Funny Nurse Quotes

While I'm fixing up this idiot. I want you to get some sleep ... and tell Amano that if he bothers you, I'll break his other leg. ~ Julie Kagawa

It's funny how when people change, you forget the way they used to be. ~ Cynthia Hand

Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?
I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself! ~ Terry Pratchett

I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock. ~ Barry Venison

Over the years, 'organized' seemed to have become her most defining characteristic. It was like she was a minor celebrity with this one claim to fame. It was funny how once it became a thing that her family and friends commented on and teased her about, it seemed to perpetuate itself, so that her life was now extraordinarily well organized ... ~ Liane Moriarty

The unique function of the nurse is to assist the individual, sick or well, in the performance of those activities contributing to health or its recovery (or to peaceful death) that he would perform unaided if he had the necessary strength, will or knowledge. And to do this in such a way as to help him gain independence as rapidly as possible. ~ Virginia Henderson

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax. ~ Rita Rudner

I did feel funny about being fair and having red hair and freckles. I did not like that because I grew up in a neighbourhood where no one had red hair. I felt very conspicuous but not in a nice way. ~ Patti Scialfa

I love comedy. I'm not known for comedy, but I love it. I've done a lot of it, in my lifetime. But most people are surprised to hear that I made a funny movie. ~ Leonard Nimoy

Why do you love it? I had a sense that I would enjoy her answer. I knew it would be unexpected and unique. Everything about her was unexpected and unique. She was my bright light of eccentricity in a very predictable and ordinary world. She made everything new and interesting or funny. ~ Penny Reid

A teacher is really invaluable. A teacher will instruct you in how to stabilize your energy field, increase it, and decrease the loss of energy in your life and how to be balanced, wise, and funny. ~ Frederick Lenz

I don't know how (producer) Dan Harmon put that together but he did. Everyone gets along and we all babysit Chevy Chase (laughs) and it all works out. Plus we are given a lot of freedom to riff off each other and compliment each other's comedic style. The group is so talented, whether it be Donald Glover or Allison Brie and now Jim Rash who plays the Dean is finally a full member of the cast - oh my gosh, he is so funny. I call him Rumplestiltskin; he can spin comedy out of anything. I am in such a blessed situation - if only more people would watch it. ~ Joel McHale

Word of mouth is the best medium of all. ~ William Bernbach

It's a funny thing in my job: you remain perpetually lonely in a world where loneliness is the rarest commodity. ~ Brian W. Aldiss

It wasn't love at first sight. They ran into each other one morning in a sunny clearing in the forest. A few moments of stunned silence. `Glockenspiel,' Adam pronounced, thinking (but with terrible doubt) he'd found another animal in search of a name. When Eve approached him, proffering a handful of elderberries, he threw a stick at her and ran away. ~ Glen Duncan

If you think is was an accident, applaud. ~ Geraldo Rivera

Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than 'stellar' work ethics, had to play Where's Waldo to find Steve's dick beneath his gigantic waistline. ~ A.T. Hicks

Yes, I hate blown glass art and I happen to live in the blown glass art capital of the world, Seattle, Washington. Being a part of the Seattle artistic community, I often get invited to galleries that are displaying the latest glass sculptures by some amazing new/old/mid-career glass blower. I never go. Abstract art leaves me feeling stupid and bored. Perhaps it's because I grew up inside a tribal culture, on a reservation where every song and dance had specific ownership, specific meaning, and specific historical context. Moreover, every work of art had use - art as tool: art to heal; art to honor, art to grieve. I think of the Spanish word carnal, defined as, 'Of the appetites and passions of the body.' And I think of Gertrude Stein's line, 'Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.' When asked what that line meant, Stein said, 'The poet could use the name of the thing and the thing was really there.' So when I say drum, the drum is really being pounded in this poem; when I say fancydancer, the fancydancer is really spinning inside this poem; when I say Indian singer, that singer is really wailing inside this poem. But when it comes to abstract art - when it comes to studying an organically shaped giant piece of multi-colored glass - I end up thinking, 'That looks like my kidney. Anybody's kidney, really. And frankly, there can be no kidney-shaped art more beautiful - more useful and closer to our Creator - than the kidney itself. And beyond that, this glass isn't funny. There's ~ Sherman Alexie

Today vegetables. Tomorrow...the world! ~ Deborah Howe

I was a little bit ashamed of American TV because I thought, 'None of the shows my father works on are as funny as my father.' ~ Joss Whedon

There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive
as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.)

