Marriage Jokes Quotes

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Quotes About Marriage Jokes

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Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. ~ Bill Cosby
Marriage Jokes quotes by Bill Cosby
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!" ~ Henny Youngman
Marriage Jokes quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage Jokes quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
Marriage Jokes quotes by Gilbert K. Chesterton
You need to be my wife to win with me. ~ Pawan Mishra
Marriage Jokes quotes by Pawan Mishra
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. ~ Henny Youngman
Marriage Jokes quotes by Henny Youngman
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld
Marriage Jokes quotes by Francois De La Rochefoucauld
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued. ~ Helen Rowland
Marriage Jokes quotes by Helen Rowland
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. ~ William J. Clinton
Marriage Jokes quotes by William J. Clinton
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them! ~ Kathy Lette
Marriage Jokes quotes by Kathy Lette
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ~ Sam Kinison
Marriage Jokes quotes by Sam Kinison
Growing up watching friends grow, from friends to lovers. Opens the eyes of many every time. Proving in this lifetime, real love still lives. ~ Jonathan Anthony Burkett
Marriage Jokes quotes by Jonathan Anthony Burkett
A perfect marriage is as rare as a perfect love. Could it be otherwise, when both men and women are so imperfect? Could aught else be expected? Yet all do expect it. ~ Dinah Maria Murlock Craik
Marriage Jokes quotes by Dinah Maria Murlock Craik
You name any horrific thing, and I can make a joke out of it. ~ Quentin Tarantino
Marriage Jokes quotes by Quentin Tarantino
When I visited Chechnya, I was taken aback at first because people would regularly make jokes about kidnapping me. ~ Anthony Marra
Marriage Jokes quotes by Anthony Marra
You're good at this," said Ronan.
"What?"
He leaned to touch the baby's head. "Being a mother."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Ronan looked awkward. Then he said glibly, "Nothing, if you don't like it." He glanced at Benix, Faris, and the others, but they were discussing thumbscrews and nooses. "It didn't mean anything. I take it back."
Kestrel set the baby on the grass next to Faris. "You cannot take it back."
"Just this once," he said, echoing her earlier words during the game.
She stood and walked away.
He followed. "Come, Kestrel. I spoke only the truth."
They had entered the shade of thickly grown laran trees, whose leaves were a bloody color. They would soon fall.
"It's not that I wouldn't want to have a child someday," Kestrel told Ronan.
Visibly relieved, he said, "Good. The empire needs new life."
It did. She knew this. As the Valorian empire stretched across the continent, it faced the problem of keeping what it had won. The solutions were military prowess and boosting the Valorian population, so the emperor prohibited any activities that unnecessarily endangered Valorian lives--like dueling and the bull-jumping games that used to mark coming-of-age ceremonies. Marriage became mandatory by the age of twenty for anyone who was not a soldier.
"It's just--" Kestrel tried again: "Ronan, I feel trapped. Between what my father wants and--"
He held up his hands in flat-palmed defense. "I am not trying ~ Marie Rutkoski
Marriage Jokes quotes by Marie Rutkoski
I am not against marriage
I am for love. If love becomes your marriage, good; but don't hope that marriage can bring love. That is not possible. Love can become a marriage. You have to work very consciously to transform your love into a marriage. Ordinarily, people destroy their love. They do EVERYTHING to destroy it and then they suffer. And they go on saying, 'What went wrong?' They destroy
they do everything to destroy it. ~ Rajneesh
Marriage Jokes quotes by Rajneesh
I want to focus on the importance of supporting marriage. I always speak about the need to respect everyone's human dignity - regardless of their sexual orientation. I think strengthening marriage is something that benefits everyone. ~ Salvatore J. Cordileone
Marriage Jokes quotes by Salvatore J. Cordileone
It used to be almost the first question (just after 'Can you type?') in the standard female job interview: 'Are you now, or have you ever, contemplated marriage, motherhood, or the violent overthrow of the U.S. government? ~ Barbara Ehrenreich
Marriage Jokes quotes by Barbara Ehrenreich
Lawyer's credo: Anyone can sue anyone for anything. ~ James Patterson
Marriage Jokes quotes by James Patterson
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me. ~ Steven Wright
Marriage Jokes quotes by Steven Wright
Christianity is God's marriage proposal to the soul. ~ Peter Kreeft
Marriage Jokes quotes by Peter Kreeft
To lovers out there…

People are more concern about the number of years they are in a relationship, rather than the care, respect, affection, treatment and love they get from the relationship. ~ De Philosopher DJ Kyos
Marriage Jokes quotes by De Philosopher DJ Kyos
Gray texted me a joke the other day. Want to hear it?"
