Humorous Truism Quotes

Fear is self-awareness raised to a higher level. ~ Don DeLillo

Even if you haven't had the exclusivity conversation, they're still going to be mad if they find out you're dating someone they know and you haven't mentioned it. It's a dating rule."
"Well, how am I supposed to know that rule?"
"Everyone knows that rule."
"I thought you were supposed to be on my side."
"I am on your side! ~ Cassandra Clare

[In Moscow] we got through to [Soviet leaders] Brezhnev and Kosygin on the telephone. I think it was because nobody had ever tried to call them at home before. ~ Ross Perot

The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity ... ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

Clemency, empathy, and leniency are the very chains that set us free. Fraternity and amity are our goals, our neighbors are our judges. We are all slaves and kings. The cause of one is the cause of all, and the mistake of one is the mistake of all. We see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil and do no evil as it's not whether what we receive is evil, it's what we deliver. Our minds are bound to the truism of life, but our actions are bound to the law. We are free to embrace different dogmas. But we are obliged to the law in our actions. We build no temples, no sects. There are no monks or holy mentors. For creed is not vicious, those who call to the creed are loathsome, they use the simplicity of poor minds and the power they claim they have from the Eternal Force to maim the true faith and replace the holy commands with superstitions. I chose the rain as my Holy Force and I beg you not to follow me nor believe in my faith. You do not know the language of water, and you can't have faith in what you don't understand. ~ Mohamed Amer

I want to write a universal truism that won't be blurred by body language, cultural confusion, or translation mishaps, so I want to bypass language - both verbal and nonverbal - and leap to pure concept where all men can be reached, or stoop down to the emotional level, where all mortals dwell. ~ Jarod Kintz

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. ~ Dennis Miller

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. ~ Robin Williams

Oh God, my stomach must have won a medal- it's doing a lap of honour now. ~ Ali McNamara

They'd paid some madman who thought he was a decorator a lot of money to make the place look hip and unique. Maybe it's my lack of fashion sense talking, but I thought they should have held out for one of these gorillas who has learned to paint. The results would have been of similar quality, and they could have paid in fresh produce. ~ Jim Butcher

It is a profoundly erroneous truism that we should cultivate the habit of thinking of what we are doing. The precise opposite is the case. Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we can perform without thinking about them. ~ Alfred North Whitehead

Yeah, my father is an egotistical douchebag," he says roughly. "My name literally means Jonathan empire. ~ Krista Ritchie

I just want you to know,' said the girl, coldly, 'that whoever you are and whatever you intend with me, I shall give you no aid of any kind, nor shall I assist you, and I shall do whatever is in my power to frustrate your plans and devices.' And then she added, with feeling, 'Idiot. ~ Neil Gaiman

Be careful what you wear to bed, because you never know where you might wake up. ~ Ridley Pearson

There is no decision to be more or less comic. I don't feel more or less humorous in my day-to-day. These things are accidental. ~ Alexis Taylor

Keep your tax-cutting, greedy hands off our medicare ~ Edward Kennedy

Are you by any chance acquainted with the words 'steel toe'? Or do the words 'permanent dent' mean anything to you?"
My locker door is not intimidated. "My grandfather was a vault at Fort Knox, and if you try to dent me with a kick you will only tear some ligament that will never mend. ~ David Klass

A limiting belief is practically invisible to us – it hides in habit and custom and mores. It is the way we live. To break out of the limiting belief would almost be like … (gasp) rebellion! ~ Linda Armstrong

Listen. Just because we got a mutual hankering, doesn't mean we have to act on it. Aside from the hankering, there isn't much about you that I like. So far, you've been a pain in the behind. And I might as well tell you, I've followed through on one hankering and getting shot was more of an enjoyable experience. I didn't like it. ~ Maggie Osborne

If anything in nature was as beautiful as it was deadly, it was she. ~ Randy C. Dockens

To be angered by evil is to partake of it, stupid. - Phrases of Import and Salvation, Chapter IX, The Book of Universal Truths and Other Humorous Anecdotes ~ Alan Dean Foster

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you. ~ Peter De Vries

I seem to have forgotten my towel," she said, feeling heat everywhere. I'm a fool.
He stepped forward, meeting her gaze. "I seem to have forgotten my name," he said, licking his lips. "Maybe we could both get in the shower and you could scream it for me. ~ Anna Banks

I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox. ~ Joan Rivers

There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: passive systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and active systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes, too. ~ Dave Barry

Perhaps he was merely being friendly. Perhaps he saw the look on my face and mistook it for something else. Really what I wanted was the cigarette. ~ Margaret Atwood

Am I a human? Yes. Then I like The Princess Bride. ~ Remy Richard

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling ~ Robert Breault

He said that it was very difficult to become an astronaut. I said that I knew. You had to become an officer in the air force and you had to take lots of orders and be prepared to kill other human beings, and I couldn't take orders. Also I didn't have 20/20 vision, which you needed to be a pilot. ~ Mark Haddon

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. ~ J. P. McEvoy

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government. ~ Bob Hope

Keep rechewing. Like a cow. Use all your creative stomachs. ~ Elizabeth M. Lawrence

Although life and I are not always in love with each other, we do remain on close speaking terms. ~ Brian Randleas Harmony

Unless you're writing for a humorous effect, elves or space aliens and all creatures who aren't human should at least be as strange as, oh, the French. ~ Will Shetterly

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. ~ Richard Lewis

You got off on the wrong foot. I merely watched you shove it into your mouth. ~ Sabrina Jeffries

Bad artists always admire each others work. ~ Oscar Wilde

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. ~ Jay London