That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

Walsall have given City more than one anxious moment amongst many anxious moments ~ Denis Law

With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. ~ Kristen Wiig

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head. ~ Eoin Colfer

That's the funny thing about knowing you can't have something. It makes you desperate. -Leah ~ Stephenie Meyer

You could still be lying," says the Roach. He turns to Cardan. "Try her."

"Your pardon?" Cardan says, drawing himself up, and the Roach seems to suddenly remember to whom he's speaking in such an offhanded way.

"Don't be such a prickly rose, Your Majesty," the Roach says with a shrug and a grin. "I'm not giving you an order. I'm suggesting that if you tried to glamour Jude, we could find out the truth."

Cardan sighs and walks toward me. I know this is necessary. I know that he doesn't intend to hurt me. I know he can't glamour me. And yet I draw back automatically.

"Jude?" he asks.

"Go ahead," I say.

I hear the glamour enter his voice, heady and seductive and more powerful than I expected. "Crawl to me," he says with a grin. Embarrassment pinks my cheeks.

I stay where I am, looking at all their faces. "Satisfied?"

The Bomb nods. "You're not charmed. ~ Holly Black

[The maid] went on and on about how you and three casks of wine and three women spent the week before our wedding trying to...you know"--Adrienne muttered an unintelligible word--"your brains out."
"To what my brains out?"
"You know." Adrienne rolled her eyes.
"I'm afraid I don't. What was that word again?"
"Adrienne looked at him sharply. Was he teasing her? Were his eyes alight with mischief? That half-smile curving his beautiful mouth could absolutely melt the sheet she was clutching, not to mention her will. "Apparently one of them succeeded, because if you had any brains left you'd get out of my sight now," she snapped.
"It wasn't three." Hawk swallowed a laugh.
"No?"
"It was five."
"Adrienne's jaw clenched. She held her fingers up again. "Fourth--this will be a marriage in name only. Period."
"Casks of wine, I meant."
"You are not funny. ~ Karen Marie Moning

Incubus?" I asked Ben.
He nodded grimly. "A lost soul-usually male-turned evil spirit that attaches itself to someone in order to lead her astray. The spirit is kind of...sexual in nature." He reddened and gestured to the picture. "Like it shows there. The incubus comes to a woman and has...you know...relations with her in her sleep."
My jaw dropped, and I was glad Ben's eyes were averted as an exhilarating stream of images from my dreams flashed at super-speed through my head. I didn't realize I'd been holding my breath until it came out in a whoosh that I tried to pass off as a laugh.
"It's not funny, Clea."
"It's insane. Even if there were such a thing as an evil spirit, wouldn't it be obvious if I'd spent my whole life stalked by one? Wouldn't terrible things have happened to me?"
"Maybe they will. Maybe he's just been waiting for the right time. Maybe that time is now, and that's why all of a sudden you see him everywhere."
"So he's a patient evil spirit," I said sarcastically.
"Know what else comes from the same Latin root as 'incubus'?" Ben retorted. "Incubate. I don't think it's coincidence. I think this...thing has been incubating, and now it's ready to come out and do whatever it's going to do. And I think your dad would agree with me. ~ Hilary Duff

Relationships dont always make sense. Especially from the outside ~ Sarah Dessen

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. ~ Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. ~ Fred Allen

If your cat falls out of a tree, go indoors to laugh. ~ Pat Hitchcock

St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden when someone asked what he would do if he were suddenly to learn that he would die before sunset that very day. "I would finish hoeing my garden," he replied. ~ Francis Of Assisi

Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time. ~ H.L. Mencken

Good night. Don't let the boogeyman bite"

"Mindy, there is no boogeyman, "I said as I snuggled in to bed, " I hauled Carl in years ago. ~ Kate Danley

Holy shit! Can we say unstable? Was I the only sane one around here? Well, I guess that really wasn't setting the standard very high. -Ember, Darkness Of Light ~ Stacey Marie Brown

If I want to act relaxed, it's going to take all my cunning, skill and concentration. ~ David Mitchell

It's funny that being human means so many things, man made divisions counter our judgements towards being wary of the "other", this is worrying because the thing that unites us is being human that is what we all are and without lament but with joy we should embrace everybody we would then live in utopia of diversity. ~ Paul Isaacs