Kinky Friedman Famous Quotes
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Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.
I don't apologize to people with an agenda.
There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody's face and a chill up the spine of every politician.
How hard can it be?
When I'm governor ... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
And I'll tell you another thing, you won't find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person.
I want to fight the wussification of the State of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory.
We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
Why did i so passionately require the truth? because all great fiction is true
We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.
I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.
There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979
We're going to make that Lone Star shine again
I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.
I believe that voices like Ross Perot (search), Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader should be heard. They don't have to be president. Give 'em a chance.
If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.
The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.
Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.
Wandering around back stage at a willie Nelson concert is a bit like being the parrot on the shoulder of the guy who's running the Ferris wheel. It's not the best seat in the house, but you see enough lights, action, people, and confusion to make you wonder if anybody knows what the hell's going on. If you're sitting out front, of course, it all rolls along as smoothly as a German train schedule, but as Willie, like any great magician, would be the first to point out, the real show is never in the center ring. As Willie always says, Fortunately, we're not in control.
Always respect your superiors, if you have any.
It's all very well going around thinking you're a cowboy, until you run into somebody who thinks he's an Indian.
They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down.
Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and ... both of them were independents, by the way.
A fool and his money are soon elected
Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but ...
This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.
You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.
He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries.
I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.
These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.
Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy.
But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.
William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.
I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.
My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program (search) from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay for it, and they get green cards, and they're actually legitimate. And then seal the border.
If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.
The good teachers are bailing out. Education is very important ... This should be the centerpiece on the table of Texas.
You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non-smoking world constantly harassing you.
The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.
My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets.
Never re-elect anybody
I've been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there's one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation.
Young people are the key to this election.
If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!
The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.
I see an issue I like, and I support it.
Sleep came slower than a frigid woman.
I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister.
I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.
The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.
Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
See the people on the sidewalk? ... aren't you glad you're not one of them?
they're all so self-importantly going nowhere ... they just have no idea of who they are or where they really belong. nothing will ever be enough for them. nothing will truly make them happy. they all think they've got to get someplace, got to meet someone, got to get to work, got to get home, got to keep that appointment. if they had a hundred million bucks, it wouldn't be enough for them. if they had four cars, they'd need more. if they had four homes, they'd need more. they are organically out of touch with their land and their tribe.
Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?
I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world.
I don't see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics.
I've achieved many of my dreams, and I want to see that some others get a chance to, especially younger Texans.
The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.
People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.
May the God of your choice bless you.
I admit I was drinking a Guinness ... but I did not swallow.
I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.
And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.
No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.
If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!
I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.
The only thing wrong with Southern Baptists was they didn't hold them underwater long enough.
No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.
I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.
The child-teacher relationship is crucial.
May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.
On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.
I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.