Funny Family Reunion Quotes

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. ~ Bill Cosby

The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind. ~ Thomas Jefferson

The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope. ~ Pierre Teilhard De Chardin

You see, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. ~ Joseph Kesselring

I come from a long line of miserable people. ~ Arlene Schindler

When I appear in public people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground and swish my tail - none of which is easy. ~ Princess Anne

I always thought that my canine family tended to view me as the funny-looking two-legged dog who runs the can opener. ~ Roger Caras

By the time I'm nine I know the world is a dangerous place. I've heard whispers about razorblades in apples, about Charlie Manson and his family. But no one is offering any clear information. ~ Nick Flynn

Then everything is clear," Reynold said, looking around triumphantly at the crowd. "Jacques Cherbourg did not drown, he survived. He went to England, lived there a while, made a girl pregnant, and died. The girl gave birth to a boy and named him after the father. Jack here is now twenty, and looks exactly like his father did twenty-four years ago." Reynold looked at the priest. "No need for exorcism here, father. It's just a family reunion. ~ Ken Follett

Life is a mighty joke that is not meant to be funny. ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

I've done this sort of thing before. Not prophecies so much, but you'd be surprised how many people want to realign their ancestral lines to seem nobler, or rewrite their family history to remove more morally questionable episodes." He paused to recall a recent rewrite. "One lord wanted the murderers removed from his family line. His family was so corrupt, he ended up with three virgin births, two generations removed entirely and a lady who gave birth at the age of two. Still, no one questions it as there is evidence in the archives." Bubo smugly tapped a book. "There is one thing though, faking a prophecy in the past is easy, you already know the result. How will you make this come true in the future?"
"I have someone in mind for it, but I'm not sure he'll go for it. But then prophecy is all optional anyway." Corvid looked up as if a thought had occurred to him. "I'd best go check on my man, I've not met him yet. ~ Dylan Perry

A worship team that prays together stays together. ~ Gangai Victor

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. ~ Jimmy Carr

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of. ~ Henny Youngman

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that. ~ Karl Pilkington

Can I trust him again? Even after all he said? If I do and I'm wrong, the cost is too high. My life. "You'll wait for me to agree to go back with you?" I want to be clear on this point. "You won't force me in any way? Or reveal yourself to anyone, no matter what?"
"I'll wait," he promises. "However long you need."
He'll wait. But he'll be lurking about. Nearby. Watching. And I won't always know it.
Funny how things change. In the beginning, I thought I could never stay here. Now I don't want to leave. Mostly because of Will, but also because I've decided to give Mom and Tamra what they want. A chance. It can't be all about me. If I'm strong enough, smart enough, my draki can make it. And of course, Will can help with that. A few kisses. A smile. A brush of his hand and my draki is revived. And I no longer have to hide it from him.
I can last through high school. For Mom, for Tamra. After graduation, I can go with Will when he cuts free from his family. Just two more years. We'll figure out the specifics. The how and where. For the first time since coming here, I feel the stirrings of hope. I won't let Cassian ruin that.
"You're going to wait forever," I vow. "I won't change my mind."
Cassian's mouth curves enigmatically. Like he knows something I don't. He's eighteen, but in that moment I can believe he has several more years than that on me. "Things change all the time. People change. I'll take my chances."
I shake my head. "You'll see. I w ~ Sophie Jordan

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ~ Erma Bombeck

The dreams fresh on her mind, she wrote about the Ada she remembered. The obituary wasn't the sad, plodding list of mother and father, dead children, and surviving family. It honored a strong, funny woman. She proofed it a second time with a smile on her face. Ada would have slapped her knee and crowed along with her. ~ Laura Trentham

As he moves through his day, sometimes he stops and just stares at me. There is something on the tip of his tongue. But he doesn't say it. I'm not sure he knows what it is. ~ Melissa Seligman

Toph, I want to tell you something. I want to tell you about my nipples. I want to tell you about my nipples, and generally about the nipples of the men in our family. Because someday, son [I do this thing, and he does this thing, where I call him son and he calls me dad, when we are having funny father-son-type chats, mocking them in a way while also being secretly, deeply queasy about using these terms], someday my nipples will be your nipples. Someday you too will have nipples that protrude unnaturally far from your chest, and which will harden at the slightest provocation, preventing you from wearing anything but the heaviest cotton T-shirts. ~ Dave Eggers

I know, baby. I feel the same way about you. Those words never convey what goes through my mind and heart every time I look up and see you sitting in my house. Funny thing is, I always thought my house was full and that there was nothing missing in my life. I had a job I loved. Family who loved me. Good friends to keep me sane. Everything a human could want. And then I met an infuriating, impossible man who added the one thing I didn't know wasn't there." – Tory
"Dirty socks on the floor?" – Acheron ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life. ~ Andrea Fay Friedman

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. ~ Wanda Sykes

A few minutes after the initial excited greetings they found themselves journeying in a maxi cab with a contended expression on their fatigued countenances as the moment held promise of forthcoming days of bliss and catch-up prattle that usually follows a family reunion. ~ Neetha Joseph

