Pregnancy Hormones Humor Quotes

As if he could read her mind, Chad chose that very moment to look up from his What to Expect book.
"Says here some women get really horny when they're pregnant," he said, waggling his eyebrows with a shit-eating grin.
"It does not!" Jennie said, feeling two hot spots form on her cheeks.
How does he know?
"Does too. They don't phrase it that way, but that's essentially it. Anything you need help with, Jennie? Any cravings I can take care of for you?" Chad laughed as he leaned in suggestively.
"Gah! ~ Lori Ryan

My teenage hormones have rendered me too emotionally fragile to be in a learning environment right now. ~ Krystal Sutherland

When I wasn't in the barn garden, helping out, sorting seeds or checking hoses I'd spend time alone, usually in the bathroom adjacent to Joel's room, staring into the shattered mirror as my hand gently caressed my baby bump.
More often than not I would cry. Not because my pregnancy upset me, or that my hormones were getting the better of me, but because I missed Joel, my baby's father. That the baby would grow up without a dad made me anxious. Then again, if he had survived, what irreparable damage would he have suffered and how would his pain translate to his child? Jesus, I was studying myself in the very mirror he'd smashed the night he chose to take his own life.

The bump had grown slowly in the last couple of months. With these limited resources, I didn't have the privilege of eating whatever I craved. Had that been the case, I was sure I would have been bigger by now. Still, I tried to eat as well and as often as I could and the size of my belly had proven that my attempts at proper nutrition were at least growing something in there.

Nothing made me happier than feeling my baby move. It was a constant source of relief for me. In our present circumstances, with no vitamins and barely any meat products save the recent stash of jerky Earl had found in an abandoned trailer, my diet consisted of berries, lettuce, and canned beans for the most part. Feeling the baby move inside me was an experience I often enjoyed alone. I would think of Joel then a ~ Michael Poeltl

With pregnancy and nursing, the hormones mean your skin tends to be more sensitive to the light, so it's very important to use sun block every day. ~ Shakira

When you are pregnant you can get away with a lot of shit. Women really are at their most dangerous during this time. Your hormones are telling you that you are strong and sexy, everyone is scared of you, and you have a built-in sidekick who might come out at any minute. There should be some kind of pregnancy superhero movie. Calling Hollywood now. What's that, Hollywood? It's a weird idea and also you don't do movies with female superheroes? Copy that. ~ Amy Poehler

How does he do this to me? He's just touching a small area of my body and the hormones are flying. ~ E.L. James

So you love me," said Petra softly when the kiss ended.
I'm a raging mass of hormones thet I'm too young to understand," said Bean. "You're a female of a closely related species. According to all the best primatologists, I really have no choice."
That's nice," she said ... ~ Orson Scott Card

Lark soaked in the claw foot tub with the dogs sleeping nearby. I knew she was tired and pretending otherwise. Eventually, the day would come when she would look at me and admit the pregnancy hormones were a pain in the ass. When she did so, I would baby the hell out of her and make her feel like a princess. Until then, she wanted to put on a brave face without admitting she took mini-naps through out the day. ~ Bijou Hunter

How can you be scared of her? She's tiny with a pregnant belly." Nico belly laughed.

Kane lowered his voice. "I'm not scared of her. I'm scared of the hormones."

Nico matched his voice to Kane's in volume. "Why are you talking about them like they're a separate being?"

"They are a separate being," Kane stated. "They're pure fucking evil. Do you understand me? Evil."

Damien snickered. "Hormones don't go away, you know? Women are always hormonal, it just triples during pregnancy."

"Exactly, I just have to survive the next few weeks, then things will go back to the way they normally were."

Ryder guffawed. "You mean when Aideen spat curse words whenever she saw you?"

"Ahhh," Kane sighed. "The good ol' days. ~ L.A. Casey

Why do you think, A.J.," they say in unison, "that you find these boys so attractive?"
I didn't say that this fiery chemical explosion leaps from somewhere inside me. Parents don't want to hear these things. I shrugged and said nothing.
"Maybe you should try sitting on the intensity," Mom suggests, "just until your feelings catch up with reality."
"We could chain you to the water heater," Dad offers, "until these little moments pass."
You see what I'm up against. ~ Joan Bauer

