Tim Allen Quotes

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of Yeah, we might have to reboot. ~ Tim Allen

Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first. ~ Tim Allen

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything. ~ Tim Allen

There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful. ~ Tim Allen

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church. ~ Tim Allen

My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart. ~ Tim Allen

When Tim Allen made The Santa Clause, I thought that was a delightful film. It took a modern sensibility but layered onto it a kind of sentiment. ~ Leonard Maltin

When you're 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone. ~ Tim Allen

I do a lot of family shows. ~ Tim Allen

If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it. ~ Tim Allen

Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver? ~ Tim Allen

The people that hunt are the guys that really vehemently protect the environment. You find that people that live on ranches tend to want to keep it that way, and I've always loved that about the hunters that I've known. They eat what they kill, and they carry it out. They don't shoot for sport. ~ Tim Allen

Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction! ~ Tim Allen

One thing you'll never hear boys
or for that matter, men
saying is, Charlie, that's a good-looking shirt. Kind of a fun thing. And those trousers make your ass look nice. Can I borrow those? ~ Tim Allen

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. ~ Tim Allen

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist. ~ Tim Allen

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together. ~ Tim Allen

I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal. ~ Tim Allen

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison. ~ Tim Allen

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship. ~ Tim Allen

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. ~ Tim Allen

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics. ~ Tim Allen

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite. ~ Tim Allen

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise. ~ Tim Allen

I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults. ~ Tim Allen

I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver. ~ Tim Allen

Anyway, they used to beat up on Barry all the time. They called it roughhousing, which is like men calling lying bullshitting. ~ Tim Allen

Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves. ~ Tim Allen

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families. ~ Tim Allen

I have a thing for tools. ~ Tim Allen

I look at it this way: How much of the day are you awake? You think, "I've gotta get that dry cleaning, I gotta get this going, and this, and this, and this." And all of a sudden it's dinnertime. And then there's a moment of connection with your spouse or your friends. Then you read and go to bed. Wake up and then it's the same all over. You're not awake, you're not living, you're not experiencing. We start early medicating ourselves. We start kids early, on TV and video games and so on. ~ Tim Allen

If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it. ~ Tim Allen

My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation. ~ Tim Allen

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers. ~ Tim Allen

If man evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? ~ Tim Allen

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system? ~ Tim Allen

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. ~ Tim Allen

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. ~ Tim Allen

I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don't do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn't like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I'd probably eat vegetables. ~ Tim Allen

I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain. ~ Tim Allen

Man is the only animal to borrow tools. ~ Tim Allen

Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if," so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question. ~ Tim Allen

You are a sad, strage little man. ~ Tim Allen

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time. ~ Tim Allen

Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you. ~ Tim Allen

All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew. ~ Tim Allen

I come from a working-class family in Pittsburgh, whereas 'Mike & Molly' deals with the working class in Chicago. I swear a little, but I pretty much talk the same. It's not like when you see someone like Tim Allen and he's a lot bluer onstage. ~ Billy Gardell

I have way too many commitments. I get pulled in too many directions and I never seem to be able to satisfy anybody. People get turned on by knowing a celebrity, even my friends and family. They feel that there's something exciting about me, but in reality there's no substance to it. People in airports just hold on to me expecting something and it seems that I always come up empty. It's frustrating because I'm trying to please everybody, and ya just can't do that ... at least I can't. ~ Tim Allen

Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it seems boring. That's the danger of drugs. At first it's intoxicating, but then the rest of your life you're trying to find that very first time. It never is the same. ~ Tim Allen

I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me. ~ Tim Allen

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you. ~ Tim Allen

Convictions and beliefs! .. what do they have to do with religion! ~ Tim Allen

I am a thespian trapped in a man's body. ~ Tim Allen

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels. ~ Tim Allen

In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best. ~ Tim Allen

I'm a pretty solid Christian. But even as an altar boy, I was always asking the bigger questions
you know: if God is, in fact, good, what is all this death I see? And if God is gentle, what is all this suffering I see? I've found some of the answers in Eastern religion. It explained my Christianity to me. Good and evil are the same thing. You can't have one without the other. It's the balance, it's the temperance of things. ~ Tim Allen

My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic. ~ Tim Allen

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. ~ Tim Allen

I'm a very bad student, but a great learner. ~ Tim Allen

It's true; I have a skill and it's ... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related to studios, not related to public whim. It's whether I'm funny or not and whether I can entertain people. ~ Tim Allen

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom. ~ Tim Allen

I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, "Dad's an idiot," which lasted a little longer than I'd like. ~ Tim Allen

I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.) ~ Tim Allen

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress. ~ Tim Allen

Culture is the study of perfection, and the constant effort to achieve it. ~ Allen Tate

Every one of Dad's colleagues would eventually commit suicide, most by gunshot to the head, and every woman in their circle except for my mother would become a dysfunctional alcoholic. But in the fifties, they were all riding high. ~ Tim Gunn

