Witty Comeback Quotes

There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden's brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload. ~ Courtney Kirchoff

You flunked out of Being a Human 101 but aced Assholery III? The sarcastic sneer on her lovely lips was sexy as fuck and I couldn't help laughing at the witty comeback. ~ Raine Miller

To answer your question, yes, you may kiss my ass. Normally I prefer to maintain my personal space, but you're a Friend of the Pack and your services have proven useful once or twice. I strive to accommodate the wishes of persons friendly to my people. My only question is, would your kissing my ass be obeisance, grooming, or foreplay?"

"You didn't answer my question," Curran said. "What will it be?"
"No," I said.
Curran grinned and my heart made a little jump. I didn't expect that.
"That's it? That's your witty comeback? ~ Ilona Andrews

Sex makes things messy."
"Messy is good."
"And according to you, so is greed and we won't even get a chance to be greedy if we're too preoccupied with sex."
"Believe me, you'll be greedy," he says lazily. "You'll have the greediest cunt around once I've gotten through to you."
My cheeks flame. Damn.
"You're speechless," he says after a beat.
I clear my throat a few times. "I'm trying to think of a witty comeback."
"Don't think so much then. ~ Karina Halle

Curran grinned and my heart made a little jump. I didn't expect that.
"That's it? That's your witty comeback?"
"Yep." Eloquence 'R' Us. When in trouble, keep it monosyllabic - safer that way. ~ Ilona Andrews

I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, "Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear." I decide to go ahead and like Boggs. ~ Suzanne Collins

Ranta: Let's just pray that she actually is a tsundere... Though, if she were a tsundere, obviously, the one she'd go dere for is me, you know? That's kind of... not so bad, I guess?

Moguzo: O-Obviously, she wouldn't go dere for Ranta, I think...

Ranta: Oh, shut up, Moguzo! ~ Ao Jyumonji

Tired people aren't witty ~ Teri Hatcher

Two mornings later, entering her daughter's room, Kate was struck by the flatness of the bed, and then by the sight of a folded paper laid dead centre of the untenanted pillow. Unfolded, it proved to be a witty and delightfully-written apology from her daughter for upsetting the household, coupled with the information that, having some business of vital importance to transact north of the Border in the immediate future, she had taken the liberty of leaving for a few days without permission, as she just knew that Kate would make a fuss and stop her. She would be back directly with some heather, and Kate was not to worry and not to speak to any strange men. She had, Philippa concluded, taken Cheese-wame Henderson with her: thus becoming the only known fugitive to persuade her bodyguard to run away, too. It was a typical Somerville letter, and in other circumstances Kate no doubt would have been charmed by the spelling alone. As it was, she roused the neighbourhood for ten miles around, and there was no able-bodied Englishman within reach of Flaw Valleys who slept in his own bed that night or the next. ~ Dorothy Dunnett

The army slew a thousand and showed little pity
The king ordered fealty from the conquered city
The prince charmed its people with words wise and witty
And the queen sat on a couch, looking very pretty ~ Shannon Hale

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. ~ Groucho Marx

The cocktail filled him with a whirling exhilaration behind which he was aware of devastating desires - to rush places in fast motors, to kiss girls, to sing, to be witty ... He perceived that he had gifts of profligacy which had been neglected.
- chapter 8 ~ Sinclair Lewis

Well, any good comeback needs some true believers. ~ John Boehner

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling ~ Robert Breault

Never have more children than you have car windows. ~ Erma Bombeck

The bad part about being recognized is that when I walk into a restaurant and sit down, I've got to eat everything on the plate, whether it's good or bad. People would take it as an insult if I did otherwise. ~ Paul Prudhomme

Whatever money you might have, self-worth really lies in finding out what you do best. ~ J.K. Rowling

A smile is merely a symptom of the human condition called happiness. Animals are affected by that condition more often though the symptoms are not so obvious. ~ R.N. Prasher

Make sure it is God's trumpet you are blowing-
if it is only yours it won't wake the dead,
it will simply disturb the neighbours. ~ W. Ian Thomas

Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! ~ Amanda Hudson

Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. ~ H.L. Mencken

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name. ~ Milton Berle

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ~ George Burns

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. ~ Woody Allen

Your
ah
intervention, shall we say, has simplified things in the palace enormously. We no longer have to worry about Salmissra's whims and peculiar appetites. We rule by committee, and we hardly ever find it necessary to poison each other anymore. No one's tried to poison me for months. ~ David Eddings

Forgive me. It was stupid of me to think you might need company, when clearly all you required was that decanter."
"It was not stupid. It was very kind. Quite soft, actually. A very warm, womanly gesture. I am touched." He smiled softly. "However, if you truly want to help, if you really want to distract me, there are better ways. When I saw that dress, I dared hope you had realized that. ~ Madeline Hunter

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. ~ Stephen Fry

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. ~ Groucho Marx

Whatever you need to come back from, I want you to hear this: if Jesus is alive from the dead - and he is - and if Jesus has conquered death and hell - and he has - then it's possible for every person to have a comeback story. ~ Louie Giglio