Brain: You don't want this.
Hormones: Dude, this is EXACTLY what I want.
B: No, not like this - she's wasted.
H: What's your point?
B: She won't remember this, and if she does, she'll be angry.
H: Do you see where her hand is? God, that feels good. Can't you feel that?
B: She's drunk. You can't do this. It's wrong
H: I want to do this.
B: Really? You want to go to school and say you scored with Bethany Milbury when she was so drunk she barely knew her name?
H:
H:
H: You're an asshole. I hate you.
B: She needs to eat something and drink some water. Don't let her drink anymore beer.
H:
H: Yeah, I know
B: She'll love you for taking care of her. She'll love that you respected her.
H: Five more minutes? Just five?
B: Now.
H: I can't believe you're making me do this. ~ Laurie Halse Anderson

You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones ... basically every part of you will notice, go into withdrawals, and stage a coup). Be prepared for this mentally, and you'll own this thing. ~ Lisa Jey Davis

Hormones, it seemed, we're making a much-delayed appearance in her life.

Liv was horrified. ~ Danika Stone

Perhaps people felt there was nothing more they could do, you know? After all, how can someone be helped who doesn't see the need? A Christian counselor I saw for a while described such situations as, "a White Elephant everyone can see but no one wants to deal with; everyone hopes the problem will just go away on its own."

Just like with my mom.

Back then it seemed women were almost expected to go a little loopy sometimes. After all we're the ones with raging hormones that get out of whack – by our periods, PMS or pregnancy and childbirth – and cause craziness and bizarre behavior. And because of those uncontrollable hormones, women are also more emotional and predisposed to depression. These are things my mom was actually told by her parents, her family, her husbands and friends... even her doctor. Eventually, she made herself believe that her erratic behavior stemmed from PMS, not mania or alcohol. ~ Chynna T. Laird

Monkeys offer an unadulterated demonstration of the power of hormones, as the females are not concerned about pregnancy or what their friends will think. ~ Mary Roach

Aw," Dana said when they'd put some distance between them and Evan. "He loves you."

"Dana, that's what boys say when they don't really know you but want to have sex with you. He's lucky I didn't go back and punch him in the mouth. ~ Robin Alexander

I used to think Romeo and Juliet was the greatest love story ever written. But now that I'm middle-aged, I know better. Oh, Romeo certainly thinks he loves his Juliet. Driven by hormones, he unquestionably lusts for her. But if he loves her, it's a shallow love. You want proof?" Cagney didn't wait for Dr. Victor to say yay or nay.

"Soon after meeting her for the first time, he realizes he forgot to ask her for her name. Can true love be founded upon such shallow acquaintance? I don't think so. And at the end, when he thinks she's dead, he finds no comfort in living out the remainder of his life within the paradigm of his love, at least keeping alive the memory of what they had briefly shared, even if it was no more than illusion, or more accurately, hormonal.

"Those of us watching events unfold from the darkness know she merely lies in slumber. But does he seek the reason for her life-like appearance? No. Instead he accuses Death of amorousness, convinced that the 'lean abhorred monster' endeavors to keep Juliet in her present state, her cheeks flushed, so that she might cater to his own dissolute desires. But does Romeo hold her in his arms one last time and feel the warmth of her blood still coursing through her veins? Does he pinch her to see if she might awaken? Hold a mirror to her nose to see if her breath fogs it? Once, twice, three times a 'no.'"

Cagney sighed, listened to the leather creak as he shifted his weight in his chair.
< ~ J. Conrad Guest

If hitting an unexpected speed bump with your car equates to the best sex you've had lately, you know your hormones are sending you a signal. ~ Ellen Phillips

In fact this bad baronet died true to the conditions of his kind--mysteriously in his library, at midnight, while a great deal of snow was falling. ~ Michael Innes

If Jeff wished to pursue the matter he'd have to leave his beer, and I felt intuitively that he would never do that. ~ Kevin Hearne

He gave a dark chuckle. "But you're not, so you had absolutely no qualms about kneeing me in the groin, right?"
"I hit your thigh!"
"Oh, please. A man doesn't need that long to recover from a knee to the thigh," he replied, his voice full of skepticism. ~ Kiera Cass

At night," he said, raising a finger, "I hang strands of garlic on her to dry."
"Why not in the cellar?" asked Tudor stupidly.
"The air's stagnant down there. Up here there's some air," Vasily explained. "The body spins around in the breeze, and that's good, because garlic needs ventilation. ~ Vladimir Lorchenkov

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? ~ Steven Wright

My dad has a dry, deadpan sense of humor, and my mom has an unexpected, wacky take on things. They really encouraged laughing at ourselves and the weirdness of situations that come up growing up in politics. ~ Kristin Gore