Jase and I asked Mia what she wanted to do before her surgery. "How about a family party?" she suggested. So the invitation went out. It's interesting when you mention to family members that they are going to be on TV--schwoom, they are there. As Willie said, "I didn't know we had this much family."
Mia had always heard the funny stories about Jase wrestling with his brothers and cousins growing up, particularly how cousin Amy beat up Willie, so that's what she requested for the special entertainment. As Jase said, "It's the ultimate redneck dinner theater." A wrestling ring was delivered, and the warmup act was the Robertson boys clowning around, performing their best wrestling moves. Willie surprised everyone with guest professional wrestlers, including Jase's favorite, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan.
I felt kind of bad for them, wearing only their little wrestling pants, while the rest of us were bundled up in winter coats. Yes, it was January, but it was unusually cold in Louisiana--about twenty degrees. The wrestlers had to keep moving fast; otherwise, they would have frozen to death!
At the end of the party, Mia took the stage between Jase and Willie, thanking everyone for coming and then sharing from her heart: "My favorite verse is Psalm 46:10: 'Be still, and know that I am God!' God is bigger than all of us, and He is bigger than any of your struggles, too." I think I can say that there was hardly a dry eye in the crowd. Going into her surgery, Mia was being bra ~ Missy Robertson

The vigor I lacked for physical activities became incandescent when, pen in hand, I filled those pages with invented stories. Sometimes they were intimately about me – family tales, parental exploits – sometimes they became horrific stories sprinkled with torture, death, and reunion: crazy games and tear-soaked sagas. ~ Philippe Grimbert

Over the years, 'organized' seemed to have become her most defining characteristic. It was like she was a minor celebrity with this one claim to fame. It was funny how once it became a thing that her family and friends commented on and teased her about, it seemed to perpetuate itself, so that her life was now extraordinarily well organized ... ~ Liane Moriarty

Where are the ethical concerns, that so many people called animal lovers invoke, when you steal the children of wild dog mothers and other family members from right before their eyes? Do ethics always refer only to what people think appropriate for purely subjective reasons?
Ultimately, our long-term research resulted in a very sad picture: With the exception of the random puppy, who today as an adult actually is interested in people, neither male Maccia nor the most of the other "rescued" dogs are socially and environmentally secure, but had remained shy and partly vegetate in kennels with empty eyes. Such dogs are neither fish nor fowl, although taken from the wild population in the early age of about eight to twelve weeks (except Maccia, whom Funny "rescued" at the age of four months, which is even more irresponsible). ~ Gunther Bloch

2020… Many households went from, "It's great to get this time together!" to, "Why are you chewing so loud? ~ Steve Maraboli

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life. ~ Oscar Wilde

Eyebrows are really important because they structure the face. In school it was funny because I was always the one walking around with tweezers plucking my girlfriends' eyebrows. I was really good; eyebrow tweezing runs in my family - my mother used to do mine, and I picked it up. ~ Rita Ora

About 80 percent of the photos on Flickr are public and searchable by everyone. In one sense, it's a place where people upload snapshots from the family reunion, wedding or the birth of a baby or something like that, but it's also a place where people go to show what the world looks like to them. ~ Stewart Butterfield

You don't have to be afraid of me. Eugene likes you. Doc likes you. That means I like you. We're all family now. All the funny little people who live in the cracks of the world. ~ Richard Kadrey

Positive. In other news, Marcie's throwing a Halloween party here at the farmhouse."
Patch smiled. "Grey - Millar family drama?"
"The theme is famous couples from history. Could she be any less original? Worse, she's roped my mom into this. They went shopping for decorations today. For three whole hours. It's like they're suddenly best friends." I picked up another apple slice and made a face at it. "Marcie is ruining everything. I wanted Scott to go with Vee, but Marcie already convinced him to go with her." Patch's smile widened.
I aimed my best sulky look at him. "This isn't funny. Marcie is destroying my life. Whose side are you on anyway?"
Patch raised his hands in surrender. "I'm staying out of this. ~ Becca Fitzpatrick

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

At this moment, I know that the answer has to be yes. I am defeated. By my own father. How Darth Vader. ~ Denis Markell

Having experienced personally and through my family the tragedy of Chile is something always present in my memory. I do not want events of that nature ever to happen again, and I have dedicated an important part of my life to ensuring that and to the reunion of all Chileans. ~ Michelle Bachelet

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. ~ Peter De Vries

My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on. ~ Mitch Hedberg

S then, every family reunion is bolstered by food, lots and lots of it. ~ Laura Castoro

I always thought it would be funny to have the Parents Television Council write an episode of 'Family Guy' and give them full creative control. Then see how good the episode is. That's something we've actually discussed in the writers' room. We haven't proposed it yet, but if somebody from the PTC reads this, it might be worth discussing. ~ Seth MacFarlane

Funny, isn't it? I've known every love possible, but as the years stretched out, the love I longed for the most is the one I shared with my sister. ~ Josephine Angelini

It only took Alexis a day to read a five-hundred page book. Fiction stories took her to another world where she could lose herself for a while in someone else's life.
Its funny how things like loans to pay back, a broken home and family, and a future to worry about meant nothing to characters who only had to worry about things like boys, beaches and fun. ~ Lindsay Chamberlin

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty. ~ Robert Benchley

friends are the sunshine of life. ~ John Hay

I wanted to travel with my dad to be close to him again. Having babies and raising my own family took so much of my time, I didn't have a chance to be with him very often. ~ Nancy Sinatra