"Knowing Gray's terrible jokes, probably not. But okay."
He rubs the back of his neck. "What do you call a cow with no legs?"
I caress his waist where muscles ripple. "What?"
"Ground beef. ~ Kristen Callihan
Marriage Jokes quotes by Kristen Callihan
I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you can't force it to. ~ Nick Kroll
Marriage Jokes quotes by Nick Kroll
Parents should be completely dull and ordinary and predictable. You want their relationship to be stable and incredibly boring, as though you would kill yourself if you had to be in that marriage. Neither ~ Meg Wolitzer
Marriage Jokes quotes by Meg Wolitzer
True it is, as society is instituted, marriage becomes somewhat of a lottery, for all its votaries are either the victims of Cupid or cupidity; in either instance, they are under the blinding influence of passion, and consequently but little subject to the control of reason. ~ Arthur Frederick Saunders
Marriage Jokes quotes by Arthur Frederick Saunders
Choice: that was the thing. Other people claimed that you can't choose who you love
it just happens!
but Grace and Roman knew that was a bunch of happy horseshit. Of course you chose who you loved. If you didn't choose, you ended up with what was left
the drunks and abusers, the debtors and vacuums, the ones who ate their food too fast or had never read a novel. Damn, marriage was hard work, was manual labor, and unpaid manual labor at that. Yet, year after year, Grace and Roman had pressed their shoulders against the stone and rolled it up the hill together. ~ Sherman Alexie
Marriage Jokes quotes by Sherman Alexie
Stefan wasn't sure if it had been watching them and realizing how deep Adrian and Madeleine's attachment ran, or if it was the fact he was already half in love with Adrian, but he found himself talking before he could stop himself.
"I know we've only known each other for a year or so, so it's not really my place to offer my opinions, and I have no concept of what it's like to be a Royal - the expectations, everything involved," he started, and Adrian looked up at him. "But my parents were Diplomats, and I did learn a few things from them about how to get what you want."
"Yes?" Adrian asked guardedly.
"I've been to many courts, and seen many Lord's daughters. None of them are like Madeleine. No, wait, I'm not insulting her," he added quickly as Adrian opened his mouth to speak. "What I'm saying is, those girls are being groomed for the traditional roles your father intimated she was to take when she's older. Now you find out what she really wants - at least at nine years old - to be a Healer and to marry who she wants to. She wants the independence she sees we have."
"Brion's marriage was arranged when he was thirteen," Adrian told him. "He seems happy enough, and so does Gwyne, for that matter, but she'd been preparing to be his wife since she was - since she was younger than Maddy."