God is the creator of all good plot twists! ~ Shannon L. Alder

A nose is ordinarily naked. A nose isn't
nipple, although there are similarities. ~ Graham Spaid

An eye for an eye makes you feel happy inside...- unless you're the second eye ;P ~ Jashan Sehmi

Violet, Kevin, the crowd, and my annoying father would all just have to wait while I ate half that torte and drank half that coffee.
Violet, however, was a multitasker. ~ Devon Monk

I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and 3% orange juice, for a chaser. That formula is accurate, give or take 2% for the milk. In my experience, comedy is 2/3rds tragedy, and one third 33.3 percent. And tragedy started at birth, so humor involving babies is probably the funniest. But even though I didn't write anything about babies, you might laugh so hard that you'll regret not wearing a diaper while reading. ~ Jarod Kintz

Smee, you are a supreme idjit."
"Aye, Cap'n. ~ Ridley Pearson

A brick and a blanket are the perfect symbols for the superhero Captain Dense. ~ Nicole McKay

Please, someone tell me I wouldn't be that annoying if I had girlfriends. ~ Kim Harrington

There is something very old and odd and quite unpleasant about this house."
"Yes, its Graham."
Stephan grinned and followed him into the long room. ~ K.J. Charles

Hi, puppy."
she's not a puppy. She's a girl," Nancy's mother says.
Nancy pats me and says, "Good puppy. Nice puppy." When he mother bends down to pull her away, she wraps both arms around my legs and wails. "No! My puppy! ~ Lauren Myracle

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell! ~ Kinky Friedman

Face it girls. I'm older and I have more insurance. ~ Fannie Flagg

What has three heads, six arms, and half a brain?" Three asked. One and Two answered in unison. "Nate Sutter. ~ Brandon Mull

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator ... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke. ~ Alan King

Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today?
Peanut: Yes we had a great day!
Jose: No we did not.
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No we did not have a good day.
Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day!
What?
Jeff: Did you have a good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: A good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa.
Peanut: I took him to the spa!
Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer.
Peanut: It's the same thing!!! ~ Jeff Dunham

Humor is so subjective, not everyone is going to get what you are peddling. Others will be offended when what you meant no offense whatsoever. Those are the stakes. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and what you've written. Comedy pushes limits, makes people uncomfortable, and is a natural reaction to the environment. Otherwise, as I said, it is forced. Let it flow and give your characters permission to cross a line or two, but only if you can take the heat afterward. ~ Darynda Jones

Despite the sisters' pretend rivalry and occasional squabbles, they were each other's staunchest ally and closest friend. Few people in Lillian's life had ever loved her except Daisy, who adored the ugliest stray dogs, the most annoying children, and things that needed to be repaired or thrown out altogether.
And yet for all their closeness, they were quite different. Daisy was an idealist, a dreamer, a mercurial creature who alternated between childlike whimsy and shrewd intelligence. Lillian knew herself to be a sharp-tongued girl with a fortress of defenses between herself and the rest of the world- a girl with well-maintained cynicism and a biting sense of humor. ~ Lisa Kleypas

What?" he asked, finishing the second of his nine-ounce steaks, medium rare. "Why are you looking at me that way?"

[...]

I sighed theatrically, resting my chin on my cupped hands and bracing my elbows on the table. "You are too gorgeous, you know?"

I said it just loud enough that the people who'd been watching us surreptitiously could hear me.

Unholy laughter lit his eyes - telling me he'd been noticing the looks we'd been getting. But his face was completely serious, as he purred, "So. Am I worth what you paid for me, baby?"

I loved it when he played along with me.
I sighed again, a sound that I drew up from my toes, a contented, happy sound. I'd get him back for that "baby." Just see if I didn't.

"Oh, yes," I told our audience. "I'll tell Jesse that she was right. Go for the sexy beast, she told me. If you're going to shell out the money, don't settle."

He threw back his head and laughed until he had to wipe tears of hilarity off his face. "Jeez, Mercy," he said. "The things you say." Then he leaned across the table and kissed me.

A while later he pulled back, grinned at me, and sat back in his chair.

I had to catch my breath before I spoke. "Best five bucks I ever spent," I told him fervently. ~ Patricia Briggs

Lucy stood on her tiptoes and kissed John Hardin on the cheek and pulled him tightly against her. She put his forehead against hers and smiled at him until he blushed. Then, Lucy stepped back, looked at the coffin, and played to the crowd. Who gave my secret away It's just what I always wanted and I can't wait to try it on ~ Pat Conroy

I tend to like dry humor. ~ Dan Scanlon

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?
~ Steve Aylett