only moans at 3:23 in the morning. When you lose that innocence, the world's hues become dark and muted, and you know that dragons aren't real. There is no army. There is no ghost in the attic. But when you're nine? When you're nine, it's all probable, it's all realistic, and even more so, it's all true.

You can't say your wish out loud. Not when you look up at the stars. If you do, it won't come true. And I can't ... I can't allow that to happen to you. He watched me. I watched him back.

Oh my god, Ox, your life is like those shitty sparkly vampire movies. That I've never seen and don't like at all, shut up." "Oh

But even if you have bad dreams, you must remember that they're only that. Dreams. You will always wake from them. And they will fade, eventually. I've found that waking from a bad dream brings a sense of relief unlike anything else in the world. It means what you were seeing wasn't real.

He squints at the screen. "So, would you call yourself a… hmmm, that doesn't sound appropriate… a 'nasty come hungry bottom dumpster bitch'?"

I wish life was more like cartoons and a piano would fall on him and his teeth would become the piano keys as stars circled his head.

Sometimes it's the promises we don't say that are the ones that are the loudest.

So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example:
I love you
You love me
Thank God for that
I'm so happy
And Ty's personal favorite (which he helped me on):
Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don't lead cows to slaughter
I love you and I know
I should've told you soon-a
But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna!
TY asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear.

'But it's weird, right? It's like we're a gay bug zapper and all the gays keep flocking to us because they think we're bright and shiny, but all I want to do is electrocute most of them because they annoy the crap out of me with their high-pitched whining.'

Bear. It's always been you. It will always be you. I love you, and that's why it will always be enough.

Are you trying to protect me?" I asked, starting to get slightly pissed. "Dude. Knock it off. You're not my knight in shining armor. You're a dick in dented tin.

Our eyes met like a car crash, colliding and breaking away

Change often starts with the smallest of whispers. Like-minded people building it up to a roar.

Maybe you can bring that up at the next fan club meeting too."
"Hey! I don't even know what you're talking about, okay? I hear things when I'm on my travels. I don't even care about stuff like that." I cared so hard. I had actually gone three times to the fan club meeting. They knew me as Mervin. I had a backstory and everything. It was my turn to bring muffins next time. I was considering poppy seed. Or cranberry. Fun.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a unicorn ;)

Normal Seven went to Heaven where he immediately
tripped and fell! God said, 'Gee you're too Normal for me' and sent him straight to
hell!

Gus screamed, the notecards falling out of his hand as he jumped. "Whoa," Bernice said. "That certainly was high-pitched for a man." "Gus is special that way," Betty said as she scooped up the cards off the counter.

I asked him once why he wanted to see the sun rise every morning, what it was that caused him to be out here at the crack of dawn every day.
He watched me for a moment before looking back at the horizon. "Its beauty," he said. "It reminds me every day that there is beauty in the world. That even though it may feel like we are alone sometimes, we are never truly alone.

Felix," he whispered. "Oh, little man. Oh, Felix. That fire ... the fire is
beautiful.

Don't even try to figure out where that came from. I assure you the logic chain in Bear's head makes sense if you actually know him (and by 'makes sense' I mean in a Bear way), but for a newbie like you, it'll probably just break your mind

Yeah, 'cause you were so quick to speak up earlier? it mocks. What's that one guy's name again? The one who is your heart and soul? Octavius? Othello? Bah. I can't be bothered to remember, either. How interesting, your hypocrisy.

He shrugged. "Yeah, but I like riding my bike. It helps with the ozone ... and stuff." "You're trying to avoid leaving a carbon footprint? And here I thoughtbicycles were just for tree-hugging hippie heterosexuals." He eyed me seriously. "We all have to do our part to help avoid nocturnal emissions. The planet needs us." I stared at him. "The planet needs us to avoid nocturnal emissions?" He nodded. "Nocturnal emissions are the number one cause for the hole in the ozone.

Gary's eyes narrowed. "I'm pretty sure I don't like you."
"My world is crumbling," Ryan said. I might have laughed. Because sass.

He said, " I'm a witch."
And I said, "You're a wizard, Harry,

He's my brother. You don't turn away from someone like him just because he likes dick instead of the good stuff." I chuckle. "You certainly haven't lost your way with words.