We need a pretty substantial favor." She pointed at Crawford and herself. "He and I want to get married. Uh, Father Cyprian, this is John Crawford, and this is our daughter, Johanna." The priest nodded sympathetically. "One does tend to keep putting these things off, doesn't one? ~ Tim Powers

Graduates, your values matter. They are your north star. And work takes on new meaning when you feel you're pointed in the right direction. Otherwise, it's just a job. And life is too short for that. ~ Tim Cook

What Steve Jobs and I did-and at the same time Bill Gates and Paul Allen did-we had no savings accounts, no friends that could loan us money. But we had ideas, and I wanted all my life to be a part of a revolution. ~ Steve Wozniak

The people of America need personal responsibility and freedom, not dependency on the government. ~ George Allen

There will be a few people who will resent the fact you have to be online to play a single-player game. But it'll change. ~ Tim Willits

I write love songs! ~ Kris Allen

DSM definitions do not include personal and contextual factors such as whether the depressive symptoms are an understandable response to loss, a terrible life situation, psychological conflict or personality factors. ~ Allen Frances

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down. ~ Woody Allen

Some goalkeepers are really sexy with their feet. I have a little sexiness with my feet, but I don't like to bring it out. ~ Tim Howard

My best life advice:Take the high road.No matter how much stress, or strain, or consternation you are facing, take the high road.You will never regret it. ~ Tim Gunn

I think the enemy is self-censorship. In a free society the biggest danger is that you're afraid to the point where you censor yourself. ~ Tim Robbins

O victory forget you're underwear we're free. ~ Allen Ginsberg

Be bold and don't worry about what people think. They don't do it that often anyway. ~ Tim Ferriss

One of the important things about marriage is to be accepted. Love is the basis of marriage, but there are many married people who have never felt accepted. Marriage is not a reformatory, and spouses need to reach out to each other without criticism or reservations. To live with a wife or husband who does not accept you is a dark valley to walk through. ~ Charles L. Allen

Life was invented for kids. But then we all grow up, and society imposes filters that block the joy of silliness and sponging up pointless little things that make childhood the magic time for which it is widely known. ~ Tim Dorsey

The earth is the Lord's. Psalm 24 basically says the earth is God's property. We have been given the privilege and responsibility of living on earth to see it isn't ruined. ~ Allen Johnson

There's not a single business model, and there's not a single type of electronic content. There are really a lot of opportunities and a lot of options and we just have to discover all of them. ~ Tim O'Reilly

In a continent but recently settled, many parts of which have as yet little historical or cultural background, the material for this volume has been gathered from a section that was one of the first to be colonized. ~ Hervey Allen

Free-flowing booze consumed by many Las Vegas visitors pours fuel on the asshole fire. ~ Tim Dressen

There's more violence in one football game than there is in an entire hockey season, and nobody ever talks about that. ~ Keith Allen

In terms of everything, I'm happy and stand behind my video. If you can't tell we had a lot of fun doing it and you want to nitpick - I don't know. That's why you exist on the internet and not anywhere else. ~ Hoodie Allen

You must get outside yourself, and must begin to examine and understand yourself. ~ James Allen

The less I speak to the actors, the better. And I always hire great people, and I don't want to impose my pre-conceived notions on them. They know how to play it. ~ Woody Allen

The discovery of the fractals had proven that in a world of chaos, there is a way to understand the natural world by using something as definite and precise as values and numbers. Things and events that were beyond our understanding slowly emerge as distinctively clear as figures and images, leaving no room for mysteries and ambiguities, making the universe more understandable in the eyes of people. With this, it presents a definite point of view in the way complex things are to be observed, which would represent irregularities and open up new paths for discovery. ~ Tim Clearbrook

As a new day begins in New York, the sun sets in Hawaii. ~ Tim McCarver

Look at your life as an experiment. Make a comprise with all your doubts and fears: For a year or two, do what you can to move toward your ideal scene, in a easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way. See what happens. ~ Mark Allen

I love MySpace; it's done an amazing job for me and it's been insane over the past couple of weeks, but I'm not a poster girl for them. ~ Lily Allen

Amount of search is not a measure of the amount of intelligence being exhibited. What makes a problem a problem is not that a large amount of search is required for its solution, but that a large amount would be required if a requisite level of intelligence were not applied. ~ Allen Newell

I was a huge J.M. Barrie fan as a kid, as most English children are. ~ Tim Curry

When I gave my life to the Lord, I thought I'd be a preacher. ~ Tim LaHaye

I'm very aware there are lots of other people who are just bright and working just as hard, with just the same dedication to make the world a good place. ~ Tim Berners-Lee

Long after everyone else has given up and gone home and gotten on with their lives, he would keep on believing because, without evidence, you could never kill his belief. ~ Tim Johnston

God gave these ten laws for our good. He wants us to be our very best and to get the most that is possible our of life. ~ Charles L. Allen

Even if you're doing something that the studio sends you, or something that's based on a book or story, at the end of it all, you try to make whatever it is your own. This is based on my love of horror movies. Everything is based on something, in some way. ~ Tim Burton