The art of being agreeable frequently miscarries through the ambition which accompanies it. Wit, learning, wisdom,
what can more effectually conduce to the profit and delight of society? Yet I am sensible that a man may be too invariably wise, learned, or witty to be agreeable; and I take the reason of this to be, that pleasure cannot be bestowed by the simple and unmixed exertion of any one faculty or accomplishment. ~ Richard Cumberland

You are not a victim. You're a victor. You wouldn't have opposition if there were not something amazing in your future. Keep a smile on your face. Keep a spring in your step. Stay positive. Stay hopeful. God is still on the throne.
Being sour, negative, and pessimistic, and expecting the worst, will keep you from your destiny. You may have had a lot of negative, unfair things happen in your past, but don't let that become a stronghold, or a mind-set where you think that's all there's ever going to be. Don't live with that negative mentality.
If God showed you all He has planned for you, it would boggle your mind. If you could see the doors He's going to open, the opportunities that will cross your path, and the people who will show up, you'd be so amazed, excited, and passionate, it would be easy to set your mind for victory.
This is what faith is all about. You got to believe it before you see it. God's favor is surrounding you like a shield. Every setback is a setup for a comeback. Every bad break, every disappointment, and every person who does you wrong is part of the plan to get you to where you're supposed to be.
Don't fall into the trap of being negative, complacent, or just taking whatever life brings your way. Set the tone for victory, for success, for new levels. Enlarge your vision. Make room for God to do something new. You haven't touched the surface of what He has in store. ~ Joel Osteen

We cannot see how the evidence afforded by the unquestioned progressive development of organised existence - crowned as it has been by the recent creation of the earth's greatest wonder, MAN, can be set aside, or its seemingly necessary result withheld for a moment. When Mr. Lyell finds, as a witty friend lately reported that there had been found, a silver-spoon in grauwacke, or a locomotive engine in mica-schist, then, but not sooner, shall we enrol ourselves disciples of the Cyclical Theory of Geological formations. ~ George Poulett Scrope

There's a real emphasis on being witty in Scotland, even in crime novels. ~ Denise Mina

I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-out heresy. ~ William Shakespeare

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get. ~ W.C. Fields

I don't use big words to show off because it's ostentatious. ~ Don Roff

In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Google and ye shall find. ~ Neo Shamon

I'm in the back of a limousine with Charlie Chaplin and it's 1928. Charlie is beautiful; his body language seems to skip, and reel and rhyme, heartbreaking and witty at the same time. It seems to promise a better world. ~ Geoff Ryman

Adam blinked and turned to Sean. "Bikini or what?"
Sean still stared at my boobs. Slowly he brought his strange pale eyes up to meet my eyes. "This does a lot for you," he said, gesturing to the bikini with the hand flourish of Clinton from What Not to Wear. Surely this was my imagination. He didn't really know I'd been studying how to be a girl for the past year!
"Sean," I said without missing a beat, "I do a lot for the bikini."
Cameron snorted and shoved Sean. Adam shoved him in the other direction. Sean smiled and seemed perplexed, like he was trying to think of a comeback but couldn't, for once. ~ Jennifer Echols

Comeback stories are popular because there is truth in them. It is a morality tale. The good guy has to win. The underdog has to defeat the big bad wolf. David beat Goliath did he not? The bad guy has to lose. That is how it works. ~ Kambiz Mostofizadeh

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. ~ Steve Martin

Are you an idiot, or an idiot?' Gargarin hissed.
'The first one. I really resent being called the second. ~ Melina Marchetta

It's never just a game when you're winning. ~ George Carlin

I could see why she felt attracted to Sam K. Barrows. Birds of a feather, or rather lizards of a scale. ~ Philip K. Dick

Ancient aphorisms outlived centuries. Modern aphorisms can barеly survive from book to book. ~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Chief Moroka was not as great an orator as most of the Native chiefs but he excelled in philosophy. In that respect his witty expressions and dry humour were equal to those of Moshueshue, the Basuto King. He spoke in a staccato voice, with short sentences and a stop after each, as though composing the next sentence. His speeches abounded in allegories and proverbial sayings, some traditional and others spontaneous. His own maxims had about them the spice of originality which always provided his auditors with much food for thought. [104] ~ Sol T. Plaatje

Your life is like a book.
You are the hero, death is the villain, and God is the divine author. Like any good story there are conflicts, climaxes, plot twists, and even a few cliffhangers, but He isn't done yet! A hero always has a period of doubt and defeat, a hard time where they almost give in to the evil. But in the end, the hero always makes a comeback and defeats the villain. This is God's awesome plan for your story and he has already finished the ending! Anyone who believes in him will overcome death! Yeah, you've had your share of ups and downs, but He has great things in store for you. Right now, you might only see the chapter you are on and is might not be very pretty, but don't worry! God can see the big picture and what an amazing masterpiece you will become. Don't take matters into your own hands, let God handle it. Trust me, whatever He's got planned is far better than anything you can imagine! ~ Fennec Fox

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. ~ Tracey Ullman

It's been phenomenal, but everybody keeps congratulating me on my resurgence and my big comeback. I haven't been away, guys. I've been working steadily for the last 63 years. ~ Betty White

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ~ Woody Allen