If someone can care about me that deeply, despite all my faults, despite all my refutations, despite all my everythings, then that makes all the storms and all the oceans worth it.

Sam's just dealing with some issues. He recently came to the realization that he's a twenty-year-old virgin prude.

Never, ever let anyone tell you that who you are is wrong.
It's okay to be gay. Or straight. Or bisexual.
It's also okay to be asexual, demisexual, pansexual, or aromantic.
You do you, and if anyone gives you grief for that, remember one thing:
You are exactly the way you're supposed to be.

Creed, Im in love with your brother, and I think I fucked everything up.

It's not destiny, Ox. You're not bound by this. Not yet. There's a choice. There is always a choice. My wolf chose you. I chose you. And if you don't choose me, then that's your choice and I will walk out of here knowing you got to choose your own path. But I swear to god, if you choose me, I will make sure that you know the weight of your worth every day for the rest of our lives because that's what this is. I am going to be a fucking Alpha one day, and there is no one I'd rather have by my side than you. It's you, Ox. For me, it's always been you." So I said, "Okay, Joe." I looked up at him. His wolf was close to the surface. And he said, "Okay?" I said, "Okay. Okay. I don't know if I see the things you do." "I know." "And I don't know if I'll be good enough." "I know you will," he said, eyes flashing orange. "But I promised you. I said it will always be you and me." His face stuttered a bit, and he said, "You did. You promised me. You promised." I

Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up. - Tom Stoppard

I wouldn't make out with Darren," Vince said. "I'm in a one hundred percent committed relationship with Paul."
"Aw," Paul said. "That's so - wait a minute. That's the only reason?"
"Well, yeah, I guess," Vince said. "I mean, he's attractive, right?"
"You'll get there in a second," Paul said.
"Get where? It's not as if I'm going to do - oh. Wait. He's my brother."
"There it is," Corey said.

No cursing," I scolded him. "You're a knight. You don't get to do that. You gave up that right when you swore your oath to the King. You have to lead by example now. So say stuff like 'fudge toast' and 'mothercrackers' instead of 'shit whore' and 'fuck storm.

Otter. Otter. Otter," I mutter. "Yes, Bear?" he says beautifully. "Don't lead cows to slaughter," I say. He arches an eyebrow. "Come again?" I take a deep breath. "I ... love you and I know I should've told ya soon-a." His eyes widen slightly. "Wait, what? You ... me?" I shake my head. "But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna." "Bear, what the hell? Did you just ... rhyme?

You're a talking unicorn," I said. "Sometimes when you poop, it comes out as rainbows and smells like cookies. There is nothing subtle about you.

You're wearing a bow tie," I said necessarily.
He glanced over at me. "Mom said I had to dress up for this."
I heard a low snort of laughter coming through the open window above the sink.
And I knew.
I stalked over to the window and looked outside.
There, sitting spread out on the grass, were the rest of the Bennetts.
Goddamn fucking werewolves.
"Hello, Ox," Elizabeth said without a jint of shame. "Lovely day, isn't it?"
"I will deal with you late," I said.
Ooh," Carter said. "I actually got chills from that."
"We're just here for support," Kelly said. "And to laugh at how embarrassing Joe is."
"I heard that!" Joe shouted from behind me.
I banged my head on the windowsill.
"Maggie," Joe said. Then, "May I call you Maggie?"
"Sure." My mother sound like she was enjoying this. The traitor. "You can call me Maggie."
"Good," Joe glanced down at his card berfore looking back up at my mother. " There comes a time in every werewolf's life when he is of age to make certain decisions about his future."
I wondered if I threw something at him if it'd distract him enough for me to drag him out of the kitchen. I glanced over my shoulder out the window. Cater waved at me. Like an asshole.
"My future," Joe said, "is Ox."
Ah god, that made me ache. "Is that so?" Mom asked. "How do you figure?" "He's really nice," Joe said seriously. "And smells good. And he makes me happy. And I want to do nothing more t

It'll be the Date to End All Dates," I told Gary as he nosed his way through my closet. "And yes, before you ask, it is capitalized just like it sounds. Great plans should always be capitalized.

low-slung shorts/you and joe IT WAS not a gradual thing. Wait. That was a lie. I didn't know it was a gradual thing. But it must have been. It had to have been. Because it's the only thing that explained the cosmic explosion that was the feeling of want and need and mine mine mine. The force of it was ridiculous. It had to have been there. For a long time. JOE

You were the only thing that made me feel safe when the earthquakes threatened to break me. I needed you here because when you're not here, I don't have a home.

