J.R. Rain Quotes

If I hear any more loud voices, you will both be auctioned off on eBay. I could use the extra money.

Once I study up on them and the case, I always feel closer to the victims. That closeness drives me to find them or their killers. As if the dead speak to me from within the pages of the case files.

All of it gleamed in haphazard array, and most was covered by cobwebs from centuries past, along with layers of dust and grime.

I surveyed the others, who had all stopped in their tracks. So what was the plan, boys? You were all going to get a fuck in? The very definition of sloppy seconds - hell, sloppy thirds and fourths and fifths. Than what? Slit my throat? Leave me for dead? Let some school janitor find me stuffed in a dumpster? You would deny my children their mother for one night of cheap thrills?

A marriage shouldn't have to be so much work. Love shouldn't crush your soul. A relationship should add to your life, not take away from it.

So are we stalking your ex-husband?"
"I'm a licensed private investigator," I said. "I'm licensed to stalk."
"Really?"
"In most cases."
"What about this case?"
"In this case," I said. "We're stalking the hell out of him.

I smiled engagingly and showed her my investigator license. A hell of a picture. "Doesn't look like you." "It's me, I swear." I struck a similar pose, turning my head a little to the side, and blasted her with the same full wattage smile. "See?" She shrugged. "The guy in the picture is cuter." I wasn't sure if I should be offended. After all, it was me in the picture, and she was calling that guy cute. "So

I guess us folks in California are kind of straitlaced and old-fashioned.
Hahaha, I thought on the way downstairs. I never thought I'd say those words with a straight face ...

We discussed my retainer, and learned that the women had all pooled their money together to hire me. So I told her that I was having a special. The first two weeks were free. She seemed relieved and put her checkbook back. Now, I thought as she shuffled off, I just need to find the perv in two weeks.

Am I right in thinkin' you've maybe been" - he dropped his voice - "the victim of an infamous outrage by the darkies?

My philosophy is this: Life is too short to work another minute at a job you don't love.

His domed head was perfectly buffed and polished, cleanly reflecting the halogen lighting above.

Kingsley got up, and as he did so, he flashed me the goods. Whether he meant to or not, I don't know ... but holy sweet Jesus. Did I really just see that? My God, how did he walk around with that thing? Kingsley, defense attorney, werewolf - and now, apparently, pervert - sat next to me and gave no indication that he had just given me the mother of all peep shows. "I'm going to let you in on a little secret," he said, and knocked back the rest of his wine like it was booze-flavored Kool-Aide. "It's not a secret," I said. "And it ain't little." "Excuse me?" "Never mind." But I caught the smallest of shit-eating grins on his face. "Go on," I said, shaking my head. "And this time try to keep the robe closed.

I opened the bag of Oreos and commenced my training, bulking up with one Oreo after another. I washed them down with swigs from the bottle of scotch, as a real man should. When I was tired of the Oreos, after about the thirtieth, I took out a cigarette and tried like hell to give myself lung cancer.

We knoooooow," said Anthony, laying his head on the table. "You told us like a Brazilian times." "Bazillion," Tammy corrected. "Brazil is a state." "Country," I said. "Whatever,

He was about an inch shorter than me, about half the width of me, and certainly not as good looking. Not everyone can be me. Who

What the fuck is a scone?
It's Irish, I think, for stale bread.

Detective Sherbet loved his boy. Of that there was no doubt. That he had been worried sick that his young son was showing early signs of homosexuality was almost comical. With that said, I had been touched by Sherbet's ability to come to terms with the concept. If anything, he loved his boy even more.

reached down through the closed wooden lid and struck a key. A minor key, I think.

Oh, and it also features God. Yes, God. The Creator. The Lord Of All That Which Is And Is Not. The God of the Earth below and the sky above. The God of the Moon and the stars and Cher. No, I'm not high. At least, not at the moment. Oh, and he doesn't like me calling him God. He prefers Jack. Yes, Jack. Again, I'm not high. Let

And I can't wait to see what your mother thinks about all of this, too." I paused, shaking my head. "No one stops to consider their mothers. It's a pity." "You

You'll be in good hands with the colonel, you'll see.
The colonel? Okay, I was obviously stuck in a Gone With the Wind theme park. Or maybe a Kentucky Fried Chicken farm.
Or I was simply hallucinating ...

It is on those mist-filled nights, when the wind is strong and curious, when the air is alive with something unseen but felt, that you finally believe ... oh, yes, you finally believe what your heart has always known: magic is real and it is everywhere. - Diary of a Pagan

Reminder: Dump Brains and Bowels in Hazmat Bin!

I put the carpetbag on a ledge, and then, hanging upside down by my razor-clawed feet, slept until sunset. A first for me, and actually quite comfortable.
Lord help me.

Again, I didn't blame her. I was a big man. A big handsome, athletic and sensitive man. Have

We all know more than we give ourselves credit for. The problem is, there's too much surface shit that gets in the way, too many clouds obscuring our thoughts, filling us with worry and doubt and fear. It stops us from tapping deeper within ourselves.

I believe spirituality is a very personal and individual experience that varies from one person to the next.

The dude who didn't seem to care that he smelled like wide-open ass.

Is that all?" asked the butler. His slightly melodic accent was nearly impossible to place. It could have been British, but it wasn't any British accent I had ever heard. The words Old English came to mind, too. As in old, old English. This, I'm certain, was a psychic hit, but I could have been wrong. Just how old Franklin was remained to be seen. "Thank you, Franklin. That will be all," said Kingsley, waving him off. The butler nodded. "If you and the lady need anything else, please do not hesitate to rouse me from a deep and satisfying sleep." "We won't, Franklin. Now, off you go!

now. They were spirits in their purest forms. Some called them orbs, and sometimes they showed up on photographs. Many non-believers assumed such orbs were dust on the lens. But the camera could never fully capture what I could see. To my eyes, the balls of light were alive with energy, endlessly forming and reforming, gathering smaller particles of energy around them like mini-black holes in outer space.

I was dressed in khaki shorts, a surfing T-shirt and white Vans. Coupled with my amazing tan and disarming smile, I was surprised I wasn't more often confused with Jimmy Buffet. If Jimmy Buffet stood six foot four and weighed two hundred and twenty. "You

Tell me, Mrs. Moon, will your need for sustenance trouble you on this excursion? How often do you need to feed? I couldn't tell whether his interest was scientific, or whether he was afraid I might plunge my teeth into his throat at any moment.

Perhaps he'd been in heaven. Perhaps he'd been playing on streets paved with gold. Or, more likely, playing Xbox with Jesus. Only

For a friendship to work, both people have to want the same thing. Both people have to want to be friends.

My first thought was that a tornado had somehow picked me up and carried me off, like in the Wizard of Oz. No old witches pedaled by, and I didn't see any flying farm animals or chicken coops, and after a few agonizing minutes, I fell deep into unconsciousness again.