"But the rest of you haven't been," Stefan pointed out, and Adrian nodded in agreement. "One of the basic ideas I grew up with was compromise, giving up just enough to m ~ Wendy Clements
Marriage Jokes quotes by Wendy Clements
Opposities are married. ~ Ljupka Cvetanova
Marriage Jokes quotes by Ljupka Cvetanova
While Kalila didn't quite know what she wanted, she knew what she didn't want. She didn't want to live a charade. She didn't want a marriage of convenience where you were together but alone. ~ Christian F. Burton
Marriage Jokes quotes by Christian F. Burton
I would tell my 14 year old self to never ever, ever put all of your money in one bank account. And love the ones who love you back. You're going to want to quit ... DON'T! Oh, and get everything in writing. ~ Brandi L. Bates
Marriage Jokes quotes by Brandi L. Bates
It is better to be unhappy in love than unhappy in marriage, but some people manage to be both. ~ Guy De Maupassant
Marriage Jokes quotes by Guy De Maupassant
I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason. ~ Anthony Jeselnik
Marriage Jokes quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
Courtship brings out the best. Marriage brings out the rest. ~ Cullen Hightower
Marriage Jokes quotes by Cullen Hightower
Westley leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. "What is this?" Evangeline pulled away. The priest was giving them a horrified look. She hadn't known his eyes could open that wide. "Are you kissing in the Lord God's chapel? There is no kissing in the chapel! Unless it is to seal a marriage vow." Westley stood and kept hold of her hand. He did not apologize. He only nodded at the priest as they left, and he led her down the steps. "I've never been asked to leave the chapel for kissing before," he said. "Are you sure? Because you don't seem very embarrassed about it." "Why should I be embarrassed for kissing the woman I plan to marry? ~ Melanie Dickerson
Marriage Jokes quotes by Melanie Dickerson
I sing songs from the theater and pop songs. When I say 'pop songs,' I mean from the 90's. And I tell jokes. So it's sort of a stand up show meets a concert - not your traditional lounging across a piano cabaret show. It's much looser. ~ Laura Benanti
Marriage Jokes quotes by Laura Benanti
Marriage gives you a new respect for a person. ~ Katharine McPhee
Marriage Jokes quotes by Katharine McPhee
Marriage is a commitment that requires effort and communication. Sometimes, it also requires a little creativity. Ego is the only requirement to destroy any relationship. So be the bigger person skip the 'E' and let it 'Go'. ~ Pravin Agarwal
Marriage Jokes quotes by Pravin Agarwal
A middle ground might be to fight for same-sex marriage and its benefits and then, once granted, redefine the institution of marriage completely, to demand the right to marry not as a way of adhering to society's moral codes but rather to debunk a myth and radically alter an archaic institution. [Legalizing "same-sex marriage"] is also a chance to wholly transform the definition of family in American culture. ~ Michelangelo Signorile
Marriage Jokes quotes by Michelangelo Signorile
I take care of myself, which includes dieting, exercising and minimising stress. I joke that I've been on a diet since 1974, which is basically true. ~ Kim Cattrall
Marriage Jokes quotes by Kim Cattrall
It's just as easy to be exclusive as it is to be inclusive, just as easy to create an Us as a Them. Benji has never been worried about being beaten up or hated if anyone finds out the truth about him; he's been hated by every opposing team since he was a child. The only thing he's scared of is that one day there will be jokes that his teammates and coach won't tell when he's in the room. The exclusivity of laughter. ~ Fredrik Backman
Marriage Jokes quotes by Fredrik Backman
Economy is not one of the necessary principles of the universe; it is one of the jokes which God indulges in precisely because he can afford it. If a man takes it seriously, however, he is doomed forever to a middle-income appreciation of the world. Indeed, only the very poor and the very rich are safe from its idolatry. The poor, because while they must take it seriously, they cannot possibly believe in it as a good, and the rich, because, though they may see it as a good, they cannot possibly take it seriously. For the one it is a bad joke, for the other a good one; but for both it is only part of the divine ludicrousness of creation - of the sensus lusus which lies at the heart of the matter. And that is why all men should hasten to become very poor or very rich - or both at once, like St. Paul, who had nothing and yet possessed all things. The world was made in sport, for sports; economy is worth only a smile. There are more serious things to laugh at. ~ Robert Farrar Capon
Marriage Jokes quotes by Robert Farrar Capon
That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane."
Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then? ~ Jim Butcher
Marriage Jokes quotes by Jim Butcher
Live each day as if it were the first day of marriage and the last day of vacation. ~ Unknown Author 47
Marriage Jokes quotes by Unknown Author 47
I'd like you to dot my every 'i' and I'll cross your every 't'. I love you. Will you marry me? ~ Dhaval Rathod
Marriage Jokes quotes by Dhaval Rathod
Love is the key to all human hearts. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita
Marriage Jokes quotes by Lailah Gifty Akita
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage Jokes quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
It may be said of happy marriages as of the phoenix - there is but one a century ... ~ Elisabeth Charlotte D'Orleans
Marriage Jokes quotes by Elisabeth Charlotte D'Orleans
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