How is that weird?" Dark the First asked incredulously. "Literally everyone does it. Literally."
"I really wish you'd stop saying literally," Dark the Second said. "I literally don't think you understand what that word means.

Never again, you hear me? Never again. Something happens, you tell me. I need you to tell me. I need you.

THREE YEARS. One month. Twenty-six days.

Horse?" Gary snarled. The pretty unicorn act dropped immediately. Red sparks shot from his nose. "Did you just call me a horse? Listen here, you two-legged bag of shit. I'm not a motherfucking horse. I am a unicorn, and I am magic and a beautiful creature made of fucking sunshine and rainbows and good feelings.

Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.
This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. H said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S & M and bondage to my little brother, who was persistent on the topic, and who kept staring at me with mounting horror when I finally /did/ explain, and I realized I had maybe gone too far, and we had to spend the next five minutes swearing to God that I had never nor would I ever attempt to do anything like that. He might now be the only nine-year-old who has heard the terms "cock ring" and "fisting". My parenting skills are unparalleled.

Charlie snorted. "Ms. Muffman, may I introduce to you Lulu Deerdancer and Buster Cleveland. According to their IDs, both are in their twenties. Lulu here likes to fellate a sucker on his finger while laughing like a hyena. Buster is a self-proclaimed leather cub who sneezed his mustache on my face."
Ms. Muffman threw her head back and laughed, a low throaty thing that made me want to know all her secrets immediately. "Oh, this is delightful. I am delighted by the two of you. But this is no place for little boys. Shoo, little boys. Come back when you have hair on your balls."
"Uh," Paul said. "I have several, so….

You needed people who were going to be able to be strong for you. I thought I could do that. But then that night happened, and I realized just how really weak I was. You were drunk and hurting and needing a friend, and then we kissed, and I realized I couldn't be the stronger one. I thought that I was somehow pushing myself onto you, and that it was ... I don't know, Bear. I thought putting distance between us was the best thing to do at the time.

Oh dear gods. I think my underwear just fell off." "Nicole," Tina hissed. "Keep your comments to yourself! Be a respectable fucking lady, for fuck's sake!

I wasn't posing," Joe said. "Totally posing," Elizabeth said. "Ox - " "Totally posing," I managed to say. "Fine," he said. "I can tell when I'm not wanted." No, I almost said. You're always wanted. I always want you. I never want to leave you. I never want to say good-bye. I'm sorry, Joe. I'm so sorry. I said, "For just a little while." "Yeah?" Joe said. "And then you'll want me? I feel so used." I nodded. "Hey," he said, and he was right by my side, pressed up against me, nose pressed against my neck. "I was just joking. You know I don't mean it like that." "Yeah," I said. He kissed my jaw. "I'll leave you to it, then. And later, I'll let you show me how much you want me." He smacked my ass and cackled as he left the room. WE

Otter says nothing and as I turn to look at him, he's watching me, that gold-green shining with that regard that always leaves me breathless. I don't know what he's thinking right now. I don't think I want to know.
Are you sure? the voice in my head asks. Are you absolutely sure you don't want to know?]

Dragons," I said. "They're hoarders. They keep the things they think are pretty. Gold and jewels. In this case, Justin. To each his own, I guess.

Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him
we could go pick out a dog at the pound now that we had a yard for it.
Instead, I took him to the dentist. Winner: Bear "Rock Star" McKenna.

The first time I met him, I accidentally turned his nose into a penis. I was young and thought about dick a lot."
Ryan almost fell down. For no apparent reason. He wasn't even walking.
I arched an eyebrow at him. "You okay?"
"I just…," Ryan started. "I don't….Sam."
"That pretty much sums up how we all feel about Sam," Gary said. "Fond with strong overtures of horror.

He was hard lines, chiseled flesh, bronzed skin. I was a marshmallow melting in a cup of cocoa.